For two days, Noelle locked herself in her room and watched Jersey Shore to alleviate this pain that seemed to coarse through her body. The bright glow of the television screen reflected itself on her face as she watched Ronnie and Sammy fight in the Shore House for what seemed like the thousandth time. Ronnie wrecked everything that Sammy owned without blinking. Noelle snuggled deeper into her comforter as she mindlessly watched the episode. Then she heard a soft tap on her door. It opened and a stream of light blinded her. She saw the silhouette of her very pregnant step-mother. Lydia had slices of mango wrapped in a paper towel and offered some to Noelle.

Noelle rolled away from the offering.

"Noe, you need to eat." She sighed and looked away for a moment, "A boy that can hurt you like this has no place in your heart." She said as she laid a kiss on her forehead. But, Noelle stayed silent."The school called but, I told them you still had the Flu."

Lydia struggled to stand up, she left the fruit on her nightstand and waddled to her door, "We're making your favorite for dinner. Fettuccine Alfredo! Come eat with us tonight, hun." She practically pleaded. But, Noelle didn't say anything. She softly closed the door. Noelle could hear her shuffle away.

Noelle felt the forceful vibration of her phone beneath her thigh. She looked at the screen.

Carson: Can we talk?

+106 other notifications

59 missed calls from Carson

1 Voicemail

She rolled her eyes and silenced her phone and threw it on the carpeted floor.

***

"Dawg, give her some time." Tyler said as they packed up at the end of practice. Carson checked his phone to see if she replied again. She didn't.

"What? I am giving her time." He mumbled as he sent another text to Noelle.

"She'll come to you. Cuz she has every right to be upset." Tyler said as he clasped a hand on Carson's shoulder pad, "Imma be real with you dawg, you're not on the receiving end of the shit you say. That shit hurts and I'm speaking from experience."

"I got that and I apologized." Carson said as he looked down at his phone again.

"And dude, I forgave you. But, you don't really forget that shit."

"But, you know I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, but you still said it. How are we supposed to know if you mean or don't mean it this time?" Tyler said as he started to walk towards the locker room. "What value do your words have if you constantly 'don't mean them?'"

"Ty, I didn't know you felt that way." Carson said softly. Tyler scratched the back of his neck and let his helmet dangle in his hand.

"You never asked." Tyler mumbled as he walked towards the locker room. He looked longingly at his friend retreating figure. Tyler was always ready to pick up Carson whenever he was down but, Carson never really thought to do the same for him.

"Shit." Carson ran his hands through his hair. Everything seemed to be going to shit and it was because of him.

***

He pulled up to her driveway and shut off his truck. Carson hopped out of his truck and stood below her window. Her light was off but he could see the glow of her TV from the driveway. He hopped out of his truck and found small pebbles and threw them against her window sill. He knew how corny this looked:

boy meets girl

boy really likes girl

boy fucks it up

boy tries to win back girl.

Honestly, you could find this plot on the back of a cereal box--it's that predictable.

She suddenly opened her curtains and looked down to see that stupid, stupid boy. The stupid boy she knew she never wanted to see again for as long as she lived.

"Noelle, wait!" He hurriedly climbed the tree next to her window, "I know I fucked up more times I can count!"

"Carson..."

"Please, hear me out." Carson pleaded. He could see that she was contemplating. He gulped nervously. "Please, Noe, give me five minutes. That's all I ask for." She saw the sincerity floating in his eyes. She knew he was trying but, that didn't mean what he did wasn't fucked up.

She decided to talk to him. However, not for the purpose of being with him but because she deserved an explanation.

"Okay, I'll meet you outside. Give me a minute." She replied.

Carson blew out a breathe he didn't realize he was holding. She opened her front door and saw he was perched on her steps. He stood up quickly and brushed dirt off the backside of his jeans and smiled nervously. Noelle didn't reciprocate the smile.

"Let's get this over with okay?" Noelle said as she crossed her arm in front of her chest. Carson nodded and looked down at the ground for a sec before focusing on her slip-on shoes.

"...um... I want to apologize for what I said the other day...I...uhh...I-I don't really know how to go about this." Carson rubbed the back off his neck. "I care about you...a lot, Noe. And you deserve so much more than an apology from me."

Noelle looked into his eyes and paused , "Do you expect to patch this up with a flimsy-ass apology?"

"...Well, no..."

"What do you expect me to do? Accept your apology blindly and hope you don't make me feel like shit again?"

"Noelle, I know that was a really shitty thing to do and I didn't mean any of it. I've got a lot on my plate right now and I'm going through a lot and..."

"We all have our own shit to deal with. And you were right earlier, I know nothing about your parents and you shouldn't feel obligated to tell me anything. But, don't take that shit out on other people."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. I know you didn't deserve that. I just want us to be together again."

Noelle laughed lightly to keep from crying, "Were we even 'together?' For all I know, I'm the 1000th girl you told that to."

"What? Of course we were together." Carson looked offended. As if, he never questioned their entire relationship but, even so, he couldn't fathom the thought of her being with anyone that wasn't him.

Noelle's eyes widened as she heard the words leave his mouth. "You said we weren't even together!" She sighed. "I'm just confused as you are! You're the only boy that has ever made feel like I'm losing my fucking mind 100% of the time! And I don't think that's normal." Noelle whispered that last part.

Carson felt the need to touch her, whether to caress her face or hold her hand. He needed to feel closer to her physically because it seemed they were miles apart emotionally. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt her in any way but that exactly what he did. He decided to reach out and touch her hand that was firmly tucked underneath her arm.

"I know I don't make sense and I have issues I need to work out. I think you're good for me. I really need you. Give me another chance?" He kissed the back of her brown hand and looked deep into her eyes. He hoped she said 'yes.'

He imagined their relationship growing and expanding in their hands. He wanted nothing more than to tell her everything about his parents and how they were pieces of shit. He wanted to tell her every dream he has ever had, especially the ones that starred Noelle herself. His heart ached for this girl but, the ball was in her court as her brain turned her thoughts into words that could either make or break Carson.

"...Carson..." There was a lot of sadness in her voice. "It isn't my job to fix you. My job is to support you as a girlfriend and in turn, you support me. We all have baggage and shit happens to us that we don't deserve...I guess what I'm saying is...If you're only interested in me because you think I can fix you, then we shouldn't be together." Noelle slipped out of his hand. Tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Noe..."

"I think it's best if we were just friends." She interrupted. Carson stood there frozen to his spot. Noelle leaned in to give Carson a kiss on the cheek. But, he quickly turned his head away from her. He backed away from her and ran a hand through his hair. He backed away and towards his car.

"Goodnight, Noelle." He said softly.

"'Night, Carson." Their eyes connected one last time. Noelle wiped the tears that streaked her cheeks as she opened her back door and slipped inside.