C30 Trash- Oh, You Thought It Was Going To Be Trash Related..? You’re Right- Trash Nerds

“Right, Rose, this is the model I’m going for,” Eddie said, showing her the designs. It was an inch shorter than Frank’s new body yet almost double his weight. It was going to be tricky to manage a powerful propulsion grip since it needed a very heavy counterbalance. This was his first design where Eddie actually had to do math for once. Rose seemed enthralled by it all and even picked up the equations he was using.

“Now, Rose. The equation works here but in practise it may switch up entirely. Theory seems great on paper but in real life there’s always going to be somethingthat goes wrong- always.”

“So we test it?”

“Yeah, basically. Preliminary field test.”

“Prel-liminimily?”

“Preliminary. Means before- a draft or a model.”

“Oh. So we’re going to work on the propulsion and reeling first before we build it onto the model?”

“Yeah, I already have some designs. The counter balance will be on the golem’s calf to minimise toppling with the lowest possible centre of gravity without making the golem a standing target. Are you following?”

She nodded. “There’s more that goes into this than I thought.”

“I did at first too. Once you’ve done this you realise what else can be improved on in anything. When you see cranes or cars in the street you begin to understand how they work. The combustion that drives them and the tension in the steel wires.”

“Cars and cranes?” she questioned.

Eddie flicked his temple, of course she didn’t know what they were. “Don’t worry about that for now. You design the propulsion system and I’ll design the reeling. Try to make it fit as compact as possible with the back design. Got it?”

“Got it.”

And so, the two nerds got down and dirty with the work. It was a bit frustrating at times working with Rose, she was more mad than him. He was the same at her age so he couldn’t really blame her. Nuts, bolts, bits of wire and many more things were flung around the workshop.

“What power source can I use?” she asked, swivelling on a stool.

“Pull one out of the fridge. Use that for now. Bear in mind the power source will be far greater than what you have.”

She nodded and turned back around.

Twenty minutes later, she turned around holding the hydraulic propulsion system. It mimicked the smaller one she made but had better quirks and was more robust.

“Hey, not bad,” Eddie said, taking it. “This should fit on nicely with mine.” He quickly made a few adjustments onto his and attached it on.

“How are we going to test how much it can pull?”

“Easy. How much do you weigh- oh god no, I can’t ask that. What’s your mass- even weirder. Uhhh-”

“I weigh 125 pounds,” she answered simply.

“Great. I weigh 185. Jeez, I need to lose weight,” Eddie thought out loud, his mind wandering off.

“Eddie,” Rose said.

Eddie shook his head as he came back to reality. “Ok, so 310 pounds, convert to kilograms so 140… Blah, blah, blah. Ok. So, we’re going to stand on a platform that connects to the hydraulic propulsion and reeling system. If it works, we shouldn’t be moved.”

Eddie had constructed a small platform that he and Rose could stand on. From there, he jammed an iron rod into the ground and directed the crane hand so it would latch onto it when fired.

“C’mon here… Are you ready?”

She nodded eagerly.

“Ok, fire!” Eddie beckoned as he his dirty fingers pressed a big red button.

The crane hand was ejected at high speed and clamped onto the iron rod. “Now reel back in,” Eddie said, pressing another button. The machine creaked as it tried to pull it back. “Good, good,” Eddie said. “It’s holding… And, unclamp and reel back in.”

“It worked?!” Rose squealed.

“Yep. We should really try it with something moving though,” Eddie said. He stuck his grubby fingers in his mouth and let off a loud whistle. Soon, the sounds of heavy thuds came from the door and Robo smacked it over. Frank was shortly behind and was trying desperately to try and keep up. “Damn, dog!” he bellowed. “Oh, hello, Sir.”

“Hey, Frank. We just need Robo for a quick test.”

“Of course, Sir. I will be checking in on Rose’s father then.”

Eddie gave him a nod and Frank closed the door. “C’mere boy. I’m going to attach something to you and you’re going to pull on my mark. Got it? One woof- not even going to try that again.”

“Woof, woof,” Robo said.

“Good enough,” Eddie muttered.

Eddie attached the crane arm to a spike on Robo’s back. He knew the sturdiest one and chose that on purpose. Robo had very good pulling power as most quadrupeds do- even if he was made of metal.

“Ok, Robo. Pull it like you’re mauling Frank.”

“WOOF! WOOF!”

Robo bounded a few steps forwards, creating tension in the wire. With Eddie and Rose on it, the weight was holding. Eddie was making mental notes while saying them out loud. “Bit more weight, probably 400 pounds- maybe 450 to be sure.”

