Kylo Ren had been gone three days when the handprints on your neck dwindled to faint red lines. He'd been gone over ten when the purple bruise on your jaw faded to a yellow-green. But it had only taken one for you to miss how his body felt against yours, how his lips brushed along your skin, how his eyes stared--not at you, but into you. Through you.

You hadn't stepped back onto the docking bay since Kylo had left. There was little desire to surround yourself with prying eyes while you worked on meaningless tedium to appease the superior officers. Instead, you spent a lot of your time masturbating, unable to get your mind off of the last time he'd fucked you. It had been the most intense, passionate, physical thing you'd ever done--and it left you feeling more confused than ever.

The violence was one thing--probably not sustainable--but what really bothered you was afterwards, when he'd wiped you free of fluids. How gentle he'd been, how, only minutes after ripping you open, he had made any effort at all to stitch you back together. You hadn't expected that. But, to be honest, you weren't sure what you were expecting. You weren't even sure how you felt about him, anymore. Kylo Ren was proving to be as unpredictable as ever.

It was over a plate of tasteless slop that you'd decided to ponder your predicament--alone. But despite the fact that you'd chosen an inconvenient hour in hopes of privacy, your musing was interrupted by the sound of squeaking regulation boots against the mess hall tile. You looked up, ready to stare down the intruder and claim your territory--but met a familiar face, instead.

"Minks," you said, "what are you doing here?"

She groaned, collapsing into the seat across from you. "Oh my stars, just having the worst day ever," she said, and pointed to your slop-plate. "That any good?"

"No," you replied, and she whined. "That sucks, though, dude. What happened?"

Minks sighed, went to grab a spare plate from the line, and returned to her seat, breathing in through her nose, eyes closed. "Two words," she said, and opened her eyes. "Ejector. Seats."

"Oh, no," you said, crossing your arms. "Let me guess: Oh, Loren, these are installed improperly, you have to--"

"Connect them to the master circuitry console! Yes, that's exactly what he said!" She took a bite of the slop, gnashing it with short, quick chomps. "And I told Jakar, no, that's been proven to be inefficient, especially on these newer models--"

"So inefficient!" you said, shaking your head. "Especially when you can just--"

"Join it to the solar connector line! I mean, jeez, if you need the ejector seat," she paused to take another bite.

"If you need the ejector seat, the master circuitry's probably already done for," you finished for her, grinning.

Her eyes widened as she threw her hand in the air. "Exactly!" she said through a full mouth, and swallowed. "That's exactly what I told Jakar. And, look, I love Jakar--but he just looked at me, like, oh, Loren, as if, as if... I don't know."

Your brow furrowed. "As if you're some idiot."

Minks took a breath, frowning. "Yeah." She regarded her food with apprehension. "You were right, this really isn't good."

"Told you," you said, smiling. You watched her take another bite and looked down at your own plate, chest feeling fuzzy. "Hey, so... there's an open second engineer position on Starkiller. You should think about coming back with me."

She choked, brows rising. "You think I'm good enough to work on Starkiller?" she said.

"Definitely," you said. "You'd be great. And my boss is... he's really cool."

"I don't have to think about it!" she said, beaming. "Sign me up!"

You laughed. "Okay, okay. I'll... I'll ask Commander Ren about it."

"Yay!" she said, and clapped her hands like a child. "You're the best!"

"Don't know about that," you replied, taking another bite. Part of you just couldn't stand the idea of returning to Starkiller without a friend whowasn't your boss.

Minks scoffed. "You're so silly." Her expression shifted. "Whoa, whoa--I just noticed. What happened to your face?"

"Oh," you replied, passing a hand over the shrinking bruise. "Man, you know what, I slipped in the bathroom and hit my jaw right on the sink!" You shook your head, shrugging. "Just a klutz." At least only Kylo Ren could read your thoughts. Oh, that? I just goaded Kylo Ren into clobbering me with his lightsaber right before I gave him a bloody blowjob. It's totally no big deal.

She nodded. "Ouch! Glad nothing worse happened."

Nothing worse? Well, then he choked me while he wrecked my vagina with his massive dick. "Haha, yeah. You know how it is," you said, blushing at your own internal monologue. You'd probably need to masturbate again when you got back to your room. That'd be--what, the third time in one day?

"By the way," Minks said, leaning in. "How are things going with that guy you were talking about?" She raised a knowing eyebrow, as if she actually had read your thoughts.

"Uh," you said, blood pressure rising. Not every detail had to be shared. "Well... I kind of fucked up."

She blinked, pouting. "Oh, no! What happened?"

You sighed. "Well, I don't know. I went over his room the other night just kind of went through his personal things and messed with stuff and he got really mad at me."

"Oh, wow," she said. "Yeah, that doesn't look too good for you."

"But, I mean!" you said, scratching your head. "He messed with my stuff! And he's the one who invited me over, so like... I don't know!" Guilt was a black dog nipping at your heels.

Minks frowned, taking a final bite from her food. She studied your face as she finished. "So, your argument is 'he started it'?" She grimaced. "I mean, jeez. He invited you into his space. He expected something better from you, I'm sure."

"But! He, like! I don't know!" you said, crossing your arms.

There was a temptation to say that Minks simply didn't get it. After all, you'd left out one important detail--this was Kylo Ren that you were talking about. He didn't care about you--the idea that you should care about him in return was ludicrous. But you remembered the night before you'd found the helmet. His warm strength against you. His arm pulling around you.

