"I can't believe you're leaving in a week," I pout, watching as Dustin packs his bags for college. I'm happy for him. How could I not be, but I'm also nervous. We've only just gotten together and long distance won't be easy. I'm not worried he'll cheat on me or anything, and I honestly won't even be mad if he did. I just don't want him to feel like he's missing out from his college experience, and resent me for it.

"I promise to call you every day," Dustin tells me.

"I know." I sigh. "It's just not the same."

"You'll miss this tight bod, right? I know... I'll load your phone up with shirtless pictures to remember me by."

I gasp. "Dustin! You're so gross."

He shrugs. "I'm a teenage boy. Also, did you just call my body gross?"

My eyes widen. "What? No that's not what I meant. You have a nice body I just meant that like-" I stop talking when I see the amused look on just face. "You're so mean."

"You love me though," he teases. I do, I think to myself. I have for a while now, but I haven't had the guts to tell him. Partly because I'm scared he won't feel the same way and freak out. Partly because I'm scared if I tell him, something bad will happen.

Everyone I've ever loved gets hurt and I'm scared the cycle will continue. I love Dustin. How could I not? He is the best boyfriend ever. Not only is he my boyfriend, but my best friend too. I couldn't handle losing him and I feel like confessing my love for him will make that happen.

"Hey," Dustin's voice cuts through my thoughts. "What are you thinking about so intently over there?"

I shake my head, shaking the thoughts away. "Nothing." I smile at him. "Want some help packing?" I plop down on the floor and start folding the clothes. "You have a lot of turtle necks," I point out when folding yet another long sleeved turtle neck.

"I look good in them."

He's not wrong. The black turtle neck and gold jewelry combination makes me drool just a tiny bit. Dustin has a really good sense of style.

"Speaking of turtle necks," he says, "Want to go shopping with me later this week? I want to get a couple things before I leave."

I nod, my heart clenching again at the mention of him leaving.

"So..." he starts. "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Imara. You know I hate when you shut me out."

"I said it was nothing." I snap, my voice sharper than I meant for it to be. Dustin's face falls for a second, and I immediately feel bad. "Sorry. I'm just feeling down about you leaving. We only just got together, y'know?"

He nods. "I get that. I'm sad to be leaving too. I'm gonna miss cuddling you. On the bright side, you have my mom, dad, Miriam and Faith."

On queue, Miriam bursts in looking frazzled. "Guys! I need help!"

Dustin sighs exasperatedly. "What is it this time?"

"I have a date!"

Dustin's eyes widen and he quickly becomes very attentive. "With who?"

"His name is Julian."

"King Julian!" Dustin says in a silly voice making Miriam glare at him.

"You're not funny."

"Yes, I am. Do I know this Julian?"

Miriam gives her brother a pointed look. "Chill. The over protective look isn't for you. You couldn't hurt a fly."

I laugh, knowing that's not entirely true.

"Why do you need our help?" I ask, getting back to the point.

"Right! I need an outfit."

"Okay? Go pick one out from your closet. Why does that need to involve us?"

Miriam groans, giving Dustin an annoyed look. "I need you to help me decide what I should wear. Imara, come!" She grabs my hands and pulls me up. "I'll return her soon."

I give Dustin a helpless look and he shrugs. "See you soon, babe."

I let Miriam drag me to her room which is a mess of clothes strewn across her floor.

"Wow. When is the date?"

"In two days."

I sit down on Miriam's bed and watch as she tries on different outfits. All look good, but she's never satisfied.

"This one is cute. I like it."

"You've said that about all the other ones I tried on."

I shrug. "You have good taste. Plus, I'm not very fashion forward." I mostly wear long sleeves and jeans. Nothing exciting.

"Yea, but you can still tell me what goes and what doesn't. Like, pink and green look good and polka dots and leopard print don't." She puts on another outfit. I used to feel uncomfortable with Miriam stripping down into her underwear in front of me, but it didn't take long for me to get used to it. Neither her or brother are very modest.

"I think this is the one."

"You don't think a dress is too much?"

"No. This is just the right amount of casual and classy." She's wearing a pretty dark green and black marble pattern slip dress that accentuates her figure nicely.

"Which shoes."

I shrug. "Flats?"

She slides on a pair of ballet flats and does a twirl.

