Rowan stood above me. He wore a white tee under a black track jacket and navy blue jeans. A dark blue sports bag was slung over his shoulder. I pushed myself to sit up and leaned back on my arms, looking up at him.

"Hey, it's been a while." He said. His voice was soft and contained none of the venom or hate that I'd heard a few months back when he'd confronted Ben. That was the voice of a completely different person, one I didn't know.

"Yeah... What are you doing here?" I asked, hoping my voice remained neutral and he wouldn't bring up the last night we'd seen each other. He put his hands in his pockets casually and nodded over to the gym building.

"My old club coach asked me to help with tryouts."

I nodded, glancing over at the gym building. His gaze followed mine so I watched him instead. His dark hair was a bit ruffled up as if the wind had combated it all day, but there had only been a slight breeze. He turned back to me and our eyes met. He seemed as if he wanted to say something else, but stayed silent. There was a slight stir in his auburn eyes and I felt myself being drawn to them before realizing I hadn't said anything. I snapped my eyes away from his.

"Oh. You don't have practice at Creighton?" He looked around us, his hands coming out of his pockets and resting on the thick strap of his gym bag.

"I do, but it starts a bit later." I nodded and there was a brief moment of silence before Rowan put his bag down and sat across from me on the grass. I tried to hide my surprise by covering it with a friendly smile. He looked at the book I'd discarded and picked it up, turning it over in his hands.

"A Brave New World. How do you like it so far?" He asked me, opening it to where I'd folded down the page. His eyes were narrowed as they looked over it.

"It's pretty good, have you read it?" He nodded, folding the page neatly and setting the book back down on the grass.

"Of course, it's a classic. Dystopian literature is really interesting."

I was a bit surprised. Rowan Williams had a geeky side? The basketball bad boy that had the whole town swooning? Maybe I'd only seen the version of Rowan that all the rumors had painted, and it seemed unfair to him. I crossed my legs and started picking at the grass, nervous but intrigued.

"So, as a fan... Do you ever wonder if people hundreds of years ago would've thought of our current world as a dystopia?" I asked.

I caught his gaze again and his eyes searched my face, the corners of his lips curling upwards. My cheeks flushed lightly and I broke eye contact, focusing on which blades of grass to pick.

"You don't think they'd consider it a utopia?" I frowned, slightly.

"No."

"Why not?" He asked, his eyes trailed down to my hands on the grass. I shrugged lightly.

"I don't know. I'm not trying to be pessimistic but technology has brought almost as much bad as good, including zero privacy and the rich just keep getting all the power. I know that generally we have a better living standard than back then, but a utopia is supposed to be a perfect world. I don't think the world is perfect by any means."

Rowan nodded, watching a few people play soccer on the field next to us before answering.

"You're right." He sighed, before leaning back on his hands. He hung his head back, looking at the sky. "The world is very imperfect."

I felt my gaze move to his forearms. His skin was lightly tanned and his arms were toned nicely. "Besides," he said, staying in his position. "I don't think there's really a difference between a utopia and dystopia."

I thought about what he said, my first instinct was to disagree. But I thought about it a little and it slowly started to make sense. A perfect world was impossible. Even in what our idea of a perfect world was, there would be people in that world that didn't find it perfect.

There was a short buzzing sound and he picked his head back up, pulling his phone from his pocket. I quickly averted my gaze, feeling my cheeks blush again.

"I gotta head over," Rowan said, motioning towards the gym after reading the message from his phone. I nodded, watching him get up and pull his bag back over his shoulder. "It was nice talking, Evan." He said, and he seemed genuine about it.

"Yeah," I responded, not knowing what else to say. He smiled before turning and starting towards the gym. Before I could think, I felt myself get up and follow after him. I grabbed his shoulder lightly.

What the hell am I doing?

Rowan turned around, looking surprised.

"I— uh," I started off awkwardly and looked away from his gaze. "I just wanted to say I didn't mean to see you and Ben at Erik's party..."

I spared a glance at him and his face seemed blank and expressionless. Why, why, why would I bring it up?

