C13 Trash Montage

“Frank,” Eddie said, “Should we start a montage?”

“That’s a difficult one, Sir… I think it would be best to leave it now, music would be good though.”

“Music fits well with anything,” Eddie added. “System, play Eddie’s Epic Montage Mix.”

Soon, music was invigorating his body and his blood was pumping. The first thing Eddie needed to make was the dog. The metal-golem-dog. Firstly, he wanted the majority to be made out of iron since he had gathered a few ingots from their trip out. He knew he was going to have to settle with a large portion of it being made of trash metal but that was fine with him; it was at least going to be easy to repair. The second part of his plan was stumped when he realised he needed to melt the iron into the according parts which was easier said than done.

He started gathering all the things he would need for the smelting process. He gathered prongs, tongs and started to mold basic shapes he would know he would definitely need.

He instructed Frank to lift the heavy ingots inside the forge and start blowing air into via a make-shift fan Eddie had found.

“Ok, Frank, I think all we need to do now is wait ‘till it’s melted. I should start the plans on the dog now.”

“Right, Sir, what would you like me to do?”

“Uhhhh.” Eddie liked to be at peace when he was working. “Work on your spear skills? Can you do that?”

“Of course, Sir, I will be in the other room.”

“Right-” he cleared his throat, squatted exactly six times and leant over the workbench.

An hour later, Eddie had created a giant sketch of the metal dog with each part and inner workings fully laid out. It looked more like a wolf than a dog but he was happy with it either way. It was half of his height, with giant paws with extending claws that could act as weapons and also great digging tools. It had iron spikes covering most of its body to prevent side attacks and he had plans to create a giant maw. It was coming along swimmingly, but every plan was bound to run into problems.

“Frank, what do you think of this?” Eddie asked, holding up the giant sheet of paper he miraculously sourced from the Trashlands.

“Very well put together, Sir. It is more of a wolf than a dog.”

“Really? It clearly says dog model #1 at the top though.”

“Enlarged snout, enlarged teeth, larger than a tibetan mastiff, straightened pointed ears, hunchbacked spine. Sir, it is a wolf.”

Eddie started grumbling to himself in spite. “Stupid, Frank, always so right all the time.”

“Sir, the iron, it’s melted.”

Eddie eagerly hopped off his stool and hurried over to the forge. Sure enough, there was metallic soup inside. He pouted, he was nervous. “Do you want to do it?”

“Do you not want the skill, Sir?”

“Ah, fiddlesticks, I forgot about that.”

He grabbed the prongs from beside the forge and hooked them around the crucible. “Easy, Eddie, easy.” He gently and carefully moved it upwards. He looked around at the metal casts not at all near him. “Frank! Frank! Get the cast!”

The golem hurriedly skidded a table over and started laying out the casts on it. By the time Eddie poured the iron in, his arms were shaking. He collapsed onto the floor and the crucible fell near him. Frank was there to help him up.

Nice Job! You have learned the T1 Passive Skill Smelting!

You actually smelted something, consider me impressed.

T1 PASSIVE SKILL Smelting

Metals will smelt 5% faster and 5% lighter(mainly because your puny arms can’t carry that much.)

“I got the skill, Frank!” Eddie exclaimed, his list was growing.

“Congratulations, Sir.”

He patiently waited for the iron to cool in the casts and when they were done, popped them out. They weren’t the best of quality, but he wasn’t a pro at it. They were good for his experience and environment.

He started to piece the iron exoskeleton together until it was shaped like a dog wolf. Now disgruntled, he carried on working; winding the copper wire with rubbing tubing through the exoskeleton. Now twice disgruntled because he left the uncommon metal wire behind, he finished up the base of the golem. He took a step back and admired his work.

He made casts for the golems' teeth and four sets of clawed paws; but he found out he only had enough for three. “Ah, fiddlesticks,” Eddie cursed loudly. It never went to plan but he would be suspicious if it did. In the end, he settled for creating an iron tail; in fact, he hadn’t even thought of giving it a tail. The two front paws would be larger than he originally planned since the tail didn’t require as much iron.

For hours, Eddie worked on attaching the armour to the golem. Hundreds of screws and dozens of nuts and bolts were used to fix everything into position. He loved every minute of doing it, dancing his ass off to anything older than him.

He grabbed a cylindrical piece of trash metal and pretended he was back in the 2000s. He was so immersed into it, that he didn’t see a flurry of notifications pop up.

5 players have been let into your house by Trash Golem, Level 8

“Stacy’s MOm hAs goT it goin’ on

SHHe’s all I wAnt,”

“Sir, your friends have returned,” Frank said, followed by the party.

