There was a dead weight on Marlow’s back when she awoke. It took her a moment to realize that it was a legitimate weight, and not just an ache from stress and exhaustion.

After being shooed away, Marlow had bedded down with Precanna and Axen, at Precanna’s insistence. Axen had still been awake, partially to Marlow’s dismay and bewilderment, and had bombarded her with a million questions about the apex and her ‘adventure’ as he had called it. Marlow had tried her best to keep up with the onslaught, but eventually her exhaustion had gotten the better of her and she must have nodded off because she did not remember falling asleep.

Now, Axen was conked out across her back, between her two dorsals. He was clutching the lower one and tickling her skin with the small puffs of bubbles that he exhaled with every breath. His tail was curled around the larger of her dorsals and his fin was draped over her shoulders. It would have been cute, if the young mer was not rather heavy, and preventing Marlow from sitting up. She was reluctant to wake the young boy with how late a night he had had.

Or day…Marlow frowned when she considered that. The mer operated on an opposite time schedule, meaning that it was likely night at the surface now, despite their day just starting. She shook it off, however. That was a trivial concern at the moment that could be pondered later. For now, she wanted to go check on Nix, but was not sure how to go about moving the boy using her like a bed. If he was only leaned against her, she could have squirmed free, but she could not even reach him without sitting up and dumping him off of her.

She glanced around and her attention settled on Precanna, who was lounging a short way away. Her hands were folded comfortably overtop one another and most of her weight was propped on her elbows as she watched over them. “How was your sleep?” Precanna whispered when they made eye contact.

“I do not even remember falling asleep.”

“You were very disoriented,” Precanna agreed. “How do you feel?”

“Sore,” Marlow admitted. “A little tired still, but I will manage. Umm, can I get a little help?” She jerked her head toward the dead weight on her back.

Precanna pursed her lips and shook her head.

“Why not?”

“Because as much as I love my son, I have learned to appreciate the calm moments of the day before he wakes up and I will not shorten that because you want to move. Besides, Delthor was concerned that you would push yourself to be up and moving too soon and I agree. So you are going to lie there and rest until Axen wakes up and then we will re-evaluate how quickly you are allowed to rush off and check on Nix. She is still resting, last I heard, but her condition has not worsened.”

While Marlow appreciated the update on Nix’s wellbeing, she was not thrilled that Delthor and Precanna had conspired like this and she was certainly not inclined to remain pinned to the sand by a slumbering child.

It felt cruel to wake him when Axen’s only crime was being a sound sleeper, so as she braced her hands in the sand, Marlow tried to keep her motions slow as she pushed herself up so that she would not unceremoniously dump him. But before she got more than her chin lifted off the ground, Precanna was hovering over her and pushing her back down. “I promise you, Marlow, if you wake my son then checking on Nix will be the least of your priorities,” Precanna warned with a hiss. “Now lie back down and be still.”

Precanna was scary, Marlow decided in that moment, and she certainly did not want to mess with her. But she was still huffy as she collapsed back into the sand and folded her arms under her chin. “This is incredibly unfair.”

Precanna scoffed. “I will tell you what, Marlow, when you have a young child of your own, then, and only then, may you talk to me about fair and unfair. I do not much care your opinion on this. You will let him sleep or you can take care of him for the day, and Nix is in no condition to have an energetic child all over her, so would you rather wait the morning or until tomorrow?”

Marlow sighed and flicked her fin. She wanted up, but she had to admit that this would not be half as bad if she were not worried for her friend. Once or twice, when they had a bad dream, Bennie and Fae respectively had climbed up into Marlow’s bed to cuddle. She knew they only did it because unlike her parents, she would not shoo them back to their own beds. She was still grasping desperately for a semblance of her normal life and Axen had already filled a few voids reminding her of her siblings and making her feel like a big sister again, making her feel needed and useful. So she took a breath and relaxed. She was worried and still feeling incredibly guilty about Nix, but if her friend was unchanged and still asleep then there was nothing more she could do. So she breathed deeply and tried not to fidget or disturb Axen.

“This was mean of you and Delthor, you know,” she grumped as she settled in.

“Perhaps,” Precanna agreed. “But after your little adventure yesterday, can you blame us for wanting to make sure you got a little rest and did not work yourself into a fit?”

“I suppose not.”

Precanna settled back in and nodded toward Marlow. “It was quite the tale we got to hear about. You stared down the jaws of death.”

Marlow shivered. “Do not remind me.” She had been trying to block out that part of the day especially. “But you know…that thing had the worst breath ever, I am amazed that did not kill both of us when Nix and I were trapped in that little groove in the rocks.”

Precanna hummed. “An apex is quite the beast,” Precanna acknowledged. “I was part of a hunting party once that had to take one down and I have never quite been able to get the sound of its screech out of my head.”

