Dear finally (definitely) not Greyson's actual diary,

My dad dropped this off last night because I told him it was my chem notes. Ha, gullible much? Anyways, it's five o clock in the morning and I can't sleep. They told me I need to sleep for the group this morning. It starts at eight, but It's going to be the one that requires sharing. I think I prefer the silly putty. Speaking of silly putty, Drew made his lavender. That guy seems to be really obsessed with lavender. I wonder what his deal is. Either way, he's really nice to listen to. Quite the smart little dude, even though maybe the way he talks is a bit odd. His voice is a bit higher in pitch, but kind of flat and expressionless. Yet somehow I can still feel all of his emotions when he tells me things like a sixth sense. Never really met anyone quite like him. I'm almost waiting for the bad side to show up. Perhaps it's delayed because it's really bad or something.

"Wakey wakey sleepy head." One of the nurse techs popped their head into Greysons room. Jeez she must think Greyson has the mind of a five year old child. A solid "Hey time to wake up," would have sufficed.

"Dr. Johanson would like to remove the dressing over your stitches and see how well it is healing. Then he'll give you your Ritalin."

Greyson rolled off the side of his mattress and jumped up off the floor. "Ok, quick shower and I'm right out, just two minutes." The tech shot back a thumbs up, and Greyson copycatted him around the corner as he turned around. "Ooh I have a job and suddenly I'm better than you, who the fuck thumbs up people at work? Ha funny for you to say, you're talking to yourself while getting naked in a public shower, real manly dude."

15 minutes later and all of Greysons dressings have been removed. As he walked into group, he clinched his arm tightly to his chest.

"Welcome, welcome youngsters and you too Jerry! Joking, joking. You're young at heart. Boy do I have a surprise for you this morning!" An older man, around the age of 70 stood up wearing a shirt reading, "this guy loves dogs."

Everyone piled into the room, leaning against the walls. "Wow, not a social group I see. That's ok, my visitors today are very friendly. Nobody here will bite, unless you're secretly a vampire." One of the nurse techs rolled her eyes.

A young woman suddenly swung open the door and five dogs of different varieties ran excitedly into the room. Drew immediately backed himself into the corner. Greyson looked over to him, unsure why he seemed uncomfortable.

"There are 5 dogs here today. If you haven't yet noticed, there is a piece of paper taped to their vests with a list of questions and conversation topics. Each of you is to go around, and pet the dogs while asking and responding to each other's questions. Try to have fun with it, and remember to remain respectful."

Greyson walked over to Drew who appeared as if he were about to melt. He was clenching and unclenching his hands, and shoving his back into the corner. "Hey dude, I can see that you're anxious right now. Did you wanna pet some dogs with me?"

Drew tried to stop a tear from escaping his eye and running down his face. "No no, please. I want to go home." Greyson stepped closer to Drew, "you don't like dogs do you?" Drew sniffled and shook his head.

Greyson went up to a random girl and grabbed a Dachshund out of her arms, "sorry, I need to borrow this little one. My buddy needs her right now." The girl opened her mouth as if to respond, but instead turned and walked over to an old beagle in the other corner.

"This is a weiner dog. She's really small, and she has a purple collar; I thought you'd like that. I have her tight. Just let her sniff you." Drew shyly held out the back of his hand and the dachshund gave him a sneaky lick. "Eww gross!" Drew sniffled, "she's so stubby!".

"See, I think she likes you! Let's sit on the floor and get comfortable on her level." The boys sat on the carpet and Greyson slowly relaxed his grip on the dog.

He then read her paper aloud. "Hello kids, my name is bella! I'm a four year old miniature dachshund who enjoys howling to some funky music. I also love getting to know you and I have a secret power for healing the soul."

Greyson rubbed one of Bellas paws, "ok sweet girl, let's read your questions. You ask first Drew."

Drew leaned over the short dog and randomly selected question ten. "Where would you see yourself in ten years if life had no limits? Oh, I don't like this one."

"It's ok. Neither do I, but I still wanna hear your answer. We can just both answer all the questions just to be fair." Drew smiled.

"Well, in ten years, I would be married and happy, and my dad would be happy with me, and everyone would be happy all the time because I would be a college graduate like my sister with a really good job. Then I wouldn't feel like such a burden to everyone around me."

Greyson holds out Bella to Drew. "Here, you can pet her." Drew tenses up and withdraws his hand. "Here, give me your hand, I won't let her bite you." Drew offered over his hand and Greyson ran it across her back.

