"Will you call me to tell me you're alright? 'Cause I worry about you the whole night. Don't repeat my mistakes, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside. If you're home I just hope that you're sober, is it time to let go now you're older? Don't leave me this way, I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside." —James Arthur.

••

Have you ever been in a moment where it feels as though the universe has stopped and that everything you have ever known has vanished into thin air?

Leaving you sitting on white, puffy clouds, floating mid-air and way above ground. So way up that your stomach feels hollow, and your heart is sinking in your chest.

But not in a case of acrophobia, but more of a high release of dopamine. Clouding your brain and filling your mind with technicolor. You can't see anything but red, and blue, and purple. Like a rainbow's promise after the rain.

It is beautiful. This feeling. It is beautiful and rare because it's the first.

Her first kiss, and the first man to ever claim her this way.

He's so close, remarkably close, and she cannot feel her legs anymore, just the way his warm tongue is roaming the walls of her mouth. Smoothly and skillfully, as though he invented this act of intimacy.

His lips are soft, like December's first snow, or like the sweetest cotton candy you can have at a fair. Sweet and smells divine, melting on your tongue and leaving behind a sugary aftertaste.

And so her body relaxes into him, her eyes fluttering close as their lips mold together, perfectly and effortlessly.

Despite her inexperience, she tries to kiss him back to her best potential. However, she chooses not to use her tongue as this would probably throw him off; she's not sure she can efficiently pitch hers in.

But then Nikolai uses his tongue to tug hers from its safe corner in her mouth, causing her stomach to twist into a knot of avidity as the two fleshes intertwine.

He can kiss. She is sure of that one thing.

His mouth is tasting every inch of her. Leaving no part unturned. It feels weird because she has never engaged in this action before, not even close.

The man is unwinding a part of her she never knew existed.

She squeezes her thighs together as a novel sensation travels to that sacred place below. Her panties are getting wet, and she squirms against the bed. Mr. Todd doesn't seem to notice, or maybe he is pretending not to since he's still continuing his blissful venture.

The kiss isn't messy or sloppy, but they sure are mixing salivas. It's soundless, but she can hear their own heavy breathing. Mixed with the music on the outside.

'I wanna be yours' by Arctic Monkeys filters through the room. Setting a mood that is perhaps a tad too dangerous.

Too hazardous.

Nikolai notices this, and so the moment of bliss comes to a close as he slowly breaks their mouths apart. Flesh leaves flesh unwillingly as their breathings fuse together; pink skins dented after being pressed up against each other.

Nikolai stares at his innocent student, his forehead puckering with so many jumbled emotions, watching as she opens virtuous eyes to meet his. His sinful pair.

He just kissed his eighteen-year-old tutee. It was bad enough that he stroked himself the other night, but now he has crossed an even bigger line.

Kelly is visibly shaking, and he can see the rapid pumping of her heart since, at each beat, her blouse elevates with it. He fears he kissed her a bit too hard. Her plump lips are flushed and swollen.

She is in a state of shock, her brown eyes full of undiluted confusion. She is incapable of forming coherent sentences but opens her mouth in an effort.

"Wh-why did you do that, sir?"

Rosy cheeks, wide eyes, parted lips. She looks befuddled.

Her thoughts are in a tangled loop that she's not even sure she remembers where she is.

She is disoriented.

That was her first kiss. Given by the last man she expected.

Her teacher.

And as that reality sinks in, she takes notice of the worry in his eyes. Worry and something else. She cannot decipher what that emotion is, but it scares her. In her mind, it was probably a mistake, but it would hurt to hear that from his mouth. She cannot bear to listen to it.

"Kelly, I—"

"It's okay. Don't say it, sir. I don't want to know."

His gaze softens. "Kelly."

"It's alright. It was a mistake; it can happen. People kiss each other all the time. Please don't say it." Her voice breaks as she springs up from the bed, pelting out of the room in a flash.

Sure, running away appears silly, but what would be more silly is crying herself to sleep tonight after hearing that dreaded sentence. It was a mistake.

She would hate to hear it. At least for tonight, she wants to pretend it wasn't a lapse in his judgment. Or because Mia's room was poorly lit, and they had been bonding for a moment.

That can happen. Like that night she almost kissed him in the rain, perhaps he was only confused by the moment.

She comes to a stop in the hallway, holding her chest and feeling the erratic beating of her heart. That soft, pink hue is still present on her cheeks, and her feet are still wobbling beneath her.

Smooth. Sweet, and manly deodorant. Those factors are swirling around in her mind, accompanied by the faint bristles that were above his mouth, tickling against her skin and reminding her that he's seven years her senior.

Shaking the thoughts away, she gathers herself quickly and proceeds down the glass staircase. The loud music drowning out the loud beating of her heart.

From behind the wall leading to the stairs, steps Ikaya. She had come up right after Nikolai due to his abrupt decision to leave the table. Her search ended bitterly as she witnessed the two people kissing on Mia's bed.

