It's precisely in despair that you find the most intense pleasure, especially if you are already powerfully conscious of the hopelessness of your predicament.

I've known for a long time most of the guys on my team, the ones that run it anyway, aren't good guys.

The quarterback- -the one besides Fly anyway- -the main blockers and two of our best offensive tackles are homophobic.

They're very loud about their opinions.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me, how someone loving another person could offend someone so much that they'd threaten the lives of those people.

Like I said before, I know they've beat up guys on the team when they found out he was gay and they've harassed other queer students.

But I also know that the coach and Fly has my back, as well as all the other good members of our team.

So today, before our game started, I pulled my coach to the side and told him, "I'm going to show off my boyfriend at half time, but don't want to be hit for doing so." and he said he'd love to have an excuse to kick the douche-bags off the team.

Today, he told the camera crew to keep an eye out for 35- -me- -when the game ends.

And today, I'm going to kiss my boyfriend in front of everyone.

When he was in his past relationship, where the relationship was hidden and the absolute fucker acted like he was ashamed of Jasper, none of these things ever happened for him.

I haven't experienced it either but this is the musician.

He deserves to be shown off.

The giant isn't shy about PDA, given how he was raised, and he's an extrovert so while this passes the line of things I normally wouldn't do, I think Jasper would be okay with it.

Vivianna is in on it too, when I asked she said she thinks he'd be okay with it too, and made sure they were at my practice like normal but this time, right in the front row.

Jasper's wearing my extra jersey.

And he looks really cute.

It's almost painful that I can't kiss him sooner, but focusing on the game helps.

Growing up with Fly, even when we were both hurt or in a bad place, when I wouldn't talk much taught us both how to read each other's body language perfectly and develop hand signals for game plays.

Our team usually ends up evolving around us as the power players, us already working so well together that it makes the coaches notice.

So with a glance at Flynn, I can see what way he wants me to run and take off as soon as he says "Set."

Then, when he calls "Hut!" I shoot like a bullet across the defensive tackles, skidding to the side and run past the other team. It's a clear catch for me, the ball pretty much falls into my hands.

I'm all too aware there's only a few seconds left of the game and one safety gaining on me as the other is in front of me.

There's about a foot of space between us when I dunk down to skid- -making the one behind me smack into me and trip onto the one in front- -taking the risk of falling down and ending the play.

But I don't fall.

I keep running and score the winning points.

My team erupts into cheers, Fly reaching me before anyone else to shove others away from me.

Tugging my helmet off, I drop hand it off to Flynn, who laughs loudly as I take off towards the stands -knowing exactly what I'm about to do.

Jumping over the fence, I climb right up on the edge of the stands right in front of Jasper, whose minty eyes are wide as I face him.

"Jitterbug," I say, leaning into him since I can't use my hands. "Kiss?"

Flustered and fumbling in his seat, Jasper holds me up at the waist, kissing me without hesitation.

Smiling into the kiss, I wrap my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss as the crowd erupts into cheers around us.

He gasps into my mouth as I growl against him but only holds me tighter.

I pull away before it can get too heated, and before I fall, and hold onto the edge of the stands again.

Running a hand through my air, smirking widely, I ask, "Wait for me after the game?"

Face red and an undeniable smile on his face, the musician nods, looking a bit shocked.

Vivianna cheers loudly, her loud squeal-scream enough to knock Jasper out of it just as I jump down and make my way back over to Flynn.

Turning, I wave at the flushed giant with a wink.

So cute.

Leaving the locker room was...a hassle.

Because some of the guys were clearly trying to start something- -trust me, not in the flirt way- -with me for being gay.

And I'm all for a fight, clearly.

But then Flynn wrapped an arm around my neck and barreled his way past the guys with me pushed in front of him.

"Stupid Fly," I grumble, crossing my arms. "I could have taken them."

Fly shrugs, blue eyes amused as he says, "Could have or not, I'm not sure your boyfriend would appreciate your face getting damaged. Well, damaged more."

"Even if my face is damaged, Jasper doesn't mind."

"Has he seen you tan yet?"

The question makes me stumble, half confused before I remember that when I'm tan, all the scars and marks that are usually hidden on my body show through like the scars on Jasper's naturally tan skin does.

