TRIGGER WARNING: CHILD ABUSE, USE OF THE F SLUR (I can reclaim it DW), HOMOPHOBIA + TRANSPHOBIA, DISASSOCIATION, BREAKDOWNS, GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE, MENTIONS OF BLOOD AND BRUISING

The time was around early April, the beginning of spring was blossoming. Jonah and Adam had been dating for around two weeks, spending every moment they could with each other. Spring break from school finally began, and it was as much a blessing as it was a curse. Now that his dad was home, he had to be careful. Luckily most days he was at work, not today though. Jonah walked around his room, on the phone with his boyfriend of course. He had to be sure to be extra quiet in case his dad heard him say anything...not to his liking. He knew he was taking a risk on this call, but he loved talking to Adam. What's the worst that could happen? "Dude, I got these like...really fucking cool LED lights. I'm trying to hang them up in my room, and I tried yesterday but I may have fell on my face off the stepping stool-"

Jonah could hear Adam wheeze on the other end, "HAH- I'm sorry, it's just- that sounds like a you thing, for sure. You're really tall though, can you not reach the wall from there?"

"Absolutely not, I'm tall, not coordinated!"

Jonah could hear that get a laugh out of Adam as he tried to figure out how to hang up the lights, WITHOUT falling of course. "Fucks sake, I'll do it later. Fuckin lights-" Adam cracked up hearing the boy get pissed off at some lights, especially since it took a LOT to make Jonah mad. He definitely didn't get his father's anger, that's for sure. "Yeah, sooner or later I'm supposed to get a letter asking me if I wanna sign up to tutor next year, too. I just don't know how that's gonna go when I get a job, since I have to work over the summer now. Should I sign up for it again or not?"

"Hm, I'm not sure. Hey, why don't you work where I work? The hours are pretty flexible and if you do become a tutor for the next year, it won't be as bad. Plus, you get to work with me, isn't that your dream?" That last sentence was obviously a joke, but Jonah decided to play into it. "Oh absolutely, Lord Adam, I'm so honoured to work with YOU!"

"Pfft- okay, I get it-"

"Hah, but that does sound like a good idea. God, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Jo-"

Jonah suddenly heard a loud shout from the other room, from his father. He completely forgot to quiet down his voice. "Fuck fuck fuck- SHIT- I'll have to call you back, I think my dad heard me-" Jonah whispered frantically.

"Wait, what? Jonah, are you okay?"

He didn't answer, quickly hanging up the call and throwing his phone on his bed, trying to hide it. Jonah began to panic badly as he heard footsteps approach his room. He didn't know what the hell to do, all he could do was formulate excuses he could use to his dad to explain himself. His door swung open, and there stood Mervin, looking pissed. "Dad, I-" With a belt in hand, Mervin stomped over to Jonah and grabbed him by the hair. "Don't 'dad' me, you fucking faggot! I knew it!"

"Fuck- let me explain! It wasn't-"

"I know what I heard, you little shit!"

"You've got it all wrong! STOP!"

Mervin didn't listen, however.

Adam was pacing around his house, worried sick. Jonah wasn't answering his calls, it'd been over an hour since he'd last heard from him and his head was pounding as tears streamed down his face. Jonah, however, knew what was going on. For the past hour, he'd received the worst beating of his life. His face and body were covered in gashes, his nose and lip were bleeding and God- there was so much blood everywhere. He could barely even breathe, choking on the metallic substance. He couldn't see, either, due to the tears and the pain making him squeeze his eyes shut. He was curled up on the floor, covering any gash he could with his hands. The pain was the worst he'd ever felt, he'd never been hit like this before. Not even for that time he told his dad to fuck off. Mervin stood in front of his injured child, no remorse or regret in his eyes. Jonah felt paralyzed, he tried to fight back but it didn't fix things, it just made it hurt worse. Mervin walked past Jonah and grabbed his phone from his bed. "Don't even think about leaving this room until your mom gets home tomorrow. And you're not leaving this damn house unless both of us are with you." All that Jonah could do in response was sob, he couldn't speak. All he could taste was blood at that point. "We raised you better than this. Don't you dare tell anyone about this. I'm not letting anyone know how much of a failure my son is." He made his way to the door, kicking Jonah in the side one last time, and then stopped. "Actually, take a shower and wash all the blood off, and if your mom asks, you had gotten into a fight with some kids from school. After you're done, then you don't leave your room until your mom is here." He finally left, slamming the door behind him. Jonah couldn't move, the pain pulsating through his body was horrible. "Agony" would be an understatement. Sure, he was used to his dad hitting him, but like this? Tears clouded his vision as his whole body ached and weakened. After a few minutes, he finally managed to slowly and painfully get off the floor, choking on his own blood. As quickly as he could, he grabbed any clothes he needed and rushed out of his door towards the bathroom.

