Usually Taehyung was never on his mind.

Maybe that was a bit of a lie considering they sort of had some weird, dude-bro bonding moment at Eunwoo's house. Things led to another, and now his mind couldn't forget it no matter how hard he tried to squeeze the aftermath out of his brain.

Honestly, he didn't know how to really explain it, but something in the air changed after Jeongguk nearly coughed a lung out and Taehyung just watched him obliterate a house with eggs. Like, he still hated the guy but it wasn't like he wanted to curse out his next of kin, or pull a voodoo thing on him.

It's just. . . different. Yes, it was different. It wasn't like he dumped all of his repressed trauma on Taehyung in some dramatic, shakespearen soliloquy and they rejoiced and had some really empowering conversation about why life was so goddamn precious.

No, it was more like Jeongguk coughed, drank nasty, room temperature water, and Taehyung basically said in the nicest way possible— "bro, you're a fucked up little shit but hey, who isn't."

Total dude-bro bonding moment.

When Jeongguk walked up to Taehyung's car after their morning meeting (which was completely uneventful and Jeongguk barely listened in to), he half expected Taehyung to bring it up and make fun of him for it. Honestly, he would so who else wouldn't?

Normal people wouldn't be dwelling on things like this, but then again Jeongguk wasn't exactly normal. Though that didn't really excuse him for being this way. For being this... awkward.

Maybe Taehyung could tell, judging by the way his eyes found him the moment he came into his field of vision. Maybe Taehyung could see how he ran his hands over the other, or how he picked at a frayed string on his jacket incessantly and no matter how much he tugged it, it felt neverending much like the spiral spinning itself in his head.

Maybe Taehyung noticed the unease between his brows, the frown already etched on his lips, or perhaps the pain in Jeongguk's expression when he got a brief flashback to that night. Maybe he noticed all these things but when he joined Tae's side, he merely smirked and gave him a jut of his chin in acknowledgement like he usually did.

All those stupid, stomach-pinching tingles just left in that moment. Poof. Gone. Jeongguk wasn't quite sure why he was so concerned about their whole situation being awkward, seeing that Taehyung didn't seem like the type to let the conversation fucking crash and burn like that. Also, he was in no way important enough to be subject to his worries.

There were a lot of other things to care about, and certainly Taehyung wasn't in that category.

God, there was something wrong with him today.

"Goodmorning Jeon," Taehyung was always perky. Unnaturally perky like those nasty packets of artificial sugar, but Jeongguk guessed people liked that shit anyway if they kept coming back to it.

"Hi." Immediately he wanted to punch himself in the face. He winced, knowing there was no use in hiding anything at this point.

"You look great," Taehyung said. Jeongguk raised an eyebrow at him. His stupid grin widened. "A bit pale, but hey! You're not dead so that's a win!"

Right. There it was. The insults, and now they were back to how everything should be.

Jeongguk scowled, ignoring the pang in his stomach, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're winning. You're beating your sickness for another day!" He beamed, fishing his keys out of his pockets and shaking the damn thing in his palm.

"Did you shove a motivational magazine up your ass or what?" Jeongguk deadpanned, rolling his eyes.

"Why yes. Read a bit of Reader's Digest in the lobby today, dear pal. Enthusiasm is apparently a very great element to a speedy recovery from a sickness or injury." At that, Taehyung was already unlocking the doors and Jeongguk was finding his spot in the seat beside him. As it should be.

"You're aware I can't recover from this right?" He said, gesturing at himself. Taehyung nodded, starting the car.

"I know, but it's still good to look at shit positively. The article said a positive outlook on life ensures more motivation to become healthy." Jeongguk snorted, looking out the window as they pulled out of the parking lot.

"You're acting like I snapped all my fucking bones."

"We can pretend," Taehyung suggested. "That you have a bone disease instead."

"As if that's any better," Jeongguk said, frowning. Before Taehyung could turn on the radio, he reached forward and slapped his hand away. "I'd rather die from fucking organ failure than moving, what? One inch and having my spine shatter?"

"But if your spine shatters, you die fast too."

"I think that's just ends with paralysis. Being a quadriplegic would be way worse than a terminal illness."

"Why do you think so?" Taehyung asked.

"Have you seen Me Before You?" Jeongguk's gaze averted toward him. Taehyung shook his head. "Well it's about a dude who becomes quadriplegic and his life fucking sucks because he can't do the things he wants to do with this girl he likes."

"It's just some sad romance movie Sae made me watch with her one time." He added in a mutter.

Jeongguk expected Taehyung to have something to say about that. The guy always had something to say, whether it be about Jeongguk's concerning choice in chocolate, the weather, the smell of the hospital meeting room, the perimeter of a fucking juice box, or just anything in general that happened to catch his interest.