"Eh," I shrug. "Does it matter? Even if he did, I doubt- -mother ducklings- -he'd care."

The musician has enough scars himself not to get weirded out by that, especially considering he's seen the ones on my ribs.

Fly laughs, "Probably. By the way-" Without warning he slaps me harshly in the back of the head, happy mood changing into a bad one as he grabs me by the upper arms and shakes me a bit. "When were you going to tell me you finally got a boyfriend!"

"I was going to tell you!" I shout back, trying and failing to squirm out of his grip.

He just continues like I said nothing. "I want to be happy for you, you dense little, annoying shit-stain!"

"Then be happy, you-" I growl. "-fucker!" I kick him, but it does nothing and he holds me tighter. "Ow! Fly-"

"Let me be happy!" He stomps one foot after the other like a grumpy kid. "Let me rejoice!"

Grumbling, I continue to squirm, not caring that he's bruising me but caring that he's getting his man stink on Jasper's hoodie.

"This is something you tell your friends!"

"Argh! I'll tell you about it, fuck." His hands tighten and he squeezes me in a hug, lifting me on my toes. "Let go!"

Now calmer, Flynn shakes his head and squeezes me more, "Tell me about it like this."

Scoffing, I deadpan, "No. Your hugs suck."

"Scar says otherwise."

"Scarlette's in love with you, you fucking moron." Lifting my bag from the floor, I whack it into the side of his head. "Now let go."

Fly whines, wincing. "But it's so rare I get affection from you!"

"Bitch," I hit him again. "Does this look like affection?"

A loud laugh- -one obviously belonging to a D'Silvetta sounds out a few feet away. "Yes!" Vivianna shouts. "Yes it does! Affection is a coal that must be cooled; else, suffered, it will set the heart on fire."

"Ooh!" Fly cackles, making me jump when he releases my arms just to slap my ass. "Burn."

Fists clenched, I really am about to punch this idiot when large arms wrap around my middle, lifting me through the air and against a chest as a different dork buries his face in my neck.

Knowing he can lift me anyway but feeling awkward just dangling through the air, I lock my ankles at the base of his spine and hold onto his shoulders for support as he just hugs me tighter.

Grinning, I kiss the top of my boyfriend's head. "I'm taking this as you being okay with me showing you off?"

"Um, y-yes, absolutely," Jasper nuzzles his face against my neck before pulling away to make eye contact. "And, I can show you off as mine, too?"

Flushing, I nod. "If you want to."

He smiles, showing off his dimples and gives me a small kiss before letting me down, still cuddling into the top of me as he hugs me from the back.

We both focus on Vivianna as she coughs, obviously amused but pretending to be annoyed with her arms crossed.

I raise an eyebrow.

She motions between us. "Are we not going to talk about how you defiled my best friend in front of five thousand people?"

"I didn't defile him," I scoff, smirking. "That would be like getting caught by the camera man fucking behind the bleachers. What I did was this," Raising on my toes, I kiss the junction of Jasper's jaw and neck, making him blush under my touch. "Only more direct."

The weirdo scowls. "Why are gay people so cute together? Just ugh, you're a grumpy asshole one minute and around him you're like, the sweetest person ever. Not to mention that giant puppy."

I scowl at being called that, arms crossing. "I'm not sweet."

"Star," Jasper pouts. "You're sweet to me."

Rolling my eyes I shake my head at him. "Just because I'm not as mean to-" I growl. "-you as I am to other people, doesn't mean I'm sweet."

The musician's pout deepens. "No, you're a sweetie. My sweetie. You always listen when I ramble to you. You peel my oranges for me because I accidentally ruin them too much. You don't mind the weird places I fall asleep at and you cuddle with me in them. You give me kisses that taste like strawberries or chocolate. You buy me books and make me cute notes with different constellations on them cause you know I like stars. I could go on, Castor, I could."

Why does that sound like a threat?

"You're sweet, grumpy but sweet."

Fighting off a blush of my own, I can only grumble and hide away from Vivianna's squeals and cooing in Jasper's side.

Fly laughs too but says "I got to go, meeting my girl at her dad's. She's watching our final game, Cassie."

"Cool," I mumble, voice muffled by Jasper's sweatshirt. "Tell Scar I said hi."

