***

People always talked so much about the "good old days" being their high school or college years, and that really fucking scared me. Because those days would be gone in the blink of an eye, and spending the rest of my life envying everybody that was young sounded like a horrible way to live.

Summer flew by.

I tried savoring it as much as possible. I spent no time on social media, and every waking moment with my friends. I wished I could freeze time, and make certain moments last forever.

Time. It was something that scared me a lot too. I didn't want to get a job, just to support a family, just to get old and have them repeat the cycle. I wanted to stay right there. Summertime with my friends, not having a care in the world.

But like all good things, it ended. August came out of nowhere and soon, my friends were packing their bags and buying their plane tickets.

I was sitting in Alex's room, watching him stuff a large bag of weed into a sock which he put in his suitcase.

A wave of jealousy hit me while I was watching him. Soon, he'd be in a whole new state, with the whole world at his fingertips. He'd make new friends, new memories, and have the freedom to do whatever he wanted.

I'd still be living with my parents, in the same old town and with the same old people, only with fewer friends.

The more I saw how excited everybody was to leave, the more I hated the idea of going to community college. People would often look at me sympathetically when they heard that's where I was headed, so I tried to not bring it up.

The public's opinion of community college was overall not a great one, at least not with people my age. They looked at community college students as ones that couldn't get into a 'real' college, and went there as a last resort.

I'd gotten into every single college Lucy had gotten into, but I wasn't about to take a student loan and be in debt for the rest of my life. I'd had good grades and got scholarships to great colleges, but they'd never been enough. My family just couldn't afford four years of a university, even with the scholarships and financial aid.

"What's up, Evan? You've been quiet for a while." Alex said, zipping up his bag and sitting on his bed. I pulled myself out of my thoughts and shrugged.

"Just bummed you guys are all leaving, that's all." Alex was going to the University of Arizona, Lucy was headed to Stanford, and Madison was going to Columbia.

"It sucks we're all splitting up." He responded, "but I'm already planning to be here for winter break, we're gonna have an amazing time. Maybe we can take a trip somewhere?" I smiled at the idea, feeling a bit better. I knew my friends wouldn't drop me, and they'd all promised we'd have weekly group video calls.

"That sounds perfect."

***

Madison was the first to leave. We'd all gone to lunch together, planning out our future visits and discussing things she'd be able to do in New York. Her hair had been dyed back to its original color, brown. She told us she didn't want to scare anyone away yet and would dye it again once she made friends. We told her she shouldn't care what opinions people had about her hair, but she shrugged it off.

Alex left after her. We'd thrown him a small surprise going away party, knowing he'd have a better time at that than at some sappy brunch. His basketball friends all came out for one last hang out, exchanging memories of close games and buzzer beaters. When they left, Lucy and I played drunken charades with him and I had hoped the night would never end. He got on his flight the next morning, hungover and half asleep.

Lucy was the last to go. The two of us hung out at her house the night before her flight, watching movies and eating pizza. We mostly talked over the movies and she complained to me about her roommate, who she'd connected with over Facebook. I wanted to ask her if she knew... if she saw what I'd been doing at Erik's party that night. But her attitude towards me hadn't changed a bit, so I assumed she hadn't.

She flew out the next morning, and the moment I'd dreaded all summer finally came. I was alone.

***

"Evan honey, wake up. I'll drive you to class, I need to get there in a half hour," my mom's soft voice woke me up.

I groaned and rolled so that my back was to her and pulled the blankets over me further.

"There's no way I'm being driven by my mom on my first day of college, sorry." I responded, my voice muffled by the covers. It'd make sense to go with her, we'd save gas and money, but I wouldn't.

She sighed and left the room after letting me know there was breakfast ready if I wanted it.

I'd gotten a lot grumpier since my friends left and I think my parents were worried. They'd propose ideas like family bowling night, and check in more than usual, but it didn't bother me too much. I agreed to bowling night to get them off my back, but we compromised so it'd be once a month instead of once a week, like my mom had wanted.

I trudged down the stairs after showering and grabbing my backpack full of fresh new school supplies.

My mom had already left and my dad was reading the newspaper like it was the nineties. I didn't know why he bothered, I always kept him updated on the news through twitter and the newspaper was full of advertisements. But I guess it was his idea of a perfect morning, to wake up with a fresh cup of coffee and a newspaper to read. It's not like they couldn't use his business.

