《Handyman》Chapter 20: Never Vectors, Part 2

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Chapter 20: Never Vectors, Part 2

Luke Arêtes was a giant of a man. Clearing two meters tall and nearly one wide, one might truly suspect some non-human elements hanging in his family tree. “Hail Ahanu, Brother Keeper of the West,” called Luke with an awkward solute.

“Hail Luke, of the House of Arêtes, Landgrave of the Great Plains, and bumbling fool of all society,” taunted Ahanu as he dismounted. Ahanu then rushed away from his escort to embrace Luke in a great bear hug.

“Ha, little man, I still have to hold you like a child.”

Ahanu quickly slipped out of the hug, slid between Luke’s legs, and leapt onto Luke’s shoulders with a dagger drawn against the back of the giant’s head. “I see all that eating and moping about the plains hasn’t made you any quicker.”

“No fair, we were still saying hello. That doesn’t count as a duel.” Luke, as usual, flustered over Ahanu’s antics. The two engaged in friendly competitions often, a tradition stretching back to their childhood.

“It never counts. I assume your ride was as hard as your head, as long as your spine, and as boring as your plains?” Ahanu treated Luke as though he was the younger brother he never had.

Suddenly, Luke’s whole body enveloped in a dark red light. Ahanu grunted and attempted to actually stab Luke in the back of the neck. This turned into a spectacular failure as he was unable to force the blade past the magical barrier. Luke sent Ahanu flying with shrug of his shoulders and an explosion in his quads. He then caught the floundering noble midair and suplexed him hard against the ground.

A nervous corporal, visibly shaken by this behavior, questioned Eumenes, “General, should we stop them before they start a war?” Eumenes eyed the corporal, Ezatic, silently. Ezatic was the newest member of the Duke’s escort. It was a doubly admirable appointment given the boy’s low rank. Eumenes wasn’t aware of the particulars that lead to Ezatic’s position, but he assumed it had to do with the large amount of mana he felt around the boy. Rather than respond, Eumenes just raised an eyebrow at the squad commander.

“Ezatic, you sniveling pile of dog shit,” Sargent Major Oileus growled, “you will learn the chain of command.” He then slammed the butt of his spontoon into the young corporal’s gut. Ezatic doubled over but quickly righted as an armored hand raised him by the neck. “Stand at attention corporal, you are still on duty!” Oileus commanded the Western Guard for more than fifty years. He wasn’t about to let the Western Guard be tarnished by a whelp still wet behind the ears.

Eumenes coughed lightly to call off Oileus. “Sargent Major, every time I see the two of them together, they always seem to fight it out.”

“General, yes, General.” Oileus was always wary when dealing with Eastern commanders. Do everything by the book, and they will never have anything on you.

Eumenes lowered his opinion of Oileus. He thought the man more creative and assertive than that. “Indeed, I’ve found that His Grace is most cranky if he and the Landgrave are broken up before they are both bleeding.” The rest of Ahanu’s escort watched the brawling of two grown men in silence.

Ahanu’s real personal protection was represented by the two silent spirit warriors that stood on either side of his mount. They were provided by the Axculi, and as true warriors of the old ways, didn’t give a damn about formalities or etiquette of the “Eastern” military. Indeed, they viewed Oileus’s entire squad as sellouts for being capable Western warriors who readily took up the structure the Empire’s Military.

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Spirit warriors, however, were not known to dwell on such thoughts or any worldly concern for that matter. Their training pushed them to exist in the “glorious present.” They held a primal instinct to focus their entire being in the present moment. If either thought that Ahanu would actually be injured, they would act immediately and without notice. They could easily close the 100m distance from Ahanu in a second, but frankly, neither was impressed with the current situation.

They witnessed Ahanu and Luke “spar” on dozens of meetings. Growth requires tampering, and the two were well matched.

“The DAY IS MINE!” yelled Luke as he held Ahanu in a headlock for more than a minute. Luke then signaled to his entourage, who were roaring in disorganized laughter, and they crowded in around the nobles. Ahanu continued to struggle and send spells towards Luke who left him in a headlock. Luke ignored Ahanu’s struggling and stomped over to the waiting military officers.

