I dreaded opening my eyes, even though I could see sunlight through them.

I dreaded moving at all because I could still feel Michael's arm across my chest, meaning he was here too, next to me. I wanted to believe that I was staying still like this so I wouldn't have to face him and not because I liked the feeling of him holding me, but I couldn't.

I liked it a lot.

What I didn't like was the fact that we sleeping in bed together like some married couple.

I turned a little, testing the waters, and watched him stretch and flop over onto his side, lost somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. This created a sort of problem for me, since he flopped over onto me and I suddenly became trapped. His weight was suffocating. The guy must seriously be two hundred pounds. I widened my eyes as he nuzzled into my neck, the tip of his cold nose tracing over my skin.

"Um," I said. "Michael?"

He either ignored me or didn't hear me, because he just continued doing this until he had settled his face comfortably between my shoulder and jaw. His eyes were still closed, and I wondered if maybe he was completely asleep.

I contemplated kicking him.

He sighed, his hand sliding up across my hip. It was extremely awkward because he seemed to be slipping back into sleep and now I was lying here, growing more awake by the millisecond. In every context.

"Michael," I finally snapped, slamming my elbow into his side. "Get off me." It was enough of a shove to push him back the way he'd come from, and I seised the opportunity to escape.

He groaned and rolled onto his back, blinking open his eyes. They were shining and blue and wet with sleep. "Hi, sweetie," he whispered groggily. Like we did this all the time.

"Hi," I muttered.

"Whasa matter?" he yawned, barely looking at me.

Everything inside me hurt. I could never erase the image of me crying hysterically from his mind. He could taunt me every day for the next two years if he felt like it. "This... feels weird," I said quietly.

A slow half-smile formed on his lips. "Because I'm a guy?"

I furrowed my brows. "I don't think so," I said honestly. "I just think you can go and crawl in bed with someone and be so fucking... casual about it and I can't." The only person I'd ever really slept in a bed with was Sarah, and that was in my younger years, because in high school I hadn't exactly been the one to spend the night and spoon with a girl.

He flicked his eyes up to my face. "So, what... you're in love with me?"

I could feel my cheeks burn and I wondered if it was noticeable. "No," I snapped. "I don't like you at all. You're a fucking asshole."

He nodded slowly. "You've said that," he said. "I happen to think you're pretty cool, but I don't really know much about you."

"Isn't that how you like it?" I asked coyly.

He raised one eyebrow slowly in sync with the smirk that was peeking up at the corner of his mouth. "Sometimes," he allowed. "I'd like to know more about you, though."

I bit my lip and freed my leg from the sheet, then slowly entwined it around his, our skin still separated by the cotton of his sweatpants. "Put your arms back around me," I said.

He said nothing, just outstretched the arm closest to me and curled it under me when I pressed myself against him. I felt closer to him now than last night. I was thinking more clearly now, for one thing. I'd been so desperate, so clingy, so fucking pathetic...

And now, in the light, I could see every detail of his face. His high, prominent cheekbones, his shaped brows, unruly enough to be masculine and yet perfectly fitting his face, his surprisingly long eyelashes, his sharp jawline. The shadow of stubble over his top lip from the night. He was pretty and still manly. I think I would have actually killed to look like him.

"Do you like looking at me?" he said, smiling.

I blinked and looked away. "I dunno," I mumbled awkwardly.

"I think you're absolutely stunning," he told me. He brought his hand up suddenly and ran it through my hair. "So soft," he whispered. He smiled slightly and looked at me. "You have really nice hair, Benjamin."

"You've said that," I replied, repeating his line from before.

He kissed the side of my head, keeping his face nestled against my hair. "I'll tell you again," he said. "Fuck. I really want to kiss you right now, is that bad?"

I considered. "Probably," I said. "I suppose I wouldn't mind kissing you."

I should have minded very much the prospect of locking lips with this insane man. But for some reason, when I looked up at his big beautiful eyes, just an inch from mine, and at his perfect lips, I just wanted them on mine.

