To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.

I've never been someone's go to person, the one that is their number one, I've never been their best friend. I thought my twin was at one point but then I realized Circe just treated me like I was supposed to be protected. I could tell her anything but she didn't tell me enough for me to be her best friend.

I've always been on the top of the 'Need To Help' list but I've never been someone's first priority.

It's a weird moment to realize you're carrying your high school's football team to finals but still get picked last in gym. I've always been the odd one out, you know -the third wheel to every pair. Maybe it's meant to be that way.

Maybe I'm meant to be second best.

But that's okay because unlike high school, in college the only thing you're expected to be is a student.

In college you don't have to be somebody to somebody important, you just have to be there.

Of course there's still the popular kids, the jocks that throw parties, the weird kids, the drama kids, the history buffs and the teacher pets but there wasn't that astigmatism to have to be a certain thing.

Yet you'll still find that people will judge you.

Most people won't respect you for being a person until you've proven you're useful to them.

In college, you're expected to disappoint a lot of people through the decisions you make, even if they won't tell you that.

Every morning since fifth grade I would wake up a five in the morning and not even half an hour later, I'd go on a run. It's something that helps me get all the nerves out for the day and something I practiced doing whenever my tics would get really bad.

This morning was no different.

But this morning I woke up in a new place and I felt more out of control than I have in a really long time so I kept the same shorts and tank top I fell asleep and took to running as fast as I could.

I was home before I realized I left my phone at my dorm, which I'm pretty sure I left unlocked.

Purely based on the fact I look like a rich twink, I know this isn't a good thing.

Another reason it's not a good thing is because when I open the door without knocking or unlocking it, my roommate flinches on the other side.

And there Jasper Red stands.

Glad in grey sweatpants.

Muscles tensed by his surprised, minty eyes locked onto me. He's tall, he's built -meaning he's strong and must spend half his time working out outside given how tan he is.

Oh my god, why is he in college when he could make good money being a model.

Suddenly, I realize that I'm flushed when my hands shake out but I can't do anything to stop myself from being so red.

"Hey." Jazz says, breaking me from my thoughts with a smile. "Were you on a run or something?"

"Yes." I growl and become flustered by both my own disability and his hotness which sends one of my tics off as I say "Bit hot innit?" in a British accent.

He blinks at me, minty eyes flicking between my eyes.

This entire thing must be...it must be really weird for him, I decide.

Not a lot of people know how to handle it when they learn, even if I'm not more fragile than the normal person or really even need to be treated any different.

"I was going to make some breakfast or try to find a café around here," Jasper says.

Before he could say anything else, he yawns and stretches. I'd be lying if I said my eyes were somewhere respectful but what else can you expect from me?

If I was supposed to be straight then guys wouldn't be made like...this.

"Want to go with me?"

He wants me with him?

Wait no, chill, not like that, just act natural.

"You want to get coffee-" My squeak betrays me. "-with me?"

"Yeah, I mean, unless you don't like coffee." The giant shrugs, minty eyes locked onto my own. "Then we can probably find a place with some good smoothies or something. Do you like milkshakes? You look like the guy who likes milkshakes."

The only kind of milkshake I will ever accept is a strawberry one.

Probably subconsciously, Jasper runs a hand down his chest like he's brushing off dust and I'd call it a nervous habit if he had something to be nervous about.

But fuck, that was so hot and fuck, he is so cute.

Yet again I say "Bit hot innit." in a British accent as my head tilts to the side, making my body tense. "S-sorry, that was a tic." After explaining this I desperately try to change the subject. Talking about me or tics for too long never ends well. "I, um, sure. Coffee. Let me-" I growl. "-take a quick shower."

This is why I hate talking.

Because I can never fucking get the right words out without sounding like a fool.

Jasper, who I'm quickly learning is quite nice, chirps out. "No need to apologize, and of course!"

Nodding, I turn back to get clothes from my room before hopping in the shower.

It's weird living with someone I haven't known my whole life. With my family, I'm used to living with all sorts of people with different personalities and morals and habits. It's a little infuriating at times and the amount of names I have to say to get to the right one is frustrating but it's amazing to look around you and be surrounded by a crowd of people who would die for you.

Every single person in my family has my back.

That's a lot more than some people get.

But with Jasper, I don't really know much about him.

Yeah, I want to know about him- -even if he is a little intimidating- -but most times, this isn't how roommates work. Even though he's not straight, I'm not going to get my hopes up.

A guy like me with a guy like him?

Not happening.

I'm well aware that I don't even know enough about him other than how nice he is to me, which could be because I'm a stranger, and how hot he is to determine if I could ever genuinely be interested in him but I'm not going to let myself fall into this painfully-beautiful-kinda-gay-roommate trap.

Something else I learn that makes him even more attractive when I turn the shower off, is that he can play the guitar.

He's a musician.

Taking a few minutes to get ready, my body calmed by the melody he's playing, I'm almost reluctant to open the door because there's a chance that when he sees me, he'll just stop playing all together.