“Wait…this pod actually hunts those things?” Marlow felt ill. She never wanted to see one again, much less try to hunt one down.

Marlow breathed a sigh of relief when Precanna shook her head. “No, we are pretty lucky that there are not many who stray into our territory here. But my experience was from before I lived here.”

“You were not born here?” Marlow checked.

“No,” Precanna refused. “I was born quite a ways from here and I left my pod when I met my mate and joined his. I was not there long when the pod became terrorized by two massive apexes. They are territorial, so they would fight constantly and it made it impossible for the hunting parties to get out. The pod was slowly starving. Finally, one apex got the better of the other, but then we became its primary focus. It got to the point where killing it was the only option for survival, so…that is what we did.”

“That sounds terrifying.”

“It was. But it is done now.”

“But wait…if you were not born here and this is not your mate’s pod, how did you get here? I do not think I have met Axen’s father yet.”

“You will not,” Precanna’s voice turned sombre. “He passed while I was still pregnant with Axen. That is part of why I am here. I had friends in his pod, I did, but when Denzen passed, I just…I felt very lost and very alone. I had left my pod and Denzen’s parents and his brother had succumbed to the apex threat, so there was no family left to lean on and suddenly I felt smothered by too many memories turned sour. So I left. I was too far from my pod to go back and I was grieving so I was not in my right mind. I think…for a time, part of me was okay with the idea of something happening, so I set off and hoped for the best. Travelling alone is not exactly doable for our people.”

“Because of the numb?”

“Uh-huh. But I was lucky. It was a current flux and the hunting parties were traveling further chasing schools, and they found me. I swam for two days, but…well, it had been too long and I barely had the strength to keep swimming, but they found me and they brought me home. This pod really has a way of healing mer. You are going to be fine here, and I say that as someone with a little bit of understanding of what you are going through.”

Marlow flicked away a tiny pebble resting in the sand near her hand. She appreciated that Precanna was trying to make her feel better, but that did not lessen the sting of missing her family. “I am starting to accept it. Or rather, I guess it is starting to sink in properly that I am no longer human and things are different now. Harder. But…it does not make it any easier and it does not change my mind. I want contact with my family, I just…do not yet know how to get it. Do you…do you ever miss your family? Do you ever want to go home?”

Precanna pursed her lips and her tail tapped up and down in the sand. “Yes,” she admitted. “Sometimes. I think about my parents from time to time and about how nice it would be for Axen to meet his grandparents. Occassionally, I entertain the idea that if anyone from my birth pod is at the next cycle gathering, I will return with them, but…honestly, that is just a notion to settle my mind at night. This is my home and my family. I am happy here and I am not sure I would ever want to leave or take Axen from his home. He was born here. This is his family and they are mine too.”

Marlow hummed in acknowledgment. She liked Precanna and Axen and certainly did not want them to leave. It was strange to her, how the mer seemed to have a quiet acceptance at the separation from their loved ones, but she supposed when it was so difficult and dangerous to travel, they did not have much of a choice. Then she frowned. “Precanna…If it is virtually impossible for a mer to travel alone…how did Nix even get here? I imagine that water with floating ice must be further than a two-day swim?”

The other mer grinned and raised a hand. “Now that is a story I would like to hear too, but the truth is that I do not know. Nix is not very open about her past. All I really know is all most of us know. She was fleeing bad memories and a tragedy, much the same way that I was. The ice mer are…well, they are very different and there is not much known about them or their culture. The ice waters are very, very far from here and so there are mostly only rumours.”

“And Nix.”

“And Nix,” Precanna agreed.

Marlow sighed and allowed her chin to drop back down onto her arms. She was still tired, and the conversation had reminded her of her worries. “I hope she is going to be okay,” she admitted.

As soon as the words left Marlow’s mouth, Precanna swam over to stroke her hair. “You should rest,” she urged. She pressed her lips to the top of Marlow’s head and patted her on the back. “Leave me a little of my quiet time and recover a little more. If anything changes with Nix’s condition, Delthor will come and we will wake you, I promise.”

Marlow wanted to protest, but Precanna placed a hand on her dorsal and began to rub that one spot that always itched and Marlow melted. “Not fair,” she murmured as she felt exhaustion crawl back up through her limbs. If Precanna replied, Marlow did not hear anything she said.

***

It did not feel like she got to sleep long before Marlow was woken back up. She felt Axen begin to stir but was jolted fully awake when his tail whapped down on her head as he stretched. “Hiya Marlow,” he murmured sleepily.

“Good morning, Axen,” Marlow replied through a yawn of her own. “Do you think you would like to get up off of me now?”

