“THEY TOLD YOU?” I say, voice barely above a whisper.

“They’re worried, Darsal. They’re worried for you,” she breathes.

I know who she’s talking about. I swallow the lump forming in my throat. I bite my bottom lip. If I’m honest, I don’t know what I’m going to do next.

But did I when I ran away the first time? The second? The disappointment of when I found myself very much alive? Did I understand anything? Everything had been a blur from beneath the veil of innocence. I had thought that I knew how cruel the world could be when Mother had left. But did I know anything? I did not know the genuine pain of loss. Even before, I thought I had it hard, living in a world constantly at war with only a mother who was out on the battlefield. She would come home with cuts and scrapes. Blood would seep through my mother’s clothing, but had I ever really had it hard? I’d had a glimpse seven months before when I had found my mother’s letter, but that had only been a glimpse.

Carrie’s death seems to have torn away the Curtain of Innocence completely, everything blasting me in the face.

A tear slips down my face. What had I known? I had been so innocent in the face of pain and loss. Where had the fierce warrior gone?

“I—I just want Carrie back,” I whisper.

Katlyne nods. A moment passes before she takes in a breath and puts on her cheery face back on.

“So, let’s get you out of that dress so we can get to work. I know potential when I see some,” she says.

***

I stare in the mirror, incredulous. Is this me?

I look—like the perfect version of me. I have washed my hair with my mother’s citrus shampoo, turning my hair into a long glimmering sheet, down to the end of my ribcage. My face is clean, every speck of dirt gone. Katlyne comes around and inspects me, smiling.

“You look beautiful,” she says, grinning and fixing things here and there.

“There is one thing I need you to do for me,” she adds after a moment, “Really, makeup will do anything for you on the outside, but you need to be in the moment. Be in the moment. Don’t let Before stop you. Everything is part of Before now and can only come back if you go back, find it, and pull it into the present. It’ll be there, but you need to embrace it. You can do this, you just have to believe. Now, I think you have some friends who would like to see you.”

Katlyne goes and opens the door and calls, “She’s ready.”

My two friends put their heads in the doorway tentatively.

“Not, bad. Not bad,” Zak says, putting his head slightly from side to side.

There is a moment of awkward silence.

“You look different with your hair down,” Zak remarks.

I pinch my lips together, head rocking slightly from front to back.

“You look like you if you wore makeup and didn’t live in the forest for six months,” Sam says, nodding.

“I’m going to take that as a compliment,” I say, frowning, “I mean, they were going to make me wear those over there, so…”

I point over to the sandals. Both guys’ eyebrows raise so high they hide in their hair, falling into their faces.

I wonder how I could have not put two and two together. Their faces both have the same square jaw and straight nose. If it weren’t for their features’ colours, they would nearly be identical. Sam has a slightly darker skin shade, and Zak has black hair and their eyes are different colours, but they look nearly like twins. And the way they had acted at the stream had been almost as if they knew each other. Of course, they do; they’re cousins. I somehow didn’t see the resemblance between them until now.

“How didn’t I see it before?” I mumble under my breath.

“What do you mean?” they say in unison, looking at each other.

“You guys are so clearly related. And the way you guys acted at the stream, you knew each other. How didn’t I put two and two together?”

“Well, technically, that’s supposed to be hidden information, so I wouldn’t go around telling people we’re cousins,” Zak says, fidgeting slightly.

I nod. One of the first things a child learns is never to tell someone else’s Before and to keep yours well hidden. No one has an extra life they can spend bending to other people’s wills, for fear of being exposed. Someone’s Before is not to be messed with.

I pause.

“You guys told Katlyne, didn’t you,” I say.

“Darsal, we’re all scared. And what you told Dad about—about drowning—well,” Sam’s voice trails off.

The lump in my throat seems to have returned.

“You guys got me out of that river. You are the ones who saved my life. I used to think that I no longer had anything to live for, but now I see I was wrong, thanks to two special people. I have my friends and the Guardians to live for,” I say with a wide grin.

