I had to fight to stay awake during the next day, but I managed to do it. After dinner I went back to my room and slept until just a little before 1 o’clock. Then, right on time again, Allan was there, knocking on my door. I followed him down the hall and outside to the garage. As we climbed into the car and started on our way, we chatted a little bit, but not much. I, for one, was too nervous to talk.

Allan eventually pulled over and stopped the car. Leaning forward, he squinted in the darkness. “He’s barely there,” he said. “Are you sure you want to try tonight?”

“Might as well,” I said, “since we’ve already come all this way.” From my backpack, I pulled out a thick sweater. Allan looked confused.

“You know that it’s summer, right?” he asked. “I don’t think it’s going to start snowing.”

“I’m coming prepared,” I said as I pulled the sweater over my head. “Do you have any idea how cold it gets when you’re being possessed?”

Allan gave me a grin. “I do.” When he saw my questioning glance, he just waved his hand dismissively. “It’s a long story.”

I frowned at him. “I’ll bet it is.” I opened the car door and started to climb out. “You know that you’ll have to tell me everything eventually, right? You can’t say stuff like that and get away with it.”

Allan just laughed.

Closing the door behind me, I looked around. “Greg?” I called out, “Are you ready?”

His appearance flickered into view before me. “Aye,” he said, “that I am.” A second later, he disappeared and the awfully familiar cold feeling washed over me. Despite the sweater’s warmth, it was as bad as ever.

Opening my eyes, I looked around. At first I couldn’t see anything at all, but then I spotted him, the ghost from last night. He was barely a shadow as he moved. I could tell that he was still yelling, but his voice was thin and distant. I couldn’t even make out the words.

Taking a deep breath, I marched past Allan, heading straight for the ghost. I stopped when I was no more than a few feet away.

“Hey you!” I yelled, waving my arms. The ghost cast his shadowy gaze on me. I couldn’t make out any distinct features on his face. “I need you to listen to me, okay?” I said. “I need you to pay attention.”

“Please, you’ve got to help me!”

I could tell that he was yelling at the top of his lungs, but still, it was barely a whisper in my mind.

“I’m trying to help you,” I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. “I need you to realize that you were in a car crash.”

“I know!” he screamed. His voice seemed so distant. “The crash is right there. Help me!”

I shook my head. “The crash isn’t right there. It happened years ago, you just don’t realize it.” My voice rose a little bit louder. The man’s transparent head tilted as he listened. “Your wife and son are dead. They’ve moved on, and they miss you. You need to move on too. If you stay here, you’ll never see your family again.”

The ghost flickered, his appearance growing stronger, clearer. I could see his eyes become wide as he whirled around. “The car is gone,” he choked. He looked back at me. “Where did the car go? Where did my family go?”

“I told you,” I murmured, “they moved on, and you should too. You’ve been dead for years. You all died in a car crash that night and now it’s time to let it go.”

A new expression came over his face then, an expression that worried me. His mouth twisted in contempt. “I didn’t die in that car crash,” he said. “I survived. I watched as the man who hit us ran away.” His voice grew louder and more anguished. “I watched my wife take her last breath and I heard my son crying! THE MAN JUST RAN AWAY!”

I took a step back, fighting the fear that was rising within me. I could feel Allan close behind me.

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered, “Don’t give him more power.”

I clenched my fists as I stared at the ghost in front of me.

“If you didn’t die in the car crash,” I asked, “then how did you die?”

The rage that filled the man’s face suddenly vanished. He looked around, confused. “I didn’t die in the crash,” he whispered. His appearance flickered and suddenly the blood was gone. He looked fine, with no sign of the wound that had been on the side of his head. “I came back to this place months later,” he continued, raising a hand to where the wound had been. His eyes grew wide. “I brought a gun.”

My stomach dropped. My legs went numb. I didn’t want to hear this. I couldn’t hear this.

“I parked here. I brought a picture of my family.” His appearance flickered again and this time, the wound was back. It started out small, but soon it was gushing blood. “I raised the gun to my head—”

“No!” I yelled.

