Chapter 3

“Captain's log 234: Still no land in sight, food supplies ran out weeks ago. The crew decided that cooking the cook was only reasonable.”

Boring

“Captain’s log 250: We ran out of cook to eat. The boatswain will be next, as we still need our surgeon to cut the bones.”

Bbboringngng

“Captain's log 267: We found 3 barrels of apples, few rolls of cheese and some jerky, hiding under the staircase. Huh… so we did get enough food for the trip. Crap.”

I ran out of songs to sing on repeat inside my head.

I think I’m a little crazy.

It’s week 4 and I stil…

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System notice:

-Recovery mode disable

-All systems ready

-Compensating system recovery by penalising player:

Deducting materials for system recovery Implementing unskippable cutscenes Increasing the “P2W” factor by 200% Introducing always online DRM

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What?

Yes! Oh, Cthulhu all mighty, yes! I don't even care that the system is apparently published by EA games. I can finally do something else than sing Africa - by Toto on repeat.

“I bless rains down in Aaafricaaa! Gone take som…”

Oh right, where was I?

“Show inventory”

Bastards! They took everything! Not Just the Men, but the Women and Children Too! Oh wait, I think I’m mixing up references.

Anyway, back to topic. Apparently, material deduction included all my already collected stuff.

Time to start anew!

So last time, before the global stock market crashed on me, I was using the area around me and my own cellular excretions as a steady source of income. As most people know, there is no such thing as clear water outside of special lab filtered one. So what does cell do with all the things it collects, but never uses? Either discards it outside or degrades in smaller, more useful elements. This is where I come in and target a tiny area outside my cell as inventory opening. Not all of it, else it might lead to cell death, as the useful elements are filtered out by me - aka another suicide attempt. I target around 20% of the total area.

“How does a blind, deaf, unfeeling cell know about the area around it and what to target?” - A clearly not crazy voice in my head might ask.

Well, I'm glad you asked Kevin. I try to collect stuff around me more or less and see how fast the materials are being generated inside the inventory. I approximate, the current material collection speed as 20%, of what I would get if, I filtered everything.

Still, all is not okay in this battlefront, as this only leads me to the same old problem, that the only craftable thing right now is tiny energy generator. So let's quantify stuff, as I'm sure everyone loves numbers and it will never get tiresome or contrive to see those. I got 20 energy out of 20 possible. If anyone can tell me how much exactly is “one energy”, feel free to do so. Right now, I only know that to create another tiny ener… Fuck it, let's be real, its mitochondrion the powerhouse of the cell as of this moment.

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System notice:

-Renaming “Tiny energy generator” to “Mitochondrion”

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Well, well, well. This could be useful.

Where was I? Oh, right! I was explaining to Kevin, that to make more mitochondria, I need 15 energy and some other materials.

Currently, I’m only missing phosphorus. It seems the hardest element to find around here. Still, at the rate it’s collecting, I think I will have enough in the next hour or two.

“...With so many light years to go

And things to be found (to be found)

I'm sure that we'll all miss her so

It's the final count…”

Crap. I thought I timed it better. Anyway, seems like phosphorus hunt has ended for now.

“Open crafting”

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-Currently available mods:

Mitochondrion

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I select it aaaand nothing happens. Scratch that, something did happen. I now have 5/40 energy. Yay? Why is it so anticlimactic!? There should be fireworks! I should at least get something more… please?

I think something just broke.

I'm broken.