《The Party's Tank is a Masochistic Trap》Chapter 1.3: The Vampire Paladin

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"Morning!!!" Kirin stretched his arms.

It was the day after he arrived at Bladewood. In about a minute, Kirin would realize that too and curse at himself for leaving an entire day wasted, slabbering in his new apartment. Seemed all of Alia's healing and the potions they let him consume had done him quite a number. On the bright side, having rested for so long, the trap had fully recovered from all of his burns, which, of course, though a good thing, wasn't really something he was entirely happy about.

"Shit, Kirin. Did you sleep the whole day yesterday?"

He had no doubt he did.

Not knowing the time, Kirin rushed to take a bath and changed to extra clothes he had in his sack, then topped them with his armor. After, he went down, ate breakfast at the saloon, and went off on a jog around the city. Not for leisure. To hunt the guilds open for applicants.

Of course, he'd listened to what Faolan and Alia had to say yesterday. But also felt as though he needed to see the proof of allegations for himself.

Fortunately, he learned the truth.

Both Coreiseuse and Excalibur had no form of initiation or requirement to join. On paper, that's a good thing, creating vacancies for people who had little to no credentials. However, Kirin found from a local officer that both guilds actually allow even criminals to join because no background checks are run. Also, by merely asking townspeople, Kirin confirmed that many requests to capture or kill high-level monsters are indeed rejected by both guilds without second thoughts, even though reports state that lives can and have been lost.

"They have no sympathy," a citizen said.

Kirin could only agree.

Curious. How have those truths not been spread to the rest of the kingdoms? One would think it'd be wise to make people aware--"Kya!"

Kya-ya-ya.

Kirin's moan echoed in his mind as he felt a pang on his forehead after bumping into a knight in dark blue armor.

The knight, whose hair was dark hair and eyes silver, froze where he was, as bright pink hues tinged both of his once pale cheeks. "Wha—"

"Ohh. That felt good." Kirin rubbed his head. "Wait."

"Wa..." The knight's eyes sharpened, though his pink expression remained. "Watch where you're going!!!"

"Gasp." Kirin backed away. "Wh-Whoa.... He's aggressive. So hot."

"Wha--" The knight's eyebrows met.

"No, no." Kirin shook his head and quickly bowed. That wasn't the time to be attracted! "Sorry. Didn't mean to bump into you. I was lost in thought."

The knight's irritated expression worsened. Although, that seemed to be the extent of his aggression, as he simply hissed and went around Kirin to stomp away. "Fool."

Kirin's heart leaped. "H-H-He called me a fool. How degrading." Kirin slowly twisted to see the knight leave, but the man was already too far away.

Goodness. That guy was Kirin's type.

Anyways, back to what he was doing.

Kirin had already visited all the guilds in Bladewood. Coreiseuse and Excalibur included. But not Harpe. He wanted to save it for last and was presently headed there.

Out of all the Bladewood guilds, it was the only one Kirin had never heard of before. Even smaller guilds like Chrysaor and Jokulsnaut had some news spreading to the Kingdom of Armor. Why not Harpe? Apparently, it was even the fourth most powerful in the Kingdom of Swords. How the heck do they stay so low-key?

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Low-key?

There was absolutely nothing low-key about their guildhall!

A gold and marble mansion, having a hard time blending amongst the rest of the surrounding structures. Separating its Bermuda grassed lawns from the road's poverty was a short line of white-bricked walls with silver-spired fences. The entrance had three steps of solid white stone so glossy they made stepping on them so intimidating. Inside boasted expensive chandeliers and furniture that seemed to whisper "get out" because Kirin was too poor to belong. Seriously, had it not been for the people in there, Kirin would have thought he was in heaven. Not that it looked like hell right now. No offense to the half-naked men, brawling and wrestling under the fancy-legged tables, and the tattered-cloaked mages, hurling spells at each other. They looked like they were having fun.

"Krk." The pop of fractured bone echoed in the hall.

How exciting! Kirin will have to ask to join later.

"Greetings, warrior," greeted a tall lady with a high-class accent. Her pink and white gown puffed ever so gracefully as she gave a curtsy, and her brunette hair that's been tied to a bun on top of her head remained as it was, just as disciplined as the lady they crowned.

"Oh. Good day." Kirin curtsied back.

"You're new, aren't you? I've never seen you before." The lady locked her delicate gloved hands in front of her abdomen. "My name is Katrina. I'm Harpe's quest master."

"Oh! Nice to meet you! I'm glad you're the first person I met. Would you mind showing me you guys' quest board?"

"Not at all." Katrina turned carefully and began swaying towards a free-standing black wall half full of pinned paper. "Here they all are. Those marked with red are of highest priority. They are those that pose the most threat to the kingdom's citizens and must be finished first before those marked orange and green can be done."

"Hmm." Kirin caressed his chin, leaning forwards to read red-marked sheets one by one. "Capture Vinu Queen and Deposit Alive. Defend Workers of Adela Mines, Eliminate Flame Crawler Colony. Get Rid of Nagacores Rampaging South of Bladewood. Ooh. Sounds like the quest Faolan and Alia were doing yesterday."

"Faolan and Alia?" Katrina hummed. "Yesterday they both came back dying to tell the story of a woman who survived the Dragonlaird's Flame. Was that by any chance you?"

"Dying to tell the story? Was that that big of a deal?"

Katrina laughed curtly. "Forgive me. You must be foreign. Are you interested in joining the guild?"

"Very much so."

The quests in Harpe definitely sounded more exciting than the ones in the others.