And somehow now, he wasn't saying anything, instead filling the silence with the occasional drum of his fingers over the wheel. Jeongguk opened his mouth to speak but—

"— M'not the type to watch those types of movies," He said curtly, squeezing the steering wheel.

"Really? I didn't think you wouldn't," Jeongguk said, not really thinking about what was coming out of his mouth before he could regulate it.

"I got the idea, you know, that you have a girlfriend."

"Oh? You think? Now how'd you get that idea?" Suddenly, Taehyung's voice deepened. Jeongguk froze in place, clamping his mouth shut as he licked his own dry lips.

"Well, you're on your phone texting. A lot. I heard you talking to Seokjin that time, and Namjoon mentioned today about you being busy. You don't look like the type to hang with your family, so I just guessed. It doesn't take a lot to connect the dots," He said slowly, peering at Taehyung carefully.

He swallowed, noticing how the older's fingers went white as he gripped the wheel tight.

"Do you have, uh, a girlfriend?" It wasn't really his forte, you know, keeping the conversation from dying out. Taehyung wasn't really helping.

"You psychoanalyze me in your free time, Jeon?" His the smirk in his tone nearly caught him off guard.

"Wha— No, I don't. What makes you think that?"

"Do you care if I have a girlfriend?"

"Why— what?"

"Does it bother you? Do you not want me to have a girlfriend?" Taehyung chuckled lowly. Jeongguk shot up in his seat, shoving his arm aside.

"How? You're misunderstanding the question, dude," He puffed, sinking back into his seat, his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm just asking."

"Well," Taehyung snorted, "I do. You solved the case Sherlock." His sentence was supposed to be teasing, but Jeongguk couldn't deny how awfully bitter it sounded.

"Is she pretty?" He whispered.

Taehyung scoffed, "Wow. You gonna steal her now?"

"Steal her?" Jeongguk spat out. "Are you daft? I'm a fucking bag of bones and radiation, tied up with a terminal illness bow. Nobody would go near me, much less even consider dating me."

"Gosh Jeon. Don't downplay yourself like that." He can see the smile flicker over Taehyung's lips. "Who knows, maybe you can steal her."

"Are you insisting I steal your girlfriend away?"

"Now why would I insist on that?"

"Because you are! What am I gonna do? Show her my fucking IV bruises? Go "hey baby, I can make you bruise... like how an IV bruises me"?"

"Jeon?" Taehyung breathed out. Oh fuck, too far.

"Yeah?" Jeongguk murmured.

"I don't want to talk about my girlfriend anymore."

"Okay," He said. "So she's hypothetical then?"

"Oh fuck you."

"That's not very nice," Jeongguk chided, glancing over at Taehyung to make sure the guy wasn't actually mad at him because if he was, then he didn't know what to do with that possibility.

Luckily, he wasn't, or well, he assumed he wasn't. Assumptions were never really Jeongguk's thing, though he didn't have much of a choice— feelings weren't exactly his area of expertise either, nor was talking about them.

For him, as long as there was a smile on his face and Taehyung didn't look pained, things were okay.

As okay as things could really be.

"So," Jeongguk tried to break the silence as the two continued on their drive, "where are you taking me?"

Outside, the city already faded behind them, and all that's surrounding them is barren land. Jeongguk hadn't been outside of Seoul in a while, but if this was going to be some hike, he would have to tap out— fast.

"We already got revenge on someone, so I looked at our list and thought I'd teach you how to drive," His company answered his questions before he could even put a sentence together.

"You're gonna teach me how to drive?" He raised an eyebrow at him. Now that was something.

"Thought it'd be better to do it early while you're still mobile," Taehyung nodded, turning the wheel and pulling into an abandoned parking lot. Jeongguk glanced around, noticing they were what looked to be an abandoned gas station with an expanse of open ground.

"Why do you know that?" Jeongguk asked, watching as Taehyung drove to a spot behind the building where the rest of the cement extended out.

"I asked your aunt," He admitted. For some reason, Jeongguk felt a prickle in his stomach.

"You spoke to who now?" He sat up higher in his seat.

"What? I just asked Director Sae what time frame we had before you start dying in front of me," Tae ran a hand through his hair, letting the annoying waves fall lazily over his tanned forehead.

"I'd like to be prepared you know. What am I supposed to do if you start like, shitting yourself?"

"Why the fuck would I start shitting myself?" Jeongguk deadpanned. Taehyung put the car in park and gave him a nonchalant shrug.

"Don't you like, lose control of your body at some point?"

