You didn't particularly want to be seen at the docking bay where you earned your probation--but as the Command Shuttle's Official Janitor, routine maintenance following a flight was something you couldn't put off. Not to mention the control panel that had yet to be cleaned following the escapade the day before--you shivered at the memory.

Tonight was the night Kylo Ren had invited--could you call it that?--you to his quarters. Your brain was a coin, flipping between anticipation and dread. You weren't sure if the day was dragging or sprinting past you. You weren't even sure if you were going to go. If you let your vagina make the decision, you could wave farewell to the thought of committing to Sam when you returned to Starkiller.

Of course, there was the tiny issue of Kylo Ren tearing your pussy apart with his lightsaber. Did that count? Technically, it hadn't been a part of him. Yet, there was something dishonest in the thought that you could spend your entire stint on the Finalizer getting your cunt reamed out by a fucking laser sword without an obligation to disclose it.

Shame was a black cloud above your head as you snuck onto the Command Shuttle. You'd picked a time where there were only a few workers at the bay--it was imperative that you avoid as much eye-contact with as many people as possible. Your awkward, wordless encounter with Jakar Saul earlier told you enough about the public opinion of you on board.

The only relief was the knowledge that the post-flight maintenance wouldn't take too long, and then you could return to your cot and wallow in ambivalence regarding your plans for the night.

You were engrossed in your fifth wipe-down of the control panel when you heard footsteps floating up the ramp. A brief flicker of fear for Kylo Ren--but no, the steps were far too light, too timid.

"Hello? Yoohoo, anyone here?" A voice--female.

Not wanting to start a discussion on why you were scrubbing the crevices of every button on the center console, you stood, grabbing your datapad and staring at its blank screen as if it contained very important information. "Yes ma'am," you replied.

The woman emerged from the ramp and poked her head into the cockpit. She was a tiny thing, long blonde braided up behind her. "No need to ma'am me!" she said, sticking out her hand. "Minks Loren. Wanted to meet woman behind the shuttle!"

Minks was far too cheerful to be making the acquaintance of the Official Janitor. Sweeping over her with a frown, you offered your name and your hand, and she wrung it out with her own. "Ow--ow," you said.

"Oh!" she said. "Sorry. I've been told I have an aggressive handshake." Her smile took up half of her face.

"'Aggressive' isn't quite the word," you said, cocking an eyebrow. The expectation of mockery locked your jaw. "May I help you?"

"Well, I don't know, not really," she said, glancing around the cockpit. "It's just nice to see another lady engineer, ya know? Not that many of us!" Minks beamed at you again.

Briefly, you wondered why you were surrounded by perky, blonde optimists. Between her and Sam, Kylo Ren would be a welcome break. "You're right about that," you replied, keeping the datapad close to your chest. "But I'm not really the 'gal' to meet, so to speak."

Minks spun around, face contorted in horror, as if you'd just murdered her family. "What are you talking about!" she said. "You just graduated not even two years ago and you're working on the shuttle that belongs to Commander Ren!" Her hands were waving like ribbons as she spoke. "You don't realize how awesome, how inspiring that is?"

Every organ inside your ribs petrified. The grip you had on your datapad threatened to cleave it half. "That's enough," you said, glaring at her. "Get the fuck out."

"W-what?" she replied, chin smacking the floor. "What did I do?"

"I get it, okay?" you said. "I fucked up really bad. It's fun to mock me. But you know what, the--"

Minks held up her palms. "Hold on, hold on!" she said. "What... What are you talking about?"

You scowled. "Everyone knows what I did to the Lieutenant's ship," you said. "And that I'm basically a babysitter for this thing. I'm a joke."

She frowned. "Well, I don't care about that!" she said, crossing her arms. "You're still good enough to be trusted with it! Besides, we all make mistakes."

"Not mistakes that big," you replied, turning away. A knot tightened in your throat.

She plopped in one of the chairs--the one you had sat in on your journey over. You felt her eyes studying you. "I think we need to stick together," she said. "It's not easy--being surrounded by men, ya know?"

Despite yourself, you sealed your lips over a laugh. She didn't know the half of it. Sagging into the captain's chair, you shrugged. "I guess it is nice to talk to another woman."

Minks' face lit up like a star. "See! We gotta look out for each other."

"Wish I had someone doing that when I was here last time," you said. Maybe Kylo Ren wouldn't have shoved his dick down your throat. Maybe he wouldn't have gotten the chance to pull you away from work, either.

"What do you mean?" she asked, leaning forward.