“Oileus! … Oh and Eumenes! It’s good to see you both.” Luke was truly horrid at etiquette. This deficit stemmed from the radically different culture in the Great Plains Alliance. Roles and hierarchy were not a significant part of their daily life. Everyone in their ethnic group was treated as family. If you were stronger, you were a strong brother. If you were wise, you were a wise sister.

The GPA bent to the Empire as rulers and offered up the demanded taxes, but found imperial culture too different to truly assimilate. “Oh Ahanu, it looks like you’ve caught a young one!” boomed Luke as he eyed Ezatic. “Say boy, have you ever heard the story of ‘The Sparrow and the Bottle?”

Ezatic stood in pained silence, having no idea how to react to the situation. Ahanu, however, started punching Luke with renewed fervor while wheezing something about “not another one of your damned stories.” Ahanu finally closed his eyes, held his breath, and completely dematerialized. He turned into a wispy black outline and surged out beside his officers.

“Look you—“

“No you look, little brother, it was clearly my win as you had to go all ethereal. That’s been a standing rule for more than five years.” Luke was enjoying every moment of gloating allowed from his victory. “And, because I’m so generously looking after your youth—who have no one but a crafty badger to teach them—I claim my spoils as a captive audience.”

Ahanu grumbled, but it was his loss. “Fine, but only until will get back to the command tower. Mount UP! We ride straight for camp.”

“You see young pup…eh, what was your name?” Ezatic was still entirely uncertain how to reply to the landgrave. Everyone was busily mounting either war horses or some kind of bird Ezatic didn’t recognize.

“Corporal Ezatic, Your Lordship,” was the best reply Ezatic could think of. Still, he spoke clearly and had steadied himself—being on his father’s warhorse helped that.

Luke shrugged at the reply and thrust mana into his throat. He then changed into what Ahanu called “Luke’s pompous narrator voice,” projected his voice for the entire battalion to hear.

“You see baby brother, Brother Ahanu doesn’t like the story of The Sparrow and the Bottle because he never learned the lesson.” Ahanu didn’t deign Luke with a reply, and just road faster out to the front.

“You see, there once was a sparrow who set out from his parents' nest. Near his father's range, he ate and drank well, but knew he must push further on away from home. He needed to find a tree to claim as his own and start his family. Soon, the young sparrow realized he had gone a day without water.

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‘I must find some water,’ called the sparrow, ‘or I shall surely die.’

And so the sparrow flew out again in search of water. He came to a cave, but could hear no water. He went past a field, but could see no water.

‘Surely there must be some water here, for everything is flush with life,’ reasoned the sparrow, but alas he could find no water.

‘I must find some water,’ sang the sparrow, ‘or I shall surely die.’

His song encouraged him to search through the night, but it was all for naught, as he did not find any water.

‘I must find some water,’ cried the sparrow, ‘or I shall surely die.’

The sparrow stopped upon a fence and cried out to the suns at his lack of fortune. Then he saw it: a narrow blue bottle. The sparrow flew beside the bottle and peered into its depths.

‘There's water! There’s water! I shall surely live!’

But the sparrow was soon frustrated. He could not reach the water. The neck of the bottle was too long and narrow for the head of the sparrow to pass. His tongue was too short to lap the water resting at the bottom.

‘Why, why do the heavens tease me,’ wept the sparrow, ‘but ahh… I have an idea.’

Then the sparrow dropped a pebble into the bottle. The pebble sunk to the bottom, and the level of the water rose slightly. This sight delighted the little bird, who then spent half the day filling the bottle with rocks.

Finally, he could reach the water, and he drank his fill.

‘I am quite wise,’ he called, ‘for I can bring the water up to me.’

Just then, a crow cawed out and flew out beside the sparrow.

‘Tell me, little brother, what have you been doing today?’ asked the crow. ‘I have watched you as I had time, and you seem to be trying to build a nest of rocks in a bottle.’

‘Oh, no, big brother, I am far too wise to do something so foolish,’ boosted the sparrow. ‘I have flown for days in search of water, but have only found this bottle. I filled it with stones that I might reach the water and quench my thirst.’

The crow shuddered in confusion. ‘But brother, there is a lake just over that hill.’”

