A/N: Alright, first off, can I just say, thank you to everyone following me or reading this or voting and commenting, 30,000 reads is fucking awesome. Also, just because I've been a bit worried recently, I thought I'd ask if there are any characters that seem a bit underdeveloped or feel flat, also feel free to tell me if there's anything I could change to make this book better in general.

Also I chose Rain by Call Me Karizma because I've been getting super into his music, it just feels like 'shit, someone's finally talking about depression just because it's depression istead of because of some relationship they were in' I dunno, I just relate to it more.

He pulled on a black hoodie and sweatpants before heading downstairs, his hair still damp, a small smile on his face as he saw his dads, Allen still taking off his striped scarf, Matthew holding grocery bags full of Christmas decorations. Logan sometimes forgot Christmas was in a week, it was all moving so fast.

"Hey." He said, stuffing his hands in his hoodie pocket, Matthew smiled when he looked to Logan.

"Hey, how was school?" He asked. Logan shrugged.

"It was good, what'd you guys get at the store?"

"Lights mostly, but we also picked up some ornaments. Honey, could you help me get the tree from the basement?" Matthew asked, turning to Allen and his husband nodded with a small smile.

"I could go make some hot tea." Logan offered and Matthew smiled, nodding to him.

"Yeah, why don't we all have some family time around the table?" Matthew asked.

"Sure." Allen said, taking his coat off before they headed down to the basement and Logan walked to the kitchen, putting water in the kettle and setting it on the stove.

Logan's dad's brought the tree from the basement to the living room and set it up. It wasn't huge, but it was big enough to almost reach the ceiling and looked like a real tree even though it was fake. Allen always explained that they didn't have time to be cleaning up pine needles all the time and it was much cheaper to have one that they just kept in the basement and took out once a year. Why buy a whole tree for a couple weeks when you could just buy it once and have it for a few years? Matthew never minded and while Logan preferred real trees, he never cared enough about that to argue it.

The water in the kettle boiled to a shrill scream and Logan quickly took it off the stove, pouring it into mugs while his dad, Matthew, walked in with a small smile.

"Which teabag do you want? We've got Chamomile, Peppermint, Chai, Black, and Caramel." Logan said and Matthew thought for a moment.

"I think I'll have Caramel. Love, what are you having?" Matthew asked moving over to one of the kitchen chairs to sit down, looking to his husband and Allen smiled.

"Black tea is fine." Allen said, walking over to wrap his arms around Matthew's shoulders, leaning down to kiss his cheek and Matthew smiled, reaching up to run his fingers through his husband's graying brunette hair. Logan thought with a small smile that sometimes they still acted like they were in highschool. The red-head set the teabags into the mugs and passed them out, getting chamomile for himself.

"You guys should get a room." Logan said with a soft giggle as they were now kissing, they'd always been openly affectionate, it'd never actually bothered him.

Allen pulled away a moment to give his son a grin before saying.

"We got a house." and at that Logan laughed quietly and sat down, passing out the two other mugs.

"It was very kind of you to make us tea, Lo, thank you." Matthew said and Allen nodded. Logan loved his dads, and he wouldn't trade them in for the world, he just wished he could be the son they thought he was. Imposter. He shook the thought off, he was only making them happy.

"It's no problem, I like hanging out with you guys." He said with a small smile. He took a sip of tea while Allen took a seat and Matthew blew on his tea.

"So what's going on in the world of Logan?" Matthew asked and Logan shrugged a little.

"I dunno, just school and stuff, I signed up for an art contest." He said and Matthew smiled, nodding.

"I'm sure you'll do great." Allen said.

"Have you been interested in anyone recently?" Matthew asked and Logan could tell that he was talking about Oliver.

"Actually, my friend asked me out earlier today." He said with a small smile.

"And you said yes?" Matthew asked with a big smile. Logan nodded happily.

"Which friend?" Allen asked and Logan took a sip of his tea.

"I think I've only brought him over a few times, Syrus Scott?"

"The son of Clarence Scott?" Allen asked, bringing his mug up to his mouth.

"Yeah."

"I've done business with him, very nice people, and an excellent salesman."

"Should I be jealous?" Matthew asked with a playful grin and Allen rolled his eyes with a smile.

"He has a wife, dear."

"We should have Syrus over some time, I'd love to meet him properly." Matthew said and Logan nodded.

"Yeah, that'd be great, I'll see when he has time. What's been up with you guys?"

"Work mainly." Allen said and Matthew agreed.

"There's been so much recently, especially with Christmas coming up, sales are through the roof." Matthew added. They worked as co-owners of a printing business and they sold a lot of books over the holidays. "Oh, I almost forgot to ask, when does your break start?"

"In two days, it's this Friday, we get the week before christmas and the week after, so we're going back the third of January."

"That's wonderful, you should ask a few of your friends to come over for the Christmas party, maybe Oliver?" Matthew said and Logan smiled a little.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Where's he staying now?" Allen asked. "I hope not still with his father..if you could even call him that, dear lord."

"He's staying with his brother I think, I'm not sure."

