It was a strange feeling for Jeongguk to be back in between these walls of a house he could say that he grew up in.

And what fascinated him the most was the way everything still seemed the same, the kitchen, living room, there was still that crack in the door frame of the bathroom that Ms Kim said she would get fixed, although it looked like she never did. It was no risky crack anyways.

But it was still there, like almost every other little detail Jeongguk remembered about this place.

And as he was now sitting on the table— Taehyung sitting next to him and Hana in front of him, the memories flooded over Jeongguk like the rain he had experienced outside earlier.

Just like Taehyung, in his eyes, Hana didn't change either. She had the same warmth in her eyes, the same adoration adorning her beautiful, calming voice. And the way she just invited Jeongguk over to eat, as if nothing had happened, was also sign enough that she was still the same loving woman he remembers her to be.

And looking at Taehyung and her, looking at their home— his second home— he deemed himself unworthy to be here and share food with them.

He deemed himself unworthy to create another beautiful memory.

He wanted her to be pissed at him for leaving, just like Taehyung was. It's what he deserves.

It was silent while they ate, Jeongguk tried to glance around as less as possible, although he wanted so badly to see how Taehyung's room looks like now. Or how their attic looks now, there where Taehyung and him spend most of their time trying to solve mysteries about made-up supernatural creatures. Or how Hana's room looks like, there where both Taehyung and Jeongguk would sleep in after watching a horror movie, although she forbid them to.

The familiarity of it all, his heart seeks it.

He missed it.

But he couldn't say it out loud, couldn't come back.

"Jeongguk?"

The ravenette's eyes snapped up to the beautiful brunet woman in front of him, who smiled lovingly, holding a piece of meat between her chopsticks towards his plate.

"Do you want some more?"

He found himself staring at the piece of food, then up to the woman's face, back to the food, back to Hana's face and it went on and on, until he finally got out of his thoughts and reluctantly nodded. His eyes followed the way she placed it on top of the small mountain of rice on his plate.

His heart was beating fast.

Too fast.

"T-thank you."

It's the way she has always been the best mother version to him, the way she always cared for him, never neglected him, even though he wasn't even her real child.

"Thank you so much.." He added in a whisper, knowing really well that Taehyung next to him heard it, seeing as his arm froze midway of stuffing food into his mouth.

"Is everything alright?" Taehyung asked quietly, obviously trying to keep it between him and the ravenette, to not catch his mother's attention.

Jeongguk looked up by the blond's question, he nodded and... he smiled.

He smiled at Taehyung and was well aware of the fact that all the gratitude he was feeling was displayed in the look of his eyes.

And he didn't care.

He wasn't trying to hide it, he wasn't going to keep up with this act.

"Do you wanna stay a little more?" Hana asked and Taehyung knows that under every other condition, he would give everything for Jeongguk to already go.

But today was different. Jeongguk was different, and that messes with his mind and heart, making him wish for Jeongguk to stay more.

To stay forever.

"I think I should head home, mom's probably wondering where I am."

Taehyung noticed his own mother stiffing.

"How... are your parents?" He hated to hear his mother sound so broken, as if there was no way out of the circumstances they're in right now.

"They're fine.." Jeongguk spoke, the way he said it didn't sound quite the way it should though. It sounded kind of next to the tracks, instead of on them. Not as convincing.

"Oh, that's great. Greet them from me," Ms Kim spoke, her voice holding the same tone it held before too.

Taehyung sighed.

This day was a mess, a tumble of every possible emotion. A literal rollercoaster. And yet he didn't want it to end, he wanted the rollercoaster to go longer, faster, until he screams his lungs out. He wanted Jeongguk to stay, he wanted everything to go back, because looking at his mother, looking at Jeongguk and also looking at himself, it was obvious neither of them wanted things to end like this.

Not again.

"We can watch a movie."

Two pairs of eyes fell to Taehyung because of the suggestion he just made. His own pleading eyes were set to the floor first, but then moved up, landing on Jeongguk.

The blond cleared his throat. "I have.. the new Spiderman movie on DVD. Have you already seen it?" He asked Jeongguk, who gave him an unreadable expression, that held so much depth though.

"I... haven't.."

"Oh that's great! We can watch the movie together!" Hana cheered with a bright smile, that was similar to Taehyung's boxy one.

"No, it's fine, really. I should just go home—

"Please." The plea was merely a whisper. "Let's watch it together, Ggukie."