Robo kept tugging at it and then dropping it and sprinting forwards again. The metal wire suddenly snapped and Eddie and Rose were sent flying backwards. Robo whimpered as he scurried over, afraid he hurt his master. The two were fine, a headache at worst.

“I failed,” Rose moaned. “I didn’t create the metal wire strong enough.”

“You didn’t fail Rose. We should try and make iron chains instead, then it’ll be way- wayyyy stronger. You did a great job for your first time.”

“But, it sti-”

“Everything’s about trying and failing. If you don’t fail, then what’s the point in trying- I said that wrong. Uhh… What does dad say? It’s better to have tried and failed than not tried at all, that’s it.”

“So it’s good to be a failure?” Rose questioned.

“No. It’s good to fail so you can learn from your mistakes. For a first attempt, that was really impressive, don’t beat yourself up.”

“I’ll try. So what makes an iron chain better than a metal wire?”

“They’re not. Well, here they would be stronger. Where I’m from, we have steel wire but we don’t have any more steel here. Iron chains would work better than the cheap stuff we just used. We’ll have to change up the design to make it larger to accommodate the iron chains but overall it shouldn’t make a difference.”

“So it will become bulkier?” she questioned.

“Uhhh, yeah, I suppose we could go more vertically or maybe spread out its chest a bit more to balance the weight. OHHHH, that’s why Viktor recommended three tits- no, that’s not why.”

“Three tits?”

“Ignore what I just said. Let’s get back to it.”

“Actually, Eddie, I just had an idea.”

“The three tits thing was a jo-”

“No, no, no. You keep talking about counterbalance since you don’t want a stationary golem. But, if they’re going to be stationary anyway, couldn’t you have drills that go into the trash to give better resistance. Then you could make it lighter.”

Eddie opened his mouth as he stared at the ceiling in thought. The trashmancer’s brain was picturing what she was saying. It… It was-

“Genius!!! I didn’t even think about that! Fudging hell, Rose, that was really creative.”

“We don’t have to if you don-”

“No, no,” Eddie refused. “We’re doing exactly that. You’re right, we don’t want to add more unnecessary weight. Even if it’s moving when reeling something in it could become off balanced. Right! We’re doing your thing! Nice job, Rose.”

“Thank you, Eddie.”

Eddie let out a happy sigh. It was nice when someone added such a brilliant solution which improved almost everything. Rose had a very creative mind and could see things Eddie couldn’t.

After they perfected the new ejection system they then focused on the drilling part. It was fairly simple. The drills were to extend out from the calf of the golem, drill a metre down and then extend outwards to give even more resistance to pulling.

“This really takes ages doesn’t it,” Rose commented.

Eddie chuckled.

“What?” she questioned innocently.

“I may have a lot of tricks up my sleeve, but this one beats all.”

“Ok? What is it?”

“A montage.”

“A montage?”

Right then, the two were swept off their feet for an epic montage.

“Ba! Da da da! Da da da! Beding a ding a ding a ding!”

“BaCk IN BlacK! I hIT ThE SaCK!”

Eddie was welding the drills to the exoskeleton as Rose was feeding the copper wire through the body.

“I'Ve beEn too long, I'm gLAd to be Back!”

The two were fitting the metal back plate on which perfectly slotted around the reeling mechanism. They high fived at the end.

“YEs, I'm let lOOse! FrOm the NooSe!”

They were suddenly thrusted in front of the completed golem.

“Woah,” Rose said, getting her bearings as she stumbled a little. “That was so fast. Is it a spell or something?”

Eddie put a finger to his lips. “It’s a secret,” he whispered.

“And we didn’t even finish the song!” Rose exclaimed. “Wow, are all montages like that?”

Eddie smirked as he nodded. “Oh yeah, sometimes I like to take it slow. Depends, you know.”

“I need to learn it,” Rose insisted. “Teach me.”

“There’s some things that can’t be taught, young padawan.”

“Padawan?”

“Nevermind,” Eddie said, turning back to admire the golem.

It was entirely made out of iron, from the exo-skeleton to the armour and everything in between. It was almost twice as heavy as Frank- the winch, ejection system, drills and multiple arms all added to it. The two crane-like appendages were mounted on the golem’s shoulder but were able to rotate a full 360 degrees if needed to. The first set of arms were like any normal arms and the other set came from just behind the armpit.

“We did a really good job,” Eddie remarked.

Saweet! You have levelled up Golemancy II→III

Work 7(+1)% faster when working on golems.

You are now able to control up to 6 golems.