The sight was past bearing, but she couldn't find it within her to look away from the scene as though watching would erase the pain or prove it to be just an illusion. And so as a shocked Kelly got up to leave the room, Ikaya had placed herself behind the wall to not be seen.

Her long acrylic nails dig into her palms as she watches her young rival gets lost in the crowded living room.

♡

Nikolai closes his eyes, placing his face in his hands.

He tried so hard to control himself. He tried so fucking hard, and he just couldn't withstand it anymore.

He kissed her. And it wasn't a simple peck. They made-out on his thirteen-year-old niece's bed. Tongues twisting.

But he understands why Kelly would react that way after. She was shocked, and she has never been kissed before. For her to have been so bewildered is understandable. Perhaps if the tables were turned, he would be just as flabbergasted.

His kiss was sudden and unexpected, and he hadn't been showing any clear signs of affection leading up to it. Substantially, her response to it wasn't out of the ordinary.

He decides on finding her, worried that he came on a bit too strong. He is still her teacher at the end of the day, and everything that just happened must have appeared so weird to her.

He gets up from the couch to begin his search, but as soon as he lands into the hallway, Ikaya steps into his path.

She feigns a smile, her eyes showing red spots of anger and pain, but Nikolai is too busy scanning the room for his alarmed student to notice that.

"Is everything alright?"

"Uh, yeah..." He swallows, but his gaze is still glued to the reception area.

Her jaw tightens. She knew it. She knew she was losing him to that incompetent, immature girl since the night she caught a glimpse of her photo on his cellphone.

"I'll talk to you later, Kaya. I need to find someone." He walks around her, but she quickly grabs onto his wrist.

Nik stops and looks back at her, and she smiles forcefully. "Who?"

"What?"

"Who are you looking for?"

He swallows, his Adam's apple rolling in his throat as he does. She stares at him, waiting patiently to hear his answer when already knowing full on what it is. Or who it is, rather.

Kelly. That petite girl with thick thighs. The person who's snatching Nikolai right from her hands.

"Someone. I will talk to you later." He removes her hand in the gentlest way possible and gestures to move off when she grabs onto his shoulder, pretending to be toppling over.

He scrunches his eyebrows as she grips her forehead, flashing her head.

"What's wrong with you?"

"My head...I feel a little dizzy." She sighs, closing her eyes. "Maybe I drank too much."

Nikolai knows that Ikaya has never been good with her liquor, vodka to be more specific. Since a younger age, it would normally leave her light-headed and nauseous.

He sighs. "Vodka?"

She nods. "I-I think so..."

"Just get some rest in one of the rooms. Come." He helps her into one of the spare bedrooms, and she takes the opportunity to lean into him, inhaling the scent of his cologne.

She settles into the grey sheets, looking up at him through squinted eyes. "Thank you, Nik. I can always count on you. Ever since we were little."

"You know you aren't good with Vodka, so why did you drink it?" He pulls the covers up to her chest.

She smiles sadly. "I wanted to forget about some stuff."

He suspires. "Get some rest, don't worry about anything." He turns around to leave the room when she holds his hand again, fixing a pained face as he looks around.

"Please don't leave yet...what if something happens to me?"

He exhales, smiling a little. "You're not going to die, Kaya."

"I feel hot, Niko." She frowns.

He plants a palm on her forehead, and she melts into his touch. "You're not hot. You just need rest."

"Nik, please. Just five minutes? We have been friends for so long...leaving me on my own when I'm sick scares me." Her eyes collect tears, and her face saddens pitifully.

"Alright." He breathes. "I will stay until you fall asleep." He reaches for a chair and pulls it to her bedside. "Close your eyes and try to sleep."

She smiles and lays her eyelids down, inwardly knowing that she won't be falling asleep and that he won't be leaving this room any time soon.

••

♡♡

Kelly finally makes it through the front doors, bumping into Nathan as soon as she does.

"Shit."

"Hey there." His face brightens, his car keys jingling between his fingers. "Mia told me you went up to get changed? Some kid spilled their coke on your top."

Vodka, but whatever Mia said.

"Oh, yeah." She smiles stiffly. "That was unfortunate."

"Yeah. So where are you heading to?" He opens the door behind her but waits to hear what she will say.

"Uh...just to get some fresh air." She shuffles on her feet.

Fresh air her butt. She wants to run away from this party, as far away as she can, before Mr. Todd decides to mention what just happened in Mia's room. She prefers not to talk about it as discovering it was only a mistake is something her heart wouldn't be able to handle.

He takes in her red complexion, and his lips tug slightly. "You alright? You look...flustered."

"No-yes, I mean...I am okay." She looks almost frozen. Unintentional wide eyes, agape mouth. She looks like a ripe tomato.

Nathan chuckles knowingly. "Where's Nikolai?"

She tenses up. "U-upstairs..."

"Mia's room?"

She nods, and his eyes light up like two yellow bulbs.

"Ah." He lifts his chin. "Take all the fresh air you need." He smiles and walks past her, closing the door and shutting out the music.

