C31 Trash Plan

Eddie scurried up the ladder as Robo closed the walls next to him. He climbed over the edge and pulled the camouflage trap door over the hole. He and Frank then managed to the workbench over it to hide it even more.

By the time they had finished, sweat was pouring down Eddie’s face. He hurried over to the door and opened. “Why are you all sweaty?” she asked.

“I was working out,” he lied.

“Right,” Mira said, looking at him. It was strange how her entire view of Eddie had changed from what Akira told her. She wouldn’t lie about that sort of stuff even if she hated him and Mira knew her well. She looked at his dirty, shirtless attire, his grubby face and the snot piled at the far back of his nose. When she first met Eddie, she just thought he was an engineer with mental health issues. Now, she didn’t know what to think. A man who never told them of his very impressive accomplishments; a service cross and silver star. She was still trying to wrap her head around it.

“Mira?” Eddie questioned. “You’re doing the thing I always do. What are you thinking about?”

She shook her head as she fluttered her eyelids. “Akira’s giving a briefing, she wants you in the bar.”

Eddie yawned. “Alright, I’ll be right out.” He closed the door and went to find a shirt.

Mira continued to stand at the door as thoughts raced her mind. It was all very puzzling to her. A man that can’t even clean himself and she was starting to find him attractive. Not in the pursuing way but more respect, especially for Akira more as she noticed who he really was.

Eddie was currently inside scratching his armpits and smelling his fingers after. He still didn’t smell bad so it was hard to tell how dirty he was. The dirt of his face and body was noticeable but usually he could tell when he needed a shower by how smelly he was; going up to a random person and asking them would be useless as he just smelled like a boy's changing room. Eddie just rubbed the dirt into his body to give himself a nice tan.

“Frank, this isn’t blackface, right?” Eddie questioned.

“Blackface? Like those awful golliwogs, Sir?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh no, Sir. Tanning is merely to look better. For instance, Akira, your ex-girlfriend, the beautiful woman you let go, is almost the near perfect skin colour for beauty standards across the board. Not only that, but she has large eyes, well kept skin, a fit figure and most importantly: a real job. You on other hand are fairly well tanned I can give you that, not quite to the standard of Akira. You have small squinted eyes, a weird nose, dry-ass lips and five foot and eight inches. You are a four, she, is a nine. I suppose the only definitive answer to distinguish why she would go for someone like you, is your IQ or wealth.

Eddie just stared at Frank for a moment. That wasn’t just a burn, it was in the third degree. He had been roasted alive, in his own home. “Well... You’re just made of metal,” Eddie fired back.

“Indeed I am, Sir.”

“Ship,” Eddie cursed under his breath, he was really bad at insulting people. “Y-You’re British.”

“Try again, Sir.”

“Ugh, I give up, who's butler even are you?”

“Yours, Sir. You have to understand I mean no offence. Honesty, it is the best policy.”

“I know, Frank, but jeez, you could have gone a little softer. You might as well put me in an oven.”

“Sir, the meeting, it’s starting in a few minutes.”

“Yeah, alright… By the way, could you say ‘dry-ass lips’ again?”

“Does my attempt at slang amuse you, Sir?”

“Oh, definitely,” Eddie said with a grin.

Frank, for the first time in his small life, rolled his eyes. “Fine, Sir… Dry-ass lips.”

“Hehehehe,” Eddie giggled.

“Right, Wanderers!” Akira shouted atop the wooden bar. Even though she was small she oozed for even such a small woman.

All the guild members were gathered in the almost complete bar and Eddie was among them. The guild seemed fairly on edge for a group of almost 50 of the highest ranked players. The whispers of the moss and the beasts that lie within the forest behind Hell’s Hole was itching at the back of their mind. Even ordinary monsters at their own level were going to be tough.

“We think we found a raid boss inside the forest,” Akira said, bringing up the map and showing everyone. “The forest itself covers a huge area spanning from the edge and almost to the back.”

Eddie had to admit, he liked the name Druids Recluse. It didn’t use alliteration or was trash related, it was just a cool name.

“Why is there a forest in a trash dump?” one brave soul questioned. It was on everyone’s mind.

“How the hell would I know that?”

“It’s just a bit unrealistic, that’s all.”

“Ok,” Akira said, clearing her throat. “No more stupid questions from now on. We have an antidote for the moss which lasts up to three hours. Since we can’t even get close to the supposed raid boss area with five people, we all need to go in and act as a giant team. If we get there, we give the boss a shot.”

“Monster types?”

“Ah, a good question. They’re wooden creatures so bring all the fire attunements you can.”