The punchline brought laughter from all the GPA members. “You see, baby brother,” continued Luke “it is good to be clever like the sparrow, but it is better to be aware like the crow!”

Ahanu had enough. “Wind Wing Formation One!” he ordered. Immediately his entire escort grabbed one of the white crystals hanging from their belts and smashed it onto their backs. Bright white wings flew out of their backs and horses as they fell into formation.

“Call Position!”

“Right Flank, Set!”

“Left Flank, Set!”

“Right Point, Set!”

“Left Point, Set!”

“Wedge, Set”

“Mark Time!” shouted Ahanu. He waited for just a second as he checked that every rider and horse were moving at the same speed.

“Detaillllllll JET!” he finally ordered. At that moment Ahanu’s escort turned into blurry streaks. They accelerated from full gallop at 40km/h to over 800 km/h. A shimmering white cone lead in front of the group, splitting the air around them. The Wind Wing spell formation was quite powerful and well executed by Ahanu’s guard, but it did have some drawbacks. The cost of the materials was moderately concerning, but the real issue was a lack of air.

The spell required increased aerodynamics, which was achieved by shielding the group as a whole. The shield cut through air at such velocities that a substantially lower air density existed in its wake, and the simple fact remained that animals needed to breathe. A trained and skilled unit could manage these speeds for four to five minutes before permanent damage was done to the horses.

“Hey!” shouted Luke in anger, “that’s definitely cheating!” He threw his arm up to signal his clansmen. A purple glow covered each warrior individually. They then sped off at half the speed of Ahanu’s group.

This left no one besides the Eastern Officers, who were progressing at a standard canter. Eumenes just shook his head. “Don’t even think of following those idiots. It will only take us an hour to get there and our Quartermaster will not be issuing additional Wing Shots.”

The sentries were alarmed at Ahanu’s rapid approach, but, as he signaled the all clear, they all stayed at their posts.

“Baily!” ordered Ahanu as he dismounted at the command tower. “I want siege units up and ready to fire within the hour. Get the officers in here on the double for final pre-op.” As a communication officer, many civilians thought Baily was a bit of coward and stayed behind enemy lines. He always lamented how lackluster it sounded when he was being honest on a date. Anyone with actual combat experience knew how much bravery it took to stand your ground and talk rather than fight.

Baily rose through ranks by his own merit and valor, but being gifted in mind and wind magics certainly helped. “Immediately, Your Grace,” he responded while already setting out to his task. A table with three raised channels lay out before him like an organ. Tiles of various colors ran along the channels, each containing a glyph for a corresponding officer. Baily made quick work of gliding his hands over the tiles, projecting the exact same message into multiple brains simultaneously. The mana drain caused by contacting Eumenes surprised Baily. He must still be out of camp, grumbled Baily as he popped a small mana pill.

“Amalek!” shouted Ahanu as he scaled the ladder to the command tower. “Get the visuals up and the benches cleared. We’re doing final pre-op now. As soon as Baily’s done, get him transferred to secure comms in the tower. We will be going hot in three hours.”

I wonder what got him so upset, thought Amalek, but he just acknowledged and went about executing the order.

“Ahanu, you hot son of a wigworm, it’s no fun if you just run away!” called Luke as he climbed up the ladder.

“When is running into battle preparations ever called running away?”

“When you do it,” replied Luke with a smirk.

“Seriously, let’s get on with it,” sighed Ahanu in resignation. “What’s your breakdown?”

Luke just grunted in satisfaction over gaining recognition of his win. He was found of grandiose stories, but not one to kick a man after a fair loss. “I brought my mâmâwi. Many nâpihkâsowiyiniwak.”

“Damn it, Luke! This isn’t a tribal dick measuring contest, I need numbers. Actual numbers. How many cavalries did you bring?”

Luke frowned. One would think that a battle junkie would be fluent in terms of war, but the problem was that many of the words didn’t have a good translation, and Luke knew Ahanu understood him. “This is a quick notintowak, no? You said “come fast,” so I came fast. All who came are real riders.”

“So you only brought mounted troops? How many? Any of them proficient in siege class spells?”

“Ha, I’ve got one that can split a city wall with an axe, so who needs siege warfare? It’s slow and dishonorable anyway.”

