***

I waited for Lucy to say more, to elaborate. But she just sat there, staring through the windshield at nothing.

"What do you mean, you're not going back?"

Lucy shrugged, her shoulders slumping slightly after a few seconds. She looked different than she had only moments earlier. She'd been excited and energetic, now she just looked defeated.

"Luce, what happened?"

She shook her head and turned to face me again, the spark that usually gleamed brightly now dulled, hidden.

"I don't know, Evan." She shrugged again, looking down at her hands. "I just..." she trailed off, getting lost in her thoughts.

"Is it the classes?" I asked, an uneasy feeling in my stomach telling me it was something else. "Were they too hard, too fast?"

"No, nothing like that." She sighed, bringing her hand to her forehead, her eyes brimming with tears.

She stayed silent again, and I gave her a moment to look back out the window. She seemed to be looking for the right words to say, Lucy never rambled.

The icy winds passed us by with a light whistle, and I watched as the heat from the vents fogged up the window, further sheltering us from the outside world.

Lucy's hands now rested between her knees and her chest. Her fingernails were short and inflamed as if she'd picked at them for a while. I frowned, as Lucy had never let her nerves get to the point of even fidgeting, let alone nail-biting.

I reached over and gently took her hand, her soft eyes lowered.

"You can tell me anything you know?"

Lucy nodded, cleared her throat, and leaned back against the headrest.

"I got drugged," she said bluntly, and my heart sank. "In my dorm room."

"No..." I let go of her hand and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pulling her against my chest. No, no, no.

"You can probably guess what happened after that, I can't remember."

"Lucy... I'm so fucking sorry."

"And of course, everyone loves him, so no one believes me."

I pulled back an inch, and she looked up at me, tears brimming.

"What?" I felt my body heat as the gravity of what she'd told me started settling. "How can they not believe you?"

Lucy sat back up and ran both hands through her hair tensely.

"Honestly Ev, I fucked up pretty bad."

"What do you mean?"

She sighed,

"I'd gone on a date with him before. He was sweet and respectful and all that. So I invited him out with me and my roommate to this dumb fucking party..."

"None of that matters, you know that right?" She shrugged,

"Well I felt a cold catching on later so I told him I was staying in, and he offered to come anyway, make me tea, bring me Advil. And I just thought that was so sweet. So did Kiana - my roommate."

She sighed again and leaned back against the headrest, her eyes trained on the roof of my car.

"So he did. He wasn't touchy at all until Kiana left, but we just held hands. And I drank the stupid fucking tea he made me while we watched something on my laptop on the couch." She shook her head, "and next thing I know Kiana's yelling at me cause I'm asleep in her bed."

"She believes you, no?" Lucy smiled sadly.

"She thinks I made it up so I wouldn't be embarrassed that I fucked him in her bed." Lucy looked back out the window. "She found a condom wrapper by her bed and screamed at me to wash her fucking sheets." I bit the inside of my cheek, lost for words. "Then told our other friends and now our whole building thinks I'm falsely accusing him of rape. And she's known him since high school so of course, she'll believe whatever he says. So it's all fucked."

"Did you go to the hospital?" I asked, my mind scrambling for solutions amidst the frozen shock, "they can test for drugs." She shrugged again, her body language emitting defeat.

"I did, it was too late for most samples so they took some hair. Won't get the results back for a while and it's supposed to be way less accurate. But I don't care, even if it proves it I'm not going back. I don't want to see any of those people ever again."

I took her hands in mine again,

"Lucy, I'm so sorry... I-I could've called you more, I had no clue- I've been wrapped up in such stupid shit that doesn't even compare-"

"Ev, stop- I didn't want to tell anyone about it, you've done nothing wrong." I squeezed her hands, my guilt only rising. "I honestly wasn't even gonna say anything but, I dunno. You've been through some shit too, it feels better telling you."

I nodded, my throat tightening. Lucy doesn't deserve this. No one deserves this.

"You know I'm here for you always, anything you need just tell me, I'm here." I nudged her shoulder lightly, "like you were for me."

Lucy let out a small laugh and wiped away a tear,

"Thank you. I don't know..." she paused, and I could tell she was holding back tears. "I guess I just keep going through the same type of bullshit, and at some point... I just think that's on me."

"What?" I reached over, putting my hand on her shoulder. "Lucy, it's not. Not at all."

She pressed her palms to her eyes, holding them there for a minute before pulling them away, blinking her tears away quickly.

"But it is though. Like what about me keeps attracting the same kind of scummy fucking men into my life?"

"Luce, those men are everywhere. You did nothing to deserve any of this." My heart hurt knowing this wasn't something I could fix. It wasn't something that could be taken off of her shoulders.

"But why are those men picking me?" She sniffed and rubbed her nose, her tears falling freely now. "Am I putting out this weird fucking energy?"

"No. Luce, it's them. They're fucked up, disgusting people." I rubbed her back, my mind starting to buzz with venomous thoughts directed toward this faceless man. "You're perfect the way you are. You're strong, funny, smart... and honestly the best friend anyone could ever ask for." She sniffed again, her nose starting to get red with how much she was rubbing it. "Don't let your mind take you there, because it's not you."

She smiled half-heartedly, wiping at her eyes again.

"Thanks, Ev," she shook her head slightly. "I just don't think..." her eyes fell to her lap. "I don't think I can even tell the difference between good and

bad people anymore."

***