“Some people are saying it’s all fire resistant.”

“Is it?” Akira questioned as she looked at the scouts of her guild. They just shrugged. “Fire works best against wood. We all know that.”

The person who stated that the wood was fire resistant, cleared their throat and brought a video out on a blue box. The entire guild all watched intently.

The video was of the same two idiots that died before. “Yo guys, what is up, it’s a ya boi SkinnyPenis and I’m with Fr-Fr-Fr-FreshBaby. We’re back in the trash dump trying to get some more content for y’all. Today, we’re gonna be firebombing the forest to get revenge on what they did to us last time. I would like to thank this videos spon-”

The guild member started spamming the fast forward button; three ads in a row, Eddie couldn’t believe it. “Sellouts,” he whispered to himself.

“Ok, ok, are you ready?” SkinnyPenis said.

“Yeah, dude.”

“Alright, guys. We bought these firebombs off a Russian called Viktor. I don’t know why he had these of all places but he said they were going to be useless because- I don’t know actually. Ok, here we go.”

Everyone turned to look at Viktor who kept a straight face while getting a long drag of his cigarette. He was planning to use them on Eddie if ever came down to it. He sold them once he realised that he stood no chance against the omnipotent Eddie.

The guy called SkinnyPenis lit something which looked like a cartoon bomb. He threw it up at one of the trees and it exploded. The tree seemed to catch fire at first but then the moss started moving. It wasn’t burning, it was inhaling the fire. And soon, there was nothing left apart from some light burn marks.

“Dude, why didn’t it work?”

The thud of the quadrupedal could be heard far off in the trees and the two players simultaneously shipped themselves. “Dude! Run! I won't get killed by that thing again!” They started running across the compacted trash, the sounds of the monster getting louder and louder.

The camera fell down onto the trash. The monster had caught up to them and they were torn limb from limb. The guild members just winced.

“Fudge,” Akira said, defeated. Her speciality was fire. “What else are wood type monsters weak to?”

“Blunt force,” Denzel said, cracking his knuckles.

“Magic-wise.”

“Void,” Mira shouted out.

“Void is good against anything,” Akira explained.

“We could just pull the trees out to give us a good fighting area,” Eddie offered. “I have a new golem.”

“We’re talking about killing wooden monsters, Eddie,” Akira challenged. “Not fighting trees.”

“Eddie’s got a good point,” Denzel said. “If we’re all going through a forest, if we steam roll our way through while creating space, we’d be less likely to get ambushed. It also looks like there’s a darkness effect created by the trees once you go a few metres in. If we clear it all out, then we have a good chance at surviving there.”

Akira hated to admit that Denzel was right; even more so that Eddie was. “We’ll give it a go. We leave tomorrow at 11. Bring your best armour and weapons. Dismissed.”

“Nice idea, Eddie,” Denzel said as everyone started moving out. “It might be crazy enough to work.”

“BOATS AND HOES!”

“He says there might be ents,” Viktor said. “Ah, fudge. I didn’t even think about that.”

“I’ll go tell Akira,” Mira sighed, then leaving and weaving her way through the crowd.

“Ents?” Eddie questioned. “The Lord Of The Rings thingies?”

Denzel nodded. “A real pain in any player's ass. Since they’re gonna be immune to fire too, we might as well pack our bags… Damn, I could really use a drink-”

Eddie suddenly got a notification.

You have crafted a T1 Bar!

+1 EXP

You didn’t build it. Actually, you did make the drink.

+2 EXP

“The bar!” Eddie exclaimed. “It’s done!”

Your (Grabby Hands McGee) Grabby Grab Grab Trash Grabbing Golem, Level 14 has received a class: Australian.

Australian:

Overly friendly, will offer you a beer, will 100% ride that big wave, will fry shrimp on the barbie, doesn’t like Fosters. Your golem has received an increased base stat for Charisma: 20.

Golem Menu

(Grabby Hands McGee) Grabby Grab Grab Trash Grabbing Golem, Level 14

Class:

Stats:

Strength: 28

Dexterity: 9

Armour: Medium

Overall Condition of Golem: 93%

Current Operating Power: 69%

Core Durability: 78/78

Mana: 271/271 (4.9 M/s)

Skills(1 out of 3):

T2 Grabby Trash Grab Grab Rank IV

Your (Grabby Hands McGee) Grabby Grab Grab Trash Grabbing Golem, Level 14 has received a class called Australian.

Australian:

Overly friendly, will offer you a beer, will 100% ride that big wave, will fry shrimp on the barbie, doesn’t like Fosters. Your golem has received an increased base stat for Charisma: 20.