Tickle me when it’s tuesday! You have levelled up Engineering I→II

Work 6(+1)% faster when building random ship.

You have earned the title: Teacher

People who learn under you will learn skills and spells 2% faster.

Eddie went to celebrate but was shadowed by Rose’s own. “YESSSS!!!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “EDDIE! I JUST GOT THE GOLEMANCER SKILL!!!”

“You can get skills?” Eddie questioned.

“Yeah of course, we can get everything you can. We just can’t respawn.”

“Oh damn,” Eddie said, it suddenly got very real. “Well, congrats anyway.”

“Thank you,” Rose said, hugging him. “Thank you so much, Eddie.”

Eddie was taken aback by the sudden hug and didn’t know how to react. He just patted her head awkwardly. She broke away and hugged Robo who was licking out his metal asshole. Eddie exhaled happily with his hands on his hips, this was what it meant to pass on his knowledge, even if it was to an NPC; it felt good. He rubbed his imaginary wise man beard and smiled.

“Where’s the core, Eddie?” she asked.

Eddie pulled the dull core from his inventory. “I need to repair it.”

“How?”

“Ho, ho, ho,” Eddie deeply chuckled. “I have a special skill.”

“Why are you putting on that voice?”

Eddie cleared his throat. “Sorry. You might want to stand back a bit. Oh, and I might die so can you stop Robo from eating my corpse?”

Rose gulped but sucked up some courage and nodded.

“Alright,” Eddie said, sitting down at the workbench and rolling his shoulders. “I really don’t want to die this time. The EXP loss was really something.”

Beg me to not kill you.

“What?”

Beg me to not kill you.

“That sounds like a kink.”

Your loss.

“Who are you talking to?” Rose questioned.

“Myself.”

“... You do that often?”

“Ehhhh, sometimes. Ok, focus, Eddie,” he reminded himself, slapping himself in the face lightly. He started hyperventilating to psyche himself up. It was a very uncomfortable feeling getting his soul sucked out of him by a golem core and not Akira(too rude). He laid one-

“Two hands or one?” Eddie questioned the air in front of him. He waited a few seconds but no response came. “Alright, two it is.” Eddie laid two hands on the one golem core and shouted: “Golemancer’s Lifeline!”

The room shook again and trash fell from the ceiling above. Magically spawned wind rustled Eddie’s hair and he squinted his eyes to be able to see. The golem core started to glow brighter and brighter and in turn, sucking everything out of him. He tensed his whole face as he gritted his teeth and clenched his buttcheeks. “MAXIMUM CLENCH!!!” he bellowed.

Rose was casually standing there, the odd bit of hair rustling from the wind.

He held on as his mana, stamina and health were all being drained into the golem core. Suddenly, everything stopped and Eddie was flung off his stool backwards.

“Eddie!” Rose shouted as she bent down to make sure he was ok. “Are you alright?”

Eddie shook his head as he sat upright. “Did it work?” Rose hurried back over with the now repaired golem core in her hands. There was no longer a crack there and it was glowing softly. “Thank god.”

“Which god?” Rose questioned.

“There’s multiple gods in this game?”

She nodded. “Yep. About 30.”

“Oh,” Eddie pondered. “Anyway, let’s see the stats and I’ll pop this bad boy in.”

{Golem Core}

Grade: Uncommon

Durability: 78/78

Mana: 271/271 (4.9. M/s)

Skills (Max 3): 1

Description: Used to power golems. Has the ability to withhold mana/skills.

T2 ACTIVE SKILL Grabby Trash Grab Grab Rank IV

Eject a portion of your body forwards. If it happens to be directed at trash then the damage is doubled. Note, damage is proportional to what is extended.

Base Damage: 13

Cooldown: N/A (Proportionate to extension and reel time.)

Ejection Speed(uwu) Bonus: x1.4

“Not bad, not bad,” he mused. The golem cores varied in durability and mana, the other one inside Frank had slightly different stats. “Let’s get this sucker in.” He placed the core inside the golem and attached the copper wires around it. He slammed the chest closed and other notifications appeared for him.

Noice! You have crafted a Level 14, Grabby Grab Grab Trash Grabbing Golem.

+750 EXP

“Woah! That experience is so good!”

“Yeah, I just got a tonne,” Rose added.

Well, you actually made something else and not like some blade extension things or a metal asshole.

“Makes sense,” Eddie said to himself.

You may choose what personality your Golem has along with its name.

Please type or think of what your Golem’s name and personality will be like.

Limit: 200 Words

It will then be processed by the system.

