(Bain's hanely shirt above ^^^)

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My mind is running. Running with thoughts, feelings, confusion, and aching trying to find that piece of my mind that tells me what to do. Sitting in the passenger seat of Bain's truck with Luke driving and Isabella in the backseat soft music filling the comfortable silence in the car, i'm left to think about everything that has happened in the last couple of hours.

I don't even know what to say anymore. He didn't lie he wasn't with another girl. Why couldn't I have just let him explain?

Okay, but what good could that have come huh? So just because this once he didn't lie and he hasn't screwed other girls this just means were supposed to run to him? He's still Bain White, still Mr. Bad boy.

God why do I do this to myself? Torture myself this way, by convincing my self he's this great guy that I'm falling for and then hurt myself by thinking about no, he hasn't changed he's still the player he's always been. The same player he always will be.

My inner battle tires me out. Suddenly I'm exhausted and my eyes are burning a tear escaping. I can't. I can't do this. Bain is Bain and he always will be. And even if he did like me possibly back which i doubt, what about all those roller coaster mood swings? Do i really want a boyfriend I have to be afraid of? And commitment? If Bain would ever cheat on me... it'd break me. My first boyfriend also to be my first heart break.

I sigh and lick my now dry lips. I look out the window now focused and realize that it's raining. Good, it matches my mood.

After going to the grocery story and grabbing all the things we needed we go home and Luke helps us bringing everything in. Isabella yawns and claims she's exhausted. I decide for myself that it's time for me to go even though I originally planned to not leave until tonight. I called Ryan and asked her to come pick me since I was "staying at her house". I said my goodbyes to Isabella before she went off to sleep and packed my things. Right when I heard a car horn honking outside I grabbed my stuff and turned around something dark black catching my eye on the floor.

I pick it up and it's a long sleeve Henley shirt.

It's Bain's.

I know this is so wrong.

But i press the shirt to my face and inhale. Senses all over my body jolt awake and i suddenly feel my cheeks heat up with a burning blush. I bite my lip and sigh taking in Bain's delicious scent along with linen laundry scent and sexy cologne.

Ah just take it! He wouldn't notice or miss it.....

So i did. I put it in my bag and zipped it up taking it with me out the door and into Ryan's car to home.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

My head was pounding. I groaned pleading for the little man in my head with the mallet for mercy.

I licked my lips and coughed may dry throat scratchy. I get up my skin feeling sticky and disgusting from sweating off the alcohol. First I go upstairs to Luke's guest bathroom and strip off my clothes slowly feeling tired and disgusting. I get into the shower letting the hot water wash over my body and sigh closing my eyes tight willing this headache to go away.

I hardly remember at all what happened last night other then what happened in the car with ...... Ashley.

Suddenly the shower curtains is forcefully pulled back and my eyes widen to see who it was and I see an annoyed looking Luke.

"What the hell, Luke?!"

"Your a fucking idiot. Turn off the damn shower." He growls and I roll my eyes turning off the shower. A towel gets thrown at me and I wrap it around my waist getting out of the shower.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask him.

"Calm your shit and plus its not like we don't have the same shit. Even though mines better."

My jaw drops and I point a finger at him, "You know what fuck you man! You damn well know I got a much bigger-" I was saying when he interrupts. "Shut the hell up, Bain nobody cares about your dick now listen. I'm kicking you out."

I just stare at Luke in disbelief. Out of all this time, being the only family I have left he's just gonna do me like that? Kick me out as if we haven't been like brothers since forever?

"You know what fuck you, Luke." I go and take off my towel and throw it at him grabbing my clothes and quickly putting them on wanting nothing more than to get out of here.

Before I do something we'll both regret.

Luke sighs. "Bain-,"

I turn to him , "Don't you fucking dare bullshit me right now, Luke. I know I've been a pain in the ass for the last couple of years but don't worry. I don't want to be somewhere where I'm not wanted."

Luke shakes his head. "Don't be a pussy Bain. Do something with your life man! You have a little sister to think about and this girl Ashley? I'm gonna tell you right now as brothers you need to grow real set and fucking tell her how you feel before you lose her Bain! I have never seen you act this way or think about a girl this much don't you think this is a sign? Man its been so long since you've been happy and if this girl can give it to you then-" I interupy his quick rant and I clench my teeth "Brothers? We aren't fucking brothers. Not anymore."

I grab my wallet and my jacket and storm out the house slamming the door as hard as I could.

I hope I broke something.

Anything.

I can feel my blood boiling and I sigh realizing my truck isn't here. "Dammit dammit dammit! Good dammit it all!" I scream throwing my jacket to the ground.

I hate my life I hate it all. I sit on the curb of the street and run my fingers through my hair pulling it.

I try so fucking hard to not think of a word that he told me.

I don't like her. She doesn't like me. I hate her.

I hate her for making me feel these things, things I know nothing about. Things I never wanted to feel.

Why her? Why not any other girl? A girl that's bad and blonde and sexy and a good fuck.

But no. It had to be Ash Airwood the schools nerd. The schools quiet little good girl. The untouchable goods because its not fun. The last virgin standing most likely.

I can tell. The way she blushed and bit those plump pink full pouty lips when I touched her in that bathroom. The way her yes widened and looked away when she realized I was naked. The softness of her asking and god the way she smelled. So fucking good like vanilla and cocoanuts. God I love vanilla and cocoanuts.

Fuck! Why am I thinking of her this way? She wears ugly clothes! She knows nothing about being sexy! No experiences hell I bet she's never had a boyfriend!

Fuck but I like that. I like that she's never been touched. I like that she knows nothing about being sexy because she doesn't have to try. Her body is already perfection and I growl already feeling my groin ache.

She was supposed to be nothing. Just a girl that did my dirty work while I had fun. It turned into something completely different and I don't know what the hell to do.

She was supposed to be leaving today. I grab my phone and check the time.

She said she wouldn't leave until night....

Fuck.

I don't know what the hell I'm about to do.

But I get up and start running.

Hey everyone! I know , I know its been so long I'm so sorry I haven't updated its just I've been through a lot lately and it hasn't been easy on me. I love that everyone is loving the book! Thank you guys so much and BTW stick around and keep an eye out because I may or may not be updating AGAIN today ;) yeah that's right #DoubleUpdatesDay

Love you guys so much!

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Muah!

-Sarai 💜