The silence was loud. It was so damn loud, while Jeongguk and Taehyung stared into each other's eyes, one of them with plead, the other in shock and surprise and... longing. That nickname. That damn nickname.

Taehyung saw it. He saw Jeongguk's reaction to the nickname. He saw his wish to stay.

But he also saw how Jeongguk caught himself again.

"I can't, I'm sorry," the ravenette spoke once he moved his eyes away from Taehyung, who felt disappointment seep through him.

"Maybe you can come over another time again?" Ms Kim said quietly, unsurely.

Jeongguk guiltily chewed on his lip. He shouldn't be here in the first place, the biggest mistake he can make is repeating it.

"I don't think I will."

Okay, that was it with Taehyung's patience.

"Why?" Taehyung took a step closer to him, teeth gritted. "I won't let you go until you name me one reason why you left. Why did you end everything?"

"Tae, hun, calm down—

"No, mom!" There were tears in his eyes. And they weren't there in sadness, rather in small

anger. He wasn't going to hold them back today. "Do you know how we felt, do you know how I felt when you just fucking left us?!"

Jeongguk couldn't but just look at Taehyung, lost at words and with his own tears arising and it aggravated Taehyung, because he still wasn't talking.

"It's been a year, Jeongguk! One year and you still can't name a reason?! Was it my fault?"

Jeongguk always knew what to say.

But at this very moment, there was nothing that his lips could form.

Hana tried to calm Taehyung down, gently rubbing his back. "It's okay if he doesn't want to talk about it—

"No, it's not! Why would it be okay? He hurt us, h-he broke me.." Taehyung cried. Yes, he was crying now and he wasn't ashamed of it. He wasn't hiding anything right now and he doesn't care if Jeongguk goes to school tomorrow, spreading around what a pathetic crybaby Kim Taehyung is.

"I'm so done with this shit..." Taehyung's shaking voice got quieter. "Don't ever talk to me again, unless you're going to tell me what's going on—

"Honey—

"No, mom..." Taehyung's eyes never left Jeongguk's, pinning him on the spot, while anger, sadness and these damn frustrations ran through his veins. "I hate you," he spat a last time, then turned away and ran upstairs.

"Tae, sweetheart—

Ms Kim looked after her son, a deep sigh leaving her lips when she heard Taehyung's door fall shut. Loudly.

She turned to look at Jeongguk, who didn't dare to look at her.

"Jeongguk, don't worry, he'll come around," she smiled reassuringly, but it wouldn't reach her eyes, that were displaying the hurt she felt too.

The ravenette closed his eyes. "You should be mad at me.."

"Maybe," she chuckled sadly, "but for some reason I can't be mad at my bun."

Jeongguk opened his eyes again, feeling the tears getting closer and closer to releasing. "Why?"

"Look..." Hana began, "I was mad at you this whole year."

Jeongguk deserved that hit.

"But... when I saw you standing in front of the door with Taehyung... it all vanished. Jeongguk, you haven't changed at all, you are still the same. And I know that you would love to stay and I also know you want to tell us the truth, but something's stopping you and I respect that you don't want to tell us about it."

The first tear might have slipped out.

"Nooo~," she cooed and wiped Jeongguk's tear away. "Don't cry, it's fine."

Jeongguk laughed ashamed and wiped his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I know you didn't intend to hurt Taehyung," she whispered, now cupping the boy's whole face in her hands, wiping away his tears, being on the verge to cry too. It breaks her heart to see either of the two boys cry.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could stay.."

"I know you do," she whispered, wiping the last tears away from the ravenette's cheeks. "I am always here for you, bun. The door of this house will always be open for you, so if you need any comfort, just come here."

"Thank you.." Jeongguk felt like he didn't deserve this. And he knows he didn't, not until he can straighten out the mistake he made a year ago.

"Take care, Gguk," Ms Kim added in the most motherly whisper ever, that had Jeongguk only wanting to cry even more.

This day. This damned day.

It broke Jeongguk and it broke Taehyung and while it opened one dam inside of Jeongguk, it created another inside of Taehyung.

And that was obviously a problem, that would create more rollercoasters— no, a whole amusement park even.

Now, Taehyung can definitely scream his lungs out.

what's your favorite song currently? I need new music, i've been blasting the same five songs for the last days cause they're the only ones that make me feel something TT