《Guitar Cry: A Cody Simpson Love Story》Guitar Cry: Chapter (20)
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A/N: Listen to the song in the description while reading this chapter, puh-lease! (: -->
I slid back into the mahogany colored booth, unsure of how I should react. I kept my gaze on the menu in front of me, pretending as if I didn't see him.
I began fumbling with my hands nervously under the table. They were getting warmer with each millisecond. If my sweating palms, goosebumps on my forearm and parched feeling in my throat didn't indicate that I was nervous, I don't know what will.
It wasn't until I saw a pair of feet slide into the booth in front of me that I looked up. Even then, I kept my eyes focused on the booth behind his head. I wouldn't dare look into his eyes that would keep me captivated as prisoner.
"Santana."
I resisted the urge to put my earbuds into my ear and blast the music as loud as I could. His voice was enchanting and just as deceiving as his eyes. I felt as if his words were a melody that I couldn't help myself from singing along tunefully with.
"Please, look at me."
There were so many things processing through my head right now. I didn't know what to say, or how to respond -- if I should even respond. All I knew was that I didn't trust my voice right now.
"I know that I hurt you so bad that you can't even bring yourself to talk to me. If you can't do that, then all I'm asking is for you to listen."
I felt my head nodding, agreeing to whatever it was he said. Another warm and nervous hand slipped into mine as I was being led to the back of the restaurant.
I couldn't bring myself to pull my hand away and walk in the other direction. My body no longer had control over what it was doing. I wasn't listening to Cody.
I was listening to my heart.
And for some reason, I felt as if this was the right thing to do.
The scenery around us quickly changed as we stepped outside into the windy Spring night. Trees which were still bare from the winter surrounded a bench in the center of it. Illuminating lights were decorated on the tree, making everything look more beautiful then it already was.
I felt myself being escorted toward the bench until the both of us finally sat down. My eyes remained glued to the pavement below us, until I felt a hand cupping my chin; forcing me to look into his eyes.
It was different.
His eyes weren't as vibrant or full of color as I had last remembered. They now resembled the color of gray as if they were being trapped in some sort of dull and monotonous sphere.
I could feel the sorrow and heartache through them; to which they corresponded mine.
"So listen," he pleaded. "That's all I'm asking for."
When I didn't respond, he took this as his opportunity to begin. I was so mesmerized by his eyes that I didn't even realize the guitar situated on his lap.
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I've been trying to find the right words
But they always seem to hit the page wrong
You see I tend to fight words
You breathe 'em into life, and they're gone
I need some louder speaking actions
They do what letters could never do
You see, you are my addiction
I need more than words to show you
So listen to me, so listen
Listen to my heartbeat
I'd like to think you understand me
But I never really like to assume
So you never have to ask me
I'mma let my actions tell you the tru-hu-huh
His song gave me the strength to finally respond. "Cody, I--"
"Sh," He cut me off shortly by pressing one of his fingers against my lips while leaning in closer toward my face.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "What do you think you're doing?" I whispered, not bothering to move away.
"I'm going to let my actions show you," he murmured before compressing his lips against mine.
The two of us shared a romantic, long and passionate kiss before pulling away. I touched the spot where he had kissed me with my index finger. I never realized how much I had missed that, and how much I wished I could never let that feeling go.
And by the look of Cody's hungry eyes, I sensed as if he was feeling the same way. If I never had an opportunity to do this again, I was surely going to take advantage of it right now. I pressed my palm against the back of his neck, luring his face closer to mine again.
The two of us met each other half way -- colliding our lips against one another's. The feeling of assurance and security washed throughout me, making me feel fearless in the heat of the moment and craving for more.
He licked my lower lip, asking for an entrance. My hand somehow got tangled in his hair as he rubbed my lower back soothingly. I opened my mouth, providing him to do what the both of us were yearning for. His mouth was warm, the endearment of his lips more sensual then they had ever been.
Then it was all gone. As quickly as the kiss had come, it had left.
Cody stared at me with apprehension. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
He was right. He shouldn't have done that. He was only leaving me craving for more, which I knew I would never get because he was probably only here to end the tension between us and ask for some sort of friendship.
"Then why did you?" I asked, leaning out of his face. I smoothed my dress with my hands while waiting for his answer; never once breaking eye contact with him.
