Sometimes

Being a survivor is not a blessing

It's more like having a demon as a pet

And praying it will tear you to shreds

Before you open your eyes

You have no idea how lucky you are

It's amazing you lived through that

You should be more grateful

It's easier to die than to live with the dead

If only you watched

If only you heard

If only you felt

Their blood

Their screams

Their fear

Filling the air

The agony they suffered so long ago

Lives on —— continues

In my head

In my dreams

In my day to day

And sure, yeah, I'm thankful

To have made it this far

But all I've been doing

Is keeping myself from falling apart

It's exhausting

I'm tired of this suffering

It's draining me

Even though I can't really feel anything

So to the ignorant I say:

Surviving is not a blessing

It's a God damn curse