“—and I shot myself.”

I covered my ears. “No,” I choked, “no, no, no!” This wasn’t supposed to be a suicide, I wasn’t prepared! I wasn’t expecting a suicide!

“Are you alright?” Greg asked, his concern bleeding into my own emotions.

I felt hands rest on my shoulders. “Jessi? What’s going on?”

I couldn’t answer either of them. My throat felt tight. I could feel the tears now. They were hot as they rolled down my face. Memories crowded my head, memories that I hated. I was the one that found her.

I pushed Allan away. “You have to move on!” I shouted at the ghost. “Your family is waiting for you! They love you! They miss you!”

“I can’t move on!” the ghost screamed back. I could see the overwhelming panic in his expression. “I’m stuck! I can’t find them! Help me! Help me find them!”

“You have to let go of your hate!” I cried. “You have to forgive the man who crashed into you. If you can forgive him, you won’t be stuck anymore!”

The image of the ghost grew brighter and more violent as his voice erupted in my mind. “I CAN’T FORGIVE HIM!” He towered over me, his eyes alight with rage. “I WANT TO KILL HIM FOR WHAT HE’S DONE! HE DESERVES TO DIE FOR WHAT HE DID TO MY FAMILY!”

I wiped away my tears, but it did little good for they were still streaming from my eyes. “You have to forgive him!” My voice broke. “Please, you’ll be stuck here if you don’t let go!” Allan had grabbed my arm. He was pulling me back. I yanked my arm from his grasp as my voice rose in frenzy. “Please, I am begging you, move on!”

I couldn’t give up now! The ghost was beyond reasoning, but if I gave up now, what would that mean? It would mean that I didn’t care enough, that I didn’t try hard enough. If only I’d tried harder before! What kind of horrible daughter was I, that I didn’t try harder?

“Come on Jessi,” Allan said. Somehow, he still sounded calm. “We have to leave now.”

I didn’t even have the strength to fight him as he dragged me away from the raging ghost. Without warning, the ghost vanished and Greg appeared beside me.

“NO!” I sobbed. “You have to possess me Greg! I have to help him!” My vision blurred as more tears filled my eyes. Allan opened the car door for me and I shakily climbed inside. Shutting the door for me, he ran to the other side and got in. Turning the key in the ignition, he pulled the car out onto the road.

I buried my face in my hands, unable to stop the sobs that were still shaking me. I thought I was stronger than this. I thought I’d worked through all the pain. I was wrong. “Why couldn’t I help him?” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “Why wouldn’t he just listen to me? Doesn’t he care about how much his family is hurting?”

Allan was silent, but I could hear Greg’s soft voice. “He could not see beyond himself.”

I took a shaky breath, covering my eyes. I wished I could turn off my feelings and stop thinking. The car shook as Allan turned onto a dirt road and I looked up in surprise. I didn’t recognize where we were. The moonlit fields were gone, replaced by tall black trees. Allan drove the car further into the grove before he brought it to a stop. I knew we were nowhere near the castle.

Pulling the keys out of the ignition, he looked up, staring out through the window. Dappled moonlight fell against his pale skin. “This is one of my favorite places to drive to,” he whispered. “I come out here whenever I want to be alone. It’s one of the very few places I’ve been able to find that is completely ghost free.”

“I suppose that’s my cue to leave,” muttered Greg. With that, he disappeared.

“Come on,” Allan said, opening up his door, “let’s go sit in the backseat. It’s more comfortable.”

Numbly, I followed suit and opened my door. My eyes felt swollen and sore, but at least the tears had stopped. I climbed into the backseat and Allan got in as well. He scooted next to me, so close that our legs were touching. He was staring at me, his expression concerned. I glanced down, unable to meet his eyes.

“I don’t know what happened back there Jessica,” he whispered. “You were doing well—really well, but then it fell apart. You—you fell apart.” He took a deep breath. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. We can just sit here and enjoy the quiet, but if you do want to talk, I’ll listen.”