Poor Eddie was pouring his heart into it, giving it everything he had.

“ANd I’ve wAitEd foR So LoNg

Stacy, Can’t you sEE?”

“Sir!”

“You’re just not the gi-”

“SIR!!!”

Eddie pressed pause on the music and slowly turned around. “Frank, I-” He fell backwards off his stool upon the sight of the four ranked pros. Filled with embarrassment, he stood back up awkwardly.

Thankfully, they all found it very comidical and were smiling. “Uh, hi guys.”

“Hey, nice place,” Mira said, looking around.

“WHIP THE POOL AND CRACK MY CRACK PIPE!” Bear shouted.

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows. “What did he just say?”

“He said he likes you and your music, Sir,” Frank explained.

“You can understand Bear?!” Mira questioned. Only her family and her team could do so.

“Yes,” Frank replied. “Read between the lines.”

“Wow,” Mira said. “You’re smart.”

“Sorry, no offence, is he ok?” Eddie asked.

“Fine, everything works up there but he struggles to say them,” Mira cleared up.

“PICKLES AND FERRARIS! PICKLES AND FERRARIS!”

“He says no offence taken, most people react way worse,” Mira explained.

“Well, anyway, what can I do for you?” Eddie asked.

“We mapped out the rest of the dungeon for you,” Mira said, handing him a map.

Eddie took it and opened it, in turn, updating his. “Woah,” he said in amusement, it looked far better than his own. They had discovered four more areas as well. “Can I keep this?”

Mira nodded. “That’s in return for giving us the map before, from me anyway.”

“Damn, dude, what’s that behind you?” Denzel asked.

Eddie moved to the side to reveal the dog golem he had been working on. “I found I like making golems- like Frank.”

“How did you even get the skill?” Denzel asked.

“What do you mean?” Eddie questioned. “I just followed the requirements.”

“They’re the minimum requirements,” Denzel explained. “Do you make robots in real life?”

“I’m just a mechanic,” Eddie simply put. “Never made a robot in my life. It’s actually pretty easy to make them in the game.”

“Easy? Dude, these golems go for 10k and upwards. Even for Frank he would fetch 15k- no offence, Frank, you’re cool dude.”

“None taken, dude.”

“Really? I just stuck some metal together, put the wire between the centre and then they come alive.”

Viktor had strolled up to the hung up golem dog with a cigarette hanging in his mouth. Eddie didn’t understand why there were cigarettes in a game but then he wasn’t really the person to question it. “We used to make things like this in the war,” Viktor said. “But, this goes far beyond anything I know.”

“You’re a vet too?” Eddie questioned happily. There was always an underlying friendship between vets, regardless of the country they served.

“Aye, three tours in Afghanistan. Forty two confirmed kills. You?”

Eddie swallowed in horror. Apparently Viktor was a murderer badass in real life. “Oh, urm, I just fixed planes.”

“Huh, fixed planes, you cannot fool me when you have made a killing machine at level 3,” Viktor stated. “Who were you with, Special forces? CIA? Huh?”

“I think we’re getting off topic,” Mira interjected.

Viktor huffed as he took a few steps back. The Russian man thought Eddie was some bomb building war junkie.

Eddie swallowed again. “Why are you here again?”

“Actually,” Mira said. “The rest of our guild is coming down here, we were wondering if we could rent some of your land from you- at a fair price of course. We’re fairly respected in Arindought. We’re ranked #133 on the leaderboards for the city.”

“Uhh, yeah, actually, me and Frank- and this guy-” he motioned towards the dog, “We’re going to carve out the hill we’re in and make rooms.”

“You’ll have at least 40 people looking for rooms from our guild, can you make that much?” Mira asked.

Eddie looked at Frank.

“I believe so, Sir. It will take some time though. There is a spawn point in the center of the basin you could use in the time being..”

“Are we ok to use that?” Mira asked.

Eddie nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, yeah, well it’s my-”

Frank coughed, which surprisingly didn’t raise any questions.

“The game caused us all to be stuck down here so we should look out for each other.”

Mira extended out her hand. “Thanks, shake on it?”

Eddie shook it. It was the first time a woman had touched him since-

“Great. Oh, and what are the monsters in these different areas?” Eddie asked as he brought out the map again.

“Caverness Cove is full of undead, level 10-15. We’re going to be there for the next few days since there’s loads of them and the experience is good. Bookworm Booky are the home to the bookworms, rare monsters that can adapt to constant magical and physical attacks. Stay well clear of them. Esps Enclave is also way too dangerous even for us right now. They can only be damaged by magical attacks and are level 30. And Trash Panda’s sanctuary is what the name describes- tonnes of them. They differ from level 5 to 15.”

