《Blue Friday》Ready. Set. Knock
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""
Chloe contemplates calling in sick even though she knows it is an excuse that will surely backfire. More importantly, she wonders if not going to work today is going to change anything.
Possibly not.
Either way, at the end of the day, she'll still be miserable.
She even contemplates calling Paris to accept her drinking your problems away and crying at an expensive bar offer. Only, it's six in the morning and she's sure the famous celebrity meant hanging late in the evening as one should when drinking alcohol.
Then again, Chloe eventually circles back to problem number one. Her plan will backfire, whether she likes it or not.
The minute she calls in sick—maybe even mention the word itself—Beca will surely come over. Chloe knows this for a fact because Jesse got sick weeks ago and Beca quickly dragged her and CR to their assistant producer's apartment to bring medicine and warm soup. Jesse also turns out to be a baby when sick—"My tummy has ouchies. Hold me, I need hugs!"
Beca coming over means that her temporary escape would be a failure.
So she contemplates not even calling, moving to discard her phone in the drawer but then it beeps with a notification for a new message popping up. She shouldn't even bother but it's the name of the sender that catches her attention and makes her pause.
Beca.
Her finger hovers above the preview message. The line reading: 'Morning sucks. Dying for caffeine.You better be awake...'
Chloe's heart betrays her and she's pressing the message to read it in full.
"Pick you up in an hour."
Chloe sighs at the words. Obviously, calling in sick to run away from your problems is a bust especially when said center of your problem is heading straight at her.
Then again, she could just drive off and literally, run off to wherever is far.
She groans, scrunching up her hair in frustration. She's gone crazy. This is madness.
After last night, Chloe finds that she's now unable to put a cover over her feelings. She's helplessly falling and she's falling really hard. Beca makes it so easy and Chloe is running out of excuses why one shouldn't kiss your friend when said friend turns out to be everything she was looking for all along. Ignoring it is only proving to be extremely difficult and now she fears that it's going to explode in her face.
A soft knock breaks her thoughts and in a second Aubrey's head tentatively peeks in through the door, seemingly having heard her sighing and groaning.
"Chlo? Are you alright?"
The question almost makes her cry because no, she's not. She hasn't been this past few months and she feels like nothing is making sense anymore.
So she looks up at her friend like someone died and shakes her head as an answer.
Aubrey steps in at that, concern evident in her face as she takes a seat next to her. A gentle hand on Chloe's arm feels like a silent question so Chloe gives an answer.
One, that she has kept hidden for so long.
"It's Beca," she confesses in a small tone.
"The girl I like, it's Beca," she says, this time with much certainty in her tone.
She looks down waiting for it. The shock, the questions and even the laughter but she gets none of it. Instead, all she gets is understanding eyes and a hug.
"I know."
Now it's Chloe who is in shock and her brows furrow at the revelation.
"How did... how did you—When—" she sputters not really knowing which to ask first.
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Aubrey releases her and light green orbs bore straight at her. The blonde sighs.
"The way you look at her gives it away," Aubrey begins and Chloe realizes that she's been foolish to even think that she hasn't been obvious.
She's always been so easy to read.
"Every time we all hang out you stare at her like she's the only one in the room. You smile at her like she's Christmas morning and sunny beaches. These past few months both of you had been inseparable and when you two talked until the club shut down last time—which is rare for that anti- social sloth—I just had a feeling," Aubrey lightly laughs before she slowly reverts back to being serious.
"I know all the signs because I've been there," she continues, squeezing Chloe's hand.
"And also you were shooting fiery arrows with your eyes at that woman flirting with her at the bar before you dove in between them and dragged Beca away from her just to ask her if she wanted dessert," Aubrey slowly nods, eyes squinting at the memory and this time it's Chloe who lets out a laugh.
"Right. Guess I wasn't so subtle after all," she says before letting out another groan, burying her head in her hands.
"I don't know what to do, Bree. I'm caught in between doing what's right and doing what I want," she cries out miserably.
"And the right thing to do is be happy for her but the problem is, I can't exactly do that because I feel like... dying and I know how awful that is because a friend shouldn't feel this way," a lone tear rolls down her cheek.
"Friends. That's what I asked of her from the start and now I just want to tear that word apart. I want to just—" she stops abruptly as Aubrey hushes her to silence.
"Don't tell me. Tell her."
"But if I do everything's going to change—" she's hushed once more as Aubrey shakes her head.
"When Beca decides to keep you in her life, she means it and she will keep you in her life whether you like it or not," Aubrey smiles.
"To her, friendships are a big deal. You see, she didn't have any growing up, mainly because her parents struggled to get her in to a fancy school and making friends in that sort of environment far from what you are used to is quite... expensive. I mean, it's hard to relate to kids who talk about owning the latest gadgets and taking grand vacations out of the country," Aubrey explains and Chloe starts to connect the dots regarding Beca's hatred for upper-class social affairs—and the reason why she and Aubrey, whose family takes grand vacations since before she was born, butt heads from time to time.