My heart started to pound and I took another shaky breath. It would be really nice to just sit here in silence. I could regain my composure and hopefully Allan wouldn’t think any less of me for dissolving into a bucket of tears. But I was dying to let the wadded up pain inside of me out. It would be such a relief to have someone listen, someone who didn’t know my family, who didn’t already look at me with pity and judgment in their eyes. If I told him though, then he might start looking at me with pity. I didn’t want pity.

Without bidding, I started to cry again. Allan’s arm wrapped around me and he pulled me close. I leaned my head against his shoulder and took a deep breath. He smelled nice. Closing my eyes, I tried to fight the tears, but it was futile. Somehow, having Allan’s arm around me made me want to cry harder. Why did he have to be so nice? We hardly knew each other and yet, he’d been willing to bring me on these insane expeditions. I’d never thought about how much sleep I was making him lose, or how many unpleasant memories I was bringing back for him. He didn’t like ghosts and yet he’d been facing them with me. He’d been supporting me.

It took a few minutes for my tears to die down again, and when they were dry, I felt even more drained than before. I didn’t cry often. I hated the way it made my head hurt.

“My mom passed away five years ago,” I breathed at last. An immense weight seemed to escape me as I said those words. Somehow, they still didn’t seem real. Five years. It couldn’t have already been five years. Allan didn’t say anything, but he did hold me a little bit tighter. I took another breath. “She killed herself.”

Those words burned.

I bit down on my lip. The physical pain distracted me from the emotional hurt and confusion these memories brought me. “I remember she was always so put together,” I whispered. “She had to be involved with everything and everybody loved her. She was outgoing and pretty and I think she tried so hard to make me and my older sister just like her.” I knotted my hands together. They were shaking. “I fought with her a lot because of that. If I didn’t want to wear something she’d picked out, she would scream at me and then start crying.” I closed my eyes again. “She was always crying. She smiled so much in public, but then she’d just come home and yell and cry.”

I didn’t know if I’d intended to tell Allan the whole story, but once the words started coming out, it was hard to make them stop. “I should have been nicer to her!” I choked. “I knew she had problems. She was seeing a therapist and she was on medication, so I should have been nicer. But sometimes she would just make me so angry! She was like a child throwing temper tantrums and she was selfish and—”

I squeezed my eyes shut and Allan moved even closer. He hugged me to his chest with both arms. I breathed deep, my heart aching. “My dad was so much better than me. He never got mad or impatient. He loved her so much and that was what he told us we needed to do. We just needed to love her. We couldn’t face her problems for her, but we could love and support her.”

My throat was tight and my head pounded as tears threatened to fall once more. “I didn’t try hard enough Allan, I didn’t! Somewhere along the way, I must have stopped supporting her because she killed herself!” I held onto his arm that was wrapped around me. My fingers dug into his sleeve. “I was the one that found her! She was just lying on her bed and her eyes were open and she was so still!” I thought I didn’t have any more tears to cry, but I was wrong. “She overdosed and I knew it was my fault. I fought with her so much! Why couldn’t I have just tried harder?”

My body was trembling as Allan held me tight. I think he was the only thing keeping me in one piece. For a long time we just stayed like that. My tears eventually stopped and I could feel Allan lean his head against mine. He still didn’t say anything. I was glad for that. There was nothing I wanted him to say.

“After she died I stopped trying to be like her,” I whispered when I found my voice again. “I wore the things I liked and I acted the way I wanted. When my mom was alive, I was one of the preppy, popular girls that wore just the right clothes and never ate anything. After she died I started wearing all black and I lost my old friends.” I wiped away some of the tears on my cheek. “People thought I was acting out after my mom died, and maybe they were right, but I just didn’t care what they thought. My mom lived her life pretending to be happy for people that didn’t matter and I swore to myself that I wouldn’t make the same mistake.”

I sat up slightly and Allan loosened his embrace around me. “I thought I was at peace with my mom’s death, but all this stuff with ghosts keeps bringing back old memories. Then tonight, finding out that the man committed suicide—”

My voice caught and I cleared my throat. “It scares me Allan,” I whispered. “What if my mom is like that? What if she’s stuck?”