Axen smacked his lips and shifted around before hugging her lower dorsal more tightly. “No,” he decided with a cheeky giggle. “I want to stay here. Although you are not very comfy to sleep on.”

“Oh, I am sorry that the sleeping arrangement was not up to your expectations,” Marlow mocked. “Now get off before I dump you in the sand.”

In response, Axen clutched at her more tightly. “Uh-uh,” he laughed.

Marlow rolled her eyes and pushed herself upright. Axen began to cackle wildly as he tried to cling onto her, but now that she was sitting up, she was easily able to grab him around the tail and haul him off of her back. She set him down and scruffed his hair. “We will play later, okay?”

“Aww,” Axen complained. “What if we play now instead?” Before the suggestion even finished leaving his mouth, Axen launched himself at her, only to pull to an abrupt halt when Precanna called his name.

“Axen,” she warned sharply. “Be polite. Marlow has offered to play with you later on, but for now you need to give her a chance to get up and do her own thing. She spent plenty of time with you last night, so use your manners.”

“Thank you, Marlow,” Axen sighed.

Precanna came over and gathered her young boy into her arms for a hug. “Now come on, let us see about something to eat, hmm?”

“Oh, yes please,” Axen agreed eagerly.

Precanna glanced back at Marlow as she made her way out of the nesting nook and winked. Marlow smiled back and sighed with relief that the other mer was not going to invent some new reason to hold Marlow up. She was more than ready to go check in on Nix now.

She pushed herself up from the ground and made her way back out into the main cavern before angling herself up to where Nix was sleeping last night. As she approached, she could hear hushed voices.

“You are still under the effects of the venom, but the fever is weakening. How do you feel?” That was Grongo.

“Sore and far too warm, and like my head is spinning, but I will manage.” Nix’s voice was barely elevated enough to hear, but at least she was no longer speaking gibberish and while she sounded tired and weak, it was a lot better than how she had seemed last night. Marlow did not want to hover rudely, but she also did not want to interrupt, so she lingered outside while Grongo finished up.

He did not even seem to see her as he swam from the cave, but before Marlow could enter in his place, another voice cut through the silence.

“Nix…” Delthor’s tone sounded strained. “Did you mean what you said last night?”

“You are going to have to clarify what you are referring to,” Nix admitted. “I barely remember last night.”

“What you called Marlow…What you apparently have been calling Marlow.”

“Ah.” Though Nix’s voice still sounded airy and weak, a fair bit of warmth leaked into her tone as she spoke. “Yes. I meant it.”

“Nix…”

“Do not lecture me.”

“I am not trying to lecture you, I am just worried. How can I not be? Nix…You have not revealed much about your past, but I know how weighty a statement that was for you. I just…do not wish to see you hurt or killed. Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Nix replied firmly. Marlow could almost hear the frown on her face as she spoke. “Delthor, I need you to understand…being an ataliumasta means everything to me. If I must hurt or die for that, then I am at peace with it. Being a guardian here is more trivial, but it is so much more in the ice and I do not have the words to explain it. I meant what I said and I will not take it back.”

“I know,” Delthor sighed. “Just…promise me that you will be more cautious. Even you have to admit that you have not been thinking clearly. You nearly died yesterday. Now, that is not Marlow’s fault, she could not have known and did not wish you ill, and she fought very bravely to help you. But you should have known better than that, going off just the two of you, one injured mer and one untrained, out into open waters like that. I call you foolish, but you are not stupid. All this lying and endangering yourself needlessly, it is not like you. At least, not like the real you. It needs to stop.”

“I just…I need to keep her safe.”

“And you will, but there is a better way. Another difference between here and the ice, Nix, is that you are not alone. You do not have to do this all by yourself. Make better choices, depend on your family, have we not earned that?”

“I know. And you are right. Delthor…I do need your help with something.”

There was a moment of complete silence between them before Delthor spoke up. “Of course.” It sounded like he was agreeing, but Marlow had no idea what to. But she had lingered long enough, so she finally braved swimming into the nook.

Nix was sitting up, but her eyes were still glossy and she was leaning heavily on her good arm. Delthor was beside her, and he had one arm around her shoulders to help hold her up. When he saw Marlow, he grinned. “Finally finished lurking?” he inquired.

Marlow blushed and shrugged. “I am sorry. I just did not want to interrupt.”

“Do not allow Delthor to trouble you, Marlow, he is merely jesting. Were you able to rest some?”

“Yes,” Marlow agreed. She shot a glare Delthor’s way and stuck her tongue out at him. “Although that was a dirty trick that you and Precanna pulled.”

“Were you able to rest?”

“Yes,” Marlow admitted begrudgingly.

“Then I am not sorry.”

Marlow stuck her tongue out at him and scrunched up her nose. But she could not feel mad at Delthor for looking out for her well-being. As she turned her attention to Nix, her cheeky grin slipped and she swam a little closer to take Nix’s hand. “How are you feeling?”