"He knows he can stay over any time, right? goodness gracious, I'd take him in as a second son if I could." Matthew said, he'd always loved having Oliver over when they were little and even now it seemed like nothing had changed.

"I think he just doesn't want to feel like a burden, I mean, I told him he's allowed to come over if he needs to but he doesn't much, I wish I could help somehow." Logan said softly, stirring the spoon around his cup. Allen took his hand, looking him in the eye.

"Kid, don't blame yourself, some people just aren't comfortable asking for help, it's not always a bad thing, but it's also not your fault, you've done what you can do." Allen said and Logan nodded a little, taking his hand away and picking up his tea.

"Yeah..it's just difficult." He said and Matthew smiled, wrapping an arm around him and kissing his cheek.

"You've got a big heart, Lo." He said and Logan smiled, nodding.

"I should probably get to bed." He said and Matthew nodded, Allen getting up and ruffling his hair.

"Sleep well." Allen said, drinking the rest of his tea before he set it in the sink. "Do you want me to do the dishes, honey?" He asked and Matthew shook his head, getting up.

"Don't worry about it, I'll do them in the morning." He said and Allen nodded.

"Love you, logan." Matthew said and Logan smiled.

"Love you, guys." Logan said, taking his tea with him to his room. He rolled up his sleeves to make sure he hadn't bled through the wrapped bandages and then laid down with a soft yawn.

He couldn't remember what he'd eaten which usually meant it wasn't much, and he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. He'd probably go down and get something after everyone went to sleep. two eggs, a few saltines, a piece of toast, and a small smoothie would probably be enough. He usually ate all of his calories at night, some days he ate more than others and sometimes he didn't eat at all, it depended on what he felt like doing. He'd been trying to eat a little more recently though, he'd been getting B's on tests when he could be getting A's if he weren't so foggy and he knew it was because he wasn't eating enough to make his brain function properly. So he'd changed from around 300 calories a day to around 600 and though it made him feel like shit, he was getting used to it.

He looked through the contacts on his phone, it was only 10 pm, Ivy would still be awake, so he called her.

"Loggy?"

"Hey."

"What's up?"

"Uh..not much, just like, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Alright, shoot."

"Sy asked me out."

"No shit, seriously?"

"Yeah, and I said yes."

"Aww, stick, that's awesome. I didn't know he was into guys."

"I didn't either but he wants to make it public so I guess I have a boyfriend now." He said with a small smile.

"But what about Oliver?"

"What about him?"

"Oh come on, you've so obviously liked him since you guys started hanging out again."

"It wasn't going anywhere. Sure, we were friends, but he didn't like me, and he never asked me out, so I'm just going to get over him and-"

"And you're using Syrus to do that."

"Well, I mean, not like, using."

"Then how would you put it?"

"I mean, I'm in a relationship now so I can't like Oliver or date Oliver."

"Do you actually like Sy?"

"Yeah..I think so."

"Logan..."

"What?"

"You're using him."

"Ivy, I'm not, I promise, I like him, and I wanna be with him, it's just also that I can't be with Oliver now."

"Alright, whatever, Lo. If your relationship is healthy, that's what matters."

"What about you and Grace?"

"Oh yeah, I've talked to her a few times, I think we're gonna hang out friday after school ends and then I won't see her again until after break."

"Why?"

"She's heading to New York to see extended family, but she'll be back by new years so that's cool, maybe she could come over for the Scott's party or something."

"Are you doing anything Christmas Eve?" Logan asked.

"I think we're all staying in that night to watch movies and play board games."

"Ah, that's alright, my dads are just throwing a party again this year and told me to ask some friends to come."

"That's cool." She paused a moment and Logan could hear talking in the background. "Oh, I gotta go, I'll see you tomorrow though." She said.

"Oh okay, I'll seeya then."

"Seeya, loggy." She hung up and he put his phone on the night stand, staring up at his ceiling.

He felt like he was running out of time so fast, everything was too much and it was going too quickly and he didn't know how to stop it. He bit his lip, trying not to cry as he took a breath, getting up and walking out to his balcony, it wasn't very big, but it had a nice view of the rest of the neighborhood. He took out his pack of smokes and lit one. He had been trying to kick his habit for a while, but as always, he was bad at breaking habits, bad ones especially. He couldn't remember when he'd first started hurting himself, or hating himself, or even just not caring about himself, maybe it'd always been there, a voice in the back of his head that told him he'd never be everything everyone wanted him to be. He didn't think he hated himself really, just that he deeply didn't care about the kind of person he was, he found himself annoying to deal with. He didn't know how his friend put up with him.

He wiped a tear off his face as he took in another lungful of nicotine, waiting for the head high to kick in. He reminded himself that it was all in his head, his problems weren't really that bad and he'd just made everything more difficult for himself because he had to be making up his problems. He worried himself over the idea that everyone hated him and they didn't and he knew they didn't but he thought they should anyways and he'd been the one to start self-harming and smoking and not eating, he'd made life infinitely more difficult and now it was his own fault that he couldn't stop it.

He put out his cigarette and left it in the ash tray, walking inside to eat some kind of dinner before going to sleep.