Additionally you may skip the wait time by purchasin-

Eddie breathed in deep to calm himself. He didn’t want the Silver Knight Bundle and he definitely didn’t want to be no P2W player.

“Do we make a name for it now?” Rose asked.

“This part is my specialty, Rose. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, it’s your golem anyway.”

“Right. So, I’ve recently watched Sherlock Gnomes and Bondi Rescue. Tch, tch, tchh, uhhh. Well, I can’t have another British person or my teeth will start going crooked. How about a cockney accent? Hmm, maybe.”

While Eddie deep in thought, Frank had returned with Robo at his heels. “Good afternoon, Sir.”

Eddie turned around and was thankful Frank was here to help. “Frank, I need your wisdom.”

“I’m coming, Sir,” Frank said, walking over. “What a marvelous creation.”

“Thanks, Frank. I’m just debating on what personality and name to give it.”

“Any inspirations?”

“Sherlock Gnomes and Bondi Rescue.”

“Strange choice, Sir. I do believe having another British person may just make things more passive aggressive and sarcastic. Plus, everyone’s teeth might go crooked.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Eddie remarked. “But what about like a cockney accent or a rough one. Like- wo-ta-bottle or ar-ye-schewip?”

“You do realise, Sir, that their accents aren’t exactly different and no one actually sounds like that.”

“Really? I just thought they all sounded the same.”

“No, Sir… What are the other options?”

“Bondi Rescue is Australian. I think I prefer an Australian accent. You know-sɹǝʇsoℲ ɟo ʇᴉq ɐ sǝʌol ǝɥ 'ʞool 'ᴉO ˙ǝᴉqɹɐq ǝɥʇ uo dɯᴉɹɥs.”

“Sir, you’ve just offended 34 million people. For one, no Australian says: shrimp on the barbie, and two: they don’t drink Fosters. They are just harmful stereotypes.”

“Right, but I could make him Australian and really like beer couldn’t I? He’s going to be working in the bar anyway.”

“I suppose you could, Sir, and the name?”

“Easy- Grabby.”

“Oh, Sir, what about Edward Grabby Hands.”

“Frank, he can’t be called Edward, I’m Edward.”

“How about: Grabby Hands McGee.”

“Now that is perfect! Ok system, are you ready?”

Waiting.

“So his name is Grabby Hands McGee, he’s Australian, he likes beer, he likes serving beer. He’s really charming, you know, like those surfer dudes with long blonde hair always talking about the massive waves they ride? Yep, so like that. Oh, and he’s internally loyal- can’t forget that. He calls me mate, like g'day mate.”

That's all?

“What else can we add?” Eddie asked Frank and Rose.

“I don’t know what an Australian is,” Rose declared.

“You’ll see soon enough.”

“And Frank?”

“I think it is perfectly acceptable.”

“Right. System, we’re all done.”

Processing. Time Remaining: 1:45:32s

“Good job by the way, Rose. Oh, since you can now make a golem, did you wanna borrow Frank’s old core?”

“Really, cores are really expensive though?”

Eddie looked at Frank for some financial guidance. “I think it should be fine, Sir. Where else could we sell a golem core?”

“Good point, Frank. Yeah, Rose, you can take it.” Eddie headed over to a large box and pulled out the crude core. It was amazing that he now had uncommon cores, the progression was euphoric. He chucked it over to Rose and she smiled at him before running out of the door. “Thank you, Eddie!” she shouted from down the corridor. “For everything!”

“Sir, what are you going to do with my old body?” Frank asked as he eyed the rusted body.

Eddie rubbed his chin. “I don’t know actually. I don’t want to destroy it.”

“Why don’t you carve out an old hall or something and place the old ones inside,” Frank offered.

“That would be kinda cool actually,” Eddie pondered. “I guess I could.”

“I have an even better idea!” Frank exclaimed. “A secret room where you put all the old bodies.”

“Oh my god, that would be even better, Frank. Robo, start digging behind the toilet.”

“The bodies are still there, Sir. Why not put a hatch underneath your workbench?”

“Even more secretive,” Eddie added. “Can you help me lift it?”

The two scooted the heavy wooden workbench and Eddie instructed Robo to dig a large tunnel going down. Once half a dozen metres down, Robo then dug outwards and started carving out a large hall.

After a few minutes of light work, Eddie had crafted a hatch that merged into the floor with great camouflage. He then made a ladder and took some lights down with him. It only took roughly 20 minutes and soon Frank’s old body was hanging in a hallway.

Nice! You have crafted a Remembrance Hall!

+30 EXP

“Sir!” Frank’s voice shouted down. “Mira’s at the door!”