He took in a deep breath before responding. "Because I just needed to make sure that you still had feelings for me."
"Why does it even matter?" I snapped. "It's not like you care, anyway."
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Cody took his warm hands into mine. He kissed my knuckles softly before saying, "I never stopped caring about you, Santana."
I cocked my head sideways while clenching my jaw in anger. "I thought you came here to fix things. Not to lie."
"If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't have let you go." He paraphrased slowly.
"If you did care about me, we wouldn't have been in this position. You didn't even have the decency to visit me at the hospital." I said through gritted teeth.
Cody was quick to object, "but I was!"
"Giving me a ride to the Hospital doesn't exactly count." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.
"I know it doesn't, but riding in the ambulence and staying by your bed for the two days you were knocked out cold does." He said.
There was a silent pause before I replied. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anyone tell me?" I murmured in bewilderment.
"Because I made everyone promise they wouldn't tell you," he explained, "I didn't want to make things harder than they already were."
I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. "I--I don't know what to say. I spent weeks being mad at you for no reason. . .I'm sorry." And that's when I let my guard down. Whatever front I had build up came crashing down quickly. I couldn't help the tears that began streaming down my face.
"Please don't apologize," Cody breathed out. "You have every single right to be mad at me. But I just want you to understand why I did what I did. Then you can make your final decision."
I nodded slowly, tears still flowing down my face.
"I don't know what I was thinking ever getting you into this whole mess between Bella and I," he began. "At the time, I wasn't thinking straight with my heart; I was only thinking bitterly with my head because I was jealous that you were with him during that time. It was around that time that I realized I loved you -- no, I am in love with you."
"If it weren't ever for that, I wouldn't have gotten you into this mess of being my fake girlfriend. I regret that decision most now. I was too busy giving all of my time and attention to Bella, so I never realized how much hate you were truly recieving. Then, when we started dating -- which were the best months of my life -- I noticed what you were going through. I loved you too much to let go, but I felt as if I was only keeping you for my own selfish reasons."
"I thought that if I broke up with you. . ." He paused for a brief moment. "All of that pain would go away. That I wouldn't have to put you through all of that nonsense anymore. That you would be able to go out and live your life as a normal teenager without me or anyone else interfering. I didn't know you were suffering all that time, and If I did, I wouldn't have waited this long to tell you. . ."
I looked up to meet his eyes, which were now glistening with tears as well. "To tell you that it's not just you. It hurt me too. Watching you leave with tears on your sleeve, didn't you notice that mine weren't exactly dry?"
(A/N: "Not Just You" song reference FTW! I'm sorry, I bursted out laughing toward this part xD I totally ruined the whole sad thing going on, but I don't like sad stuff. LOL I'm so sorry.)
"I've spent too many days in remorse, and too many sleepless nights to wait for this day." Pause. "I can't ever apologize enough for what I did to you -- for what I did to us -- but I just hope you can understand. Even if you don't forgive me, I just need you to know."
I pushed past the lump in my throat as I made out a reply. "So what, Cody?" I cried, standing up from the bench. "Do you think I'm just gonna let you walk back into my life and forget about everything that just happened?"
I realized that I wasn't truly mad at him.
No, I was mad at myself.
It antagonized me to know that I never really thought about things from his perspective. I was so caught up in my own hurt to realize how much Cody must have felt. I know he's in love with me -- so why didn't I even give it a second thought as to why he would break up with me? I was an idiot. He only had good intentions. I was the one who should have been apologizing.
But I didn't. Because I wasn't saying how I felt with my heart. Instead I was only thinking with bitterness; not being able to control the words that came out of my mouth. It wasn't the anger that I had toward him. It was with the anger I had toward myself.
". . .If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." He painfully murmured.
Out of this whole situation, the next words that I was about to say were what I regretted the most.
"I'm sorry Cody, but I have a plane to catch tomorrow morning. I waited two months for you. Another one won't kill you." Maybe it wouldn't -- but it would surely kill me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*IMPORTANT*
CONTEST TODAY: I've already written 20 chapters! Woohoo :) How many more chapters do you think this story is going to have in total? Also, don't comment only saying how many chappies you think are left. Please leave a comment about this chapter as well, or something else, because I won't pick you or respond if you only leave a number.
Alright, I love you guys so much! xo
HCHC,
CodySimpsonsAngel
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