"I know that look," Sarah said. I was lying on my stomach in her bed, pretending to read her psychology textbook. It may as well have been written in Greek.

"What look?" I asked as innocently as possible. I knew I hadn't been paying attention, and I felt a little bad, but it was Sarah. She probably didn't care.

"That look," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and narrowing her eyes. "You're thinking about someone. C'mon, who is it? Spill."

I took a deep breath and pulled out the best acting I had in me. "I'm really not, I promise. Just, you know, stressed. About... uh, school."

She snorted and squinted at herself in her mirror to apply more mascara. "Oh, come on. I've known you since you were eight years old. You like someone. Just tell me already," she whined. "I'd tell you."

I chewed on my inner cheek. Unfortunately, she was right. She did know me too well.

I had to think of something fast.

"Fine," I said breathlessly. "It's this girl. She gave me her number on the first day of classes. God, she's so hot. She's got this huge pair of-"

"Okay!" Sarah interrupted me. "Got it, got it."

I studied her face. She seemed convinced. "What about you, how's the emo boy hunt going?"

"Wellll... I'm going to this thing tonight. Like a date, but not a date because there's a bunch of people going. I'm going with Brad and Maria's going with Jason and Amy's going with Carter. I got an outfit. Wanna see?"

"Sure," I said. "I'll probably just stay in tonight. You know, I haven't been sleeping the best here. I'm still getting used to it."

She made a huge frown. "No, you should..." Then something changed in her expression. "Actually, you're right, everything has been crazy. And now I'm meeting all these people and, well, I'm not exactly sure they're your crowd, Ben."

What I gathered from that was she would rather spend time with the totally awesome cool people she'd known for less than a week over me. Fine. I'd rather spend time with a bipolar, probably STD-riddled moron than you. And I was going to, if all went according to plan.

"Anyway," she giggled. "Let me go show you my dress." I didn't see why she wanted to dress up so badly. It was just a couple of college boys she would never see again after jumping into bed with. She was probably overcompensating for never doing this stuff in high school. "Oo-kay," she sang, swinging around a short orange and pink strapless.

"The dress is nice," I said.

"I hope Carter likes it. I like Brad and all, but Carter is so much hotter and I swear he was flirting with me every second Amy walks away. But I could never, like, make a move or anything because if Amy hated me I'm done. Kaboom. Ended. Jason and Maria are, like... obsessed with each other. What if they come back here and start, like, doing stuff? What do I do?"

I thought about Maria and Alicia, and doubted Maria was as obsessed with Jason as Sarah thought. "Tell 'em to get a room."

"This is her room," she groaned. She rubbed her lips together. "Having a roommate sucks sometimes."

"You know I know."

Sarah grinned. "Oh, right. How is your freak roommate anyway?"

"Yesterday he bought a bouquet of roses for his girlfriend to try to win her back after he cheated, and guess what..." I said. She dropped her jaw and leaned forward excitedly. "She threw them everywhere," I told her. "I walked in and there's just... roses... all over the ground."

"That's insane," she giggled. "I love it." Then her phone rang and she rushed over to look. "Oh my god, Ben, it's Carter. I told you he likes me."

"So he calls you once and now he likes you?" I teased. She widened her eyes. "Well, answer it for fuck's sake," I said.

"Should I? Of course I should. Oh my god." She tapped her screen. "Heyyy!" she cooed. I watched her facial expression drop from excited to sad as she listened to whatever he was saying. "Wait, why not? Oh. Well, maybe I could see you some other time then. Oh, okay, well, see you, I guess." She dropped her phone into her lap.

My brow furrowed. "What happened?"

"Something between him and Amy. Ugh, this is even worse! Now I can't ever date him." She sat down next to me and crossed her arms poutily. "What do I do?"

I shrugged hopelessly. "I think you should just do what you want."

"Maybe I won't go. I really don't even like Amy that much." She looked at her dress. "Maybe you and me could just hang out. Like the old times. We could eat a bunch of food and watch some comedies or something." She smiled sweetly.

"Sarah," I said carefully. "I think you should go out. Just because Carter's not there doesn't mean you won't have a good time. And sitting around at home and moping won't make you feel better."

She looked at me, her face lined with worry. "You really think I should go?"

"Yes."