Wrapping my arms around the musician tighter, I lift a hand in a half wave but just as lazily start to ignore Vivianna when she talks about how she tries to play football once but got and and flattened a ball on someone's head.

Am I surprised?

No.

Do I hate humans more than normal after enduring two and a half hours of contact, screaming and knowing eyes are watching me?

Yes.

"Jasper?" I say, tilting my head up at him. "Can you take me home? And can-" I squeak, hand clenching on his sweatshirt a few times but I ignore it. "Can we um, share a bed? After the date week, I'm not...I'm not sleeping."

Jasper frowns. "Like how you used to? I didn't know that, we've been falling asleep on the couch together a lot more than normal."

"Final game is coming- -mother ducklings- -up so the days I've been getting home later," Which has been the last three days. "I just haven't slept."

We both go to bed at the same time but we get to spend less time together and Jasper goes to his room while I stay up doing homework.

Around this time of year I tend to get...bad. That makes my insomnia, my nightmares, a lot worse.

As a college kid who plays football, that's not the best thing in the world.

"Wait you mean you're not sleeping at all?" Jasper pulls me closer to him, thumb on my chin and angling my face more towards him like he would be able to tell just how tired I am.

Jokes on him, my body's completely used to this, so I doubt he can tell much at all.

The bags under my eyes are designer.

I shrug, "Yeah? It's normal, for me, I guess. Five days is-" I growl. "-my limit before I pass out." Which really, shouldn't be a limit I have had to hit to know that. "But my final game is coming up, so are winter exams, so um...I just- -mother ducklings- -wanted to know if you're okay sleeping together? Like, exactly like at the castle? Nothing more -just sleep."

"That's...not healthy, Castor." Jasper scolds me, both thumbs coming up to squish my cheeks. "If you needed my help to sleep, you should've asked earlier, dumb dumb." I didn't want to make him feel pressured. "Of course, I not only am happy to help, but I'm happy to have a cuddle buddy all night."

Nodding, I press myself closer to his chest, head ducking down.

I haven't felt this tired in a while.

Jasper's hand cups the back of my head, cuddling me in an almost protective way to him.

Vivianna makes a weird noise, "He's such an asshole, but fuck if he isn't cute."

Did this fucker just call me cute?

Wait -why am I more upset about that than the asshole comment.

Right, because I am one.

"Not cute," I grumble. "Just tired."

The musician is much too warm and makes me feel too safe for me to cuddle standing up when I'm this tired, because I can definitely see myself falling asleep on the spot.

Pushing myself away from his chest, I try to shake off the haze my mind is in while I rub at my eyes.

"Ugh." Mumbling curses under my breath I glance up to Jasper, freezing when I see the wide-eyed red-faced look he has. "Jitterbug? Three nights isn't that bad, I'm just-" I squeak. "-extra tired after the game."

And dealing with homophobes.

But that's not exactly something I want my boyfriend to know, or deal with.

"C'mon, Star." Jasper grabs onto me again, grabbing my bag off of the floor. "Let's go home."

Vivianna raises her hand, "Can I come? Ahmik's visiting his parents so I'm lonely, J, come on dude, you're the only one I can annoy now."

I just shrug as he glances down to me, not caring either way if I get to sleep.

So Jasper smiles, "Sure. But keep it down so he can sleep."

"I grew up with five of my siblings still in the home," I mumble, not even sure if he knows all my siblings names, or as much about my family as I'd like- -I make a tired, mental note to tell him more about me- -but I ramble nonetheless. "Noise doesn't- -noise, noise, noise- -bother me."

Jasper frowns as he looks down to me, hands shifting down to my sides. "You're swaying, Castor. Can I carry you?"

"Hmm? Oh," Shrugging again, knowing I've walked more and slept less before, I just blink up at him. "Sure."

Dipping down, he wraps an arm around the back of my thighs and moves my arms around his shoulder, lifting me into the air into a hold that makes me think of a koala.

The musician is cute.

And he's my boyfriend.

Laughing a little, I peck the edge of a tattoo that ends at the junction of Jasper's neck and shoulder. "You're my boyfriend."

"I know," Jasper sighs but I can tell he's smiling. "You're mine too."

Humming in reply, I tighten my hold on him, fingers gripping onto his leather jacket.

I like being his.