I give her two thumbs up.

"Okay. Which jewelry?"

I shrug again and she digs through her jewelry box and tries on a bunch of different combinations before deciding on a pair of dainty dangle earrings and a minimal necklace.

She clasps her hand together. "Okay! I think this is it."

"I think so."

"Thanks, Im! Movie later?"

I nod, exiting her room and heading down to get Faith.

"Hi, pretty baby," I take her from Alina and plant a sloppy kiss on her cheek which makes her coo. She has grown so much over the past few months. She is already starting to crawl and puts everything in her mouth. A combo that keeps everyone on their toes.

I sit on the swing out back and swing with her for a bit, admiring the flowers that Miriam and I planted in the backyard.

When Faith gets antsy, I get up and walk around the back yard with her. She tries to grab everything within reach. Eventually, I bring her back inside and set her down on the carpet, and she crawls around a bit.

"Her nap time is soon," Alina tells me. "Do you want to put her down?"

I nod, picking her up. She fusses a bit, but easily gets distracted by a toy I put in her hand. I bring her to the nursery which used to be Mr. Swaz's office that he now has in the garage.

When Faith is asleep, I go back down into my room. It's late afternoon and it's too hot to garden so I decide to read a bit. I'm halfway through a fantasy series that has me on the edge of my seat at every page turn.

"Come in!" I say when I hear a soft knock on my door. Dustin pokes his head in, smiling at me.

"Hi." He closes the door behind him and jumps in bed with me, wrapping himself around my body.

I giggle, squirming under his grip. "Dustin! Oxygen!"

"Is overrated." He attacks my face with kisses and I laugh harder.

"S-stop!" I say between laughs.

"Never!"

He does stop eventually, pulling me into him, my face in his neck. I plant a light kiss on his collar bone and pull my head back, pecking him on the lips. We lay like that for a while until he loosens his grip on me and I scoot back a bit, putting my book on the night stand.

Dustin's gaze drops to my chest and he reaches his hand out, brushing his finger tips against my skin. I was in a loose t-shirt and since the collar is so wide, it exposes some of my chest when I lay on my side.

"You never told me where that scar came from."

My breath hitches, and I look away from him, feeling sad.

"You don't have to talk about it if you're not ready."

I sigh. "It was from a gun." I'm not able to look at him while I talk. "When my parent's died."

That's all I can say. If I talk anymore, I'll get choked up and start crying. I don't mind crying, I'm just tired of being a downer all the time. Every time he asks me something about my past, I cry. I'm sure he's tired of it.

"Oh."

Dustin still doesn't know the full story of what happened. At least, not my version. I'm sure he has heard from people around town, but I haven't told him about it yet. Nor have I told him about my sister.

He only knows bits and pieces.

"Can I hug you?"

I look up at him, nodding slowly. He knows I'm weird about being touched whenever I get in one of my moods.

As he scoots closer to me and pulls me into his chest, I break down, sobbing quietly as I think about my parents.

Four years later, and I still can't keep it together whenever the topic is brought up.

Dustin doesn't say anything, he just holds me, rubbing my back slowly.

"I'm sorry I'm such a mess." I say when I regain my composure.

"You're not a mess. You're perfect."

I laugh drly. "I'm not."

"You are to me."

I sigh, rolling away from him and onromy back. "My therapist says it's not healthy to put people on a pedastal like that. She says that kind of language can be more harmful than helpful."

"Does it make you uncomfortable when I say things like that."

I shrug. "A little." I turn my face to him. "But... I do like when you say nice things about me to me. Just... not too much. If that makes sense."

It's not easy for me to articulate my thoughts. Opening up and communicating is hard, but I know it's important if I want this to work. If I want to heal and be better. Therapy helps a lot with putting words to feelings.

He smiles gently. "I think I get it. You feel uncomfortable with me putting you on a pedestal but you do like to be reminded why I love you."

"Yea-" I stop, a stupid smile on my face. "Love me?"

Dustin groans, sliding his hand down his face. "Shit. That slipped. I'm sorry. We are literally talking about not overwhelming you and here I am, dropping the L word."

"I love you too." I rush out, grinning widely.

"Awesome!"

I burst of laughing. "Yea. It is."

"We are such a mess."

I giggle, snuggling into him.

"We are. But we're a mess together."

***