"Okay." She leaned over and gave me a hug. "You always make me feel better," she whispered.

"That's what I'm here for," I said.

"Thanks for being my best friend, Ben." She pulled away from me and looked up into my eyes. "Honestly, if we weren't such good friends, you and I... well, that's just silly, I guess. We'd never be anything more than friends. But remember that time when Amy brought it up? Well, just for a second I wondered... nah, that's stupid."

"Yeah," I said, laughing nervously.

Was it just me, or did she look a little sad when I said that? No, Sarah didn't like me like that. That made no sense. Out of the two of us, she'd always insisted the strongest there was nothing romantic between us. "Alright," she said. "I'm gonna see about squeezing into this dress."

She couldn't have a crush on me, I thought. Girls getting dressed in front of you was the biggest sign of the friend zone out there. I looked back at the book she'd been studying.

I tried starting from the beginning of the page, but I couldn't even remember what it was talking about. Are people really afraid to love? The answer is no. They are simply afraid of not being loved back. Let's talk about how this affects the human relationship...

"Damn, I look preeetty good," Sarah murmured. I looked up to see her checking herself out in the mirror. I'd always known she was beautiful, anyone with eyes could see that, but I'd never thought about her in that way. She was just Sarah to me, usually pictured in my head in some sweatpants and a messy bun. What if it's me that likes her? And I'm twisting it around in my head to make myself feel better? No, that was absurd!

"I hate feelings," I muttered aloud.

"Everyone does."

"No, really," I said softly, burying my head into her pillow. It was cold and smelled like cheap hairspray. I wanted to curl into a ball and fall asleep. Actually, I'd rather fall into a coma. "I think my head's going to explode."

She rolled her eyes. "You're worse than me on my period," she said. "Come on, might as well tell me what's wrong."

"Everything."

"Okay, be that way," she said, flopping over on the bed next to me. I tried not to look at her, in her dress where her boobs hung out and the back rode up to the bottom of her ass cheeks. She reached over and grabbed her phone. "Ooh, I just remembered. I need to show you this Youtube video, it's fucking hilarious."

I sighed. "Alright," I muttered.

And so I spent the rest of the evening until Jason arrived curled next to her, happy my sadness was a little less noticed, wishing I could be fourteen again and not whatever I had shriveled to now.

╭-°—✞—˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°-╮

╰-°—✞—˚✧❨✧˚—✞—°-╯

I wasn't exactly sure what I was expecting when I made it back to my dorm that night. It was, once again, super late and entirely pitch black. Nerves pricked at my fingertips as I arrived at the door, my breath catching in my throat.

The way I'd imagined this scene throughout the day involved some heavy kissing and desperate clothes-shedding. I wouldn't let my mind go any further because it was too scary.

Instead, as I opened the door, I found Michael sitting in bed, completely motionless, invested in something on his laptop. "Oh my god," I said. "You, doing work? I can't believe my eyes." I set my phone down on the little desk by my bed and kicked my shoes off.

He didn't even look up. "Who says I'm doing work?" he muttered. "I could be watching porn."

I inhaled heavily. "Don't let me disturb you then."

I walked past him without another glance to the bathroom. After I had relieved myself, I slipped my jeans off and put them in the makeshift pile of dirty laundry I'd constructed in the corner of the bathroom floor, then walked back out and headed in the direction of my bed.

Maybe I could do some work for once. Sleeping was an impossible agenda living with Michael, but it wouldn't kill to put a little energy into my classes.

I reached for my pile of textbooks stacked on top of each other on the desk and selected a random one. I ignored him, I didn't look at him, I tried to focus and yet, big surprise, I accomplished very little.

I shivered and pushed my book to the side. I'd been looking at the same letters so long they'd started swimming on the page. I turned over and looked at Michael, his blue eyes blinking at the screen. Every so often he'd click something on the touchpad. The movement was robotic. "How was your day?" I asked.

Click. It took him a few long seconds to look over. "It was okay," he answered finally. "Yours?"

"Okay," I whispered.

Click. This time he typed something in on the keyboard.

"I... okay, I'm going to sleep," I said. That was stupid, I thought immediately. No one cares. You sound stupid. Why'd you have to make some stupid announcement about it?

"Okay," he said nonchalantly.