The cold shower water hit him like bullets on his skin. Normally he showered under warm water but the cold water was the only thing even slightly soothing his injuries. Yeah, it hurt, but hot water would just burn more. He looked down at himself and all of the gashes he'd endured, and the feeling was awful. His stomach churned and he felt nauseous, tears masked by the shower water once again. This can't be real. None of this can be real. Please, God, just make it stop. He leaned against the shower wall and just sobbed, sobbed until he couldn't even breathe. Nothing felt real, hell he couldn't even feel anything anymore. His whole body just felt like light static and nothing else. Not pain, not sore, just...numb. Eventually he couldn't cry anymore. He didn't even feel anything anymore. He felt so fucking empty, so fucking tired. He couldn't move his arms much anymore outside of small movements. Finally, he turned the water off and got out. Everything up until him looking in the mirror was a blur. He didn't recognise himself. The face that stared back at him wasn't his. That wasn't him. Bruised, exhausted, tear-stained, covered in gashes. He weakly grabbed the first aid kit and rummaged through it. He grabbed some Neosporin and bandages, cleaning up and bandaging the open wounds on his face. Once he was done, he slowly and quietly made his way to his room, not even bothering to put away the kit. He sat on his bed, staring at the floor. Jonah had no idea what was going on anymore. He was so numb, unbelievably so. All the memories began to fade as he lost his ground in reality. He couldn't hear anything, smell anything, feel anything. Hell, he could barely even see. Yes, he could see things, but he couldn't focus on them. God, he was so tired. Even hearing his dad's loud thumping footsteps wasn't enough to move him from his position. There stood Mervin in his doorway, and he didn't even look up at him. "First, you bring shame upon this family, and then it's with that girl-"

"He's not a girl."

"Excuse me?"

Jonah finally looked up into his dad's eyes, void of any emotion. Not even in an angry way, just in a saddened numb way. "He's not a girl. I've told you this so many times." His dad made his way over to Jonah, with him not even flinching. "How many times have I told YOU not to talk back?!" He raised his hand to strike his son, however Jonah took this opportunity to take a risk and shoved his dad away from him. This seemed to snap him out of his trance and he looked horrified at himself. His dad just stared at him, anger seeping through his eyes. However, instead of hurting Jonah once more, he just walked away, cursing underneath his breath. As soon as his dad left, he quickly shut the door and looked around. He grabbed his poetry notebook and flipped through the pages. Man...how was he gonna last a whole week without talking to Adam? Everything reminded him of Adam...every single thing. He looked around the room, looking for inspiration to write. Despite everything that happened, he still didn't have anything to write about. That's when he noticed the black hoodie strewn across his bed. A few days ago, when Jonah and Adam were hanging out, Jonah had borrowed one of Adam's hoodies. They did this a lot since they both wore similar sizes and both wore oversized hoodies anyway. He'd completely forgotten to give it back and now...well...he couldn't, not until the break ended, anyway. Jonah hated looking down and seeing his bandaged and bruised arms, so he grabbed the hoodie and quickly put it on. It smelt exactly like Adam, which gave Jonah the euphoria he so desperately needed at that moment. He sighed and flopped back onto his bed, finally being struck with the motivation to write. He grabbed his lucky pen and shook it slightly to get the ink flowing, opening the notebook to a fresh page and pressing the pen to the paper. The flowing ink was a nice, relaxing feeling as words came to his mind. Of course his poems weren't perfect; they never would be. Plus, he usually only did one draft. However, he wanted this one to be perfect. This poem wasn't just about Adam, no, it was for Adam. However many drafts it would take was fine with him. He finished the first draft in about 10 or so minutes, writing faster than ever. In the middle of his attempts at a second draft, there was a knock on his door. Mervin opened the door, with the house phone in hand. "It's your mom, she wants to talk to you a bit." He covered the phone's speaker before muttering "Remember, don't tell her anything." Jonah nodded, closing the notebook and grabbing the phone from his dad, with Mervin then leaving the room. "Hey mom, what's up?" He hadn't heard her voice in over a month, she's gotten so busy they can't even continue their weekly calls. "Hey Jonah! Gosh, we haven't talked in so long! How's everything going, little man?"

"Oh...things have been good...the tutoring job is going pretty well, I'm doing decent in school. Can't really complain about anything."

"That's good! I always knew you were smart enough to do it. Are you sure you're alright though? You sound awfully tired, Jonah."

Jonah froze up a bit, slightly panicking. He didn't know what to say, he couldn't tell her after all. What if she sided with his dad? What if he told her about the weed and...about Adam? "It's nothing, just tired. Been trying to fix my sleeping schedule and it's taking the energy out of me, hah."

"Alright, I trust you. I'm excited to see you two tomorrow! How about we all go out to eat as a celebration for my first week off? We haven't been out to eat in over a year!"

"Yeah...that sounds nice, can't wait to see you!"

"Alright, well I better get going, I have to get back to my hotel room. I'll see you tomorrow in the afternoon, be sure to get some rest, alright?"

"I will, don't worry. Love you, mom."

"I love you too, Jonah."

Jonah hung up the phone before she did, flopping backwards onto the bed, exhausted. Man, what the hell was he gonna do? Hopefully he could keep up this facade long enough for her trip.

He didn't think he could do this for much longer, though.

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