《THE FORGOTTEN DAD》CHAPTER 25
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"Oh Mr. Jeon, you're here,"
An old security guard surprised when he saw a familiar figure walked across the huge gate with heavy steps. He hurriedly went out from the guard cottage and approached the owner of this house he been taken care of. It's very bizarre to see even his shadow hovering around this abandoned residence. At least once in a month this house will receive visitors, well actually the same person like Mr. Kino, the COO of JK Group and some cleaners who sent off to make sure the condition of the house always neat and tidy.
"Sir?"
It's seems like his question had been neglected again this time. His expression stills the same every time he walked in here. Gloomy and sombre. Ah, what a pathetic man, he thought. People called him as "A Wifeless Husband", well that's his son told him about Mr. Jeon's dark history. His beloved wife left him when he was in prison along with his new born baby. Although it's been a couple of year, he somehow still can't get over it.
He is someone... or at least he was. He was someone who has everything. Wealth, power, fame, family, friends, happiness. What else? You name it. He had everything for sure.
The autumn brought forth an early evening, signifying the beginning of long periods of harsh loneliness and numb frostbite. The door creaked open as he stepped in but was quickly shut by the vicious wind. He stood at the door way looked melancholy while looking surrounding of this house. He sighed a heavy breath.
It's been awhile he didn't come here. Today instead of being in the office, his thought somehow still wandering around JK Castle. So he guessed that's why he ended up here. The house that had been abandoned in the great depression. When the owner itself already left all alone, so there had been no point in staying or trying to sell it.
The stairs ahead were twisted in a perfect spiral, like a child's slinky toy pulled from each end. Each stair was likely a deep walnut, but with the thick layer of undisturbed dust it was hard to tell. He took his feet, stepping the stairs one by one and went to the upstairs, straight to his room.
Everything still remains on the same exact position. Even his wedding picture with her statically hung against the wall close to their bed. He walked close towards the windows before raising the curtain up, letting the sunlight entered this dark room. It was sunset. His eyes drifted to the horizon, the sky was pink and the sharp prongs of bare trees had ripped a hole in the clouds. Through the wound the colours of autumn bled and burnt his mind.
She would love to watch this, he thought. The beauty of the sunset only intensified Jungkook's pain. Without his daughter there could be, should be, no beauty in the world. The defiant sky adorned itself with brilliant reds and oranges, clothed itself in garish splendour. He glared back at the mocking swirls of colour, the whites of his eyes pink by crying and pinker by its reflection and without warning an epiphany struck. His weakness was his strength against the will now. Liked it or not. How painful it was. He didn't have a choice apart from facing it by himself.
His hands reached an old dusty radio on the wooden desk. The only his mother's belonging that he took into this house. The one who accompanied his mother on her last days. It such a lie to deny if every time he saw this radio, the only human that appear in his mind was his beloved mother.
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Jungkook's finger quickly pressed the 'on' button to see if it still works or not. The buzzing sound came appear within a second. He smiled spontaneously. He then brought the radio to the sofa before take a seat while his hands keep trying to find any channel that could reach his house area. Not long after that, he succeeded finding one after a DJ's voice produced. He puts the radio on the small desk in front of him.
He sat in the corner of dingy room, his back pressed against the cold sofa and hands shivering along the lined edges of the cracked bricks and fragments of hope. The state of raw abandonment will swallow his sanity whole; dawn by dusk he feel his reason slipping through his frozen fingers.
"Do you guys still remember Sofa song sang by Crush?" his ears still continue to listen the radio.
"This song is gold!" he heard another DJ responded to his colleague.
"It was a request by our listener. I hope you guys enjoy this song!" then a slow comforting rhythm came.
He smiled for no reason when this music started to play. He used to cover this song before when he still a Kpop idol. A breakdown song to a breakdown person. He should sue this radio company later of trying to mock his personal life.
niga itdeon sofa anja isseo honja
I'm sitting alone on the sofa where you used to be
He just couldn't help it to end up being here too. To sit in her favorite place. And somehow he still could smell her fragrance here as she just sat on this sofa a while ago.
dan hansumdo mot jago hoksi niga olgga hago
I couldn't sleep a bit, in case you came
The song continues and Crush's lyrics getting deeper and deeper. Why this song is so fucking harassment towards him. It just showed more that it's who he was in the real life.
meonghani hyeon-gwan jjongman barabwa
I'm just blankly staring at the front door
Stupidly him turned his face towards the door too and wished it will open by her. That he will get to see her standing in front of the door with her pretty smile. Little did he know, that she won't exactly.
He lay his head gently again, puffs of warm breath threading out of his lips. Eyelids fluttering shut, he allows himself a quick smile and start to humming.
