《Messy Love》Can You Feel My Heart
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'I'm scared to get close, and I hate being alone, I long for that feeling to not feel at all. The higher I get, the lower I'll sink, I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.'
"Explain it to me one more time," Anna says as we nurse our dinner in our laps on the couch.
Anna and I had moved in together straight out of school, her parents bought the apartment, a two-bedroom, one-bathroom adorable little place. Conveniently close to her university too, and I have paid rent and lived with her while working in the surrounding area.
"He said 'surely someone has wanted to capture those eyes before'."
Anna squeals like a child while excitedly kicking her feet into the couch. I roll my eyes at her outburst. "Hey don't you roll your eyes at me! You can't speak about him without smiling so I know this is a big deal!"
"It's not a big deal! He probably says shit like that to girls all the time."
"First of all, it is a big deal because I haven't seen you get excited about anything since..." She stops herself before finishing the sentence, and we both look down at our food for a moment. She coughs. "Sorry, but secondly Chantelle has been trying to fuck him all semester and he hasn't, so clearly he isn't saying that sort of thing to everyone." I let that sink in as the smile creeps along my face. "See! You totally want to fuck him!"
"Anna!" I protest but not seriously.
"Fucking Tate has reopened your eyes!"
"Yeah, Tyson isn't my usual type, but something about his eyes and the way they looked into mine..."
"Fuck girl, you've got it bad already!" Anna says while sweeping her silver hair into a loose bun. Anna is one of those girls that dyes her hair something different every month. Not entirely sure how she hasn't lost it all yet, but her light blue eyes seem to suit every colour.
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"I am pretty excited to see him again tomorrow, I don't really know how to act though, I've been out of the game for so long because of fuckface; and Tate was just a one-night stand."
"And you think Tyson could be more?"
I sigh and place my bowl on the coffee table. "I don't know, all I know is I have never felt something like that around a guy before."
"Something like what?" She asks.
"Like...like I'm meant to be around him," I say simply, but I knew it wouldn't be simple.
Anna grabs my face between her hands, "I'm just happy to see you have a little bit of life to you now, you had me so worried."
"I know," I say guiltily. "I will never forget, but hopefully with more time it will keep being bearable."
"It will," Anna says like it's a known fact. That's what I love most about her, she will be your voice of reason when you need it, she will also be your bad influence when you need that too. Like my one night stand, Anna seemed so sure it would work, and in some ways it has.
"I'm going to go to bed," I kiss Anna on the cheek before heading to my room.
"Yes! Get your beauty rest for TYYYSSSOOONNNN!"
"Stop acting fifteen!" I shout back.
"Impossible!"
The next morning, I get ready with the feeling of small butterflies pressing against my skin. I decide on a casual, white flowy dress instead of my usual jeans. I finish my look by straightening my hair, something I do every day.
Anna has already left for Uni, she had the early class so I won't see her until tonight, part of me wanted a confidence pep talk from her before seeing Tyson again. The coffee pot is ready to go for me, and there is a note from Anna stuck against the fridge.
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I roll my eyes and rip the note down, not quite what I had in mind as a pep talk.
The day is already too warm for morning and I'm glad I went with the dress, my camera hangs from my neck as I walk to the performing arts building.
The anticipation builds in my stomach at seeing him again. What the shit, I have met him once! I need to get a grip; he probably hasn't thought about me at all.
Walking into the dark building my eyes immediately find him on the other side of the large room, he is talking to a guy, his arms crossed against his chest and he laughs at something the guy says. Something in my heart flutters as I watch him laugh.
There is no way he would have heard me come in, but his eyes still fall on mine, almost like he sensed my presence. I smile softly at him and he returns my smile with his own.
Okay, so maybe he has been thinking about me.
Chantelle steps in front of me, blocking my view of Tyson.
"Hey!"
"Hey Chan."
"So Tyson seems to be in a really good mood today, I'm totally going to try and suck his dick, this is the day he won't say no to me, I can feel it!"
The air feels like it has been stolen from my lungs, her words play over in my mind, as I try not to let my emotions show over my face.
"Okay," I let out a small laugh. "I'm going to go set up."
"Bella!" Their teacher Arthur approaches me.
"Hi," I smile politely at him.
"So today we are just rehearsing if you would like to get some pictures without getting in the way."
"Sure thing Arthur."
I spend most of the time on my own, sometimes backstage and sometimes in front. To be honest jobs like this don't really excite me, but I need the money right now, and looking at Tyson made it bearable. Apart from when his attention is preoccupied with Chantelle. I have no idea why I feel jealous when I see them together, but I do. Which is completely ridiculous because I literally have no claim to him, nor do I know anything about him.
I guess it's a primal feeling. I'd hate to think that we haven't evolved emotionally since cave men days, but watching Chantelle with Tyson made my blood boil.
As the lesson comes to an end, I begin packing up my gear, I had now tried to place Tyson out of my head, knowing full well he wouldn't have shut Chantelle down. I don't really know why he ever had; she is completely stunning.
"Hey," his voice pulls me out of my thoughts.
I look up to his coffee eyes and try to hold on to my senses.
"Hi," I whisper.
"This dress..." His eyes move over my body desperately and my cheeks warm.
"What about the dress?" I ask innocently.
"You're right, it's not the dress; it's you in the dress."
I smile shyly at him, not really knowing what to say back.
"Do you maybe want to go get coffee tonight?"
My eyes flick to Chantelle across the other side of the room. "What about Chantelle?" Why did I bring her up right now?
"I'm not interested in Chantelle," his words are harsh but I can tell he doesn't mean for them to be; he is just being honest.
"Okay," I say.
"Really?" His eyes light up.
"One coffee couldn't hurt right?" I smile cheekily.
"Famous last words," he says smiling back at me.
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