-DEVON’S POV-

I wanted to cry, yell, and slap the shit out of Amanda all at the same time. None of this made sense, she had sang Rachel’s song word for word two hours ago… and I couldn’t get over it. 

How was that even possible? Amanda had never met Rachel, and Rachel never played an original for anyone except me…

So how was this possible? 

The look on Amanda’s face was pure terror, I had scared the shit out of her, and I didn’t know why I had suddenly lashed out. Maybe it was because Rachel meant a lot to me, and that song she wrote… well it meant a lot to me to. 

Then when Amanda sang it… it brought me back, but then I suddenly thought Amanda had stolen Rachel’s song. 

But Amanda had obviously never heard that song in her entire life… so how in the world did it conjure up exactly like Rachel’s in her head?

It was impossible, unexplainable… and the more I thought about it, the more my head hurt. 

Amanda was asleep, her features finally peaceful after our almost fight. I felt bad lashing out on her, she seemed so innocent, and she was obviously excited to play me the song, then I burst into hysterics. 

What was wrong with me? My appetite lately sucked, bad, my mood swings were terrible, and I tossed and turned half of the night. When I went to work on homework I couldn’t concentrate, and I fell asleep 2 out of the three times we had lectures…

What was going on?

Sure I was depressed, it was pretty damn obvious to just about everyone… but lately its gotten a little out of hand. 

I think the only thing I ate today was… a bag of chips. 

God… I was starving myself! But I wasn’t hungry anymore!

I felt lonely, God I felt so damn lonely all the time… and Amanda was the one who stuck next to me. I didn’t understand why, but I liked it. I appreciated it a lot, and she reminded me so much of Rachel… it hurt. 

I got up out of bed, walking slowly over to Amanda’s bed and climbing into it with her. 

She stirred, her piercing light green eyes peering through the dark and at me, then without a word she scooted over and allowed me next to her. 

Then I broke. 

The tears just kept coming, and Amanda’s pajama shirt absorbed most of them. She held me tight into her chest, and she smelt so good… 

Just like Rachel. 

I cried, I just didn’t get it… I didn’t… why? Why Amanda? Why did she have to remind me so much of Rachel? My dead best friend that I wished so bad was here right now? Why was she my roommate? Constantly reminding me of her? Putting me through hell…

She whispered, “Devon?”

I looked up, my eyes searching for her through the tears, “Yea?”

She tightened her grip, “It’s gonna be ok you know? Eventually it will be, I promise.”

I felt the lump in my throat grow, I wanted to believe her, I really did, but I just couldn’t. The pain inside my chest was just to bad, to deep, I didn’t know if I was even going to make it. 

Me and Amanda had had a rough week and a half, but here I was curled up in her arms just like I did to Rachel when I was going through shit. 

That had to stand for something right?

“Just doesn’t feel that way right now…”

Her chin was on my head, and she sighed, “Right now. But I promise you’re strong enough.”

I felt bad, I was blaming Amanda for my depression. It wasn’t her fault her physical appearance changed, and her skills emerged, and her dorm had been selected with me… I could sit here and blame it all on her. I had shit luck, that’s why… but taking it out on Amanda wasn’t going to get rid of the pain.

She was obviously still here for me after everything I put her through, even though she kissed me out of nowhere. 

Which reminded me, “Amanda why’d you kiss me?”

She seemed to hesitate, and I felt her heart rate pick up, she was getting nervous. “Uh… to be completely honest… I’m not really sure.”

I was expecting a better answer. 

When she kissed me… I was shocked, mortified, and a little… excited. The first and only other time I had ever kissed a girl was when me and Rachel were at a stupid party out Junior year in Highschool.

We were playing spin the bottle and of course it landed on both of us, gratefully we were best friends. 

Little did I know it meant a lot more to her then just some stupid kiss from her best friend. 

Had it meant something to me? I was just to stupid to realize it way back when? And did the kiss with Amanda mean anything? Or was it just a reoccurring memory that I had to go through when she did it? 

Because I had automatically thought of Rachel. 

There were to many things I couldn’t understand, to many things that didn’t add up… and it was really getting to me. 

There had to be an explanation… some way to explain why these things were happening… 

It was almost like… no… that wasn’t possible… was it?

The time we ate at the café together… the way she ordered… her appearance, the hair, her eyes… her guitar, the song, the kiss… 

No…

It was like… Rachel… the actions… the things she did with me…

They were all happening all over again, except it wasn't with Rachel... it was with Amanda.