"du nuneul gamgo gwireul magabwado..." *I try closing my eyes and covering my ears
He started to sing along this old song. A nice thought crosses his mind. It's been a while he didn't sing and his voice barely to follow the rhythm properly. Ah, maybe he is too old for this anymore, he makes a silly thought. But he didn't gave up and still continue singing again.
dasi naege dorawa chu-eokdeuri
But the memories come back to me
sumeul chamneundago simjang-i meomchwojilgga
Will my heart stop if I hold in my breath?
neol hyanghan geuri-umman doedorawa
Only my longing for you comes back
Please come back and tell me you regret leaving me, Y/N. Tell me you miss me and that it's been me all along.
Honestly to say that he hold it a lot. The older he gets, the more he believe in what he can't explain or understand, even more than the things that are explainable and understandable.
So this is a breakdown huh? This is what I was warned of so many times.
"Jungkook. You sleep?"
He opened his eyes as soon as he heard one voice coming. He turned his head only to see his wife at the door. Her white dress somehow sparkling reflected into his eyes. She appeared in the room with the winter snow billowing around her skirt. Her eyes scanned the room with determination in search of someone when her eyes met his she smiled. So beautiful it was like the stars themselves, decided to rest behind the soft cushion of her lips.
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"There you are," she smiled.
She was beautiful, but not like those girls in the magazines or he simply met in the night club. She was beautiful, for the way she thought. She was beautiful, for that sparkle in her eyes when she talked about something she loved. She was beautiful, for her ability to make other people smile even if she was sad. No, she wasn't beautiful for something as temporary as her looks. She was beautiful, deep down to her soul.
She walked towards him and slowly put herself on his lap. She hugged both of his broad shoulder and laid her head against his head, sharing the warmness they both have. When they finally clasped each other in a warm, slow and luxurious hug, they felt all oppositions to their love had melted. His chests rising and falling against her back, their breaths in unison, and the warm blood that they could feel in each others' embrace.
"You heavy, Y/N," he heard she sniggering towards his mumble.
"Hey it's not my fault Mr. President. Your daughter who been eating a lot these days,"
He brought his hands towards her stomach and rubbed softly her baby bump.
"Don't listen to Mummy, my little princess. You're not fat. She's the one who need to lose some weight later," he whispered to her stomach while she keep smiling and stroking his hair.
There's nothing happier for him when she decided to ends their marriage agreement and stayed together forever. You know, marriage isn't a ring worn or a paper signed. It is not something endured but savored. It is the union of two hearts beating as one, each that would sacrifice for the other's happiness and wellbeing. Marriage is something so beautiful that in that natural world it would be an opening rose, always with radiant petals left to unfurl to a warm sun. Perhaps that is why we give roses to those we love and often have them at our sacred unions. Marriage is the blessing we give to one another, an eternal bond of soul-mates.
"Promise me that you won't ever leave me," he whispered into her ears. She nodded smilingly.
"Please never leave me if there's anything happens later," he told her again.
"Why you keep telling me this?" she asked. Her expression looked curious. He shook his head and told her there's nothing to worry about.
"I love you always Jungkook and there's nothing could make me leave you ever again," she promised to him and gave him her pinky finger. He gave his too before kissing her forehead. Deep down in his heart somehow still worrying about what will going to happen in the future.
In the darkness their cuddles are feel like a little touch of heaven, warm, together, cozy. He wished he could extend the night just so he could stay close to her for longer, safe in her embrace. Her arms wrapped right around him brought a peace he had never known before, a calming of the storms in his heart. He thinks it's her that gives him hope for the future. In her embrace he started to believe that there is nothing out there to fear, that all there is sunshine, beautiful trees and kind people - friends to be. But then she leave, often before the sun is fully risen in the sky and he must stand alone again, be his own person. Her cuddles are the only medicine he needs, they are the light in the darkness, a lone star in an otherwise empty sky.
She promised him to never leave him. But she did. And it was the painful thing ever. Right after he released from the prison, his mind was wandering about her and their daughter. Were they still at JK Castle? So he asked Kino to send him to his mansion straight away even Jennie keeps blocking his way.
He found her there. She was in the middle of preparing her things to move out with some helps from Mark's bodyguards.
"Where is she?!" he yelled out to her, asking where she hide their daughter was. He was in the state of willingly to see his new born child but did she ever feel pity about it? No!
She ignored him heartlessly and keeps instructing others to pick up some boxes.
he quickly grabbed her hand harsh while his eyes keep glaring towards her.
"Let me go! You don't deserve to be her father at all!" she shouted at him back and pulled off her hands from him.
Only one I love so much could be my assassin. It takes an inside job to attack one so resilient to emotional injury. That is my heartbreak, to know you are the tool of my greatest pain, my lover. I could be hurt in any way by another and still bounce right back, but you... but you... can do far worse with just a few small words. You don't mean them, I know it - in a way that makes it worse.