"Oh," he responded, as if he expected me to have said something else. My heart faltered, I felt as if I'd overstepped, and it would've been better left unsaid. I felt his eyes bore into me and couldn't bring myself to look back at him.

"Yeah, sorry..." I said, taking a step back. Why had I said anything at all?

"Evan," he said, his voice was lower and my eyes instinctively snapped back to his. "You're fine, don't worry about it."

His eyes were calm and I felt myself relax. He gave me a reassuring smile before patting me on the arm and walking back to the gym.

***

The week was coming to an end, and all the easy introductory assignments were behind me. I'd now been assigned a few essays and had a math exam at the end of next week.

At least it'd keep me busy until I had some social plans to distract me. Erik lived pretty close to me so I'd pick him up in the mornings and he'd usually get a ride back from somebody on the team. Some days I'd stay and do homework until his practice was over and we'd get food afterwards. It felt nice having somebody to hang around.

He'd invited me to his place this weekend for beers and video games with some guys from his team, but I had to rain check. I was planning on spending the weekend applying to jobs around town.

I woke up early Saturday morning and printed a stack of resumes, putting them neatly in a folder. I'd never had a real paying job before, but I'd volunteered everywhere with Lucy back in high school. We'd done everything from working for homeless programs, nursery homes, and animal shelters, to working for months at a time for politicians running for local and city offices.

After showering and tidying up my usually messy hair, I went to my closet and picked out a white button down shirt, tucking it into my dark blue jeans. I'd watched about a hundred YouTube job interview tips and was confident I had a handle on it.

I walked to the kitchen and grabbed my keys which grabbed my mom's attention, who'd been watching the local news in the living room. She turned around and gave a loud shriek, jumping off the couch and running over to me. I took a few steps back in fright.

"My baby boy you look so handsome!" My face flushed and she pulled me to her, giving me a tight hug.

"Mom, it's just to make a good impression—"

"Oh honey, they'd be insane to not hire you on the spot with those looks. You know, your dad and I did well—"

"Mom!" I yelled, sure my face was beet red at this point. I didn't want to think about that... I pulled away and her eyes were full of tears.

"I can't believe my boy is off to look for his first job, you grew up too fast you know?" I rolled my eyes and my dad came out of their room, looking between his emotional wife and me.

"You look good, son." I gave him a half smile,

"Thanks, dad."

For god sake it's just a button down shirt and combed hair will these two get a grip?

I managed to leave my house after my mom bombarded me with cologne she'd bought dad online from France that he'd never worn.

I got in my car and started going through the list I'd made at home. I'd organized names of restaurants and bars in order from closest to farthest from my house.

For most of the places I just had to hand my resume to the host or the bartender on shift, who'd then pass it along to the manager's when they were in the office. There was one bar where the manager was on sight and interviewed me on the spot. I think I did well and she'd said she'd call me for a follow up interview with their night manager.

By two, I was at the end of my list. I parked a block away from the last bar after looking for parking for a while, and quickly pulled my mirror down, making sure my hair still looked neat. After adjusting a few strands, I grabbed my folder and walked to the building.

The bartender on the day shift seemed friendly enough and she let me know that the manager would take a look over it. I thanked her with a smile and left, pulling out my phone to text my mom. I had unread messages from Lucy, Madison and Alex on our group chat but I'd Skype them in a few hours to tell them about my week.

I sent the text to my mom and slipped my phone in my back pocket, feeling lighter and cheerful.

"Hey," a rough voice caught my attention. "You can't park here, this is my cousin's garage parking only." The voice was oddly familiar and I felt a slight chill down my spine. After looking at the man for a few seconds I realized where I knew him from and quickly averted my gaze, hoping he wouldn't recognize me.

"Sorry, I'm leaving right now." I said, my face was still turned and he didn't respond for a minute. I unlocked the car, almost reaching my door before he spoke again, coming in between me and the door.

