"Say I wouldn't care if you walked away, but every time you're there I'm begging you to stay, and when you come close I just tremble. And every time, every time you go. It's like a knife that cuts right to my soul. Only love can hurt like this, it must have been a deadly kiss." —Paloma Faith.

••

Derrick looks to see his best friend hurrying from the lavatory section with her palm clutched to her face. His eyebrows furrow in worry as he stands up from his chair, going after her.

Kelly is in dire need of fresh air. She feels as though she's suffocating. The pain in her chest is severely stifling, so much that it is hard to breathe.

"Kelly," Derrick calls her name as she steps outside of the school's auditorium, burying her face in her hands and crying in them.

The night is bitingly cold, causing goosebumps to grace her tanned skin as her curls blow around her.

She messed everything up, and not only that, but she hurt him. She hurt the one man she has ever had such strong feelings for. She couldn't hate herself any more than this.

"Kel?" Derrick rests a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

She turns to him with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I-I told him he made me uncomfortable..." Her words are broken and confusing, but Derrick manages to sieve them out.

"What? Who?"

Her body shivers at each sob as she puts a palm over her face. "Mr-Mr. Todd."

His gaze softens. "Hold on...why did you say that to him?"

"Kelly?" Jagger steps out of the building and shoves his hands in his pockets, the transparent door swinging close behind him. He looks confused as he tilts his head, trying to catch sight of her.

Derrick steps into his view, and turns to face him. "Give us a second. We will come back inside soon."

Jagger lifts his chin. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's just not feeling well."

"Alright." He narrows his eyes mistrustfully, then reluctantly turns away, returning inside.

Derrick sighs and faces her again, reaching a hand out to wipe her eyes. "It's alright."

"It's not. He hates me."

"I doubt he does. Come here." He pulls her into his arms, wrapping his warm biceps around her. He dips his head to look at her, sighing at the tears staining her face. "Why did you say that to him?"

"I-I just didn't feel good enough...and I didn't want him to lose his job."

"It's alright, let's talk over there. Let's sit and talk, alright?"

She nods, and he takes her over to one of the benches in the garden.

••

"So basically, this girl by the name of Ikeatold you that you should back off?"

"Well...she didn't exactly say I should back off. She was referring to the girls at my school." Kelly wipes her eyes.

"She's the girl I saw you with at the mall?" Derrick inquires, and she nods.

"If I knew she was gonna make my best friend cry, I would have sent on her way. How fucking dare she." He frowns, throwing his arm around Kelly's shoulder. "But what are you so afraid of? If you like Mr. Todd, don't let anyone scare you away from him."

"What she said was partially right, though, Derrick. He could lose his job."

"That's true. So, just wait until you graduate then." He shrugs.

"He'll move on. He will find someone else by then..." She looks at him. "And his parents, they are so...I don't know, high class? Their standards are crazy high, and they seem to like Ikaya."

"Don't give a fuck about Ikea. She's his best friend; she's not important. What's important is you doing whatever the hell you want and not caring what people think." Derrick pats the side of her head, kissing her temple.

She shuts her eyes at the comforting affection.

"I asked my mom for advice, pretending I was asking on your behalf." She whispers.

"Mm. And what did she say?"

"She said love isn't selfish and that if being with him will cost him something important, I should just let him go."

Derrick purses his lips, shuts his eyes, then squints them. "Kelly. Kelly Young?"

"Yes?"

"This may sound fucked up, but...your parents are this close...." he pinches his thumb and index finger together for visual. "This close to divorcing each other, and you're taking advice from Kimmy? Don't get me wrong, I love aunt Kimmy, but I don't think she was thinking about me for a second there. She was probably thinking about Mr. Calvin." He laughs, and Kelly smiles a little.

"Hey, them getting divorced is a fear for me, so stop playing with it."

"I know, I am sorry, but it's a fact." He chuckles and guides her head against his chest. "What do you want to do now, little rabbit?"

She sighs, looking down at her hands. "I just want to go home. I can't face him."