It only took the slightest movement for me to kiss him; we were already so close. I kissed hard, parting my lips against his and stretching my arms around the back of his neck so I could pull him in. He cupped my face in his hand and twisted his head to kiss me a second time while I wrapped my whole body around him. I pushed the guilt of what I was doing away and followed him as he drew back, craving his soft lips on mine again.

It was him that pulled away first, and he sat up and stared down and me, amusement flickering in his expression. "Well, that was sure as hell better than that shit in the gym," he commented. "I knew you were a good kisser."

I let out my breath fast. "I wasn't prepared then," I whispered.

He slowly brushed his fingers upward over my scalp, and I took more pleasure in that than I probably should have. "And now you are," he murmured. "I knew it would only be a matter of time before we got to this."

Before I could catch myself, I'd fallen into a scowl. "How-"

"A lot of things. The way you look at me. It's a dead giveaway." He smiled. "And how you freak out if I get closer than fifty feet to you."

I wondered if these things would be as apparent to anyone else. I looked down, suddenly awkward again. Michael was bad for anyone he got involved with. You don't want to end up like Kitty, do you? Damn it. I'd already gone too far. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "Fuck you," I said.

"Huh?"

"I hate you so much," I snapped. "Why'd we just do that, Michael? Jesus Christ."

He was silent for a moment, a tiny smirk wavering on his lips. "Ah," he murmured. "You like me, don't you?"

"I just said I-"

"Yeah, yeah, you hate me, yadda yadda yadda. But you like me. I can tell." He grinned like he'd just won something. "Kiss me again."

I flinched away. "No."

"God, you're difficult," he said. "You hungry?"

I thought about it. "I could eat," I said.

"Cool," he said. "'Cuz if you're not doing anything right now... I know this really cute little cafe in town and they have delicious donuts and cof- uh, donuts and water?"

"I lied about the not liking coffee thing, dude. Everyone likes coffee."

"Why?"

"I dunno. I was mad you hit my car and I just, like, felt like being..."

"Difficult," he said pointedly.

"I'm still mad about the car, by the way."

He smirked. "I'm sorry. So do you wanna go? With me?"

"What is this, some kind of date?" I scoffed. "'Cuz I am so not into that."

"Not a date," he said. "Just... hmm, just one dude to the next, sharing the secret of where to get the best-"

My stomach rumbled audibly. "Okay, okay. Now?"

"Sure, we could get them now. Or we could..." He placed his hand on my side and slowly traced it downward. "Get them... later. Choice is yours."

I took his hand and pushed it off me. "You know, I... all my life, I've really done a good job staying... not..."

He tilted his head. "Staying what, baby? Straight?"

"I'm... confused," I admitted. "You know."

"Most people are," he shrugged. I narrowed my eyes. "Trust me," he said. "Most people are. Did no one tell you that's what college is for?"

"You go to college to get a degree," I said, "not to have sex with your roommate."

He grinned again. "So you wanna have sex with me? Wonderful."

"No!" I snapped, unable to stop my face from turning red. "God, I-" I suddenly felt like crying again. "Michael, I can't do this. What the fuck are you trying to turn me into? Some kind of-"

"Calm down," he said. I immediately shut up. "Look, I like you," he started slowly, "and you like me. Don't-" he said as I started to protest. "Don't deny it. So what's the problem?"

"I'm not gay!" I yelled at him. "I hate gay people." I blinked. "Men," I revised after a moment. "I hate gay men."

"Fair enough," he said. "A lot of them are awfully annoying. I personally much prefer ones like you." He smirked.

"No no no no no," I said frantically. After all these years, my father was right? No, I couldn't let him be right. I had to prove him wrong. "It's so... it's so gross. It's wrong, it's disgusting, it's... it's... I'm not- I'm not-"

"Keep saying that, maybe it'll come true."

I made a whimpering noise and a waterfall of tears came pouring down my face. "No," I sobbed. "No no no. Fuck!" I instinctively made a fist and slammed it into the wall, then cried more because it hurt.

"Stop," Michael said sternly. He got up and grabbed me, pulling my arms in so they were sort of pinned against my front, and then he held me, pressing my cheek to his chest. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay. Jesus. Man, I would hate to see you in an actual crisis."

I pulled back slightly and looked up at him. "Crying," I said. "That's pretty gay, isn't it?"