Ahanu sighed and shook his head. “I swear it’s like you can’t actually count. Remember AJax? How many do you have at his level, and how many below? I assume you’re the only one above his ability?”

Luke paused to seriously consider this. Ajax held respect as both a warrior and commander in the eyes of most of the Grand Plains Alliance. “I would say two above, counting me. Four at his level. I’m honestly not sure how many onâpehkâsowiyinîsak came, but I think it’s at least 300.”

It looked more like a total of 400 to me, thought Ahanu, I wonder where the count is off. “So are you volunteering for the front line?”

“You mean am I claiming it? You’re damn right. My win, my frontal assault.”

“Fine. But only after my first two siege volleys. Bradix will provide flanking fire from across the river.” Ahanu paused as the other officers started filing in. “I’m leading the briefing, but the frontal assault is yours.”

Luke grunted in affirmation and crushed pink crystal in his bare hand.

“Alright everyone, listen up…”

Bradix, little Cali Bradix to his mother and “just damned Bradix” to everyone else, eyed the Lamian fortifications. “Get ready boys, I just got the signal from command. As soon as the firebirds land, we let loose hell. We have permission to reduce that building to rubble, and I’m not about to let some orenda bastards beat us in destruction.” Bradix wanted to go over the plan again, but there wasn’t time.

Six Axculi warriors with red headdresses stood out on platforms surrounding the marina. The Lamians immediately loosed arrows and simple spells at each of them. Additional magic troops surrounding each platform shoot gusts of wind deflecting the arrows, and canceled every spell with at least two of their own.

The Red Hats all had their eyes closed and arms spread wide. Finally, they shouted in one guttural cry, “ᐃᐢᑯᑌᐤᐅᓄᒐᔨᑯᐃᐧᐤ.” Huge birds of fire, with great swollen bellies, flew out of each of their chests as they collapsed to the ground. The birds flew high and fast toward the marina.

Cries erupted on the Lamian side and several spells were flung at the birds. The flaming flock nimbly dogged all that was thrown at it, until two icy beams erupted from either end of the Lamian forces. Each beam collided with a different bird, causing two of the six to be instantly vaporized.

The other four, however, were too quick to be further held down by enemy defenses. They each came within two meters of the ground and detonated. The explosions quickly enveloped the entire Escanaba Marina in flames.

“Open fire!” screamed Bradix above the flames. Even across the river, the noise was deafening. Shock troops began sending bolts of lightning into the river, electrocuting anything they saw move.

“Get those main guns moving!” screamed Bradix as he moved to intercept a figure that was flying over the river. Immediately the maginners opened fire and rapid bursts blue energy sizzled into enemy lines. The maginners were delayed because they normally didn’t do any direct fighting. Sadly, the opportunity to return across the river was removed by Ahanu's accelerated schedule.

“ακυρώ,” chanted Bradix, and two black beams flew out of his hands. His opponent fell into the river rended in two before he got close enough to identify him. He turned his attention to the Lamian camp, and saw Luke and Alsoomose charging at the portal. Each had a wake of dead burning bodies behind them, and they were clearly racing.

Then two figures in all black wielding katanas engaged them. Damn, those are the capitals. Should I go in for the assist or hold my post, Bradix wondered. He looked around the rest of the marina. It was decimated, with little chance of hostile forces located anywhere besides the portal. Screw it, he decided and sped off towards the portal.

The black figure fighting Luke suddenly fell back, and Luke screamed in victory. Just before Luke finished the figure off, however, the man stabbed himself with his katana and exploded. Luke anchored himself in with a blazing red aura, then screamed in horror as he watched Alsoomose.

To her credit, Alsoomose wasn’t worried at all about being damaged from such a forceful blast. She quickly put up her guard and was covered in a bright green bubble. She failed to realize, however, that Luke’s opponent wasn’t trying to hurt her. Alsoomose’s opponent smirked as two demonic wings sprung out of his back, and he charged straight at the duchess.

Everything seemed to slow down. From his angle, Bradix could clearly see their intent. He tried to speed up but it wasn’t enough. Alsoomose went flying through the portal, her capital opponent right behind her. Shockwaves slammed into the allied forces as the portal detonated in demonic hellfire.

Then Bradix blacked out.

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