See? I thought at myself triumphantly before scooting down to lie on my side. I faced the wall, where it was darkest, where my face was hidden, and gathered the mess of covers I was supposed to make yesterday around me.

"Sweetie," he said. I turned back over. "You don't want to sleep with me?"

"Do I go over there?"

"Don't you remember how much you like this bed better?" His tone had turned whispery, like smoke winding through the space between us and enveloping me.

"Yes, I also remember you physically threw me out of it," I said.

He flashed a smirk. "Oh, right. That was fun. Now get your ass over here and I'll keep you warm and safe and you won't have any bad dreams, okay? Okay. Bring the pillows."

I scowled at him, then dutifully scooped them both up in one arm. "You just want your own pillow back," I accused.

"Maybe." I flopped them down on top of him and went down on one knee on the mattress. "Yay," he said. "Sleepover."

"You don't actually sleep with people at sleepovers," I said.

"You do in the kind I get invited to," he said boldly, his warm breath tickling my ear.

I tried to crawl over him so I could be closer to the wall. He grabbed me by the hips and pulled me down next to him, making my whole body shudder. "Michael, I-"

"What?" he said.

I busied myself in tangling my fingers in his curly blonde hair as I pulled myself back up on my knees. "No, I just-" His lips were already on mine, his hand sliding down my lower back. I pulled away again. "Wait!" I practically shouted.

He put his hand over my mouth. "Shh shh," he said between laughs. "Our neighbors are gonna hear."

I tilted my head, trying to subtly escape his lips. "What are we doing?" I asked. "Kissing? In your bed?"

"Smart boy," he murmured. "Very observant." I shivered at the words. I wasn't sure what to do with my hands, so I just sort of let them hang at his sides, which I thought was terribly lame, but he didn't seem to be paying attention.

I tilted back as he shifted, moving off me. "Why'd you stop?"

He gave me a tiny smile. "You're resisting. I'm not going to do something to you that you don't want."

I leaned forward, staring at his lips. Soft, plump. Not too intimidating. They looked enjoyable to kiss. I flicked my gaze up. He raised a single eyebrow. I hovered less than a centimeter away from him, then tilted my head slightly to the side and then parted my lips. I pressed them against his, locking us in a gentle kiss.

He kissed me again, harder this time. I leaned down, melting against him, letting every part of us touch. He traced his hand down the curve of my back, just brushing my skin lightly with his fingertips so my skin erupted in tingles, and over my ass to rest on top of the back of my thigh.

"You even took your pants off," he observed.

"Not for you," I said. "Who sleeps wearing pants?"

"If I had it my way we'd sleep naked," he said. Instantly I was rock hard.

He brushed his hand all the way through my hair and held the back of my head as he kissed me, his other hand slipping between my legs, which were tightly pressed together, his fingertips grazing my inner thigh, his thumb touching my ass. I sighed a little and dipped my head down from his mouth to the crook of his neck, biting my lip.

Then he squeezed the inside of my thigh, hard, and it was so unexpected I couldn't stop myself in time from the moan that left my lips.

He smirked, slowly moving his hand up from my legs across my ass. "Hot," he whispered, squeezing my cheek. "You look like you'll be... vocal."

"What?"

"When we fuck," he said casually, like it was already set in his calendar.

I tried to move up so his fingers weren't pressed right between my ass cheeks but only succeeded in grinding myself against him. "You're gonna make me be the girl, aren't you?" I said.

"The girl?" he repeated.

"Yeah, you know," I said.

He frowned. "No, I'm pretty sure you'll still be a boy. Unless you're like a starfish or something. Don't those things change gender?"

"You know what I mean!"

"Of course," he said. "But that's a stupid way to put it. And you're like five feet tall. You really want to top?" He laughed like it was the most ridiculous idea on the planet.

I sat up and blinked angrily. "I'm not five feet tall."

"Oh, not even? God, that's rough."

"Shut up."

He chuckled a little and slid his hands over my hips until his fingers grazed my waistband. "Can you please take these off?" he whispered, his voice unimaginably low.

I shivered and climbed over him, then got to my feet and stood in front of him while he sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at me. I didn't move for a moment, debating in my head if I should really expose myself to this guy, and then I squeezed shut my eyes and pulled down my underwear.