“Thanks for telling me,” Eddie said. “And thanks for keeping the same style as I had- you know, alliteration.”

“No worries, here: friend request. If you need anything we can try and sort it for you.”

WaifuGirl07 has sent you a friend request.

Accept? Yes/No.

“What’s a waifu?” Eddie innocently asked.

Denzel held in his laughter and so did the rest of her team.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. “Don’t google it. And don’t read each other's username out loud, that’s like an unwritten rule.”

“Gotcha,” Eddie lied, he was confused at what the word meant and the rule to not say each other's usernames. He selected yes and at the corner of his screen he saw there was a ‘1’ next to a friend icon.

“Message me when you’ve got it sorted out,” Mira said. “See yah!”

Eddie smiled with a head nod and she walked out with her team behind her; Viktor, giving Eddie a nervous second glance.

“Well, Sir, you’ve made friends.”

“Yeah, this is the first time someone’s made an effort. It’s not just because I’m filthy rich in-game is it?”

“Ignorance is bliss, Sir,” Frank replied.

“Well, what does that mean?”

“Uhh, to ignore it makes you feel better, Sir.”

Eddie screwed up his face and angrily sat down on his stool. He hated that Frank was always right.

“I can’t believe he can make golems,” Mira stated as they headed to the Caverness Cove. “No one in our guild can even get the skill.”

“That man is a menace. I believe he was special forces,” Viktor declared, cigarette in mouth.

“What? That guy?” Denzel questioned with a laugh. “C’mon, I like him but he’s no soldier.”

“That is what he wants you to think,” Viktor challenged.

“Just because he can make golems doesn’t mean he’s some murderous killing machine like you,” Denzel said. “He hasn’t cleaned himself either so I don’t think he’s mentally sane.”

“Do you see any fresh water ‘round here?” Mira asked.

Denzel pulled out a glowing ball of water and waved it in Mira’s face.

{Fresh Ball}

Grade: Common

Description: Removes all dirt from someone and their clothes.

“Do you think a level 3 could get his hands on those?” Mira questioned angrily.

“Oh yeah, my bad.”

“TRIM MY BEARD WITH THE MAWS OF A GIANT BEE!”

“We’re not using him,” Mira said, sternly. “He helped us and we’re helping him.”

“THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND REALLY BUTTERS MY SCONE!”

Mira huffed. “Yeah, I get that we’re asking a lot of him, but if he’s happy to help us then he’ll get money in return. We were just the first people to get to him.”

“I agree with you, Mira. He’s a nice guy too, a bit weird but I think you’ve got to be to make those things,” Denzel said.

“I do not think we should underestimate him,” Viktor stated, pinging his cigarette into a pile of rotting carcasses. At least he cared about the environment enough to make sure it didn’t set fire. “We should befriend him at all costs, not only does he have what we need to evolve ourselves and the guild, but also he could be a good fighting ally in the near future. Just imagine five of those golems of our level running at us, and only being controlled by one person. That is fudging overpowered!”

“I didn’t even think about that,” Mira pondered.

“I mean,” Denzel said. “I’m no expert, but that guy sure is something special. We should tell the Guild Master about him.”

“Leave her,” Mira rejected with a scowl. “She’s too busy organising everything she doesn’t appreciate who got her there in the first place. We can sort this place out ourselves.”

“You know we will have to put up a fight for those rooms. People will bid on them if this ship show goes on for too long.” Viktor said.

“I say bring it on. I haven’t done PvP in ages, I’m dying to cut someone's head off.”

“Easy there, Mira,” Denzel comforted.

Eddie was putting the finishing touches on his golem when Frank brought him a plate of goblin meat.

“Hey, Frank,” Eddie said. “Do you think we should give them the rooms?”

“Yes, Sir, you were going to make them regardless. If a guild wants to settle here then that would increase our protection from other players and also increase our power. It’s a win-win situation.”

“Uhh, I suppose you’re right. I just don’t want to be pushed around. Really fed up of being taken advantage of.”

“Would you like me to remind you to stop being a soppy bastard, Sir? Of course, only when you are being one I shall remind you.”

“Soppy barrister? Barrister- barrister. Ba-st-irister. Fudge it. Yeah, wait- how come you can say barrister?”

“Oh, there must be a problem with my AI, Sir.”

“Righhht, righhht. But yeah, Frank, just remind me.”