"Everybody is fake. This industry is all about money and influence. So that is why you fake a smile, fawn about everything they've achieved or own and talk about money to gain connections. Earn favors," Beca had once told her at another Hollywood party as she motions at each person in the room and what topic they'd love to hear.
"What I'm trying to say is. The only way you are going to lose this friendship is if you let it and not telling your best friend, who values this friendship so much, what you truly feel is surely 'letting it'." Aubrey honestly tells her.
"Beca had been honest with you Chloe. She was from the very beginning. It's unfair that you keep this from her when she told you what she felt for you. And believe me, only by letting this out will you finally find peace."
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It's time
"Coffee," Beca sighs in relief as their orders arrive and Chloe naturally smiles at the adorable burst of energy Beca has for said drink.
"God knows I need all the caffeine in my system before the madness starts," Beca mutters regarding their upcoming year-end Christmas event.
But before Chloe could even go about the details regarding said event, Beca stops her.
"Let's not talk about work just yet," Beca pleads as she dumps her sugar over at Chloe's latte and stirs it with a spoon just as she always does every morning.
Pathetic as it sounds, it never fails to make Chloe's heart flutter every time Beca does something like this, like it was natural.
It flutters whenever Beca obsessively wipes Chloe's spoon and fork with tissue at restaurants because 'you can never be too sure, Chlo'. It flutters when Beca reaches for her hand in a crowded place because Chloe has a tendency to bump into everything and everyone. It flutters when Beca doesn't let go even as the crowd lessens. It flutters when Beca unconsciously catches her habit of hugging and now hugs her every time they part. It flutters when Beca's desk now has traces of Chloe's touch everywhere—a ruby lady bug pin on her blouse, a lady bug key chain on her bag, a lady bug magnet pinned on her computer screen, a neck pillow with a hood that has cat ears on it, a yellow coffee mug, orange and green post its, a lady bug pen, blue flowers and most recently, a cool lady bug ring that Chloe had lied about not being expensive at all or that it doesn't cost more than half her salary. It flutters when Beca gives her the key card and pass code to her unit making her the second person to acquire such honor, the first person being Stacie because she helped Beca acquire the place and then proceeded to steal the spare key.
Beca looks at her and Chloe's heart flutters hard.
"You're up to something again."
Chloe smiles sadly at the familiar words. Her silence always gives her away.
"I'm trying to decide," she answers truthfully.
"About what?" Beca humors her.
"When to knock at the door."
"That sounds deep for such an early morning," Beca hums, intrigue painting her features. "If we are talking about opportunity behind that door then I say, go ahead and kick that damn door open."
"Should I?"
"Take what's yours."
"I'm not even sure if it's mine to begin with."
"It will be if you believe it."
"I'm nervous," she admits looking down her cup.
"I'll be right here."
"Will you?"
"Of course."
"Promise?"
"Please don't make me pinky swear on this."
"I have feelings for someone," Chloe starts, surprised at how calm and steady her voice is.
Maybe because she's run it through her head a billion times and now it's like the engine in her brain has finally exhausted all of it's battery, pudffing out smoke as it dies out. And because she's calculated all the possibilities following that admission she quickly continues before any reaction settles in.
"It's a girl."
She could literally hear a pin fall from the silence that falls on CR and Jesse. She's expected that too. Now there's no returning back.
Both of her friends gape at her, mid-sip and mid-chew, frozen in place with their eyes looking wide at her and their jaws slowly dropping. She would've laughed at how they looked, pausing in between eating snacks and taking a seat on the sofa, not even knowing whether to continue down and sit or straighten back up to stand again.
Nevertheless, Chloe's just relieved that her choice of setting wasn't so bad. Amplify's top floor balcony lounge is empty at the moment.
"It started two months ago but well, I guess there has always been that inkling that maybe it's already been there and I've just never thought about it until... it slapped me right at my face."
She inhales and releases a deep breath. The silence still stretches and Chloe's habit of just filling it up takes over. She's never handled heavy silences well.
"Aubrey knows. She's the first person I confided to. Stacie also knows because," she smiles lightly at the memory, "She accidentally found out."
"And I know I should've told you guys sooner but," she fidgets at this point. "I was trying to figure out stuff and explore this..."
She finally throws her hands up, "I don't have a label. It's just," she pauses, trying to put the right words together.
"I don't know if I'll ever fit in one. I guess I don't want to either. I just... follow my heart," she swallows, nodding as she finally accepts it deep down.
"Love... for me, it doesn't need labels, it takes no shape or form and I feel for whoever my heart chooses."
She gnaws on her lip anxiously before looking up to find both her friends look at each other, straighten up and then look back at her.
CR steps forward and wordlessly just wraps her arms around her followed by Jesse who just hugs them both.
Chloe didn't plan on crying. She didn't even feel like it until she's being embraced tightly. Accepted so warmly without questions or judgement. She knew they'd generally be okay with it but to be understood in a way that comes from the heart, she hadn't entirely expected that.
Especially when CR tells her that she didn't have to apologize or feel bad that she's only admitting this now. That it's okay to take all the time in the world until she's ready to fly.
