C29 Trash Ex-Girlfriend

Akira was standing inside the half built bar with a cup of goblin’s gunk in her hand. She was talking to Mira and her team. After all, she was once a part of them. It had been a rocky few weeks since Mira and her team stopped partying with Akira. Denzel was serving everyone drinks to try and loosen the stiffness between them.

“So, you and Eddie?” Mira asked.

“Yeah,” she sighed, looking down at a bit of liver in her drink.

“Did it end badly? Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked th-”

“No, it’s fine, it was going to come out anyway. Yeah, I never told you about him because I didn’t want to be reminded of him. We split up a few days before the game came out and haven't spoken since. So yeah, it ended badly.”

“Men, huh,” Mira joked.

Akira raised her eyebrows as she drank from her cup.

“There’s three men standing right next to you,” Denzel complained, cloth over his shoulder like a true barman.

“You know what she means,” Mira said, standing up for her.

“No, I don’t know... Women, huh.”

It made the two women laugh which helped ease the conversation.

“Eddie’s quite something isn’t he,” Mira pointed out. “Not in a bad way.”

“Oh, definitely in a bad way. He’s an idiot, but that’s why I loved him. He’s also a workaholic too. That’s a big reason why we split up.”

“I get that,” Denzel chimed in. “But man is he smart.”

Akira nodded her confirmation. “He completed a masters in mechanical engineering when he was in the military. He also won 4 awards over the span of a decade in all types of engineering.”

“When you say that, I picture a really muscular guy with oil stained hands,” Mira joked.

Akira covered her mouth with the back of her hand as she chuckled. “So do I.”

“He lied to us,” Viktor slurred, clutching his twelfth goblin’s gunk. “He-he said- uhhh-” Viktor fell asleep while sitting up and Denzel gave him a little push so his forehead slammed against the bar.

“Oh, Eddie doesn’t like to talk about it. But he’s received a service cross and a silver star.”

“Holy hell!” Denzel exclaimed. “So Eddie’s actually a badass?”

Akira laughed. “Not at all. You’ve seen him fight.”

“So how did he get the medals then? Isn’t the service cross ridiculously hard to get?” Mira questioned.

Suddenly, Viktor brought his head up, his eyes struggling to open. “I may be seeing triple, but I want to hear this.”

“I don’t think it’s my place to say,” Akira refused.

“Oh c’mon,” Mira urged. “Tell us, Eddie doesn’t have to know.”

“Fine,” Akira sighed. “He was at the Ukraine border in a rescue operation for a group of special forces; their vehicle was damaged and that’s why Eddie was called up for his skills. When they landed in a helicopter they came under fire. Most of the rescue party died; Eddie and a few others survived. He repaired the special forces vehicle and drove the wounded out through Moldova. He saved over 11 lives through what he did.”

“Fudge,” Denzel muttered, leaning over the bar. “Eddie really doesn’t scream the brave type.”

“I know right,” Akira agreed. “My dad was a Major in the Army and I met Eddie at a veteran party. He never actually told me that story, my dad did.”

“HOLY CHEESE BALLS! THIS GUY EATS CEREAL WITHOUT MILK!” Bear exclaimed.

“No Eddie just ain’t an alpha male, he’s a sigma male. He doesn’t need anyone’s approval,” Denzel stated.

“That’s the reason why I liked him so much,” Akira said, dampening her mood. “He didn’t care about what people thought about him. He likes to live in the now you know.”

Viktor hadn’t said anything. His mind was processing what Akira had said. All this time, he believed Eddie wasn’t just a ‘mechanic’. His suspicions were right all along. Eddie was a mother fudging badass. “How many people has he killed?” was the first question Viktor asked.

“He never told me about anything,” Akira said.

“Is he troubled by it? Doesn’t seem like it,” Denzel added.

“No, that’s just Eddie for you. Give him something to make and he can be preoccupied for days. By the way, please don’t tell him I told you and definitely don’t act suspicious around him.”

“Suspicious around who?” Eddie questioned as he sat down at the bar.

Akira spat out a mouthful of goblin’s gunk and a snot bubble shot out of her nose.

“P2W players,” Mira covered casually.

“Are you ok, Akira?” Eddie asked.

She cleared her throat as he thrusted a table cloth in her face. “Fine, Eddie. The alcohol’s a bit strong.”

“Really? Oh, and why do people act suspicious around these ‘P2Ws’?”

“Play to win,” Denzel explained, carrying on the half truth. “No one in the gaming community actually likes them.”

“Myself included,” Viktor said, quickly sobering himself in case Eddie was going to assassinate him.

“Why? ‘Cause they don’t earn anything?”

“Yeah. Most of the pros are entirely against it. It doesn’t help you level up necessarily but makes your quality of life in the game be much better.”

“Ohhh,” Eddie mused.

“Yeah,” Denzel continued. “The devs wanted to make the high rankers like ourselves to be able to compete with the players who pay real money for everything.”

