Cleaning.

What a lovely job.

I hate it.

I’ve… got a small confession.

I have no idea how to maintain a house, and it doesn’t help that this one is massive.

Most would think I am retarded, and yes, yes, gracious audience, laugh it up. Quincy Whistlewood has no idea how to wash a window.

Alright, you done? Of course not, because I know you weren’t laughing, but I was just doing a dumb bit to fill the dumb bit quota.

Honestly though, my housekeeping skills were non-existent. I had upkeep in my room when I was a kid, which wasn’t too much. In my office at TUHF, and then at Avernus. But beyond that, I never knew how to do this stuff.

I was kneeling over in a cabinet, wearing a revealing skirt, looking for Windex, which I decided now was a good idea to stop doing.

Too much agony at once makes me want to hit things. Whoever said cleaning is zen deserves to get hit by a bus. Or… have me slap them.

Yeah, I was channeling the fuck out of that zen energy as I fumbled around in this ridiculous costume. I needed to wipe down all the windows. All of them.

Want me to list them? No? Too bad!!!!

The front entrance has one to the left, on to the right, and one arching piece of glass all the way over, it has the entrance foyer which has two glass panes and a glass door with two panes to enter the house proper, from here, there is---

Alright, this is Quincy's editor, and I’m just going to cut this part out, because we like our chapters under five thousand characters, and Quincy was just really having a rough day I bet. So it’s understandable for him to leave this in the final draft. Anyway, thank you for understanding.

AND THEN THERE… was one last one in the Servant Quarters… but of course that wasn’t on the mile long list. AND, I was expected to do more than just the windows. I hoped my friends were getting lists this long too, and this totally wasn’t about me crying over my dumb descision to join this place and be buddy buddy with Courtney.

Probably was that, but I’ll cry about it later.

Right now, I was about to work like I never had before, and start to doubt if being on the run was a better alternative.

I finally found the Windex (it was sitting on the counter…) and got to work. I decided to do the entrance first, knowing there might be an influx of people coming soon and I didn’t want to get in the way of the unsavory villains.

After that I moved to the dining hall and tried to care as I quickly brushed over every window, hoping that the living wrecking ball or the string cheese twizzler candyman wouldn’t notice.

Next, I did the kitchen, two public bathrooms, the two meeting rooms, and the back entrance. I moved onto seating area number one and the disco lounge, along with wiping down the bar. I checked the clock… I’d only been at this for an hour and was making particularly good time. I’d covered about thirty three percent of the mansion, and my checklist was getting done efficiently.

Sure, my arm felt like falling off, but I think I’d get used to it.

The thing I wouldn’t get used to was the jackasses staring up my skirt while I was on a ladder. I’ll stop mentioning it now because I don’t want to make you guys feel uncomfortable, but I want you to know that’s how I felt the entire day.

I decided to take a short rest and just wait until the blood in my arms felt like moving again.

Then someone sat down beside me. It was a woman, she looked like a loser, with an ugly face and ruffled hair. Yet she wore the outfit like a supervillain, spandex and tasteless fashion choices that made me want to vomit.

My head instinctively looked away, her sight too rotten to bear for much longer. I considered changing seats, but I knew she was a guest, and it’d seem rude, so I decided to suck it up for a couple minutes and then go so as not to seem weird.

“How much for fifteen minutes?”

Oh god, oh fuck, oh god…

I practically leaped off the couch and into a closet. That was the last straw. I am nineteen and I still reserve my virg- innocence, nobody would take that from me. Not until I say so.

It’d probably be Twee anyway.

I crumbled up into a ball, my revealed knees cradling my face. My breath slowed as I calmed down. I realized it now, I messed up, all my friends were now toys for villains to stare at. This ended now. I wouldn’t let this continue. I would confront Courtney about this. But first…

I needed some help.

“Sal!”

“Don’t you see I’m napping?” Sal grumbled, face down into a pillow. “Next time, please think before you barge into a room, Quincy.”

“Oh… you aren’t working?” I asked, shutting the door behind me silently. I just hoped they wouldn’t catch me not working.

Sal rolled over, looking at me. I looked… hideous. “I sure did try… they wouldn’t let me work without that stupid outfit on though.” he complained, trying to keep himself from laughing at me. Hey, at least he wasn’t being a jerk about it.

“That makes two of us.” I sighed bitterly. “This is bullshit. I was wrong about all of this.”

“Yeah, I tried to tell you about all the red flags, but I couldn’t find any time… Look at us now… Actually, just look at yourself. All you’re missing is the rainbow wig.”

“I’ve been hit on by like ten people today.”

“Oooh, maybe you should start wearing that garbage more often, then. Shows off those chicken thighs.” Sal joked, I didn’t think it was funny. I bet you don’t think this entire filler chapter is funny either though, so I guess we have that.

“Sal, this is serious. Some woman asked to… like... do it. I feel like a prostitute.”

“I’m not really in the mood for serious right now, Quincy.” he yawned, leaning back in the bed.

“You wanna leave this place?”

“Hmm, yeah. But this place has beds.”

“Well it doesn’t matter, you’re going to help me negotiate with Courtney down there.” I said it, and I couldn’t believe I did. But I actually-

“You need MY help!? Holy cannoli! I thought you’d never ask.”

“Yeah, drink it in, asswipe. Let’s just get this whole thing straight.”

“Straight is the last word I can think of while looking at you right now.”

I resisted a chuckle, that was... kinda good.

“Well then, Sal? Are you ready to piss off the boss?”

“For the first time in my life, yes.”

“Heck yeah!”