Collecting dead scales by the sea? Crafting golem parts? Gathering herbs? Pfft. If Kirin wished to do any of those, he would have signed up to be a merchant.

In Harpe he could: Slay Garaga Snakes in the Hantell Beach, or Destroy Malfunctioning Robots in Bladewood Lab, or Clear Rosadonises for Bladewood Construction.

"Wait. Rosadonises?" Kirin blinked twice.

"Humanoid creatures with skin of bark and can extend their body like unending vines. Their thorns are--"

"...more painful than bullet ants' bites!" Kirin's eyes sparkled as he began to visualize a group of the rosadonis whipping him with their rosy vines. "I wanna do this quest! Please let me do it! Please!"

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"Very well. Only members of the guild may. If you wish, you may sign the registration now and proceed to show your file to the guild master so that you may do this quest before anyone else finishes it."

"That I shall do!"

***

"He's the middle-aged man sitting on the railings up there." Katrina pointed at the second floor. "Master Chrisholm."

A guy in a white tabard. One of his brown-booted legs was dangling from the railings while his other perched still. Carefree, he was, staring up at a chandelier. He almost looked angelic. If only his curly brown hair and thick beard weren't sending off too many harsh dominant auras.

"Right." Kirin clutched his registration papers, making sure that neither wind nor anything at all would be able to stand between him and the rosadonises. He climbed the staircase leading to the second floor and politely approached the man who was the guild's leader. "Good day, sir! My name's Kirin Torisetti. I wish to apply to be a member of the guild!"

Master Chrisholm, refusing to leave his spot, twisted just enough to catch sight of Kirin and sluggishly raised an open hand. "Papers."

"Here, sir!"

Master Chrisholm took them, with as much security as his fingers could hold, then oriented them the proper way so he could read.

Kirin hid his arms behind him, flicking his fingers as an outlet for his anxiety.

Master Chrisholm's eyes glinted. For a second, a corner of his lips seemed to have tugged upwards, though that could have just been Kirin's imagination. "Kirin Torisetti, was it?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Wonderful. Wanna join, right?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Good. Good, good." Master Chrisholm looked at the papers again. "Gotta say, I'm very attracted to you."

"Yes, si--Wait. What?"

"Still, I can't give you special treatment just because of that." Master Chrisholm lifted his once dangling leg over the railings and changed his position to face Kirin. "Though I really do wanna be with you."

Kirin's eyes nearly popped out. Something inside his face had rapidly boiled and was going to be erupting very shortly.

Was he hearing what he thought he was hearing?

"Here's what we'll do." Master Chrisholm summoned a link of chains that then formed a circle. He put an arm inside and then pulled out a pen. "Choose a quest downstairs. Red. If you can successfully complete it, you'll be an official member of Harpe. If you fail, I'll let go of my position as guild master and join the next guild you choose."

Wha--

"To help you out, you can ask any of the members below to form a party with you." He used the pen to sign the registration form. "Leave these papers here. I'll be handling them for you."

"Y-Y-Y-Yes, sir!" Kirin bobbed his head, red as Faolan's hair at that point. At first, he took one step away from the master. Then two. Then another one. Then ran as fast as he could down the staircase.

What on Earth was the matter with that man? Was he drunk? Was he drugged? Those are the only believable explanations.

"So? How'd it go?" Katrina glided over.

Kirin gasped for air. "I'm choosing the rosadonis quest! Before I go, I'll be seeing if I can form a party with any of your existing members!"

"Okay...?" Katrina raised her eyebrows. "Very well. I'll leave you to it."

***

"Hi! I'm Kirin. A White Knight from the Kingdom of Armor. Would you like to come on a quest with me?"

The bloke Kirin was asking looked down on him. "A White Knight, huh? Go bother someone else."

Kirin bit his tongue to stop a squeal.

That was probably the fiftieth person he'd asked. Only twenty left before he'd run out of options.

Strange.

Weren't Harpe's people supposed to be more diligent than the other guilds'? Shouldn't they be the ones flocking over Kirin, begging him to let them come along?

Whatever. At the very least...

"Dame Torisetti." Katrina came over. "I know you've been rejected countless times by now, but this is nothing to cry over. Several more tries and I bet--"

Kirin turned to face her, his eyes glistening with joy. "It's okay, Katrina. I'm actually enjoying this."

"You're... enjoying the rejection?"

"Uhh." Kirin cleared his throat. "The challenge, I mean."

Totally. The challenge.

Up above, Master Chrisholm was watching. Though his face was empty of emotion, Kirin just couldn't help seeing him with a demonic grin and blazing eyes.

Was all he said then true? Or was he just playing tricks? That would just be awful for a man of such a high position to do. Though come to think about it, maybe he already knew no one would agree to party with Kirin. Then all he said was probably bluff. To perhaps raise Kirin's hopes up. Well, the joke'd be on him. Kirin enjoyed being toyed with.

The trap took a deep, deep breath of air, then shouted, "Does anyone wanna go on a quest with me?!"

Silence filled the guildhall.

For a brief moment, Kirin believed someone was finally going to step in and volunteer. But... they all just went back to their own businesses.

Kya! Being rejected by so many people at once! Nothing could have been more blissful--Actually, that's a lie. What ought to be more blissful are lashes of wild rosadonises charging at him to kill. Though evidently, no one wanted to enjoy that with him.

Hmph. So be it!

Kirin whirled and made his way to the exit.

"Where are you going?" Katrina asked.

"I'm going to be facing the rosadonises!"

"But you don't have a party yet. Please don't do anything rash. You could get seriously injured. Seriously hurt."

Kirin grinned.

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