—𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙂𝙀𝙎!

❛❛ 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙎𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙉: 𝙃𝙊𝙈𝙄𝘾𝙄𝘿𝘼𝙇 𝙍𝘼𝙂𝙀. ❜❜

~ ☂︎︎ ~

"𝙉𝙊𝙒 𝙒𝙃𝘼𝙏?"

"Now nothing, Luther, all right? Make your peace with God," Five shouted exasperatedly.

"What? What about Allison and Vanya?" Luther asked. "Screw them both. They should have been here," Five replied. "What about Diego?" Klaus groaned as I helped him sit up. "He's quite a responsible young man, no?" Five grunted and a piece of cardboard by the dumpster.

"Something must've happened to them," Luther tried. "Screw Diego, all right? Screw everybody! I was better off on my own in the apocalypse."

"Five! Come on."

"You know what, Luther? It's every sibling for himself now. How 'bout that?" Five stated, walking back inside. "Did Five just get meaner?" Klaus whimpered. "Klaus, go check on Allison, okay? Make sure she's okay. Find the others and we'll meet back here," Luther said. He looked at me. "We'll handle Five."

I teleported inside and walked up the stairs behind Five. "Come on, you can't just give up!" I shouted at him.

"She's right! Doomsday is still coming. We gotta think of a new plan." Luther followed us. "Don't you get it, guys? It's over, all right? We're already dead," Five snapped. "Well then, where are you going?" I asked. "I'm going to do the unthinkable," he responded. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Five sighed. "I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this."

"Come to what, Five?" Luther questioned. He walked into a room and locked the door. "Five. Five! Come to what? Five!" Luther knocked on the door. He looked at me again.

"Fine. I'll get him."

I traveled inside and saw him sitting in a chair. "You okay?" He scoffed. "I'm fine, actually. Let me debrief you on the new plan."

~ ☂︎︎ ~

𝙇𝙐𝙏𝙃𝙀𝙍 𝙒𝘼𝙆𝙀𝙎 𝙐𝙋 to the sound of Five opening up the fridge. He removes the blanket from his body. He had fallen asleep an hour or two ago. "Five?" He got up and made his way towards the kitchen.

"Five? Five what-"

He walked in to see me sitting at the table and Five chugging a bottle of water. "You okay?" He gasped heavily. "I'm gonna need to be hydrated," Five stated. "Hydrated?" Luther questioned, looking to me. I shrugged. I'd rather have Five explain. Speaking of Five, he had pulled out some baby powder and began to cover his body in it. "What's with the baby powder?"

"It'll help with the itching," Five responded. "What itching? There's itching? What the hell is going on here?" Luther asked looking between me, who was sitting ever so casually, and Five, who was pouring baby powder everywhere. He finally had a look of realization. "You do have a plan."

Five shook himself out. "Well, it's a desperation move, but-"

"-the rest of our family couldn't meet a simple deadline, he's got no choice," I completed.

"No choice about what?" Luther questioned. "I have to find myself," Five replied, checking how watch. "I just arrived in Dallas 15 minutes ago." Luther tilted his head. "Should I be worried about you?"

"Luther, if you recall, I was sent to 1963 on a job by the Commission to make sure the president was assassinated," Five began, stretching on the carpet. "Oh! So, wait, your old self is out there," Luther realized. "Precisely," he confirmed. "What, just walking around Dallas?"

"Walking around Dallas with a briefcase that can get us home," I replied. "Oh, my god. Guys, you're geniuses," Luther stated, astonished. "Thank you. But, there are a few significant flaws with our plan. Five, care to explain?"

"Problem number one: I am a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum. If I know me, I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself," Five said, pacing back and forth. "Problem number two, and this one is the real fly in the ointment here: you're not supposed to exist in close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effect can be disastrous."

"Side effects? What sort of side effects?" Luther asked. "Well, according to Commission Handbook Chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are...

stage one: denial,

two: itching,

three: extreme thirst and urination,

four: excessive gas,

five: acute paranoia,

six: uncontrolled perspiration,

and seven: homicidal rage."

"Homicidal rage?" Luther questioned. "Yep," I nodded my head. "Jeez, I don't know. This maybe isn't such a good idea," he replied. "It's a Hail Mary. But what choice do we got, Luther?" Five asked with his arms out. "I don't know, you already seem a bit squirrelly if I'm being honest," Luther stated.

"Look, Luther, I'm gonna need you to help me get through this one, all right?" Five said, going up to Luther and gripping his shoulders. "I...I need a spotter."

"A spotter?"

"Yeah."

"What is that? Like, a wingman?" He asked. "In case the paradox psychosis gets too severe, Five will need us to keep him in line and prevent him from going insane." He nodded at me. "So, whatever happens, whatever I say, we need to get that briefcase. Okay?"

"Okay," Luther agreed. "Okay." Five grabbed my hand and raced down the stairs. He looked back at Luther. "Luther, come on."

"Right."

~ ☂︎︎ ~

𝙒𝙀 𝙒𝘼𝙇𝙆𝙀𝘿 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙊 an Irish restaurant and hid around the door. "Well, there I am," Five said. I looked over to an old man sitting at the bar. He was writing something down, the briefcase resting at his feet. "Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?" Luther asked. I snorted. "Luther, I would never let that happen. We're trained to guard those briefcases with our lives."