“I may have bought the Bronze Soldier Bundle,” Eddie admitted.

“Dude, everyone has that. The only thing you don’t wanna buy is the Silver Knight one. Everyone and I mean everyone hates them.”

Viktor scoffed as he spat in an empty cup. “Uh, I hate them. Most of them are role players which makes it even worse.”

“Is that the stuff you do in the bedroom?” Eddie questioned.

Akira couldn’t hold in her laughter and covered her mouth, she couldn’t let Eddie realize he made her laugh.

“Yeah,” Mira said, chuckling. “It’s kinda like that. But it’s not involved around the bedroom.”

Eddie nodded. He did notice that he made Akira laugh even if he never meant it. The guild master suddenly got a message and her face turned serious. She opened it to see a wide angle shot of the forest that the supposed raid boss is inside.

“Ugh,” she groaned. “I need to go guys. Who do I pay?”

Denzel nodded towards Eddie who was gulping down a goblin’s gunk. “Oh, it’s on the house,” he said with a head nod, barely giving her any attention.

Akira just swallowed as she smiled and headed out. Denzel gave Eddie a wink and the trashmancer returned it.

“How you doing Eddie?” Denzel asked.

“Just upgraded Frank actually. You like being behind the bar?”

“Oh yeah,” Denzel said enthusiastically. “It’s always been my dream to own a bar.”

“Do you wanna run it?” Eddie asked. “We can split the profits 50/50.”

“Really, man? I ain’t got no money-”

Eddie put his hand up to stop. “I’d prefer if you ran it than an NPC. I was going to make the next golem be the bartender but I’m not so sure now.”

“What sort of golem are you thinking of making?” Denzel asked.

“What about a female one?” Mira questioned.

“I don’t want a female golem, that’s just weird.”

“What? Are you sexist?” Mira joked.

“No, I mean, I just don’t want a female golem.”

“What about all the female readers?” Viktor asked.

Eddie shrugged. “It’s a VRMMORPG LitRPG, I strongly doubt any woman would read it. But if they are, that’s cool.”

“That is a good point,” Mira said.

“I might though,” Eddie said. “But the one in mind I have now will be making use of the skills on this golem core.” He brought out the broken golem core and showed the description to everyone.

“Where did you get this?” Mira questioned.

“Oh, hahaha, that? I found it.”

“Really? You didn’t fall into a swirling pool of lava or something to get it? I can imagine you doing that.”

Eddie looked horrified. “Are you messing with me?” he questioned, eyebrows furrowed.

“Did you actually fall into a swirling pool of lava to get it?”

“... No.”

“Oh, then no.”

Eddie cleared his throat. “The golem I want to create is one with two ejection systems and at least six arms. That’s what I was thinking for the bartending job so it can make drinks quickly.”

“Why not make it a female and give it three tits,” Viktor offered casually. “Then you satisfy Mira with the female golem.”

“Three tits? That’s disgusting, Viktor.”

“What? Three boobs is better than two boobs, right?”

“WHIP AND CRACKLE MY SPINE UNTIL MUSTARD COMES OUT!!!”

“Bear says he likes the three tits idea,” Mira explained. “Which is frankly disgusting. I’m with you, Eddie.”

“I side with Eddie too,” Denzel said. “Three tits sounds awesome but… Like, imagining it makes me feel weird..”

Eddie let out a huff. “As I was saying, I’m going to use the two back arms with two large hands that are like grips to grab stuff. For the other four arms I’m not sure what to give them.”

“Two swords and two shields,” Mira offered. “A tank with high damage output. That would be so useful in fights.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Eddie pondered.

“Can it work in the bar then?” Denzel asked.

“Yeah. I do want my golems to be a part of the settlement once it’s all sorted. Speaking of which, how long do we have left on the quest?”

“Just gone past four days,” Mira said, showing the quest screen.

It made Eddie feel stressed. “Do you think we can actually do this?”

“It’s your quest,” Mira remarked. “What else do you need?”

Eddie brought up the quest info.

Joint quest: Migration Crisis

-A wave of immigrants will be at your door very shortly and some are already on their way. Create a settlement to house and busy them.

39/20 NPCs Willing Settlers.

2/3 T1 Buildings

0/1 T2 Relic

161/300 Gold Coins

1/1 Basic Food And Water Supply

1/1 Minimum Land of 20m^2

Time remaining: 3 days 23 hours, 35 minutes, 27 seconds

Eddie spun it around to show her.

“You have 161 gold?” she questioned.

Eddie looked at the coin slot in his inventory. “Yup. Damn, that’s what, $160,000?”

“You could buy an entire journeyman set of armour for that,” Denzel pointed out.

“Journeyman? I thought it only went up to rare?”

“You’re an idiot, Eddie,” Viktor said. “No offence.”

“Well, I am a noob. So what’s after rare?”

“So it goes, crude, common, uncommon, rare, journeyman, epic, legendary, mythic, godly. The last two are rumours as no one’s found anything beyond legendary.”

