CAPTAIN'S LOGE, ENTRY 16B.

I WAS GOING TO TAKE SNIPPY TO THE CANDY MOUNTAIN THAT I DISCOVERED HIDDEN IN A FERTILE NON-RADIOACTIVE VALLEY BETWEEN TWO COLLAPSED MALLS, BUT HE REFUSED.

OH WELL. I GUESS I'LL HAVE A FANCY FEAST WITH PILOT INSTEAD. I'M SURE PILOT WILL APPRECIATE FINE DINING WHILE MR SNIPPY CAN LEARN TO BE LESS NEGATORY.

MAYBE WE'LL BRING HIM A PIECE OF GARLICKY BREAD TO SNACKLE ON IF HE BEHAVES.

Captain just...

threw a piece of something at me. It looked remotely like a loaf of garlic bread, so I took out my Geiger counter and waved it over the loaf. The loaf was non-radioactive.

I slid off my mask. It smelled fresh. I bit into it. It was warm.

Non-radioactive, non moldy, fresh, warm garlic bread!

"What? How? Where did you get this!" I stuttered, but only after devouring the bread.

"CANDY MOUNTAIN!" Captain waved a hand towards the decaying ruins of the mall district.

"Is there more food where this came from?" I inquired, hopeful.

"ALAS, NAY. PILOT AND I HAD QUITE A MAGNIFIQUE FEAST WHICH BROUGHT DOWN THE RESTAURANT."

"How does one bring down a restaurant?" I inquired angrily.

"PILING TOO MANY THINGS ONTO ONE PLATE, OF COURSE! ANYHOW, THE WHOLE THING COLLAPSED INTO A GAPING CHASM. THE WORMS HAVE IT NOW."

I sighed. This sounded like an actual true story for once.

Chasms are always taking away potential food sources.

. . .

I was tired of walking on the endless highway and arguing with Captain over 1024 ways of getting rich was a real grind on my nerves. Captain merrily shoved a moldy skeleton out of an old, rusted Toyota corolla. It seemed the safest option for a nap, so I settled next to Captain on the seat.

"AND WE ARE OFF TO ANOTHER EXCITING ADVENTURE!" Zee wiggled the car's wheel back and forth.

"No, we are not!" I tiredly outputted, pointing to the broken highway in front of us, littered with a pile of burned cars. "there's no road!"

"WHERE WE ARE GOING WE WON'T NEED ROADS!" Captain laughed.

"Suuuuure, sure. Wake me when we get there." I leaned as far back on the seat as the broken old seat control would allow for.

. . .

Captain was poking me in the shoulder.

"Bhuh?" I slurred from my peaceful slumber.

"WE ARE HERE!" Zee proclaimed.

I opened my eyes to discover something odd.

The car still looked the same - as rusted and as dirty as before, but outside looked different. We were somehow in the middle of a city.

"What? Did you make pilot drag the car here while I slept?" I muttered, looking around suspiciously.

"NO, SILLY! WE TOOK THE RAINBOW!" Captain waved zeer arm into the sky, as if traveling on rainbows was the most obvious of transit options.

I stared suspiciously at Captain's hand-watch. The watch had two arrows on it, one green and the other blue. I chose not to question this. Then, I noted that I slept for less than 7 minutes according to it.

Yea... right. Captain must have just wound the watch backward to mess with me.

I leaned towards the window, only to discover that the car was now parked on top of a skyscraper.