He shook his head and reached up so he could wipe my tears gently with his hand. "No. But I'd advise, for your own sanity, try to work on what you cry over."

I frowned and leaned my head on his shoulder. "I don't have very good coping skills," I murmured miserably.

"Try a donut," he said, grinning.

"I would become a zillion pounds."

"I like to live on a strict diet of burgers and beer," he said. "And let's face it, I could be a model."

I rolled my eyes.

"So could you." He bit his lip. "You'd be a very sexy model."

"You should really stop now," I said.

He sniffed and moved back so we were no longer touching. "So sorry," he said. "Wouldn't want you calling the police on me. God, I'm just terrible. How could I ever possibly make it up to you?"

I looked at his stupid, fake-innocent face. "Buy me a donut? I'm kind of broke."

He closed his eyes and smirked, shaking his head slightly. "Okay."

"Thanks," I said. "Appreciate it, dude."

╭-°—✞—˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°-╮

╰-°—✞—˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°-╯

The donuts were as excellent as he promised, especially considering the fact I hadn't actually eaten a proper meal since the last time he bought me food. We took them out of the cafe and to this outdoor bench, where there were no people, which I was more than glad about due to just how romantic this looked.

About half-way through my little breakfast, most of which was just me shoveling food in my mouth while Michael watched with a slight look of concern, I got a text from Rhoda asking why I didn't show up to world history.

ugh its boring here without you 😭😭 nerds kissing the profs ass again

I turned my screen around and showed him. "I think she likes me," I reported happily. "I really need to start showing up one of these days."

He chuckled sadly. "Poor Rhoda. I'd show up for her."

I frowned and pocketed my phone. "Stay away from her, I saw her first."

He lifted his hands in a surrendering motion and leaned back comfortably. "All yours, man. I got my own bitches. Like a dozen lined up to go." He made a stacking motion with his hand.

I took another bite. "What's... what's that like?"

"Pretty much, you get to fuck whoever you want, whenever you want." I blinked up at him and he smirked. "Wanna be my bitch, Benjamin?"

I blushed. "Uh, yeah, I don't know about that," I mumbled.

"Well we can stay friends." He smiled. "For now."

I finished off my donut before responding, which happened to be a sugar-coated one with lemon filling. "Can we be friends that kiss each other?" I said quietly.

He smirked. "I would love to be friends that kiss each other."

"And occasionally buy each other donuts?"

He smiled slightly, then raised his hand to the side of my face. "Don't move," he said, tracing half of my lip with his finger. I sat still, leaning my cheek into his palm, relishing in its warmth. He moved his hand back. "Sugar," he said, presenting me with the tiny white speck.

"Oh," I whispered, entranced.

Keeping his eyes steadily on me, he raised it to his own mouth and sealed his lips around it, sucking away the tiny particle and tugging his lower lip down slightly as he dropped his hand. My hands trembled at my sides and my forehead and neck pricked with heat. "What are you thinking about?" he asked slyly.

"You know what I'm thinking about," I said.

He stood suddenly and tilted his head, nodding toward the parking lot, then turned and started walking. I sat there for a second, and when I realized he wasn't coming back I got up and followed him. There was a total of three cars out there, his and two others, which surprised me for such an early hour.

He let me walk in front of him to the passenger's door and as I started to open it he put his hands on my waist and turned me around. "Um-" I started before he pushed me back against the car, making my heart pound in my chest. "What are you-"

"Shh," he said, grabbing my face. I widened my eyes and he leaned in, crushing his lips against mine while his body kept me pinned like that. I opened my mouth a little, just so I could breathe, and he forced his tongue inside and licked it up the length of mine.

My blood had already decided to start migrating south and I had the urge to distance myself from him before I got into an embarrassing situation. I used my own tongue to effectively shove his out of my mouth and stared up at him, panting. "The fuck was that?"

He chuckled. "You didn't like it?" he said. I didn't answer, just raised myself up and rocked my hips forward into his thigh. "Ah," he said. "You did."

I let out a sigh and he licked his lips, then ducked his head down to my neck. I shot my hand up and gripped his throat, pulling him back. "There's no way in hell I'm letting you-" I started.