"Look I know we already divorce but that doesn't make you can do whatever you want! Who are you to judge me so soon like that? I'm her real father, Y/N. I have rights on her too!"
She didn't just slashed at him with betrayal, but she parried him with her vengeance too.
"You know what Jungkook. This whole damn marriage is a mistake. I shouldn't listen to your mother to marry you that day because we're better off without you. Eva and I could live better without a man like you,"
What hides behind the lies are truths that failed to get to the light? What lies behind your betrayal may have been honest at first sight. What concealed my pain is what keeps reminding me of you every night. You maybe confused now but I believe everything will come out when the time is right.
"I don't know why I split myself open for someone who would never even bother to show me the thread." She spitted every word she wanted to say. Little did she know, he was breaking in the inside too.
This heartbreak feels cold. It feels like concrete drying in my chest. This heartbreak was unexpected, as they always are - top of the world one minute and cut down the next. Why is that? You have no idea didn't you? It is you I am trying to help, Y/N? It is you I work so hard for.
She said. "You never listened to me,"
"I did listen to you."
"You stopped telling the truth to me."
"I never stopped telling the truth to you."
She replied, "Then how come when I reached out to you about what I needed, nothing ever changed... How come when I lay down next to you, I couldn't feel your pain?"
He was speechless.
"Y/N, I loved you. How can you be so cold?" Jungkook kept his eyes steady, resting on her face like they were home, but just briefly, the sorrow already building.
She stayed rooted to the spot, the breeze moving her hair softly away from the cheekbones that had become so much more prominent over the previous weeks. Her features buckled just slightly before she spoke, the only betrayal of her grief.
"You say that like it means anything. What is love to you? There was a time I gladly took torture for you, to protect you, remember? Yet you gave me up as soon as there was a threat to yourself. That isn't love, or at least not a version of it I can respect. You broke me, then attacked the pieces, so full of rage that I couldn't function after what you did. There isn't a woman alive that wants a man who would betray her. At point of death you should have said to pull the trigger, that you'd rather die than give me up. It's what I did for you so many times." Y/N's face was paler than he ever recalled it being, as if her very blood was shrinking away from his presence, her lips almost ghostly despite the warm sun.
Jungkook broke his gaze, preferring instead to rest his eyes on the living room behind. Then he spoke with the same voice like before.
"You don't know how it was. You just like to judge me. Have you any idea what I did for you? Any idea at all?"
Then he turned back to her, face set like an adversary, eyes cold, and muscles tense. Y/N broke a little more inside - the pieces becoming shards. For in that moment she'd seen his inner monster lock onto her, the part of him that made him such a great businessman, and she thought his love to her was a kind of possession. No possession, no love.
You look at me like a stranger, yet worse. Instead of the fragile soul you loved for so long you see an enemy. Baby, I never sought to hurt you. It's as if all that love became pain, pain became fear and the fear sowed hatred strong enough to break us. Maybe that's the way things go, a strong hate to break a strong love, to erect walls, to protect the self. That can't be us though; it can't be the end to our story. Can we find a fragment of the love we shared? A seed that might grow into a new relationship - a friendship to heal us both. I still see who you are, know the person you were to me. I know you hurt and I'm sorry, truly; yet there has to be a part of you that knows I hurt also. If you can be softer, I can be too - I can take down some of these walls a brick at a time.
"You're right," she lets out a gasp after a moment.
"I might don't know a thing what you have done, Jungkook. Because you never let me to. And that's why we're done here,"
"You're kidding, right?" he asked, his voice shaking as his eyes meet her for the last time.
"No, Jungkook, it's over." she slowly turns away, trying to hide the sadness in her eyes.
"I guess it is," he gulped down a sob and tries to keep his composure as her walks away. His heart breaks into little tiny pieces; tears of regret blur his vision. He wanted desperately to call out to her, beg on her knees that it will never happen again. He wanted to erase his mistakes, start over fresh; but that kiss will forever pain him while they were together. She's right, it is over, and he killed it.
With each whispered word... a piece of his heart broke. When she walked away, his happiness in her pocket. No longer was he on his feet, instead curled to the damp concrete, his mind devoid of the light she had given. His thoughts fell into an endlessly repeating loop, "Why? Why leave? Why you're leaving me, Y/N?"
You gave me your word. You filled me with hope and security. You told me the things I needed to hear, to take the chance and make the jump with you. You made me feel like I was worth it. I was who you wanted. But you shattered that all quite well. You couldn't take it anymore. You turned around and left me falling without you. You promised me you wouldn't. But you did. You left me. And you gave up on us.
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