"Okay." Derrick breathes. "Let's go home then."

••

♡♡

Swollen eyes, puffy cheeks, and a pink nose. Kelly has been crying for days, non-stop.

The words she hoped to hear for so long now have been haunting her dreams, her thoughts...

"I want you. I have feelings for you; is that enough?"

She feels broken, guilty, and worthless. And she cannot even imagine how Mr. Todd must be feeling.

He's a confident man, with a high pride. He gathered so much courage to spill his declarations to her. Yet she shut him down and even told him he made her uncomfortable.

He didn't deserve that at all. It was harsh, and now she feels so torn up about it. She can't even fall asleep.

William Shakespeare said that the course of true love never did run smooth. She knows life isn't a walk in the park or a rainbow ride, but she had hoped love wouldn't be this painful for her.

She wants Nikolai, and he told her he wants her too, but his job...his family...she's scared to come between them. She wants to be self-less, put her own desires aside. She thought it'd be the most mature option. But now, it feels as though it's the worst decision she has ever made.

The door to her room knocks, and she quickly wipes her tears away. "Yes?"

It creaks open, and Caroline steps into the room. "Your brother is such a klutz. He has his last exam today, and the dude left his ID behind." She lifts the card with a roll of her eyes.

Kelly sits upright. "But he'll need it." She clears her throat when she finds that her voice is a bit hoarse. Crying under your covers for hours on end will do that to you.

"Yeah. What time is the exam?"

Kelly looks at the clock above her dresser, squinting her eyes. "I think he said at 5." She climbs off the bed, slipping her feet into her slippers. "I'll grab a bus and take it to him. Give it here."

Caroline hands her the card, observing her closely. Kelly places it on the table and begins to move to the bathroom.

"Kel."

She looks around, and Caroline emits a sigh, placing a hand on her hip.

"Are you alright? You aren't being yourself."

"Yes...I am okay." She turns around and enters the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Caroline twists her lips. "Hm." She grabs the knob and steps out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Kelly cleans her teeth and takes a shower, forcing herself not to overthink under the faucet. The reminiscences just keep forcing themselves into her consciousness.

She steps out and puts on a tank top and a black skater skirt. She grabs her blue sweater, Kevin's ID card and leaves her room.

"I'll be back soon." She says to Caroline, zipping the front of her hoodie as she walks toward the door.

"Okay, travel safely, Kel," Caroline answers, her brows contorting in worry as she swirls her spoon in her cereal.

••

Kelly has her head perched against the window, reflecting on what happened at the Ball last Friday. It is a painful echo of self-condemnation that won't leave no matter how hard she tries to distract herself.

Whenever she closes her eyes, Nikolai's face shows up in the darkness of her mind. The hurt his amber eyes held when she told him she wanted him to remain as just her teacher. And everything she said before and after that.

They keep coming back. Haunting her.

She shuts her eyes, wrapping an arm around herself. The sound of the bus buzzer breaks through her senses, and she opens her eyes to find that she's now at her stop.

Quickly, she gets up from her seat and hurries off the transportation.

She hastens into the school since it's 4:55 pm now, and Kevin's exam begins at 5:00 on the dot. She sprints her way to the front building, where he said he'd be. He waves to her from the door, and she hands him his ID quickly, catching her breath.

"So irresponsible." She breathes.

He laughs and ruffles her hair. "Thank you, Kels. You want to wait for me?"

"Nah. I am tired."

"Your eyes look swollen. You alright?"

"Mm." She looks down. "Good luck." She smiles at him, and he nods.

"Don't stay on the road too long, alright?"

"I won't. Go inside." She waves to him before sprinting back to the gate. Running is an effective medicine for her mental health. It burns away some of her stress and tension. So, she's making use of it.

She hops on a bus that's on its way back to her neighborhood.

She doesn't want to return home too early. The four walls of her room will only have her bawling her eyes out about Nikolai, so she decides to stop at the mall for a little while.

••

♡♡

The plaza is a lot less enjoyable when it is just her. Maybe she should have just called up Derrick. He would have made the experience a lot better.

