Peyton sat in the passenger seat of Mrs Dexter's car nervously digging the corners of her nails as she looked out the window. This is the first time she is going to talk to a psychiatrist. Well, the first time she is going to have a one on one session with one. Over the years she had to talk to a couple when she ended up in the hospital from the beatings her parents gave her. But her parents were always present and she always lied. She decided to make her best effort to tell no lies today. This is her opportunity to get real help and she has no intention of screwing it up.

"Hey sweetheart, we're here." Mrs Dexter called softly to get her attention after she had parked the car.

Peyton pulled herself together and looked at Mrs Dexter with a small smile, "let's do this thing."

Mrs Dexter returned her smile, "it will be okay Peyton. He's the best psychiatrist this hospital has. But if you're not comfortable just let us know and we'll get you another doctor okay?"

Peyton nodded, "thanks Mrs D."

They got out of the car and walked silently to the psychiatric department of the hospital. They got to a waiting room and Mrs Dexter knocked on a door that read, "Dr. Wayne Kruze - Head of Psychiatry" along with all the letters that came after his name describing his academic qualifications.

Dr Wayne Kruze... doesn't sound like a very doctory kind of name... I wonder if he's any good? I wonder if he is as good as Mr and Mrs Dexter make him out to be? Maybe this is a bad idea. I should go.

Peyton's thoughts were interrupted when Mrs Dexter called her to enter the doctor's office. She did as she was told. Mrs Dexter introduced her to the doctor and vice versa before leaving and telling Peyton to call her when she was finished. Peyton nodded in response and looked at the door even after she Mrs Dexter was long gone.

Dr Kruze cleared his throat to gain her attention. She turned and looked at him. "Please, have a seat." He said with a smile as he pointed to a very comfortable looking couch.

Do I have to?

Peyton sighed as she took her time walking to the couch. When she finally sat, Dr Kruze left the chair he was in at his desk and sat on a chair opposite from Peyton.

"So Peyton, why are you here today?"

"I need help."

"In what way?"

Peyton looked at him as though he was stupid, "well, you're a psychiatrist so obviously I need mental help..."

Dr Kruze smiled at her, "yes, that we know but what I want you to tell me is what do you need help with. We need to start somewhere."

"I'm fucked up in the head..."

"Okay. Why do you think that?"

"Because, I am. I'm not normal like other people."

"And what is normal?"

"You know... people who don't do insane things. People who lead normal lives and don't have a bunch of issues and problems they drag behind them. People who don't screw up their relationships for stupid reasons. Those kinds of people. Well-adjusted people."

"And you honestly believe people like that really exist?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Well I will just tell you that everyone has their issues. Some more than others. People just have different ways of dealing with their issues. That's really the only difference."

Peyton shrugged, "if you say so. You're the doctor."

Dr Kruze chuckled, "okay then. What do you think is your problem?"

"How am I supposed to know? You're the doctor. You're supposed to tell me! If I knew what my problem is why would I be here?" Peyton was growing more and more frustrated.

Dr Kruze simply smiled, "knowing what your problem is doesn't mean you can fix it. It just means you are aware of what is going on with you. So, I will ask again and this time I want you to wait and think about it before you answer. What do you think is your problem?"

Although she was frustrated beyond measure and wanted nothing more than to leave this office and never look back, Peyton took a deep breath and did as she was told. She is not going to embarrass Mr and Mrs Dexter. They arranged this for her and she does not want to be ungrateful so she decided to give it the best shot she can.

"Okay..." she let out the breath she had taken in, "I think I have trust issues, anger issues and... and..." She threw her hands in the air, "I don't know!"

"It's okay Peyton, try not to get upset with yourself. You did well." Dr Kruze offered a smile.

"Huh?" Peyton asked in confusion.

"I just wanted to know how well in touch with yourself you are."

"Okay..."

"Tell me, is there anything you do not like about yourself?"

"Of course there is!"

"And what is that?"

"Everything! What is there not to like?"

"Okay, try and be more specific. What don't you like exactly?"

"The way I look, the way I treat people who care about me, my anger outbursts, my sexuality, the way I can lie way too easily, my social awkwardness, my..."

Dr Kruze cut her off, "okay. Now what about the things you like about yourself?"

"I don't like anything."

"Come on, there must be something."