Your gaze darted to the center console, thighs clenching as you imagined how you must have looked--draped over it like a curtain, eyelids fluttering, lightsaber pounding into you. You cleared the longing from your voice. "Boy problems. You know."

"Ah!" she said. "I do know what you mean! What happened?" There was a naive earnesty in her brown eyes.

The real story was that Kylo Ren had taken you into a communications room and tried to fuck you. Something told you that the chances of her believing that--or that he jizzed all over your stomach the day before--were low. Not that you wanted to tell her that, anyway. You considered her face. It was sweet, genuine. Almost trustworthy. Perhaps a half-truth wouldn't be so bad--after all, you hadn't been able to talk to anyone aboutany of it.

"This guy just distracts me all the time. And he distracted me that day," you said, with a flourish of your hand, as if it had been a simple indiscretion and not his hand on your cunt. "It was my fault."

Minks frowned, cocking her head to the side. "That sucks. Does he know how these distractions affect your work?"

"Uh, yeah," you said, feeling color rush your face. "He knows. He's just an asshole."

"Oh, no," she said, her face falling--but not with pity. Maybe with empathy? "You should just cut him off!"

You imagined telling Kylo Ren that you were "cutting him off." That's not what I was hearing a few seconds ago. Now let me seduce you onto my cock. Fucking jackass.

"I mean, the thing is, I kind of like it? I don't know." You groaned, raking your fingers over your face. "And then there's this other guy, who I really like, and he likes me, and he's super sweet--like, the best, really--but I keep getting..." A sigh. You hadn't meant to spill that much. "Distracted."

Minks fell back into her chair, examining the ceiling. "Hmm, yes, definitely a conundrum." She tapped her chin with her fingers, face screwed in contemplation.

You stood, throwing your hands up in the air. "And the asshole guy invited me to his room tonight. He's never done that. I don't know what to think."

She gasped, her mouth an almost perfectly round o-shape. "Ohh, maybe he's trying to make it up to you! For being a jerk!"

The snort that left your nose burned your throat. "I doubt it." The twinge of hope pulling at your heart was a little too noticeable for your liking.

"Nope!" she said, standing. "I've decided. You need to go! And tell me how it goes!" The joy radiating from her was almost desperate in its intensity.

You figured that she hadn't had a conversation about anything outside of malfunctioning ion engines and dented durasteel in some time. And now you could blame a possibly horrible decision on someone else. "Okay," you said, bowing your head in defeat. "I'll go, I'll go."

Minks' face was so tight with glee, you thought it might snap. "Yes!" she said. "Okay. I gotta get back to work, but I'll see you later. Okay? Okay."

"Uh, yeah, definitely," you said, forcing a nod.

"Ah! Girlfriends!" She smiled and squeezed your arm before skipping off of the ship.

Somehow, her enthusiasm did nothing to quiet your apprehension.

After wrapping up your maintenance checks, you returned to your own quarters, frozen in the center of the room. It was still a few hours before lights-out for first shift--night-time while on board--and anxiety was crushing your chest. Should you shower? Do something with your hair? Wear something to sleep in? Would he want to have sex? Yell at you?

"Ugh!" you said, slumping onto your cot. It's not like you were going on a first date. "Whatever."

He had just told you to show up. So that's all you were going to do. He didn't deserve you putting special time or attention into your appearance. Not when he was stripping you out of your work clothes half the time, anyway.

As the clock hit lights-out, you swallowed the biggest breath you could gather and blew it out in a rippling sigh. You imagined your spine was made of durasteel as you marched out into the hallway, realizing your destination was unknown. There must have been someone who knew where Kylo Ren stayed. But it wasn't a question you could just ask--or maybe it was.

You spotted a sanitation worker in the hall, and decided to bet on your hunch, rushing into him as if the airlocks had burst open and there were minutes to live.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" you said, gripping his skinny shoulders. His eyebrows were rising to meet his scalp as he fossilized under your fingers. "I need to know where Commander Ren stays. It's a Command Shuttle emergency!"

"Uh, uh," he choked. "Well, I don't know--"

"Emergency!" you said, shaking him.

He nodded, gulping. "Yes, ma'am, he stays on the bridge level. Near the bow. One of the last rooms in the--"

"Thank you!" you said, having already released him as you began a breathless sprint.

The moment you vanished from the worker's line of sight, you collapsed into a wall, chest heaving. You cursed yourself. Good evening, Commander Ren, oh, the sweat? Yes, I just couldn't wait to get your room, I guess. Wishing you could slap yourself, you wiped your face down and resumed your journey. Maybe by the time you arrived, you'd look as casual as ever.