"Right," Luther realized. "Plus, it's the inherent paradox where this gets tricky. I'm endangering my existence just being in the room with myself," Five stated. "Huh- What do you mean?" Luther asked. I hit him lightly. "Luther, try to keep up. If this plan somehow goes to shit and we screw up, he could end up not traveling back to 2019 like he's supposed to. It would completely unravel everything we've done. Our Five would cease to exist. Got it?"

"I get you," Luther replied, though I could hear the hesitation in his voice. "So our best chance is to talk with him, to reason with him," Five told us. "Ah."

"He'll understand," Five said, still looking very nervous. "Trust me. I know myself better than, uh...better than I know myself," he continued, scratching his neck. "You just itched your neck!" Luther exclaimed, stating my thoughts. "That's stage two of paradox psychosis."

"No, I didn't. I didn't itch my neck," Five denied. "Stage one, denial," I chimed in. "I am fine, okay? Let's stay on task, shall we?"

"Wait," Luther said, holding out his hands to stop Five. "What?"

"Maybe we should first," Luther said, gesturing to the both of us. "Why?" Five asked. "Well, you'll freak him out. Bumping into your own tiny doppelgänger? He will lose his shit. Just let us break the ice." Luther and Five both looked at me. Luther, for backup. We could both tell Five was experiencing the stages. Five, for help. This really was a last minute decision. "Okay," he agreed. "Okay."

Luther moved to go over to past Five while our Five pulled me aside. "Hey, uh, there are some things I still haven't told you. I'm still afraid this version me could say things that will make you want to leave. And your entitled to that decision. Just uh, promise you'll still love me?" I nodded. "Of course. Your time at the Commission was a lot."

"Uh! Don't freak out. No freak-outs. All right," I heard Luther say. He turned around, so Five and I took that as our cue to step out. Five made eye contact with Five.

"Hey there, stranger."

~ ☂︎︎ ~

𝘼 𝙁𝙀𝙒 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙐𝙏𝙀𝙎 𝙇𝘼𝙏𝙀𝙍, we ended up sitting down. Luther and I awkwardly sat in the silence while both Fives glared at each other from across the table. Luther sighed. "Well...this is nice, isn't it? The four of us, together like this," he said, trying to break the thick tension.

"No."

"Somebody explain to me how it is I'm having a pint of Guinness with my younger self," Old Five said. "Older, actually. I'm you, just 14 days older," Current Five replied, glaring. "I have pubic hair smarter than you. How's that possible?"

"I can explain," Current Five began. "You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the Commission," he continued, leaning forward. "I already know you're thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. Well, today, you are going to do something about it. Today, you are going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019. However, you are going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body, trapped, forever, small, pubescent."

I put my hand on Current Five's wrist and backed him up. "Okay. Even if I was to believe you, what am I supposed to do about it, not jump?" Old Five asked.

"No, no. You have to jump. If you don't jump, this version of you ceases to exist," I protested. Old Five nodded at me. He was surprised to see me, but weirdly not shocked at my appearance. "What I need from you is to jump correctly."

"What?" We hadn't talked about this earlier. "I'm listening," Old Five interrupted. "The first time through, I got the calculation wrong. That's how I ended up in this body. But now, I know the correct calculation."

"What is it?" Old Five asked. "I'll be glad to tell you...in exchange for that briefcase you're holding under the table."

"Yeah, yeah, so you go back to 2019, as planned, but this time with the right math, so you remain a full-grown man. In exchange, we get that briefcase that you no longer need," Luther explained. "Timeline restored, paradox resolved. Everyone goes in existing happily ever after."

"That's quite a bit to take in," Old Five said. "Yeah, and you never told me," I said, nudging Current Five under the table. "What do you think?" Current Five asked. "I think...I need to piss," Old Five replied. He stood up and grabbed his things, looking at me. "I'm sorry for what I did. I hope he had the guts to tell you."

Current Five was left speechless. "Oh. Well, besides the flop sweat, I think that went pretty well, am I right?" Luther asked while dabbing the sweat off of Five. "No, no, there's something...Something doesn't feel right about this," Five said. "What- What do you mean?"

"I don't trust him."

"But he's use," Luther reminded. "Exactly." I sighed exasperatedly. "Luther, why don't you go check on the other Five. I, uh, I need to have a talk with this one." He nodded and walked over to the restroom.

I dabbed the beads of sweat that were still there. "So are you going to explain what he meant when he apologized?" I asked. "Well...oh god I really don't want to do this now," Five said. "What? I'm sure it can't be that bad. Did he just apologize for leaving? Is it something bad?"

"Uh, maybe just a little," Five sighed. "Just tell me. I won't hate you. Depending on how bad it is, I could leave, but I could never hate you," I said, holding his hand.

"Ok...well, remember how you were shot at that bank? The bullet that seemingly stopped you from aging." I nodded, listening intently.

"Well, that was me. My first mission was to shoot you."

—𝘼𝙐𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙍'𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏𝙀!

1. The who plays Vanya

Hargreeves has out as

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