Peyton shook her head.

"So you're trying to tell me that there is absolutely nothing you like about yourself?"

"I'm not trying. That is what I said."

"Okay. We will work on that. I know there are a lot of things to like about you. Believe me Peyton, you are a much better person than you give yourself credit for."

Peyton shrugged.

"You don't believe me?"

She shook her head, "it's your job to say that."

"Actually, no it's not. It's my job to tell you the truth and assist you in seeing and learning the truth about yourself and how to cope with things that bother you."

Peyton shrugged again, "if you say so."

"Okay, I understand that the Dexters have adopted you. Tell me about that. What led to that?"

Peyton gave Dr Kruze a very quick and very vague rundown of the events that led up to her current living situation.

"Okay Peyton, so how do you cope with all that has happened to you?"

"I try not to think about it."

"That has never been proven to work. What do you do to deal with all the hurt and pain?"

"Nothing."

"Peyton please, work with me. I know you have to have some sort of coping method and to be able to help you effectively I need to know how you cope."

Peyton was silent for a long time deliberating with herself whether or not to tell him the truth.

If I tell the truth then he definitely won't give me any sleeping pills but I really want some. No, actually, I need some. I miss those little buggers. But then again, I could always find a way around that... I could get stuff elsewhere and use other things like the cough syrup...

She was jolted from her thoughts, "Peyton?"

"Oh... sorry. Um... well, I kind of overdose on sleeping pills."

"Kind of?"

She nodded.

"Where do you get the sleeping pills?"

"Stole them from my mother."

"Okay. I am really glad that you decided to tell me the truth and you know now that I will not be prescribing any such medication for you right?"

She nodded. I could kick myself so hard right now!!!

"And what do you do when you do not have access to sleeping pills?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean Peyton."

"Okay okay. Sorry. I use other stuff like cough syrup."

Dr Kruze nodded, "and why do you use these things?"

"Why else? It makes me zone out and then I fall asleep and for those few hours, everything is peaceful. I can get a break from this fucked up world. My mind floats away, I can't hold on to any thoughts, good or bad, and it's... it's almost euphoric."

"So it is your escape from reality?"

"Yep."

"Have you ever attempted suicide?"

Peyton fiddled with her fingers, "what does that matter?"

"It matters a whole lot. That is a very serious matter."

Peyton gave in quicker this time and told him the truth, going into some detail upon his request.

"Okay Peyton, we are going to stop here today. But before we do, I want you to tell me one thing you like about yourself."

"I can't. There is nothing. I told you this already."

"There is and you will find it. You don't have to limit yourself to traits. You can name something physical. Just tell me something, one thing, that you like about yourself."

With an exasperated sigh Peyton thought for a moment. "My ears."

"Your ears?"

"Yep. I like my ears. In my opinion they are perfectly shaped and well proportioned and well, I just like it when... never mind."

"You like it when what?"

"Nothing. It's stupid and embarrassing."

"You can say anything in here. I am not judging you."

"I like it when people play with my ears... I know that's weird but it feels nice... sorry..."

Dr Kruze chuckled, "it's okay Peyton. It's not weird. Lots of people like that sort of thing. I have heard of somethings that are weird and trust me, liking people to play with your ears is not anywhere near the weirdness list; by far."

Peyton could not help but laugh, "okay then. If you say so, you are the expert."

"Well Peyton, I don't know about you but I think we had a good session here today. We have only just begun and the road to your healing will be a long one but you have to be willing to put in the work. I am more than willing to be your doctor if you would like to continue your treatment with me. You are a wonderful young lady and I think you need to give yourself a chance to see what I and your new family and friends see."

"I um... yes, I want to do this. I know I need help and I think I really can benefit from this. I do not like the person I have become and I know I need lots of help to get myself together. Yes, I would like to continue working with you and I will do my best but I cannot make any definitive promises. At least not yet. Thank you for your time and patience with me. I know I am difficult."

"It was and will be my pleasure Peyton. And try to stop judging yourself so harshly all the time. Okay?"

Peyton nodded as they both stood and shook hands before she left his office.

As instructed, she called Mrs Dexter to inform her that her session was over but she declined the offer of Mrs Dexter coming back for her and said that she would make her way home on her own. She needed time to think about everything that just happened. She was not ready to deal with people just yet.