"Dude, that's— what the fuck?" Jeongguk spat. "I-I'm not there yet. God, I don't even wanna think about that." He shuddered, forcing the idea out of his head before he could feel the urge to puke.

"Well then, I also asked about the progression of your illness to also make sure I won't tire you out and make you regress... faster. Director— uh your aunt said you're expected to be wheelchair bound in a few months," Taehyung mumbled, playing with the collar of his shirt.

"And also lung failure? Really? You're just collecting shit like pokemon at this time."

"I know... I don't have the best future. I thought we already covered that," Jeongguk snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I'll let you know if I feel like ass. So far it's not too bad." His fingers dug into his biceps.

"Alright, I believe you. You know your limits." His head whipped up when he heard the doors click, signaling Taehyung unlocked them.

"We should take advantage of that though. Your 'not too badness' is better than nothing."

Jeongguk really wanted to hate the guy. He really did, but when he met his gaze, there was no telling where his hatred stood. Hell, he wasn't sure if his hatred was even standing. It was more like it was stumbling to get up, and everytime Taehyung shot him a lazy grin, it fell all over again.

There wasn't any trace of anger from their previous conversation, or a single edge in his light words as they stared at one another in the silence. But Jeongguk did notice one thing: Taehyung was easy. Not that kind of easy, but rather Taehyung was a simple person.

His expressions were difficult to read from time to time, Jeongguk would give him that. Sometimes he could never tell what he's thinking or feeling. Other times, there was no use in trying to read him: you'd just get nowhere.

But what made Taehyung so easy was... was what? Jeongguk didn't know. He just didn't have the words to describe it because what was there to describe without sounding like a fucking idiot? He was easy and simple— and that was it.

"You done psychoanalyzing me? If so, we got a pop quiz," Taehyung teased, his deep voice cutting through the thickness of the car's atmosphere.

Jeongguk blinked, realizing he must have zoned out, and in doing so, his neck stung. "Shit, sorry." He sputtered out stupidly, fumbling for the buckle.

"It's alright," Taehyung unbuckled his seatbelt. "I'm joking about the quiz too. I don't think I wanna know why you're staring at me... like that."

"I don't think I wanna know either," Jeongguk whispered flatly as he got out of the car to switch sides with Taehyung.

When they did, it was a quick exchange. Taehyung patted his shoulder briefly. It was a fleeting touch, one that left Jeongguk's mind in a jumble and his hands shaking at his sides when he got into the driver's seat.

It didn't occur to him that he was about to drive either, seeing that when Taehyung finally shut the door and buckled his seatbelt, Jeongguk blinked rapidly as if someone removed an invisible blindfold from around him and went tadaa! buttons and knobs that can fucking kill you!

"So," Taehyung's voice sounded as if it was submerged in water. "First you put your hands on the steering wheel."

Jeongguk gulped thickly and placed his hands on the spots where Taehyung usually held it. He didn't know why his heart was pounding against his chest; it wasn't like he was going to drive right now. He squeezed the wheel, feeling the warmth from Tae's fingers left against his own.

This didn't feel right. Jeongguk didn't know why he wasn't fine when moments ago, he was basically showing off to Taehyung that he was perfectly and totally capable of fucking breathing.

Right now, he wasn't so sure if he could breathe, and part of him wished the tightness in his lungs and the stutter in his breath wasn't because of lung failure. Lung failure wasn't fun. Oh hell, Jeongguk was completely in control of his body but shitting himself right now didn't seem too impossible.

God, what the fuck was wrong with him? Normal people did this every day. He watched Sae do it. Taehyung, even. Normal people could do this, and this was his chance to feel normal, to feel like he wasn't dying.

"Hey, Jeon. You ready?" Taehyung's words barely keep him from going under.

"Gimme a sec." Taehyung said nothing, though he could feel his heavyset gaze on him as he squeezed the steering wheel.

This wasn't hard. This shouldn't be hard. He was making a big deal out of nothing. Making a problem out of something so insignificant, so—

"Jeon," Taehyung repeated. "We can reschedule—,"

"—No," Jeongguk licked his own chapped lips, trying to sit straighter in his seat. "I'm ready."

"You sure?" He didn't sound too convinced.

"Yeah," Jeongguk assured him, tried to assure himself. He gave Taehyung a weak thumbs-up.

"I'm ready." No I'm not. "Tell me what to do."

i'm so sorry this took so long, but

hey! we're here. i was in some funk,

tryna figure out how to get this going

again. thankfully, i figured it out.

im currently on spring break! missed

you guys lots, so thank you for being

patient with me (: let's see if i can get

my rhythm back & as always, i hope

you enjoyed the chap <3