Your room--well, was it a room, really--had been relegated to the belly of the ship, a collection of afterthoughts for any visiting officers. Kylo Ren's room might as well have been light years from you--you hoped that he hadn't already fallen asleep by the time you made it.

It had been about two minutes since you'd arrived at his door, your arm hair bristling at your sleeves, the acid in your stomach sloshing angrily against your esophagus. You were paralyzed. Were you supposed to knock? Press one of the buttons at the frame of the hatch? Sighing, you wiped your palms on the fabric of your pants, reaching toward the door, hands consumed with tremors. But before you could make contact with any aspect of the entrance, the hatch flew open, and you yelped, jumping back.

"Shit," you whispered.

No one was standing there. You gnawed the inside of your lips, stepping inside, and as you cleared the threshold, the breeze of the hatch shutting behind you brushed your back. His quarters were massive--you didn't know these things could come equipped with more than a single, scant room. Heartbeat pulsing in your ears, you took another step, investigating for any signs of life. Most of the lights were off.

"Um, hello? Ky--Comman--anyone?" What were you supposed to call him in private?

He stepped through an open archway, mask off, dressed in his black underclothes--which still failed to show a single inch of skin outside of his hands and feet. Feet--you gawked at them. You'd never thought to consider that Kylo Ren had actual feet underneath all of that leather and armor. The idea was humanizing--and slightly arousing, for some reason. You didn't even have a thing for feet.

"You came," he said, regarding you with another indistinguishable emotion.

"Uh, yup," you replied, still devouring how he looked out of all of his robes, body so lean, strong--nope, nope. Not right now. "So..."

Kylo walked past you and pushed open the door to a bedroom--clean, monochromatic. "It's not right you sleep in a cot," he said.

"Oh," you said, peering into the space, the throbbing of your heart almost painful. What?

"Sleep in my spare room." He nodded into it, his words more of a command than an offer. His gaze probed you, searching for your reaction.

"Um, okay," you said, creeping by him, carrying the weight of his stare on your back. You stopped at the bed and crossed your arms, peeking over at him. Did he just expect you to go to sleep while he watched you?

"You're a better engineer than he is," Kylo said bluntly, as if it was the most natural thing that could have come out of his mouth.

You blinked, sinking down onto the bed, unable to grasp his statement. "Huh?"

"Him. The one on Starkiller." His face was stone.

Was he saying you were more skilled than Sam? "I... What?" Your mind was spinning. That just wasn't true.

Kylo Ren's gaze flitted to the far wall. "No other engineer's ever been so capable at working with the Command Shuttle."

Did he think he was complimenting you? You glared at him, heat flushing your neck. "Why'd you ruin it for me, then?"

He was silent, eyebrows knitting together as he sorted his thoughts. Brown eyes locked with yours, and he spoke. "Because you disrespected me."

"Oh, please," you said, rolling your eyes. "As I'm the only one who's ever done that."

"You are."

"I'm definitely not," you said, remembering Hux's own silent admission.

"You're the only one I have to hear from in my head," he said, taking a step toward you.

You shook your head, scooching away from him. The mattress was soft under your shifting butt. "Why not kill me if disrespecting you is such a violation?"

He tilted his head, like he'd been confused by what you'd just asked. "I have no interest in killing you," he said.

"Yes," you said, "fine, but why?"

"I want you," he said, scanning your figure. He met your gaze again. "I think about you."

Your lips curled in a snarl as you stood, flailing your arms. "Yes, but why not just kill me! What did I do?" The volume of your voice rose against your best interests.

Kylo blinked slowly, glancing at the floor. Something was rolling through his head. "I don't know."

"Are you serious?" you said, advancing on him. "You have to ruin my life over an I don't know?"

He was a statue, eyes narrowing. "Enough," he said, and pivoted, returning to his room.

"No," you said, trailing his heels. "You need to--"

"Goodnight," he said, and his door clamped shut in your face.

"Dammit!" you said, beating the metal with your fist. "Asshole!" Exasperation poured out of you. This was a futile venture.

Fuming, you stomped back, locking your own door behind you. You ripped off your clothes and grumbled, settling into the bed in the crankiest fashion you could muster. Sure, you'd sleep in his really nice, really comfortable spare room--but you didn't have to like it (even if you did like it). You shut your eyes, letting your body unravel into the pillowy heaven underneath you. The twinge of hope you'd felt earlier was pulsing with a new life.