The last few weeks have been nothing short of amazing. The Swaz family has accepted into their home and Faith has had a smooth transition into her new life. I still spend a lot of time with her, but now Alina is the head of the ship when taking care of Faith.

The basement finally looks like a person lives there and not just storage. Miriam and I went shopping to get decorations for my new space. So far, I have a lot of picture frames and lots of brown and green--somehow Miriam and I managed to make it work. Dustin had insisted on painting a mural on the wall so a lot of his free time is spent down here with me. He lets me help him but I'm not as artistic as he is so I usually just watch and bring him snacks when needed.

School has been better. Students have been too focused on graduating and the end of the year to pay attention to me. I've managed to turn in all my missing assignments which took a couple all nighters to do, and somehow, some way, Alina managed to convince the school to let me take part in the graduation ceremony. I didn't really care if I did or not, but I guess I can leave high school on a high note and say goodbye with my head held high.

"Can I come down now?" I ask outside the door to the basement. Dustin has forbidden me from coming down all of yesterday. We swapped rooms so he could finish up the mural and he insisted I can't come in until he finishes it.

"Not yet!" I hear his muffled voice come from the other side.

"The ceremony is in three hours. We need to get ready!"

"Thirty more minutes!"

I sigh, going back into the kitchen.

"Is he still not letting you in?"

When I shake my head, Miriam laughs.

"You've already seen the whole thing. I don't know why he's being so weird all of a sudden."

I shrug. "Dustin loves the dramatics."

"He does. So annoying."

"Is Dustin still not letting you into your room?"

I shake my head, and Alina laughs.

She and Arnold know that Dustin and I are together. They found out only a couple days after we kissed. We thought we were discreet, but it didn't take long for Alina to put it together. Mothers know these things– her words.

Arnold simply said he was happy we both got our heads out of our asses which made everyone at the dinner table laugh.

I'm making breakfast this morning– pancakes and eggs. Miriam begged me to make bacon, but I don't eat it so she's frying it up instead. I'm not a great cook, but I can get by with the basics.

After breakfast, Dustin appears in the kitchen looking frazzled with messy hair and paint on his face. "It's ready!"

"Were you up all night?" Miriam asks him and he nods, grabbing my hand and dragging me away.

"Wait!" I protest, trying to get out of his grip. "I'm cooking!"

"I'll finish up!" Miriam volunteers. "Go with him. He looks like a crazy person."

"Can't believe you'd just let me leave with a crazy person," I grumble.

Dustin covers my eyes with his hands, walking me into the room. I yelp when I hit my leg on something.

"Dustin! You're supposed to guide me so I don't bump into stuff!"

"Sorry," he mumbles, steering me towards the mural. "Ready?" He starts counting. "One, two, three." He removes his hands and I gasp when I see the stunning painting taking up half of one of the walls.

I've been with him during the whole process of painting this, but I didn't realize he had also painted a canvas for me too. The mural is a gorgeous forest scene with lots of green and brown but he adds other colors sporadically to make it pop. It looks amazing, but that's not what his big surprise is. There's a canvas on an easel, and painted on it is a portrait of me and Faith at the lake house, sitting out on the patio. I'm looking down at her while she smiles up at me.

"I have the picture too if you hate the painting."

I turn around and give him a big hug. "Shut up! I love it." I kiss him tenderly. "Now go shower. We have graduation in two hours." I push him out of my room.

It doesn't take long for me to get ready. I already showered this morning so I just slip on my dress– the same blue one Miriam had bought for me-- before putting on a pair of sandals Miriam let me borrow.

"Are you doing your hair?" Miriam asks me when I go upstairs.

I shake my head. "I was just going to wear it down." Usually, my hair is piled on top of my head in a bun, but I figured it would be better to wear it loose so the cap can fit properly.

Dustin comes down a few minutes later in a loose black button up tucked into a pair of off-white slacks with a pearl necklace. His hair is loose, and I can tell he just washed it since there's no paint in it and his curls look tight and defined.

"Ready!" He grins, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and kissing my head. I push him off, feeling embarrassed because his mom is right there.

"We know you make out. No need to act all modest and shit, Im." Miriam teases, making me hide my face in Dustin's chest.

"Look! You made her feel shy."

Alina chuckles, chiming in. "I don't care what you do. Just be safe about it."

"No baby making on our watch!" Arnold booms, making me want to crawl into a hole.

"Dad!" Dustin sounds mortified and Miriam bursts out laughing.

"Dad, can I drive?" She asks.

"Sure!" Arnold answers which makes Miriam break out into a huge smile.

"Really?"

"No." Her dad deadpans, making his daughter pout.

We all pile into the car and Arnold drives off.