I never forget you.

Maybe you had made a tiny little mistake. "Okay, okay," you said. "Fine. I'll... I'll..." It wouldn't come out. The word was like poison on your tongue. "Ugh--apologize to him." Apologize to Kylo Ren. Great.

Minks clapped again. "Look at you! Let me know how it goes, okay?" She winked.

You rolled your eyes, sulking. "Yeah, yeah, fine. Whatever."

"You're so cranky," she said, with a smile brighter than a star. "Have a good night, girl!"

"Night," you said, watching her dispose of the rest of her meal and head out of the mess hall. When she had turned the corner, you sighed, combing your fingers through your hair. "Stupid optimists."

After you returned to your quarters, you fulfilled your desire get another one off and fought your way to sleep, debating on how you'd even phrase an apology to Kylo Ren. You went over it a thousand times in your head, every time sounding less sincere than the last. Sorry I found your creepy Darth Vader helmet that you have no reason to have anyway. Sorry I looked through your stuff when you're the one who left me there and didn't lock your doors properly. Sorry you got a taste of your own medicine.

Hopefully, by the time he returned to the Finalizer, you'd have a better draft.

The next morning, you awoke to an alert on your datapad: Arrival: Command Shuttle at 03:42. You looked at the time-- 07:06. Kylo had already been back for over three hours--you hadn't expected to be faced with the prospect of seeing him so soon. If you were lucky, he'd already gone to sleep, and you could complete your inspection of the shuttle without having to speak with him at all. Before you left out of your quarters, you glanced at your reflection, catching the blotch of green-yellow still on your jaw. Looking better than ever.

The docking bay was unusually quiet when you arrived--you wondered if it was residual fear from the return of the Command Shuttle--and the Command Shuttle's owner. Cracking your knuckles, you breezed by the diagnostic terminal, too familiar with the work order you knew was awaiting you. Instead, you climbed the ramp onto the shuttle, ready to run through interior inspection and sail onto the more interesting stuff: the engines, fuel tanks, and cannons. Sure, checking internal safety equipment was important and whatever--but complications that came with those pieces were boring. Give you a misfiring fuel cluster anyday.

You had been able to complete your full inspection with little interruption--to your surprise, you hadn't even seen Minks throughout the day--and you cleared the order from the terminal with a sense of actual accomplishment swelling in your chest. You'd forgotten what productivity had felt like.

After closing out the terminal, you made your way out of the docking bay, hoping to stop by the mess hall before slinking back to your quarters. But as you turned down one of the many non-descript, empty hallways of the Finalizer, your eyes met with a tower of furious black fabric, and you almost made the decision to turn around and very casually sprint in any other direction.

But it was too late. You heard your last name resonate through the metal of the mask, the steady beat of his steps growing louder in your ears. The tiny hairs on your neck and arms stiffened, your heart tumbling somewhere inside the coil of your intestines.

"Yes, Commander?" you replied, hoping that your face wasn't as red as it felt. You'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be in his presence.

"Report," he said, the distance between you closing to mere feet.

You blinked. "Um, all, uh, all inspections and checks are completed, sir."

"As expected," he replied. "No issues, I presume?"

The increasing awkwardness of this conversation was unnerving you. "Uh, nope--no, no problems sir." You took a breath. Might as well keep it awkward. "Actually, Commander, I had a question for you."

He did not respond--but the weight of his gaze was heavy on your shoulders.

"I know that you're not really, well, in charge of this, but I don't think General Hux cares much for me--or even knows my name--so I was wondering if you could, maybe... pass something on for me?"

No response again. You wondered what he was looking at, your palms slippery as you clasped your hands together.

"There's a vacant second engineer position on Starkiller, and I think that Officer Minks Loren would be an excellent replacement, so I was thinking that maybe she could, um, come back with us."

A moment of silence dangled between you as Kylo Ren continued to lock you in his invisible stare. After what seemed an eon, a gloved hand raised to your chin, tilting your jaw to the side, exposing the healing bruise to his visor. You swallowed, looking to the wall, feeling crimson cover your cheeks, your breath leaking from your nose. His thumb grazed over the spot, once, twice, and he turned his head, waiting for your reaction. When you were motionless, he passed his thumb over it again, applying pressure this time, and you winced.

His hand left your face, going to your neck now, fingertips ghosting over where the imprint of his hand had been. The light touch raised goosebumps on your flesh.

Steadying yourself with a gulp of air, you resigned yourself to your fate. "Commander," you said. "Um... I'm..." You groaned and searched his mask, hoping you had been able to link with his eyes at least once. "What I did. It wasn't right."

Kylo Ren froze, mask shifting millimeters to better meet your gaze. His hand remained on your neck, stiller than the air.

"I'm..." You groaned again, closing your lids. "I'm sorry."

When he said nothing, you peeked at him with an eye. He was a statue, the steady rise and fall of his chest the only hint that he was even alive. You averted your gaze to the floor, pulse pounding in your ears. Like a wilting stem, he dropped his arm, fingers tensing in and out of tight fists, and retreated a step from you.

"I'll see to it that she's re-assigned," he said, and took off, robes whipping behind him in a dark swirl.

Your heart crashed from your intestines through the floor as you watched him go. That went well.