“Woah,” Eddie said. He started picturing himself building a literal golem god. "So I haven’t really seen anything yet?”

“Nope. We only have an journeyman piece between us and that’s my staff,” Mira said. “I think Brody has an almost full journeyman armor and weapon set.”

“Of course he does,” Eddie said with an eye roll. “Can I see your staff?”

Mira handed it to him and Eddie’s mouth dropped.

{Staff of the Voidbent Demons}

Grade: Journeyman

Durability: 77/93

Damage: 34 (Physical). 1.67x Damage of spell.

Requirements: Level 23, 42 Wisdom, Space-Time Magic Class.

Effects: Broodmother’s Rath I (+32% damage to all rodent and bug type enemies), Voider II (+7% increased damage to all spells relating to space-time magic), Swift II (Casting time is reduced by 15% and magical projectiles receive an increased speed of 5%)

Description: A staff made from the insides of voidbent demons. This powerful staff captures their powerful affinity for space-time magic and uses it against them.

“Woah,” Eddie said, bringing his own staff to compare it to. “Mine’s like nothing compared to that.”

“Eddie,” Mira said. “I paid a tier 4 crafter $10,000 to make it, it also took me 3 days to gather all the materials. I’m imagining you got that from the quest?”

“Yeah I did,” Eddie said. “Plus 32 damage seems like overkill.”

Mira nodded. “I hate bugs. I joined up with another guild to kill the broodmother raid boss. I luckily got the blood for the first time.”

“What’s a broodmother?”

Mira shivered even thinking about it.

“A big fudging spider,” Viktor answered instead. “Not only is it a big spider, but it has a dump truck for an ass that shoots little spiders out. We refused to go with her.”

“Why did you do it then, Mira?”

Mira shrugged. “I think I wanted to conquer my fear of bugs. But it only made me hate them more.”

“To be honest,” Eddie thought out loud. “I haven’t seen any bugs in the trash dump.”

“Small bugs and spiders don’t exist in the game thank god, could you imagine how many there would be down here?”

“Oh,” Eddie mused. “I thought that realism is the major selling point.”

“It’s supposed to be a fun experience,” Denzel explained. “It’s like when a fire mage goes into a cave, if they used their magic, they would suffocate everyone in there. So the game reduces the suffocating effects of smoke that the fire mage produces. The game tries to mimic real life as best as possible and yet make it funner.”

Eddie nodded his understanding. He could compare golem crafting to the same principle. It ignores the severe complexity of programming and power consumption that a real robot would take. It annoyed Eddie at first but then it became a saving grace.

“Alright guys,” Eddie said. “I’m going to go and make the golem. Last chance to offer some inspiration.”

“I said three tits,” Viktor repeated.

“Yep. Not doing that. Anything else?”

“What personality are you gonna give it?” Denzel questioned.

Eddie shrugged. “That’s the hardest part I guess. I usually like to base it off the model or any movies or tv shows I recently watched.”

“Those are?”

“Sherlock Gnomes and Bondi Rescue,” Eddie answered.

“Oh god,” Mira said, putting her face into her hands.

“See you in a bit guys.”

Eddie then wandered off into the market trying to find Rose. He wanted Rose to create the hydraulic mechanisms for the golem, with his supervision of course. As he wandered through the now bustling market, the smell of disgusting food invaded his nose. Eddie really wanted to try them all but he knew he needed to save money. He wondered what all the different types of monsters tasted like, even the weird beast in the forest he saw on camera.

Yet again, when he approached Rose’s stall, it was completely crowded. When she saw Eddie through the crowd she shouted: “I’m closed! Sorry, come back tomorrow!” She slammed the rusted shutters down and headed out of the door. “I’m ready Master Eddie!” she shouted. “Sorry, I forgot it’s just Eddie.”

All the players looked at Eddie with annoyance but it was dismissed when they realised who he was. “No problem, Rose, you ready?”

She nodded eagerly. They headed into his workshop where Eddie found Frank almost completely covered in blood. “Jeez, Frank,” Eddie said. He then noticed a huge pile of corpses inside the toilet in his bedroom. There were goblins, trash pandas, loot moles and some things he had never seen before.

“Sorry, Sir, I wanted some fresh meat to cook for you. Oh, and I levelled up my spear mastery skill.”

“That’s great, Frank. How's the new class?”

“Amazing, Sir. I managed to reach 89% blood coverage but I didn’t want to push it any further… I felt consciousness slipping.”

Eddie just nodded. “Ok. Rose is going to be helping build the new golem.”

“Brilliant, Sir. Would you like me to go and see if the NPCs are settling well?”

“Yeah, that would be great, Frank. Take Robo with you, I’m sure the kids want to play with him.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Once Frank had left, Rose dumped her tool belt onto his workshop. “I’m ready.”

“I like your eagerness,” Eddie said. “First things first, we need to design it.”