“I will do, Sir. Here, I’ve made you burnt goblin meat with snot from a snotty trash goblin as a condiment. I know you prefer it as disgusting as possible, Sir.”

“Ha, thanks, Frank,” Eddie said, taking the plate. Frank was right, it looked absolutely disgusting, but that was what made it taste even better. He licked his lips as he dipped the skewer inside the snot. He did close his eyes however and deepthroated the skewer in between non-sexual moans. It was a stick of bacon and the snot tasted like maple syrup. It was like a Canadian birthrate to eat it- a once in a lifetime event; Eddie was enjoying every passing second. Most would throw up at the sight of Eddie eating it but thankfully no one was in the room with him at the time.

After his nourishing meal, Eddie drilled in a screw.

Nice Job! You have levelled up Golemancy I→II!

You are now able to control two golems!

“Oh,” Eddie murmured to himself. “I keep forgetting I need to level the skill.”

It’s lucky you’re a natural at building golems.

“Thanks, system.”

He continued to work on the golem; he was not exactly a sculptor so the dog’s face that he had in mind was a little more- let’s say, messed up. He undid it all again and again, trying to make it seem like a dog but had little luck.

He leaned against his workbench as he started brainstorming different ideas for the head. The only thing he could think about was giving it a longer snout, but then it would just end up looking more like a wolf-

“Damn you, Frank,” Eddie muttered. His butler was right, a wolf would be far easier than a dog. It also didn’t need to look entirely life-like, since it was a golem he could give it almost any shape; as long as he could take into value its movements. He didn’t have a tough time with that since a dog's front and back legs were relatively similar, only differing in size.

Grudgingly, Eddie settled on a design with a wolf's head. It’s snout however was far more elongated giving it a more terrifying appearance especially with its sharp iron teeth. He installed the electric wire into the dog's head and attached two of the sensor crystals he had been given by the large golem in Hell’s Hole. He attached two vibration crystals in its throat which mimicked Franks.

Bit by bit, Eddie added armour, detail and more importantly, the center where the core would be held. He felt that it would be best directly in the centre of the golem, like Franks was. Eddie then realised that everything always protected the heart at all costs. He jammed the core inside and slammed the door shut.

Ho! Ho! Ho! You have crafted a Level 12 Trash Wolf Golem!

+150 EXP

You are now able to give your golem a name and personality.

Please be warned, giving an animal type golem the personality of a disgruntled housewife can lead to severe mental disorders. So please give your golem an animalistic personality.

“Woohoo!” Eddie cheered. His second ever golem. He felt he had done the hard part but naming it and giving it a personality was always going to be a big deal. The golem would probably be with him for his entire gaming journey so he really didn’t want to screw it up.

Eddie clicked his tongue. “What to do, what to do.” He didn’t really have any idea. “Wait, system, how long before I have to log out?”

5:43:12s

“Ok, ok, plenty of time. He’s a very good boy, the goodest boy of them all. He likes head scratches and belly rubs.”

C’mon Eddie, be a bit more creative.

“It’s a proud wolf? I don’t know, uhhh. He’s a guard dog? Oh, he’s eternally loyal, I don’t want a loose wolf golem attacking me. But I like the sound of a guard dog, defensive but listens to all my orders. Ooo, what are those Tibetan Mastiffs? Yeah, he’s like that but a wolf.”

How can I go off that?

“Hey, you’re the AI running the entire game world, I’m sure you can handle that. He speaks in different tones of ‘woof’, that would be cool. Like he can understand English at a very basic level.”

Getting better, the name?

“Now I didn’t even think about that. I can’t just call him something normal like I did Frank, has to be- original-” Eddie quickly searched for cool dog names in google.

Real creative bozo.

Cool dog names:

Bernard

Benny

Toby

Sprint

Lucky

Robodog

“Hmm, robo dog, that kinda fits into the golem thing. System, what’s the copyright laws for Robodog?”

A 148 page document loaded in front of him. At the top was the name ‘Robodog’.

“I’ve got it!” Eddie exclaimed.

I hope it’s not Robodog.

“Nuh, uh, it’s Robo… Dog,” Eddie proudly declared. “What do you think?”

I give up. Robo Dog it is.

“Yeah, suck it, copyright laws. I’ll snake right around you. Oh, and system, it’s Robo for short.”

Your wait time is 3:27:12s

“What?! Three hours?! Why is it so long? That’s what she said.”

Robo Dog appears to be quite the personality. Sit tight noob.

But, if you want to skip the wait time. You may purchase-

“I DON'T WANT YOUR FUDGING BUNDLE AND I NEVER WILL!!!”

Fine, you didn’t need to shout.