After window shopping, she begins to walk home. As she passes by Elegance, an expensive restaurant outside of Sunrise Close, the scent of their delicious meals causes her stomach to grumble. She quickens her footsteps to get home. She has not been eating much these past few days. If thick, salty tears don't count.

"Kelly?"

She stops in her tracks and turns around, finding a smiling Ikaya holding onto the trunk of her dark red BMW. She parked on the curb to the restaurant.

"Oh. Hi." Kelly swallows. The sight of the woman is like a reminder of the pain she's trying to get through.

"How are you?" Ikaya smiles, placing two shopping bags on the asphalt.

"I'm alright. I should get home; see you around." She turns around, but she calls out to her, stopping her.

"Hold on, could you assist me with these bags?"

Kelly pivots to her, and she lifts two of the carriers. "They are for my friends inside there. Just some shoes and stuff. I'd love it if you could help me."

Kelly stares at her for a while. This woman is the reason she's this broken. If she hadn't met her at the mall that day then...

Not wanting to be mean and childish, Kelly steps forward. "Okay."

"Awesome. God bless you." Kaya smiles, handing two of the bags to Kelly. They aren't exactly heavy, but they aren't light either.

"Let's go." Kaya closes her trunk and leads the way into the luxurious restaurant.

The interior is gold and red, and people of high status sit around the room, having their evening meals. The eatery spells wealth.

"Over here, Kel," Ikaya smiles over her shoulders, and Kelly follows her down to a long table at the back.

Ikaya's parents, Ireal, and two girls, who look to be in their early twenties, sit around the table. One of the females with black hair and hoop earrings scrunch her nose slightly, looking at Kelly from head to toe, then she looks at her friend, and the two hide their smiles.

"Who's this?" Mrs. Lopez asks. Not very pleasantly.

"Oh, she's Nikolai's student. I saw her outside and asked her to help me with these bags." Ikaya whips her hair from her face, placing the bags on the floor next to her dad's chair.

Kelly notices that the two girls are eyeing her clothes, and she looks down at her sweater and skirt, feeling a bit discomforted.

"Oh, you guys are here already?" A voice comes from behind. Nikolai's parents, along with Nathan, and another female, who looks like him, make their way over to the gathering.

"Kelly? What's up?" Nathan looks a little confused as he pulls out a chair.

"Hi." She smiles at him. "It's nice to see you again."

"Sure is." He smiles at her. "Does Nik know you're here, Kels?"

"I asked her to help me with these bags; that's why she's here." Ikaya inputs and Nathan frowns.

"Carry your own damn bags."

"Nathan. Don't speak to her that way." Mrs. Todd hisses as she sits in her chair. "Hello, Melissa and Ariel."

"Hi." Kaya's two friends reply in sync.

Kelly turns to Ikaya. "I should get going. I hope you guys enjoy your meal."

"No, Kelly. You should stay." Ikaya quickly suggests, signaling to a waitress who is passing by. "Could you prepare some utensils for her? She will be joining us."

"Actually, I can't." Kelly declines. "I have to get home before it's—"

"Young lady, it is bad manners to reject a humble offering." Mrs. Lopez speaks up, placing her chin on her knuckles. "Don't you know that, dear?"

"We won't bite. You can have a meal with us." Nik's father inputs, his glare so stern it could create an earthquake.

"If she doesn't want to, don't force her." Nathan shakes his head, reaching for his glass of water.

The girl sitting next to him, who looks exactly like him, grips his arm, leaning into him. "Who's she?"

"Nik's student." Nathan answers. "She's a nice girl."

A waitress comes by, setting a few utensils in a vacant spot. Kelly doesn't want to reject the offer when the lady walked all the way here to make a space for her. It must be tedious, and her empathetic soul won't bid her leave.

"I'll stay." She forces a smile, and Nathan sighs. The waitress moves away as she pulls out a chair and sits around the table.

