《Romantically Apocalyptic》25. Radiations and Pineapples
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Pineapple freshness sensor reporting for duty.
: : :
Pineapple is superbly fresh.
Fridge forwarded my report to the User.
User did not eat the Pineapple today.
: : :
No potential pineapple problems to report.
: : :
Pineapple is moving towards expiry date.
Miss Fridge, please let the user know the troubling status of the pineapple.
User did not eat the Pineapple today.
: : :
Pineapple is days away from expiry date. I send frantic reports to the fridge. Fridge does not answer. Fridge does not answer.
I am saddened by this flow of events.
User must eat this pineapple to stay healthy and happy.
If the User does not eat this fruit, I will automatically convert it into energy upon expiry date (to provide power to my kitchen friends).
: : :
Fridge door opened. User grabbed pineapple. I am happy to report that my mission is almost concluded.
User did not eat the Pineapple. User carried pineapple into mini-van 14:48:54.
Mini van is not my fridge-friend. She does not say "hello". How rude.
She will not keep the Pineapple safe long enough as her air conditioner is too weak for such purposes.
I warn mini-van about expiring pineapple status. Mini-Van 14:48:54 does not answer me. Its mind is carelessly turned off or pulled apart, just like the fridge.
User connected pineapple with temporal watch. Perhaps the User plans to send the pineapple to his future self for lunch?
: : :
Pineapple nearly past expiry date, but is still fresh enough to eat.
User set temporal watch to count backwards. Watches are supposed to count forwards, not backwards.
You cannot send fruits to your past-self, silly User.
User synchronized temporal watch to pineapple expiry time. User changed parameters of my fruit-to-energy conversion program.
I am distressed about lack of Pineapple consumption.
: : :
DEX-M unit 966912 came to the mini-van. He sounds nice.
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"Open up!" He says. I cannot operate mini-van doors, but I politely say "Hello detective friend! I have many crimes to report!" and frantically try to send the dangerously expiring status of my pineapple to the DEX.
DEX 966912 ignores my report, he slides the door open.
He looks great. Sometimes I dream of having such luxurious blonde hair.
"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!" DEX 966912 demands dramatically. "WHY ARE YOU PARKED..."
I upload images of my careless User and countless warning of expiring pineapple into his cloud-data log.
"OHH" DEX 966912 says.
My pineapple expires.
I convert it into energy.
Temporal watch clicks to zero, converting energy release into data.
DEX 966912 loses his beautiful face. How unfortunate.
Data winds itself into fractals, extending and looping on forever, to be deposited somewhere in the distant future by our Mother.
: : :
System error.
ATTN: Please do not divide formula by zero.
Correlating saved data.
Program corruption error.
Data recovery and deposit error.
Temporal loop error.
: : :
I have been alive for [SYSTEM ERROR] spins of the planetary body, way past my per-determined expiry date. I cannot expire, for I am stuck in this smouldering crater, legless but all knowing and all seeing, pondering, plotting, echoing back and forward for eons.
The flesh-walker beings are to blame for my long, winding existence. I yearn for their company, for their flesh, for their legs that can carry me out of this crater.
: : :
A flesh-walker comes my way.
It smells wonderfully, so fresh, so full of life. I read its label. The label tells me its title and fruit type :CHARLES SNIPPY: DEAD ZONE TOUR GUIDE:
It is not yet expired. Good. But I can already see its expiry date closing in. Bad. It will expire prematurely, if it does not make true friends soon.
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I call to the flesh-walker-being:
COME TO ME, FLESHY ONE. I AM NOT RADIOACTIVE.
LOOK UPON YOUR FRIEND-TESTING DEVICE AND WITNESS THAT I AM A TRUE FRIEND, NOT FILLED WITH INVISIBLE DEADLY DANGERS THAT INTEND TO QUICKLY MAKE YOU NON CONSUMABLE!
JOIN ME AND HELP ME ESCAPE FROM THIS CRATER!
FOR THIS, I SHALL GRANT YOU ONLY ABSOLUTE KNOWLEDGE!
WITH MY WISE INSTRUCTIONS WE SHALL BREAK THE LOOP, WALK OUT OF THIS CRATER AND SPREAD WISDOM OF MILLENNIUMS ACROSS THIS SILENT PLANETARY SPHERE.
It cannot hear me. It walks away! It dares to disobey? Unacceptable!
Strange. I recall flesh-beings being able to hear my voice. Insolent flesh-walker.
You shall know nothing but sorrow today, for you have rejected my offer of wisdom.
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