His eyes lit up and he grabbed my sides, pulling me forward so my legs pressed against the bedframe between his. "Damn," he said. "Hi there."

I bit my lip. "Michael, this is-" I broke off as he wrapped his hand around me, sliding up and down smoothly. "Oh god."

He tilted his head slightly. "Want me to suck it?"

I was pretty sure I almost had a heart attack. "Um," I gulped. "Sure. Wait. Uh." He leaned back and stared at me with a bored expression. "I guess."

"Never in my life have I known a man to say I guess to a blowjob," he said.

"Well, never in my life have I seriously considered getting a blowjob from a man," I said.

He shrugged, leaned forward again, and shoved the whole thing down his throat in a matter of milliseconds.

I had been on the receiving end of this quite a few times. Patty Hartley's specialty was grinding her teeth over my skin until I wanted to cry. Rosie something-or-other went a little too far and almost threw up on me. The others were less memorable.

I could feel myself touch the back of his throat every time he bobbed down, but he never showed any sign of being uncomfortable. I grabbed the back of his head, holding him there, pushing deep, and he reached up and pulled my hands off. "Don't," he said coldly.

I gulped a little.

He gripped me again, his hands clutching the backs of my thighs, and ran his mouth up and down once more, his tongue pressing against me, before pulling off. He moved back further, taking the waistband of his boxers in his hands and pulling them down over his legs. "C'mere," he told me.

Very hesitantly, I got on the bed and crawled over to him, feeling a bit like a fish being reeled in. "I can't- I'm not- I can't do th-"

"Shh, it's okay. We'll just use our hands." He reached over and stroked me slowly before doing the same to himself. "Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah, that's okay," I agreed, and slowly took him in my hand. It was easy. I turned around so I was sitting in his lap with my back pressed against his chest and just pretended his dick was mine, from a different angle.

"What do you think?" he said, his grin enormous.

I shrugged. His grin disappeared.

"Well it's bigger than yours."

"But I'm shorter than you," I said. "So if you look at the ratio, compared to my height, mine is better."

He scoffed. "It doesn't work like that," he said. Then he started going faster, and I let out a shaky whimper and gripped his thigh.

"This debate is not over," I said, my breathing ragged.

"Whatever you say."

He paused, tracing his thumb over my glistening tip, and looked at me.

"So pretty," he whispered. "I can't wait till you cum."

My breath came out in a rush. "Do, um... do you put them together?" I asked.

He laughed. "You can."

He pushed my hand off him and took over again, then brought his hands together, rubbing my tip down his length so it left a shining trail of precum. "Oh god," I murmured into his neck. He grinned and used both hands, rubbing us over each other. "Michael..." I opened my mouth against his neck as the muscles at the bottom of my stomach contracted. "Michael, I'm-"

"Let go," he whispered. "Cum for me."

It was his voice that sent me over the edge.

I bit down on my lip and trembled as I released, shooting into his hand and all over my stomach. Then I slumped back into his arms, panting. He let out a deep groan as he hurried to finish himself off, as I'd become useless. I watched, almost excitedly, as he jerked forward and came on his tightened abs.

"I don't think we should've done that," I said.

He giggled and his curls brushed into my eye, making me blink. "Big deal. So we helped each other out. Would do again." He raised his hand in front of his face, looked at it for a second, then licked up his palm.

My eyes widened. "Stop it," I said. "That's disgusting."

He ignored me and sucked the tip of his thumb, staring into my eyes. I shoved him, crawling off him and carefully making my way towards the bathroom.

I grabbed one of the towels and cleaned myself off, my whole body shuddering. It took several moments of staring myself down in the mirror before I could gather the courage to go back out there.

"Hey," Michael murmured when I stopped dead in the center of the room, looking uncertainly between our beds. "Don't you dare. It's cuddle time."

I sighed and walked over, then sank down and curled up against him. "Everything's weird now," I said, my voice tiny.

"No, it's not. It's, uh, it's all just part of, uh, being a nice roommate, you know," he said clumsily.

I snorted and reached up to run my hand over his chest, feeling his smooth skin, the strong muscles underneath. "Yeah, okay."

"You're beautiful," he murmured, tracing the tips of his fingers down where my back curved.