It's rare that I find a song or artist that doesn't trigger something in me.

He's rare.

And he doesn't notice when I open the door or lean against the frame, just listening and enjoying the moment.

This isn't a moment that I'm in control of but it's one I'm enjoying.

These moments are rare too.

But then I start to feel a little creepy just staring at Jasper smiling like I am so I step towards him and lightly tap him on the shoulder.

Jasper jerks and sends his hand up the neck of the guitar, minty eyes snapping open to stare at me with parted lips and a shocked expression.

"Sorry-" I squeak, hands failing before I move to hold the back of my neck as my head bobs forward. "-I didn't-" I growl. "-mean to scare you."

You'd think if one of us was going to be the scared one, it'd be him.

Yet here we are.

"No, it's not your fault," My roommate flushes, which I'm guessing is due to the embarrassment of being scared by me. "I, um, I got lost into the music. Happens all the time, I didn't mean to get so distracted, I'm sorry. I thought I'd be able to stop playing when I noticed the shower turn off." Which makes me extra creepy by being so quiet that he didn't. "But I didn't and I didn't mean to bother you, if I did."

Shrugging I glance over his frame one last time before meeting his eye- -hoping he doesn't realize I was checking him out too- -as I manage to mostly control myself. "It's fine." I say, eye twitching in a wink. "Coffee?"

"Oh, yeah!" With a charming smile, Jasper turns his entire focus onto me as he puts down his guitar. "Do you want to walk or take my bike?"

"Bike?" I question, recalling the all too vivid memory of me being placed in Adonis's bike basket and us crashing when he tried to pop a wheelie. An action I'm not about to repeat.

He says "Motorcycle." like it's the most normal thing in the world.

I'm not even surprised at all, why wouldn't someone like him have a motorcycle? It just kinda, makes sense...

And I know I'm right when he tells me that most of his family rides them, save for one of his sisters who skates.

This sister- -Eris- -catches my attention and I instantly back track when I hear it. "You-" I growl. "-have a sister named Eris?"

He does and questions me about it, looking a little confused as to why I care so much about only one of his many siblings.

I just shrug, inducing a head tilt and a wink, and say, "I do too."

"Really? Cool! My parents based all our names off of Greek myths," Jasper begins to ramble, quite cutely might I add. "But only Dela and I aren't linked to a direct god. Though that's a little weird since all of us have double barreled names."

What the fuck is a double barreled name?

"Technically both of my names are related to a myth. I think Adelaide's second one is," I nearly smile at how happy he looks to remember something about his siblings. "Actually yeah, it is.

I watch him ramble and realize that this would probably be really weird to me if my dad didn't name all of us after gods and goddesses just to prove to my mom that she is one.

"Sorry," Suddenly Jasper looks ashamed, why I don't quite know. "I know I talk a lot."

I know I don't know him but it's a little heartbreaking that he feels the need to apologize for something as small as being excited to talk about his family."

Heartbreaking, yeah.

But also really fucking cute how he shyly smiles at me show casing his dimples.

Fuck, he has dimples.

How is he the perfect man?

"It's- -bit hot innit-" I curse my Tourette's for its inability to hide when I find something adorable. "-fine."

Jasper bites his lip, "Am I, um, doing something wrong that's triggering you? Cause, well, I noticed that you have some regular tics but that one only at certain times."

"Yes but it doesn't matter." I sigh, pretty much fed up with myself and pull at my shirt that over the years, has gotten a little tight. "I have to get used to you."

Correction, I have to get used to how attractive my brain thinks you are.

"That's...that's fair but if there's anything I do that bothers you, tell me, yeah?" Sure, just so I can embarrass myself more? No thank you. "I'll make sure to note and respect the boundary."

Oh god he sounds like my mom -which is absolutely not what you want to think when looking at your hot roommate.

"Coffee?" I only ask him this to distract myself from thinking about this because any more and I might have a fit.

It's not long before we're both in our jackets and have our shoes on and finding the campus café. The owner of the café has it set up like a hot dog stand and moves all over campus. Cal even created a small section for himself on the university website so students can find where he is.

Cal's creative, I'll give him that because he named his stand 'Under Eye Tea Bags' much to the amusement of sleep deprived people like me.

The only problem that arises when getting coffee besides Jasper insisting on paying for us both is that when he's getting his money out, he hands me both cups of coffee.

Staring down at the hot liquid I can instantly see myself throwing on someone or the ground all I can think is, this isn't a good idea.

"Jasper."

Saying his name gets his attention and I can't do much more than stare down at my hands until he takes them from me, murmuring out a small apology.

I shrug him off, more ashamed that at the moment I'm too scared to hold my own coffee than I'm upset that he forgot I have Tourette's at the moment.

"Let's get this over with." I tell the musician, brushing past him.

"Alright!" Jasper says, sounding a little too enthusiastic. "I've always liked the idea of going to college. There's so many possibilities and new colors."

Pausing, I glance at him.

He just said new colors.

And I'm not going to question it.

Because anything is possible.