"I haven't thought about my life ten years down the line because I never thought it would happen honestly. But since this is fantasy land, I would be playing professional football, and my entire family would be cheering at my games. Then, I'd have a huge wedding and my dad would read a wonderful speech. I would also probably have a kid or two, and I'd just be normal, with a normal home, a normal family, and no more cloudy days."

Greyson took back the dog and gave her a tight squeeze. "You got it real good tiny sausage dog. What a lucky baby you are, huh girl?" Drew smiled up at Greyson.

"I think you really like this dog. You seem to be smiling even though you had sad thoughts. You should get a dog." Greyson picked up the weiner dog and walked her on her hind legs, "I mean, look at these tiny legs and that long belly. These are rare treasures."

Drew laughed and then rubbed Bella's tummy. "See? Good job dude, you've won her over. Now my turn." Drew laughed again and knocked twice on the floor triggering three knuckle licks from bella, and more giggles.

"Question 7, what are some of your biggest insecurities, why do they make you feel insecure, and what is one reason why you should embrace this part of yourself, instead of practicing negative self talk? Wow, that was a loaded baked potato..." Drew gritted his teeth and tapped twice again.

"Ok well, this stuff is hard to talk about but, impulse control has always been a huge issue for me. When I get upset, I fight. When I need a rush, I seek one out. Not always in the best way, and that has always driven my family away from me. It took them far too long to seek out assistance and to get me on ADHD meds. And even then, it boiled over and I got mad at myself, got booted from the team, got booted from my family's hearts, failed chemistry, and fought with a bunch of underclassmen like a total child. And this is why I'm here; all because I got mad at myself for something that I didn't even really do wrong. But now I realize that I'm the bigger person, and they are all field mice and the fact that I didn't remove all their teeth is a miracle. Yeah that sounded creepier out loud. I apologize. You can speak now." Greyson immediately patted Bellas little dog head.

"Oh wow. Now I see what you meant by loaded baked potato." Drew grabbed Bella and rubbed her right ear between his finger tips. "I've always been a bit of a spaz as some people might say. I was a strange child. Still am, minus the child part. I don't know about myself sometimes though. It's taking all of my energy to just try to do what everyone else is doing and not raise any eyebrows, but every time I try to talk to people and make progress I am reminded that I will probably never really be that charismatic social butterfly and I will never really spread my wings like my father really wants me too. I am also the most boring person ever. I get overwhelmed so easily that I always ruin everything so I just choose to stay at home in my room. Sometimes it makes me think that if I died, nobody would notice for weeks until my body was really well decomposed. I just think that maybe I should give myself more credit for what I have accomplished instead of putting myself down for what I haven't, even if that is the harder path to go down."

Greyson reached over to give Bella some head pats. "Oh shit dude. There's nothing wrong with being a spaz. Personally, I own my spaziness most of the time. Plus, I think you're entirely charismatic. Maybe not in the way you wish you were, but you are just so kind and welcoming, I have told you more about myself than any single person, and I just met you."

Greyson looked down at the list. "Anyways, it's your turn to read now." Drew blushed and randomly selected a number.

"Ah question 2, what is one thing that helps you cope through some of your most difficult moments?" Drew looked down at the dog and tapped twice twice lightly on her head. "Well, I really don't know why I'm about to tell you this, but I have this lavender stuffed bunny that my sister gave me when I was born. At first it was hers, but when I was born, she was already a bit older and she gave it to me. My dad always mocked it. He said that it was funny to see his little man walk around with a purple easter bunny, but not in a good way. It was always condescending but he didn't know I knew what he meant. It was always the one thing I had to calm myself at the end of the day when I had nothing else and when the walls felt like they were collapsing around me." Drew scratched under Bella's nose.

Greyson poked Drew on the shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with having a stuffed animal as a man. I have a stuffed T-rex on my bed. They're just animals when you really think about it."

Drew squeezed his knees to his check and briefly looked Greyson in the eyes, then back down at the dog.

"Oh yeah, I gotta answer, whoops. Hmm, well... mine isn't a cute fluffy bunny like yours, but it's my home away from home. At night time, sometimes I get deep in thought and can't bare to be stuck at home, so I unlock my window, climb off the roof, onto the garage, onto the fence, and then run into the woods behind my place. Someone in my neighborhood built this tree house in one of the trees like 50 or more years ago and abandoned it. The only people that know it exists are like the 5 kids that live in my neighborhood and a few of the adults. It takes about ten minutes to walk far enough to reach it. I've been sneaking out to it at night for the past five years on the regular in attempt to scare away my internal problems." Greyson looked off into the corner and tucked his hands between his knees.

"Are you feeling okay or are you sad? We don't have to answer questions anymore. I like talking too." Drew flipped over on his stomach and tightly squeezed the sausage dog.