There were waffles on a plate next to the stove. I put a few on a napkin and spread butter on top of them, ignoring the maple syrup and whipped cream waiting for me on the counter.

I sullenly ate while looking through my social media accounts that I'd neglected all summer, and found myself on Rowan's page. I adjusted my seat so that my screen wasn't visible to my dad and scrolled through it. I hadn't seen Rowan after Eriks party at all during the summer, but my thoughts about him hadn't faded. His exchange with Ben had instead raised my interest, and I didn't understand why nobody else was curious.

Creighton had started classes a week ago, so I was sure he was busy enough that I wouldn't see him around any time soon.

After finishing up my waffles, I said bye to my dad and headed out. My car made its signature strangling sound before I made my way to the college early. Parking was a nightmare, and I pulled up the campus map on my phone zooming in to find the building numbers.

When I exited the parking garage, I found myself a bit surprised at what the campus looked like. I'd been here when I was younger, but only to my moms office and I definitely didn't remember it like this. After a whole summer of dreading the idea of community college, I'd expected it to just be a few run-down buildings, but the campus looked... like any other college campus.

I felt my mood pick up a bit as I familiarized myself with the buildings. I'd definitely assumed it'd be a bit worse than it was.

After stopping for coffee at the campus cafe, I went to the math complex. My first period was statistics. I hated math. I wasn't bad at it, I just had no interest in it. I wanted to major in political science so any math class I took was purely to fill my general education requirements. Even though statistics could be used in politics often, it just didn't interest me as much.

I waited outside the classroom while the professor finished up the early morning lesson. I was glad I hadn't picked a class that started too early, 9:30 was enough for me. I leaned against the rail and waited as a few other people started arriving and awkwardly lingering. Some started greeting old friends, breaking the silence and I felt a bit more comfortable.

"Evan?" I looked towards the source and was surprised to see someone I knew walking down the hallway.

"Erik?" He gave me a hug before pulling back and grinning,

"How did you not mention you were going to MCC?" Maybe because I'd been in denial about it all summer... I was still shocked to see him. We'd seen each other a lot over the last few months, much more than I used to in high school.

"I could ask you the same question." I said and he laughed.

"Are you in the 9:30 stats class?"

"Yeah, you?" He nodded and pulled up his schedule on his phone, showing me. I scanned over his before showing him mine, and saw that we'd also have our English class together.

"Looks like we have first and fourth together, we should carpool." I was a bit taken aback, but nodded.

"I see you have my mom for your third period philosophy class. Have fun with that." He glanced down at his schedule and grinned,

"No way, Professor Palmer? I didn't know your mom taught here." I didn't see why he would, we barely knew each other. I smiled, shrugging.

"Watch out, she's really strict and a tough grader." His face fell a bit,

"Oh no, really?" I laughed,

"No, I'm just messing with you, she's not bad."

We talked a while, eventually the class before us emptied and we found seats to the side of the class a bit towards the back.

***

After Erik and I had English together for our fourth period, we exchanged numbers and he headed off to basketball tryouts. My mood had picked up a lot after this morning knowing I'd have at least one friend to start the semester off with.

I headed down to the lawn next to the football field and sat down in a relatively empty area. I didn't want to go straight home, where my negative thoughts would consume me and I'd get overwhelmed.

I pulled out the book we were supposed to start reading for English, Brave New World, and started reading. After a while, my back started to ache from being hunched over, so I lay down on the grass using my folded hoodie as a pillow.

In half an hour's time, I'd read four chapters and set the book aside, closing my eyes for a minute and enjoying the sunlight while I still could. I listened to the far away chatter of people catching up with each other and felt a slight breeze brush against my face.

I wondered what Rowan was doing right now. His Instagram had shown me earlier that he seemed to have had a nice summer. It felt weird to me how close we'd been that one night at the bar, and then so distant for the following two months. I wondered if I'd ever really get to know him, or if I'd just fall into the category with all the girls who'd had a crush on him and acted like he was a celebrity.

Hang on... crush?

Something blocked my sun and I sensed somebody standing near me. I peaked my eyes open and leaned back on my elbows, looking up at the source of the sudden chill in the air. My heart jumped and my mouth opened slightly in shock.

"Rowan?"

***