I have never slept so badly in my life. I lay awake most of the night, and the 1 hour I spent trying to sleep consisted of my trying my best to not move around too much and wake Lauren up. It is now 4:47 am and I am in the kitchen-like area of our very fancy hotel room, making coffee, because I figured if I wasn't going to sleep I might as well start piling up the coffee cups now to ensure I semi-survived the day to come. It wasn't that I was thinking about what had happened with my parents, it was just there, in the back of my mind, keeping me from relaxing, and, evidently, keeping me from sleeping.

I took my cup of coffee and made my way to the large window looking out over a rainy, seemingly empty, London, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from Lauren's bag on my way over. I opened the window so I wouldn't set off any alarms or completely stink out the room and lit one up, taking a long drag and relaxing into the cushioned window seat. I blew the smoke in the general direction of the open window, in the hopes it would go out, took a sip of coffee and listened to the constant comforting patter of the rain outside. I gently leant my head back against the wall behind me, closing my eyes and letting out a deep breath.

I sat there for several hours, occasionally getting up to refill my cup, and working my way through most of the pack of cigarettes. It was now just gone 9am and Lauren hadn't woken up yet, I decided I would go out to get some breakfast for when she eventually did wake up, which would undoubtedly not be for a while. Throwing on some sweatpants and a hoodie, I left the room and made my way to a local coffee shop I knew made good breakfast foods. As I left the hotel I instantly regretted my decision to not wear a waterproof coat, but I'm too lazy to go back up and get one so I'll just deal with getting wet. As I made my way to the coffee shop, with my hood up and earphones in, with, yet another, cigarette hanging between my lips, I thought of Lauren, she didn't deserve my shit. She deserves so damn much, but I'm too selfish to let her go.

'Excuse me miss, you can't smoke in here', a petite barista said as I walked in to the coffee shop. I stared at her blankly, the sleep deprivation causing what she said to take a while to sink in.

'Sorry', I pulled the cigarette from between my lips and put it out, shoving the half smoked end behind my ear, these things are expensive I'm not throwing it away.

'What can I get for you?', the same barista asked me after I had done so.

'Two large lattes aaaaaaaand', I stretched out the and as I looked in the cabinet at the food options, 'two of those things', I pointed at 2 pastry things that looked good.

'Eat in or take out?'

'Take out', she took the 2 pastries out and put them in a paper bag, placing it on the counter then moving to make the coffee. She came back over and placed the cups next to the bag and went back to the till.

'That'll be £12.50 please', I handed her £15.

'Keep the change', I muttered as picked up my stuff and walked out of the shop, instantly relighting my cigarette and shoving the one earphone I had removed back in my ear.

Once I arrived back at the hotel, I went straight back to Lauren and I's room. She's still asleep, as predicted. I placed her coffee in the bedside table next to her head along with the bag containing her one of the pastry things. I removed my soaked clothes and sat on the same window seat I had sat in all morning in my underwear, waiting for the smell of the coffee to make its way to Lauren's nose and wake her up. It took all of 3 minutes until I finally heard the low groan and sigh that informed me she was awakening. I turned to look in the her direction as she rolled over to face where I was sat.

'Good morning sexy', she muttered in her extra raspy morning voice.

'Shut up', I never was good at taking compliments, 'I got coffee'

'I can smell it', she ignored my incapability to take a compliment, 'what's this?', she asked picking up the bag containing the pastry.

'Dunno, some pastry thing I thought looked good', I answered honestly.

'How long have you been up', she asked, easily being able to tell I was not having a 'good' day.

'Too long', I mumbled back as I stood up to retrieve my very own pastry thing.

'You wanna fuck?'

'No'

'It was worth a try'

I rolled my eyes at her effort to put me in a better mood, but chuckled a little anyway.

We ate our pastry things, which turned out to taste as good as they looked, and drank our coffees in relative silence. Once finished Lauren stood up and made her way to her bag. She spent a while rummaging around in it until she stood up and turned to me.

'Have you seen my-', I pointed to the window seat I had spent the morning sitting at, where the pack of cigarettes I had taken from her back sat, and threw the lighter I had also taken in her direction, which she surprisingly caught. She walked to the window, picked up the pack of cigarettes and opened it.

'I bought this yesterday'

'And?'

'There's three left'

'And?'

'I haven't had any yet'

'And?'

'You have a problem'

'I don't sing, you're the one with the problem', I took a sip of coffee.

'I sing, you talk, we both have a problem'

'I do much more than talk, I will have you know'

'You still have a problem'

'I don't care about my problems, I avoid them by smoking them away, and drowning them in coffee'

'At least you're not drowning them in alcohol'

'Nah, that comes later, I may have problems but drinking before 12 is not one of them'

'Are you going to talk to your parents today?', Lauren changed the subject.

'Nope'.

'Maisie?'

'Maybe if she texts me back'

My sister, in my opinion, had been ignoring me, she probably hadn't but she probably had. It makes sense if it makes sense.

'She will', Lauren attempted to reassure me.

'Doubt it, they all hate me, I'm the family fuck up, every family has one and in mine it's me'

Lauren rolled her eyes, obviously getting sick of my negative attitude. 'You're not a fuck up'

'I'm gay/bi/whatever you want, I'm an actress, I never come home, I don't even call, I smoke more than I thought, I drink, coffee and alcohol, I'm emotionally fucked up, I'm dating someone my family hates, I'm moving to a different country, with the person my family hates and I forgot Mother's Day and was late for Father's Day, I'm just all around a bad daughter'

'One, there's nothing wrong with being gay/bi/whatever the fuck you want, second, your sister is and actress too, you're home right now, they're the ones who didn't want to talk, everyone forgets the parent days every now and then, you're moving in the the person you love, and yeah you probably do smoke and drink to much', Lauren countered most of my points.

'Maisie's a successful actress'

'So are you'

'She's on Game of Thrones'

'You have your own show'

' I share it with Alycia, and it hasn't even started yet'

'Will you stop being so fucking negative and cheer the fuck up', she finally snapped.

'No'

'Yes'

'No'

'We're not doing this'

'Well what are we doing?'

'Having a civilised conversation, not arguing like 4 year olds'

'But I am a 4 year old'

'Great, I'm a child molester'

'Don't joke about that kind of stuff'

'I'm not, if you're 4 and I'm 20 that makes me a child molester, and technically a rapist in the eyes of the law'

I rolled my eyes.

'See, its annoying', she folded her arms over her chest, 'and you owe me a pack', she said as she threw the mostly empty pack of cigarettes into my lap and went to take a shower.

🖖🏽