"Yeah, thanks for asking. I'm doing alright at the moment, having someone to talk to is nice. I usually don't have anyone who I can talk to without judgment. My friends were kinda douche bags. We can just talk. The formality is a bit stressful." Greyson laid onto his stomach to be eye level with Bella and Drew.

"This might be a rude question, but, how did a guy like you end up in this place? You know, because like, I always thought this place was for people like me. You know, trouble makers, ass holes, and psychopaths. Not that I'm a psychopath, I'm not, it was just an example."

Drew frowned and let go of the dog. Bella whimpered and kissed his hand. "This isn't a loony bin, it's a hospital. I don't know why you keep acting like the people here are less. Everyone is here because they are struggling with something emotionally, and that affects all of us differently."

Greyson frowned and ran his index finger over the carpet. "Oh hey, I wasn't trying to upset you, I'm sorry. I was just projecting. I don't even know I'm doing it sometimes." Drew poked Greyson's index finger earning a smile.

"But to answer your question, I am lonely and depressed. It never leads to good things, or so I'm told. I don't make friends easily, people like to use me as an easy target because they think I'm weird. So eventually I just stopped approaching people. My first school was not a friendly place. This guy I had class with freshman year was purposefully ignoring me when the teacher told us to pair up and when I tried asking him about the assignment he said, 'stop hitting on me retard'. When I left class, he and his friend followed me down the hall and tried to grab me by the belt and he shoved me against the wall and said I was probably enjoying it. It all got too much after a while. The harassment just got continuously worse. People thought it was funny to 'teach me how to behave like a man', totally forgetting that that isn't how Autism works. I wish sometimes I weren't a freak of nature, but it never goes away. The first time, I tried to overdose on a bunch of my dad's pills, but obviously that didn't work. Didn't work the second time either. I thought adding a few more into the mix would seal the deal on this last try, but it obviously didn't."

A tear ran down Greyson's eye and he poked back at Drew's index finger. "Holy shit dude. People disgust me. I don't understand why anyone would be so cruel to you, you are like literally the sweetest person I've ever met. Especially to harass someone for something out of their control. Having autism does not make you a freak of nature, if anything it seems to make you a better person. Fuck people and their opinions, there's somthing special about you dude." This caused Drew to blush over and shove his face into his knees.

"I can see your face, you little tomato. Why did you approach me anyways, if you hate approaching people so much?" Greyson poked Drews forehead.

Drew tried to force away a dopey grin. "Ignore my face, it does that occasionally. Also, I don't quite know. I saw you eating and you looked pissed off, and I couldn't tell if you would get angry at me or not, but I needed to hear what your voice sounded like. You are also very tall and you look strong and I noticed you have a bit of a five o clock shadow going on and that's very cool. And you were writing and that's also cool. I think I just over shared and now that I say all this out loud it sounds creepy like maybe i was watching you or something. Oh god I'm sorry please forget all of that." Drew turned five shades darker red all at once.

Greyson grinned and tried to avoid blushing in return, "I am a big dude aren't I? I often forget about that, people tend to either be intimidated by me, or think it would be fun to poke the beast. I hope my voice didn't disappoint you."

Drew smiled and glanced up into Greyson's eyes and down to Bella. "N-, not at all, nope. It's a very good voice. Very good voice for a man to have, I mean. Nice and deep, and a little raspy. But not too deep or too raspy like a smoker or anything, not there's anything wrong with that, I smoke a lot of weed myself. Ok I'll stop talking now." Drew shoved his face between his knees and knocked twice on the wall behind him.

Greyson rested his elbow on Drew's knee and faced him diagonally. "Hey no, don't stop now, this is very nice to hear. I needed an ego booster. You have a nice voice too, it was one of the first things I noticed. The first was your height, because you're a bit small, but it suits you. And the second thing was that you smell really good and I wasn't expecting that. And the third thing was your voice because it has a really nice higher resonance, but not high as in like squeaky and annoying, but like warm and inviting and like someone you could listen to talk for hours. Great now you've got me oversharing. I wish guys over shared with their friends more often. Fuck toxic masculinity."

Drew poked his face back up from between his knees still smiling. "I always thought my voice was a huge problem. The guys at school tend to think I have a 'sissy voice', whatever that means."

Greyson rolled his eyes. "Fuck them. Your voice is... very nice."

The dog man walked to the middle of the room and grabbed a poodle. "Ok kids! It's time for me to put my dogs away now. I'm glad to see that everyone has enjoyed them so much." Bella threw her paws off the ground and skidded over to her owner, earning a giggle from Drew.

"See you later, tomato."