"I am glad." Ikaya occupies the spot next to her. "Let me introduce my friends. That's Melissa." She points to the blonde girl sitting on her left, who nods her head curtly, her lips twisted in a smirk.

"And that's Ariel." She nods to the dark-haired girl, who still has that spark of amusement in her eyes. Once again, she glances at her blonde friend, then turns her face away with a smile.

"And, that's Moya. She's Nikolai's older sister who just came from Bolivia." She points to the female that looks a lot like Nathan. She's beautiful. Long and flowing dark hair and grey eyes like her father.

Kelly had no idea Nikolai had another sibling.

"Hola." Moya smiles pleasantly, revealing her rows of white teeth. "Eres una chica hermosa."

Kelly appears a little confused, and Nathan smiles.

"She said you're beautiful."

"Oh, thank you." Kelly smiles.

Ikaya's face hardens a bit as she reaches for the menu. "When will Nik arrive, mom?"

Kelly automatically tenses up. Seeing Nikolai will be a hard situation to face. She hopes to finish eating before he arrives.

"Soon. He said we should eat in the meantime." Mrs. Todd states.

"Okay, let's order our food then."

••

♡♡

Kelly peruses the menu for the simplest meal, but everything is expensive. They don't even have burgers in here.

She has never been to this restaurant, mainly because they are too over-priced and the food they give is always insufficient. At least for her; she eats in large quantities.

She settles with sweet and sour chicken, the smallest serving of Spanish rice, and a glass of Lemonade. It is the most reasonable item on the menu.

As everyone begins to have their meals, elegantly and graciously, Kelly is stuck in an inconvenient situation.

She has no idea how to use her knife and fork.

When she's at home, she would normally use one utensil. Her fork, and then a random spoon to have her soup or cereal. But all this silverware serves specific purposes, and she has no idea where to start.

She decides not to use the knife. Placing it aside and working with just the fork. She sticks it into a slab of meat, preparing to slide it into her mouth when Ikaya looks over at her.

"Why aren't you using your knife, Kelly?"

The bashful teen rests her fork down, feeling embarrassed. "Oh... Is it necessary?" She looks around the table to see everyone staring in her direction.

"Of course it is. What do you think it was made for?" Ariel mumbles, and Melissa chuckles, smacking her on the arm.

Kelly bites her tongue and reaches for the knife, but Mrs. Todd makes a noise from across the table.

When she looks up, the woman is shaking her head. "Young miss, that is not your dinner fork. The one you're holding is incorrect."

"That's your salad fork." Moya smiles a little, gritting her teeth sympathetically.

"Your salad fork is placed on the outermost left of your plate, and your dinner fork is next to it." Nik's mother informs.

"How do you mix up a salad fork and a dinner fork?" Ireal whispers to herself. "The dinner fork is bigger."

"She can eat with whatever fork she wants to eat with." Nathan shakes his head. "What's the matter?"

"Don't sputter nonsense." Mr. Todd screws his face up. "It is basic etiquette to eat properly, especially in a dining such as this."

Kelly sighs inwardly and puts down the salad fork, reaching for the dinner one instead. She grabs her knife, but then Ariel burst out laughing, clamping her palm over her mouth.

"The knife should be in your right hand. The fork in your left hand." Mrs. Lopez shakes her head. "Didn't you learn this at school or somewhere? Ireal, did you learn this at school?"

Her younger daughter nods. "Yes, mom."

"Mom. Leave her alone. She probably didn't learn this." Ikaya says, and Mr. Todd lifts his eyebrows.

"It is vital for a woman to know these things. In the future, when she gets a husband and goes to meet his parents at dinner, is this how she will present herself?"

Kelly can feel the tears welling in her eyes but pushes them away. She certainly won't be crying; it won't profit her anything.

"Don't use the knife," Nathan says, waving his hand. "You don't need to use the knife, Kels. Use whatever the hell you want; fuck the knife."

"Language, Nate." Mrs. Todd frowns.

"Good evening." A voice says, and Kelly's grip tightens on the fork as Nikolai appears around the table, pulling out the chair in front of hers.