*******

Dustin got into the college he wanted. We threw him a big dinner and invited his friends from his old school to celebrate. His friends are really nice, but I'm not great with new people. I barely said a word the entire night and faded into the background. I spiralled into overthinking as I thought about what's next for our relationship.

I'm happy for him, but I'm also worried. He leaves at the end of summer and I won't see him as much. I've spent basically every day with him for the past two months so it'll be hard to adjust to his absence. He'll be starting his first year of college and I want him to experience it all. Whatever that may look like.

Faith is all healed up now. She looks so much healthier and happier which makes my heart smile. She's crawling now, and has been eating more solid foods too.

I started working at the bookstore again, and I also go to therapy once a week. It's not easy– there's so much work to be done, but I want to be better. For myself, but mainly for Faith and for Dustin and his family. I still struggle a lot. I sometimes fall into sadness and go silent. I don't always want to open up about how I'm feeling.

Dustin is patient, but I know it hurts him when I close up like that.

Miriam and I have grown a lot closer. We have sleepovers every other night, and she has me hooked on reality T.V. She spends a lot of time in the basement with me since it's bigger than her room. We make pillow forts and binge eat together while she tells me about a book she just read. I still don't read much. I prefer when someone else tells me about it, and goes over their favorite parts, or what they like most. I think I'll always prefer it that way.

Melissa's house is up on the market. Arnold had helped me with finding the right company to sell it. I had spent a couple days going through all the things there and getting everything together to be sold or donated.

All in all, life has been better.

I still have no idea what I want to do with my future. For now, I'm happy working at the bookstore and helping to take care of Faith. With me out of school, and Alina assisting me, there's not much need for the daycare anymore.

This weekend is the fourth of the July and also Dustin's 18th birthday. I turned 18 a couple weeks ago and Miriam has been teasing me non stop about being a cougar. We're going to the lake house to celebrate, and I feel nervous about the fireworks since they're triggering for me. I promised myself to soldier through it and not have a panic attack to ruin everyone's night.

Alina and Arnold say that we can take two separate cars. I don't see the point, but Dustin is more than happy to drive.

An hour later, we're parked in front of the lake house, Alina and Arnold pulling up behind us.

"Alright! I'm starting on the grill. Dustin, grab the cooler from the back will ya?"

Miriam and I help Alina in the kitchen while Dustin is outside with Arnold.

"I'm loving these gender roles," Miriam jokes, making me laugh. It doesn't take long for us to finish up the food and set the table.

Arnold comes over with the stuff from the grill. "Dustin burnt the sausages."

"Of course he did!" Miriam laughs.

"You should have known better than to trust me with the food." Dustin grumbles.

We have a late lunch and then go for a swim in the lake. I sit with Faith on the shore and have her splash around while Miriam and Dustin have a swimming race.

Faith looks adorable in her floatie, and she has a big smile on her face as I push her around in the water. We even brought Dorito who is out swimming with Miriam and Dustin.

We spent the rest of the afternoon down by the lake. Faith eventually falls asleep on the pier. We made her a sleeping spot with a mini umbrella and small cushion.

Alina has officially entered the "buying her baby random things era."

When it starts to get late, we pick up our stuff and head inside. I have to shower and change and the same goes for Faith.

Dustin and Miriam offer to start a fire in the pit on the patio, but neither knows what they're doing so Arnold has to step in and start it for them. Somehow, both manage to have black stuff on their face from the soot.

"You're both ridiculous," Alina laughs when she sees her two kids.

When the fire is started, we all sit around and have casual conversation. Dustin brought an abundance of marshmallows and chocolate for smores which I eat an unhealthy amount of.

"Imara," Miriam says my name with concern. "I'm coming to you as a friend. You have a problem."

I laugh, putting another fluffy marshmallow on the stick to roast it. After about three more, I stop; not because I don't want anymore, but because I'm stuffed.

I get off the cushions on the floor and sit with Dustin on the outdoor couch. It feels weird being openly affectionate around him, especially with his parent's around so I keep my hands to myself when we're in public. Of course, he doesn't care and pulls me into him which catches me by surprise, causing me to yelp.

"I want attention," he mumbles, wrapping his arms and legs around me. I try to pull away but he just tightens his grip. Sighing, I move around to find a comfortable position.

The obscenely loud bangs make me jolt awake. I look around, feeling disoriented as the loud bangs continue. My breathing becomes uneven, and I push myself up, feeling lightheaded.

"Imara, are you okay?"

I gasp, feeling like there's not enough air in the world. The continued bangs transport me back to one of the worst days of my life, and I can't catch my breath.

"Imara!"