She pulls out her cellphone from her pocket and decides to send Derrick a message.

When he fails to reply, she tries to call him. It goes straight to voicemail, but he comes online immediately after.

After a few minutes, he replies.

She looks at the numbers engraved on the two lamp posts in the driveway.

😱

She puts herself behind the giant walls that lead to Nathan's domain. Hiding out of view and waiting until Derrick pulls up.

In no time, she can see his car rolling up the street, his bright headlights causing her to squint her eyes. He's driving slowly, perhaps checking the numbers on the walls.

Kelly gets impatient and steps out into the road, hurrying him up with a hand.

He speeds up a little and breaks right at her feet, a rap song blasting through his speakers.

It seems she roused him from his sleep since he's only wearing a white tank top and shorts, his hair thrashed around on his head, and his eyes a bit swollen.

"What the hell?" He frowns.

She opens the passenger's side and clambers in, pushing away an empty water bottle as she settles into his leather seat.

"Did you not say Mr. Todd would take you here?" He looks confused as he wheels away.

"Yeah...but uh...something came up." She shakes her head. "I am so stupid..."

She feels so ridiculous after running away from the man. She's sure other girls don't react that way after having their first kiss. But she's always such a weird person.

She drags her feet up to her chest and buries her head on her knees.

"I am hilarious..." She moans between them.

"Very hilarious. You woke me up from my sleep." He grumbles, turning his radio down.

"I thought you were out with the guys tonight." She turns her face to look at him.

"Yeah, but that was earlier. It's after ten now."

She squints at the numbers displaying in bright green letters on his dashboard. "I didn't realize it was this late."

Her phone vibrates, and she grabs it from the front of her jeans.

Her eyes widen, a soft gasp unintentionally slipping from her mouth. Derrick glances at her then back at the road, shaking his head. "What's up with you?"

She shuts her eyes, inhaling deeply before deciding to respond.

It doesn't take him too long to reply.

Hell Nah. She quickly taps the home button and slips the cell into her pocket. She doesn't want to know. She'd be so embarrassed if he says it's a mistake.

She did kiss him back, and she's positive she moaned at one point. Not to mention clenching her thighs and squirming against the bed.

She perches her head against the window and blows out a sigh of distress. "Fuck me."

"Maybe next time, you naughty rabbit. I am tired." Derrick smirks at her, stroking her jaw.

She cringes and smacks his hand away, causing him to laugh as she points ahead of them.

"Watch the road, dude."

••

♡♡

She will avoid Nikolai Todd. At all costs.

He can stay in her dreams. Kissing her anew and reenacting the events of Friday night. But that's just it. He would perhaps bring the kiss up in reality, and she wouldn't want that.

Fortunately, there will be no more classes for a while since it's the Christmas Holidays, and she doubts Nik will be at the Christmas Ball on Friday. He doesn't seem the type to attend such social events, but then again, she knows nothing much about him.

For instance, who would have thought he'd be such a mind-blowing kisser? Although, the heavenly feel of his mouth should not have struck her as a surprise since his lips have always appeared so pink and soft. And they were soft, so much that they felt almost unrealistic.

She covers her face and falls onto her back, blushing all over again. She keeps having to change her undies, and she didn't get much sleep last night or the night before as she kept on reliving the moments of her first kiss.

His cheeks felt so smooth brushing against hers, and his breath was warm and divine. Just the memory is enough to have her squeezing her thighs together.

That was wrong, though, without a doubt. He's her teacher, and something like that could warrant him losing his job. It makes her a tad uneasy. She would hate to be the reason behind that.

She flashes her head to erase the recollection of it. The more she ruminates on the memory, the more she finds reasons why it was dangerous.

She spoke to Mia on Saturday, and the thirteen-year-old filled her in on what happened after she left the party. Nothing much went down, and it ended a little after her departure.

Mia asked what happened with the ice cream on her carpet, but Kelly couldn't find the courage to tell her about the kiss. Imagine telling the whole world that he kissed her, then having to reveal that it was only a mistake.

Yeah...quite embarrassing.

She also had left her shirt behind on Mia's bed. The younger girl promised to keep it until she sees her again, and Kelly promised to get her a belated gift.

"Kelly!" Her mother yells her name from downstairs. "Come down here!"

She peers at the white clock above the wall. It is now 6:00 pm. It had been quite a boring Sunday, and she took the day to study although her exams are over. She won't be dropping the baton at any time at all. She wants to start the second term as a scholar.

Studying is not so torturous anymore. It offers a feeling of fulfillment to discover knowledge she didn't know before. Plus, it's a great way to pass some time and distract her from the haunting memory of her first kiss.

Her first kiss. She smiles dreamily, covering her face as the butterflies reawaken yet again, but her door knocks loudly, quieting them in an instant.

Kevin pokes his head into her room, a smirk dancing on his face and causing his dimples to pop out.

"Come on down, Kels. You would love to see this."

"See what?" She frowns, getting up from her bed, and her brother's amused eyes scan her outfit.