"Off to work now Lexie, bye" Mom calls out as she hurries out the door, slamming it as she leaves

She gets in stupid o'clock at night and then disappears stupid o'clock in the morning. I never really see her much. Sometimes she home and gone again, all within the time I'm asleep

Not even a 'I love you' or 'how are you feeling?' or 'are you okay?' or 'did you sleep okay?' or 'good luck on your test today' or I dunno, a hug?

I don't know why I hold onto hope that she'll be a good mom, it's been years since she was like that. But it still hurts just as much as the first few times

"Ughhh" I groan, swinging my school bag over my shoulder and heading for the door

I've had enough and the days not even started yet

"Hey lex!" Josh smiles as I open his car door, slumping into the seat

"Hey" I respond pretty blandly

"Still not feeling it?"

"No I'm so fed up it's insane" I sigh quietly

"I'm sorry" he sends me a sympathetic smile

"I really hate school" I mumble

"Me too"

"Shall we just not go" I suggest, lifting my head from the window momentarily

"I would say yes if we didn't have a really important math exam"

"Ughhh" I groan again, throwing my head back

"It'll be okay lex, just give it your best, that's all you can do"

"I wish I were clever like you"

"Shut up right now, your clever as fuck. Just not at academic things. At creative things instead"

"Yeah" I chuckle "that'll look good when I'm trying to be the doctor my mom expects me to be"

"She still pressing you on that?"

"Yeah. She's driving me INSANE"

He reaches his hand over and rubs my shoulder

"I just want her to be proud of me... or not even that, just to hug me once in a while and tell me she loves me. That's if she even does anymore"

"She loves you lex, she just has a really shitty way of showing it"

"I'm not sure of that anymore"

"... you know I love you right?"

"Yes, I know dummy" I chuckle at him

"Good"

-

"I did so shit... like so so shit. I knew non of it" I sigh, talking about the math test I just bombed

"Come here" josh opens his arms and lets me just sulk on him for a minute

"You might've done better than you think"

"I highly doubt that... I created a whole new level of bombing a test"

"But you tried your best and that's all that you can do" he reassures my softly, rubbing my arm as he holds me

I nod against his chest "I think imma go home"

"Let me take you"

"No, you need to stay here, I'm okay I promise" I say, not wanting to mess up his day

"Nope, not a chance I'm leaving you alone"

He's one of the very few people (two in fact) who know a lot about me. Including the fact I have a tendency to self harm when shit gets to much. Him and Billie (the two people who know) had some sort of "discussion" between themselves, that they refuse to tell me about, where they came up with all sorts of things between themselves to help me stop doing it. This is one of those things; to not leave me on my own when I'm this level of sad

It's like they ganged up on me but in a good way, to protect me

I roll my eyes, following him as he walks out the building in the direction of his car

We sit with music playing quietly as we head home

"... when does she come home?"

"Week and a half... I can't wait" I smile sadly, wiping away a silent tear I didn't realise had fallen

He smiles at me sympathetically "here we are" as we pull into the drive way, him starting to climb out the car also

"I'll be okay, thanks josh" I say, wanting him to get back in the car so I can be on my own to sulk and cry over my math test and how shitty my mom is and how much I miss my best friend alone

"Nope"

I chuckle at that "I promise I'm okay... love you josh"

"Love you too, but still nope"

"Joshhhh, please"

"Lexxxx, no"

"I'm not gunna do it"

"Your thinking about it" he responds, giving me a knowing look

"No I'm not" ...that's a lie, I am thinking about cutting, but I don't want him to know that or worry

"You wouldn't have just said that if you weren't, now come on" he starts to walk to my front door, my backpack on his back

I start to follow him "but josh, I wanted to just sulk and cry alone about my shitty existence"

"We can sulk and cry together about that, come on, you need josh cuddles and we both know it"

He does give good cuddles

"Your such a looser" I giggle

"I know, come one" he continues walking to my front door

I love that he cares