"Wait a second, I know you." He took a step closer and I took one back, trying to think of a way to get to my car. There was a moment of silence as he studied my features before he spoke up again. "You're that fag, your friend sucker punched me that one night."

"I-I think you're mistaken..." I said, wishing the quiver in my voice would disappear. He took a step closer to me and I could smell alcohol on his breath. His mouth opened into a dark smile exposing his crooked, yellow teeth. I took another step back and looked around, there weren't any people nearby and I felt my heart falter.

"I know a fairy when I see one. You even dressed the part this time." He looked me up and down, his grin widening. He lunged forward and grabbed the folder from my hands pulling out the few extra papers I'd printed and tore them into small pieces, tossing them in the air.

I looked away from him and tried stepping around him to my car. His rough and calloused hands grabbed my arm and pulled me back forcefully, sending me stumbling to the ground. I tried scrambling back up but I felt his foot connect with my stomach and the oxygen left my lungs.

I'd never been bullied in high school. I'd never been in a real fight. I always imagined that if I was ever in one I'd be able to hold my own, but that was just wishful thinking.

"Ray, get back in here!" I heard a voice say from the garage. I felt a small wave of relief and slowly got back onto my shaky legs, backing up. But he kept walking towards me, a furious look on his face.

"Give me a minute, I got unfinished business!" He yelled back. I looked past him to the man who'd called him. He put his hands on his hips before shaking his head and turning back to the garage.

"Don't overdo it!" He yelled after him, and disappeared inside.

I felt my blood run cold. I turned around, starting to run from him, and made it to a nearby alleyway before I felt his hands on me again, shoving me down to the ground. I backed up against the wall and held my hands up, catching my breath. He crouched down to my level and glared at me with his dead, dark eyes.

"No boyfriend to save you this time," he said, his teeth clenched while he spoke. "Bet you thought you were clever sending Williams after me, that was where you went wrong."

My heart was pounding in my chest and I tried to think of something, anything that would get me out of this situation.

"I swear I didn't send anyone—"

His fist swung and sharply connected with my nose, slamming my head back against the wall. I felt a light crack in my nose and tears sprung to my eyes. My head went numb as my vision blurred and I saw stars.

"Shut your goddamn mouth." He spat at me before hitting me again in the eye. I felt it swelling and I leapt forward, pushing him away from me and getting to my feet.

I tried running but my head had hit the wall hard, and I was dizzy, grabbing it for support. I reached the end of the alleyway before I felt his hands pull me back down to the ground again.

So this is how I'll die. I thought dully, as he hit me again, and again, and again. My arms fought against him but his rage was endless. With each hit I felt myself break further and further, until I was an empty shell numb to the pain.

Eventually, he got off of me and I heard him walk away. One eye was swollen shut and the other full of blood. The sound of glass breaking caught my attention and I turned my head from where I lay on the ground. Through the red veil that covered my vision, I opened my eye and saw him smashing all of the windows to my car. I heard the man from earlier yelling something at him but he ignored him and stormed back to me, his hand gripping something tightly.

He kneeled back in front of me and grabbed my shirt, putting a sharp shard of glass against my neck. He pressed tightly enough that I thought it'd cut through. My eye widened and I held my breath, feeling my heart pounding harder than it ever had. I was about to die. He grinned at me and lowered himself closer to my face, his breath sending me a wave of nausea. His hand brushed roughly against my skin, feeling it slowly as if imagining all the damage he could inflict upon it. I held back a gag, not daring to move.

"One word to Williams about this, and I'll cut your pretty little throat." He said, pressing the glass farther down for a moment before he tossed it aside and stood up. My hands weakly moved to cover my neck, making sure I hadn't been cut. He stared down at me before giving one last swift kick and walking away.

I rolled over to my side, my breathing was shallow and my body ached. I saw my keys a few feet away, next to my phone which must've fallen out of my pocket at some point. I tried to lift my head off the ground but as soon as I moved I felt the dizziness take over me along with nausea. I lay back down on the ground and closed my non swollen eye again. My breaths were short and I felt myself slipping out of consciousness and into peace.