We all smile at each other until Katlyne comes into the room, lips twisted into a smile.

“Darsal,” she says sweetly, “It’s time.”

Katlyne and my friends accompany me down the hall to the large double doors. For the first time, I feel a glint of excitement. This is my day. All the Guardians have come. This can either go really well or downhill.

Katlyne opens the double doors and I face over a hundred faces I know all too well. But instead of jeering or hollering, once they see me, they hoop and holler.

I think back at what Katlyne said. Before can only come back if you bring it back. Believe.

And I step out into the crowd.

***

Butterflies flutter in my stomach. For a moment, I stand still, body refusing to move. Go! I tell myself.

This time, my body moves in response. The elderly man greets me with a warm smile. His chocolate-coloured face is old and wrinkled. I step up on the steps leading onto the stage. This is what the whole ceremony is about.

I stand still for every Guardian to see. My eyes dart from familiar face to familiar face. But none of them stare at me judgingly. I realize I was wrong. This wasn’t a simple town who has an army and goes to war every day. It’s a community. When someone passes away, everyone mourns. When someone reaches success, everyone cheers.

I turn my attention to the old man speaking.

“We are all here tonight to celebrate another Ceremony of Eight,” the dark-skinned man begins, reciting the same speech as he does at every Ceremony of Eight. But then his speech takes a different turn. It’s a speech that I have only heard very few times, “But here, Darsal, born and raised as a Guardian, has proven something very few adults have done. She has passed the Five Tests to become Marked. At first, we were hesitant, but once she passed the fifth test, this became undebatable.”

I’ve never heard of tests, but a few of the Elders are known as “Marked.” It’s a mark of being a true Guardian. It’s a high rank of honour.

“Test One,” continues the elderly man, “The Test of Courage: Darsal has proven to us all that, no matter the cost, she would bring our beloved Carrie to safety. We do not have the specifics, but we know Darsal could have fled a month before she did. But she dared to wait for the right moment and get Carrie.”

“Test Two, Endurance: Even though times got rough, our girl kept plowing through, fighting the current.”

For the first time, I realize that no one in the crowd has the specifics of why I ran away, or what happened during the seven months I was gone. The Elders have made a point of keeping it vague, as not to expose my Before. I can’t help but be grateful for this.

“Test Three, Creative Thinking: Being only two people, Darsal and a friend needed to get Carrie to safety, but how to do it with many guards watching? Darsal needed to be open-minded and to think outside of the box to get a solution. In doing so, she has passed the Test of Creative Thinking.”

“Test Four, Loyalty,” a ripple goes through the crowd. There has to be some kind of mistake. Loyalty? Really? “Although there were some mistakes made along the way, what did our girl Darsal really love?”

This question everyone knows the answer to.

“And did Darsal stay loyal to Carrie even when she could have fled a month before? She stayed true to who she loved. And I firmly believe that is the biggest sign of loyalty; not to stop. She stayed true. She stayed loyal.”

“And for the last test. The Test of the Heart: The most important test. But first, I must explain it. It isn’t if you are good enough, or strong enough. This is an altering decision because it shows where the true heart of the Guardian is. Whether good enough to be in battle, or to lead an army, the heart will lead you either down the right path or down the broken one. The heart can make you do important things, can bring you to the end of the world and back. It doesn’t matter about physical strength or capabilities. The heart can make you do the impossible.”

“And Darsal, I declare that you have passed the Test of the Heart!”

The crowd erupts in a clamour of cheers and whoops and hollers. I can’t help it; a grin slides across my face. Here I was, worrying that they might jeer at me. As Zak said, I was wrong. I still have the world to live for. My heart died with Carrie, but my life is still here and I intend to live it.

The old man turns to me, smiling. I hug him. The crowd finally settles.

“Now,” the man continues, “Unless anyone has any objections, I will declare Darsal…”

Before he gets to finish, a voice in the crowd interrupts.

“Stop!”