Jesse makes a bad pun about closets and rainbows and laughter breaks in between them.
"Here's what's going down later," CR begins as they release each other. "We're going to grab some drinks while we go talk about this lucky lady of yours, celebrate and grind to some good music—"
"Competition karaoke!" Jesse cuts in abruptly, already getting worked up at the thought.
"Right, all four of us. You, me, Jesse and Beca," CR says and Chloe freezes.
"We should call the wives too!" CR continues now looking over at a bouncing Jesse as she refers to Aubrey and Stacie—due to the confusion as to what the status of their relationship is as of the moment, Beca has finally given up and branded them as wives behind their backs.
"Not Beca!" Chloe suddenly blurts out, finally getting into motion after the initial shock making both her friends suddenly revert back to silence.
"She doesn't—I haven't told her... yet," she confesses and when she looks at CR, there's a familiar look that makes Chloe feel as if her secret is slowly being unravelled.
CR doesn't say anything and if Jesse had any idea he doesn't speak about it either.
"Oh, because you two were always together we thought... you told her," Jesse says and after a short pause, CR shakes her head and breaks the awkward atmosphere.
"Never mind! Know what? We can postpone our little party for later anyways."
"Yeah," Jesse adds, "Aubrey might have like a... bigger party planned in that drawing board of hers."
"No! Let's party tonight," Chloe quickly remedies before explaining.
"Beca has... an important appointment tonight. Probably business stuff. I'm not sure," she lies, finding it ironic that she had just finally been honest minutes ago.
But then she had sworn not to tell anyone about the date. It wasn't her secret to reveal.
When Jesse's brows furrow trying to remember about this certain appointment, Chloe fears that her lie isn't going to check out what with Jesse organizing Beca's schedule and handling half of her workload. Which is why, she sputters something about urgency and schedule conflict.
When Jesse nods and goes back to their plans for tonight, Chloe sighs in relief.
For now, all she has to focus on is the little drinking and singing later which might just be the distraction she needed to relieve the sting spreading in her chest.
Then perhaps after today she'd finally get the courage to knock.
Even if things might never be the same again
3 hours later
The dark clouds rumble up above and Chloe knows that soon rain is going to fall, heavily. But she doesn't care. Not when the urgency to get to her is this strong.
So she abandons the taxi and the standstill traffic it is currently in the middle of. She throws in a couple of bills before bursting out of the car and running.
Running like her life depended on it.
She has to get there no matter what. She has to get to her. Has to tell her the truth. How she truly feels. Not tomorrow, not next week but today. Tonight. This Friday night.
Now
She almost stumbles forward, gets bumped into someone and feels tiny scattered droplets fall upon her face.
But she continues on, apologizes distractedly and ignores the soft drizzle.
There's only one thing in her mind. Her. Have to get to her. Have to tell her what she feels.
Consequences be damned.
Her head screams she's too late. Her heart cries in fear. And her soul gives in to the longing.
She sees the building. She's so close.
Please, be there, she repeatedly thinks.
Please don't let me be too late, she begs.
She enters the glass doors without even taking a pause. Nobody is stopping her and for that she's grateful. They've assumed she already lives there anyway.
The slow ride up the elevator is torture that she's so close to breaking apart.
So close
The minute it opens, she's darting out the door and running yet again to the place she's always felt safe in.
Home
She knocks repeatedly, desperately, momentarily forgetting that she has the capability of opening the door herself. When she does, she's fumbling for the key before pressing the code with shaking hands and inserting the sleek gray card in its slot.
She certainly bursts inside and it's too quiet that it makes her heart tremble as it starts to sink.
"Beca?"
Am I really too late?
3 hours ago
Beca is waiting for an important phone call when Chloe makes her way over her desk.
"Hey," she starts softly, stepping tentatively towards the producer's table.
Beca looks up at her instantly and Chloe's insides twist at the sight of attentive dark blues looking her way.
"CR, Jesse and I are going to grab some drinks at the Crescent, you're... not clocking out yet?" she asks, realizing that she doesn't really know any details to that second date Beca is going to tonight.
It's better she doesn't know anything, to be honest.
The brunette looked a bit confused for a moment before answering her. Beca does tend to get distracted these days due to the upcoming Christmas event. Work is piling up as always and yet again, it all falls on Beca's shoulders in the end.
"Yeah, you guys go do that. God knows we all need some drinking before this year ends," Beca mutters with a small smile on her face.
"I have an incoming call from Golden Records in thirty minutes," she continues and Chloe nods understandingly.
"See you on Sunday then?" Chloe asks, looking hopeful.
She plans to tell Beca on Sunday. To be completely honest and vocal about everything. She avoids thinking beyond that. If she does, she might just go crazy.
One step at a time.
Beca did the same once and here they are. So maybe it won't be so bad. If Beca doesn't feel the same way then... maybe Chloe can now focus on accepting that they won't happen rather than the exhausting what ifs.
Aubrey was right, they'd still be friends. Beca isn't the kind of person to just leave and throw the friendship away because of what Chloe feels for her now.
She wouldn't.
Right?
"See you on Sunday,"
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