“The golem’s ready too!” Eddie shouted and bolted for his workshop. He ran through the cave at a million miles per hour and smashed open the door.

“G’day, mate,” the golem said casually.

“Hey, Grabby,” Eddie said, chilling down.

“How are you, mate?”

“I’m good thank you, Grabby, how’s the urm, you know, body?”

“Good, good, ye. I like my arms, they’re pretty cool. What do you want me to do, mate?”

“Bartend, if that’s ok?”

“Right on, I love pouring pints, as long as it’s not Fosters.”

“Great then, follow me.”

Grabby was a large golem, his feet clunked loudly against trash compacted ground as it followed Eddie over to the bar. Many people looked as they rightly should, Grabby looked awesome. His mounted crane-like arms on top of his shoulders and the multiple limbs gave the golem an alien robot vibe but a lot less scary and within a second of hearing his accent he was immediately approachable.

Eddie opened the door into the bar and stepped aside for Grabby to enter. “Guys, this is Grabby. Grabby, this is guys.”

“G’day, you lot, how can I be of service.”

Denzel came over first and extended a giant hand. “Hey, Grabby, mine name’s Denzel, we’ll be working in the bar together.”

“Nice, you look like a man that can handle himself if any ****** ****’s try to cause some ****** up ****.”

“Why does it bleep his swearing?” Eddie asked the team.

They all just shrugged.

“Can you teach me the ropes?” Grabby asked.

“Sure, man.”

“Oh, Grabby,” Eddie said, motioning for Frank and Robo to come over. “This is Frank, my butler and this is Robo.”

“He’s a cute little thing ain’t he? And Frank, was it?”

“Good day, Sir Grabby, I hope we can continue to serve our master to the fullest.”

“Oh, ye, ye. He’s cool, he made me so, he must be.”

“Brilliant.”

“Hey, Grabby,” Denzel said, calling him over to the bar. “Let’s see what you’re made of.”

Grabby headed over to Denzel and the two kicked it off immediately.

“Hey, nice job, Eddie,” Mira said. “You really nailed the Australian thing.”

“Thanks. Yeah, everyone likes the Australian accent so I thought, why not.”

Mira was about to speak when there was a loud knock on the door of the bar. Eddie cocked his head and then opened it. “Hello?”

“Is the bar open?” a player asked. There were at least 50 more people behind him, all impatiently waiting.

“Two secs,” Eddie said, closing the door. “Hey!” he shouted over to Grabby and Denzel. “There’s a tonne of people wanting to come in, are you guys ready?”

“Ye, we’ll nail this on the head, mate- easy, no sweat.”

“Yeah, Eddie,” Denzel said. “We’re all good over here. Let them in.”

Eddie returned back to the double door and was about to open them when he forgot to name the bar. “Guys, we need a name- actually I already got it: Barf Bar!” He turned back to the doors and swung them open wide. “Welcome to-'' Eddie didn’t finish as he was pushed by the crowd. The group of thirsty players all crowded around the bar and started shouting out orders.

“TWO CUPS OF GOBLIN’S GUNK!!! GIVE ME A DRINK NOW!”

“Relax there, mate, we’ll get you a drink alright?”

The player instantly felt more relaxed. Grabby grabbed two metal pint glasses and filled them up simultaneously. “There you go.”

“How much?”

Grabby glanced over to Eddie who stuck up eight fingers.

“Eight coppers a pour.”

“Damn that’s cheap. Thanks,” the player said and disappeared to find a table.

Soon, the entire bar was packed, people were relaxing and singing and just generally having a good time. He even saw Brody walk in, paired with Akira of course which annoyed him but he was still glad even an asshole like him needed a drink.

Eddie was about to head back to his workshop when Mira yanked his collar back. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I need to organise my tools,” Eddie lied.

Mira rolled her eyes. “Stay and drink with all of us.”

“Is that because it will be on the house?” Eddie questioned.

Mira rolled her eyes again. “No idiot, we’re friends. C’mon, Eddie, let’s drink.” She threw him into a headlock while Frank scooped up his feet. They placed him in the centre of the bar and knocked back pints and pints of Goblin’s Gunk.

Eddie was not really a drinker, but for the first time in his life, he enjoyed it. It was nice to spend time relaxing and unwinding. A lot of the things in the game felt like a chore, so to be able to just sit back and have fun was a real lifesaver. All the other players knew this too and soon they were all buying Eddie drinks.

“To Eddie!” one toasted.

“To Eddie!” the rest cheered.

The night went as expected. Everyone had a great time in Arindought’s Trash Dump.