"Hey!" a deep voice shouted from somewhere behind me. "Find another fucking parking lot, would ya?"

I didn't even bother looking at whoever it was. I let go of Michael with a squeak and twisted out of his grasp, then wrenched open the car door and slid into the passenger's seat.

My partner in crime was not so lucky. He glanced up, a cheeky grin spreading on his face. I could see now the angry-looking bald man in an apron standing on the steps of the cafe. "Don't you kids have school to go to?" he said.

"Sorry, sir," said Michael as he made his way around the front of the car to the driver's side. "By the way, I like your donuts," he murmured with a wink.

The man looked visibly disturbed, but he just turned and shuffled back inside.

"Whoops," said Michael as he got in the car.

I cleared my throat. "That was the stupidest, most embarrassing, worst moment of my entire..." I trailed off, noticing his eyes significantly lower than anywhere near my face region.

"You're still hard," he said, as if pointing this out was even remotely necessary.

"Stop looking," I snapped. I shifted my legs around, hoping to make the bulge in my pants less noticeable and tried to will it away.

"Just think about decapitated pigs or something," he said.

I looked over. "What?"

"Unless that turns you on."

"No," I assured him.

"Trust me, it works, I do it all the time. Pigs, kkhhh." He made a noise like he was choking and mimed slicing his throat.

"That's disgusting," I said.

"That's kind of the point."

He flicked his eyebrows up and then, after a second-long glance around, reached his hand out. I slammed my legs together and covered my crotch with both hands. "Don't you dare. I'll kill you."

He gave a shrug and moved his hand to his pocket instead to pull his keys out. "And here I'd thought we'd moved beyond the threatening."

"I'm a bit flustered right now," I told him.

"My, how flattering," he said. "Shall I take you to our little home?"

"No," I said a little too quickly. I knew he had a vivid imagination; I was sure he was picturing all doing kinds of nasty things that would come back to haunt me when I was lying awake across the room from him. "No, no, definitely not. I gotta go to class anyway, maybe you can just drop me off?"

He nodded, the smile creeping back to his face. "Oh right, Rhoda. Don't wanna keep her waiting any more. Have fun with her."

"How... how can you do that?" I asked as he started backing out of the parking lot.

He looked behind him and turned the car around to face the road. "Do what?"

I twisted my fingers together. "Like, offer to have sex with me and then two seconds later encourage me to have sex with someone else?"

He smiled and clicked his tongue. "Well I've always seen it this way: a person is never happy fully committing themselves to one other person, more so than ever at our age. This isn't the time to settle down with a life partner, it's time to go and experience as many different people as you want. If I were to love another person, which so far has been very rare, I wouldn't expect the kind of sexual loyalty that is often promoted as the pinnacle of relationships."

I sat there in silence for a minute, trying to translate into my own mind what the fuck he'd just said. "So like... if Kitty cheated on you with twenty guys you just... wouldn't care?"

Michael sighed. "Unfortunately, Kitty and I aren't together anymore."

"Like that was gonna last," I snorted.

"No offense, but you know next to nothing about me or her, so your judgment of our relationship has no basis." He turned off the road back on the small street the campus was located on. "And I happen to disagree. It could have lasted." I didn't ask why they'd broken up, I was apparently overstepping my boundaries enough. "Yo, tell which building you're going to."

I pointed straight ahead. World history was long over now, but I could still make it to my second class in a relatively timely matter. Michael pulled the car up alongside the sidewalk without stopping and I realized I had no books or papers. I figured I could get away with taking a piece of paper from someone else and I doubted we'd be doing much work.

"Uh..." I said awkwardly, turning back to look at him. "Bye, I guess."

He scratched his nose. "Don't worry, sweetheart, you'll see me tonight."

That was exactly what was worrying me. "Really?"

"Maybe, maybe not. We'll have to see, won't we."

I frowned. "Yeah, whatever," I said, and got out of the car.

I groaned as I watched it drive away, mentally kicking myself. I'd sounded so stupid. Why did I always feel the need to come off as so arrogant? I listened to my heartbeat, pounding in my ears until it finally started to slow down to something normal.