I stumble off, feeling disoriented and panicked, managing to make it inside. This wasn't supposed to happen, I wasn't supposed to do this. I try to level my breathing as I use different techniques to bring myself down from my panic attack, but the loud sounds make it hard for me to calm down.

I push Dustin off when he tries to hold me and find my way to the bathroom, sliding down the wall with my hands over my ears and I bury my face in my legs.

I take several deep breaths and try to focus on 5 things I can see.

Sink. Toilet. Soap. Shower. Mirror.

Four things I can hear.

Loud bangs. More loud bangs. Knocks on the door.

"It's just fireworks. You're okay."

I mumble the words to myself like a mantra, and it manages to ease my breathing slightly. The door opens and I feel arms wrap around me as someone pulls me into them. I still have my head in my lap and hands covering my ears. They rub my back and slowly I come back.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, looking up to see Dustin.

"Shh…" he kisses my forehead. "It's okay."

"It's not," I sob, pulling away from him. I angrily wipe my eyes. "I just ruined everyone's night. You shouldn't have to put up with this."

"Imara…"

"No. I just-" I stand up abruptly, using the sink to steady myself. "I'm sorry." I rush upstairs, hiding under the covers.

The fireworks have died down finally. I hug a pillow to my body, squeezing it tightly in hopes of transferring all my frustrations.

There's a soft knock on the door. "Can I come in?"

I don't say anything right away, feeling embarrassed for how I acted. I open the door, tightly smiling at Alina who has a concerned look on her face. I open the door wider for her, and she sits on the bed.

"Are you okay?"

I nod, feeling too tired to talk.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"The fireworks…" I say softly.

Understanding settles on her face. "Sounds a lot like gunshots. God, honey, I'm so sorry. I feel so stupid."

"No!" I blurt out louder than I mean to. "It's not your fault. It happens every year. I'm fine."

She smiles. "You don't have to be. Come here." She opens her arms up and I step into her embrace. "Don't ever feel like you can't come to us about these things, okay? We're your family. You can open up to us."

"Okay…"

I try to believe her words but deep down, I still think I'm too much of a burden to put up with. I just ruined everyone's night because of a panic attack triggered by something I knew was going to happen.

She kisses my head again before leaving. Not long after she's gone, the door cracks open again and Dustin peaks his head in, Miriam shoving her head in from under him.

"Hi!" She grins, pushing past her brother. "You okay?" She asks, sitting next to me.

"Yea."

"Lollipop?" She pulls a Lollipop out of her pocket.

"You just carry those around?"

She shrugs. "In case of emergency."

"What emergency would a Lollipop solve?"

"My best friend freaking out." I laugh, putting the Lollipop in my mouth. Dustin is unusually quiet by the door and Miriam sighs.

"You guys have five minutes." She gets up, turing to me. "I'm staying with you tonight."

"I'm sorry," I say when she leaves.

Dustin looks annoyed. "Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because… I'm a mess."

He sighs, coming to sit next to me. "There's no need to apologize. You're not a mess, Imara, you're healing. That takes time."

"I just feel like I keep burdening everyone with my problems."

He takes my hands in his and kisses them. "You're my best friend and girlfriend. I can never feel burdened by you."

"That's what you say now. You're going to college soon-"

"So?"

"I don't want you to feel stuck or trapped because you have me to think about. I want you to experience everything to the fullest without feeling dragged down by me."

"I'm going to stop you there." he interrupts. "Imara, I want to be with you. No one else-"

"You say that now."

"Let me finish. Long distance will be hard. I'll be busy with classes, but if we want it to work, we'll both put the effort in. Yes, we're young. Yes, our relationship is fairly new, but even if we don't stay together forever, you were my friend first and I want you in my life regardless of our relationship status."

"Okay." I breathe out quietly. "Just promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

"If at any point you don't feel happy or I become too much, promise you'll tell me. Promise you'll break up with me. I'd rather lose you as a lover than lose you completely."

"Imara-"

"Promise me, Dustin."

He hesitates but nods.

"Okay."

"Can I hug you now?"

I nod and he wastes no time pulling me into his arms, attacking my face with kisses before kissing my lips.

"Gross! Get a room." Miriam exclaims, bursting into the room.

Dustin pulls away, glaring at his sister. "We are in a room."

She rolls her eyes. "Whatever. You're all made up now, right?" She jumps on the bed.

"Movie time?"

"It's past midnight, Mir."

"Come on! It's a good one. You'll both like it. Promise."

We reluctantly agree and pile onto my bed to watch a cheesy romcom, making commentary whenever a character does something stupid.

I don't know what the future holds, but for the first time in a long time– I don't dread the future.

And it's all thanks to this family and the boy who saw past my silence.