Nix clucked her tongue. “You are not meant to fret over me, Marlow. I am meant to worry for you, that is how it works. But to ease your fears; I am doing better. I ache, but Grongo is helping me manage the pain, and my head has cleared a little. I am sorry if I frightened you last night, I have been told I was very silty and out of sorts.”

“That is an understatement,” Marlow agreed. “But it goes both ways, I am allowed to worry about you too. That is how friendship works, so tough if you do not like it.”

Nix coughed as she began to chuckle. “And to think, you were convinced you hated me yesterday.”

“I…I said some things in anger,” Marlow admitted. “I did not mean them. I would not wish what happened to you on my worst enemy, much less a friend.”

“I know,” Nix lamented. “I should not make light of it. But you should know that I was well aware of the risks. I made my own choices yesterday and it was not your fault.”

“I basically forced your hand,” Marlow protested. She still felt guilty about that. She felt justified in her reaction, but her behaviour had been extreme and unfair, and she could not take it back.

“Hush,” Nix refused. “Marlow, there were plenty of opportunities for me to change things. You are not responsible for me or my choices, and this was not the most reckless or life-threatening situation I have ever been in.”

“How about we keep those to a minimum,” Delthor suggested. Though he still sounded annoyed, there was a gentle smile on his lips and Marlow grinned too. The more she hung around Delthor, the more she liked him. He reminded her of a playful but overworked father trying to wrangle high-energy children. She supposed Nix certainly kept him busy, in any case.

Nix stuck her tongue out at him. She squeezed Marlow’s hand and smiled at her. “I do not want to hear of you blaming yourself. My poor choices put us in that situation and it was an accident. There was no way either of us could have planned for it.”

“Nix is right,” Delthor agreed. “As horrific as it was, no lives were lost and if it had not happened, we may not have known there was an apex in the area. A hunting party could have been blindsided and mer could have died. You were both very brave and it should be left at that.”

“Okay,” Marlow relented. “Hey, Nix? What does picurn mean anyway?”

Nix’s wide toothy grin glistened and her bright blue gaze sparkled but she began to shake her head instead of responding, and it tugged a frown on Marlow’s lips.

“Why will you not tell me?” she pressed. “You keep calling me that and it seems to upset Delthor, should I not be allowed to know?”

Nix hummed and reached a hand out towards Marlow’s face. She could not quite reach without leaning forward, so Marlow leaned closer so that her willful friend would not try. Nix’s purr deepened and she stroked her thumb over Marlow’s cheek. “Delthor is not angry, Marlow, he simply believes me a cellaite. I promise you that it is nothing bad. If it risked impacting or harming you, I would tell you, but it is simply something of the ice culture that you will not understand yet. Just…think of it like a nickname for now,” she urged.

“You will tell me someday?”

“I promise,” Nix agreed. “And I mean that this time.”

“You had better.”

Marlow had meant it as a joke, but Nix’s expression fell and her lips warped into a grimace. “I have been selfish lately, Marlow. I have made choices for you that I told myself were to keep you safe and that is true, but I did not make them for your best interests, but rather because I wanted to prove that I could be your ataliumasta properly. It led to some poor decisions because I felt I would fail you if I did not choose the way I did, but I will not allow my pride and desires to hamper you any further. That is why I have asked Delthor to begin your training.”

“What?” Marlow shook her head. “Nix, I still want you as my guardian, I do not mind waiting.”

Nix pursed her lips and vented bubbles from her gills. “Marlow, I will always be your ataliumasta, that is not changing. But I am not going to be in any condition to teach you for a while, and the faster you learn, the better off you are. It wounds me, because I want to teach you, and I will, when the time comes, but for now, you need someone able-bodied to start you off and I cannot be that for you right now. But I will take immense joy in watching you and hearing about your progress.”

Marlow sighed. She supposed Nix had a point and it could not have been easy for the black and white mer to give up her teaching role, so Marlow decided not to push. Though she could not help leaning closer. “Delthor scares me,” she admitted in a whisper. “I am pretty sure he thinks me a celliate too.”

Nix burst out laughing and gritted her teeth as the shudders caused by her mirth seemed to jar her injuries and pain her. Meanwhile, Delthor dipped his chin and puffed his chest out a little.

“As it should be,” Delthor acknowledged. “A healthy degree of fear will keep you sharp. And trust me, Marlow, I will strip you of your foolishness quickly enough.”

Marlow licked her lips and swallowed a lump in her throat. She did not think Delthor was kidding. His tone was light and he grinned as if he was teasing, but she suspected he was still serious enough about it. “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow. Have a day to rest,” Delthor acknowledged. “Both of you.”