[Chapter 48: One Last Time]

I... I feel sick.

Staring at the mirror, I didn't recognize who was in front of me. In choppy lengths, my hair was an absolute mess. It was all over the place, barely framing my tired eyes and face. I didn't notice at the time but, my hair got chopped off during the fight.

The fight...

My throat felt tight at the memory.

"...Daddy... I'm scared..."

I splashed water on my face. It was cold— dripping everywhere. Why? I kept on asking myself, rubbing my hands with soap. Why? Why did you have to say something like that?

I didn't like it. I didn't like thinking about it.

Why, at the last moment, did you say that?

Looking back up, my face was wet-- yet it still didn't look right. It didn't look like Megumi. It didn't— For a split second, I looked like—

Letting out a sigh, I combed through the mess of hair with my fingers. There were so many knots in it, along with some burnt split ends. I haven't fixed it ever since we came back. Haah... "I should... I should just fix t."

Yeah, that's right. I don't need to think about this now.

Silent. It was silent. Unlike times that I spent in solitude, this silence was... unnerving. It was as if sound ceased to exist. My head hung now, staring at my hands on my lap. Despite everything, I couldn't do the one thing I came here for.

I almost laughed— damn, you sure are pitiful, aren't you?

As if you deserve it.

I didn't move when I sensed someone approach me. I took in a deep breath, eyes never leaving the ground. "Yo." I heard Kakashi say as he took a seat beside me. He placed the flowers on the grass, clapping his hands together for a small prayer.

It's... been a long time since I've visited here-- the KIA Monument. I've just been so busy that, I never had the time. I'm sorry... I said in my head. I should visit Shisui too. He's probably lonely. My lips pushed together as my hands clenched on my lap. It felt as if my body was being clogged up-- it felt harder just to simply breathe.

"Kakashi," I didn't mean to use his name but it slipped out. He made a noise of acknowledgment. My eyes felt a little sore, so I didn't bother to look at him. "I..." I pushed down the large lump in my throat. "I took my first life." The silver-head stayed silent-- whether it was because he didn't know what to say or wanted to respect me, I didn't know.

Did I even know anything?

"I... I knew what it meant to kill someone." For once, the air felt cold brushing against my bare shoulders. I looked at my palm, only to grimace. I was trembling. I was trembling and that was all it took for me to get unsettled. "And I knew... I knew that I had to do it but..."

Agan and again and again. Her last words rang in my head like a mantra.

"...Daddy... I'm scared..."

"Why?" My voice cracked, my hand curling tightly in frustration. If only she didn't...! "Why did you, at the last moment, become human?"

I hate this... I this feeling. I thought I was done with it!

This feeling of

"That feeling never goes away." I flinched when Kakashi spoke up, a hand on my head. Blinking in surprise, I craned my head up at him. His single eye was soft, staring at me with what seemed to be empathy. "Heck, I always question myself 'am I doing the right thing?'" He patted my hair, shoulders rolling. I see... I inhaled deeply through my nose. The life of a ninja... it really is just a more anime-version of a murderer. "But... it's good that you question your actions. It just means you have a sense of moral."

Ah. Just by the sound of that, my chest became lighter. As if a weight was lifted off of my shoulder. The pain wasn't all gone but... it was better. "Ahahaha..." I laughed-- though I didn't know if I meant it. Probably not. Even so, why do I have to question myself? I-- if it's right, I shouldn't have to question it. I leaned in closer to the scarecrow. God, I'm so... tired. "Thanks." I didn't know if that was enough-- was anything enough?

He gave me comfort, wrapping an arm around me. "No, thank you."

I yawned, eyes glancing on the ground as I wandered around. The sounds of people chattering, the plastic bags in my hands moving around, the warm sizzling of nearby food stalls-- I ignored all of that. I just wanted to be alone... or something, I didn't know anymore.

Hah... I resisted the urge to sigh. Even with all that... I still don't feel right. My eyes felt heavy as I trailed the floor. I just had too many things on my mind-- too many to comprehend.

No, I probably could, if I just tried enough but--

It was hard.

They all just mushed together. My morals, my mangekyou, and...

Shaking my head, I turned around, a familiar chakra source coming near. Aah... perfect, a distraction. I put up a smile, waving as they appeared in view. "Chiaddo!" The man waved back, a charming smile adorned on their face as they walked up to me.

"Hello, Megumi-chan, fancy around seeing you here." He greeted, a hand on his hip. He gestured to my hair. "Nice haircut."

I giggled, bags shuffling as I placed my hand behind my back. To be honest, I don't remember the last time it was this short... oh well. "Thanks. I'm just grocery shopping." I tilted my head. "Hell, I'm even more surprised that you're here. I don't think the cafe closes right now." It doesn't close until just after sunset, I think.

He laughed, placing a hand behind his neck. What the hell. I saw so many people swoon when he did that. I swear, he's actually a ninja-- "It's a day off for me. I gotta have a break too!" He jabbed a thumb at a nearby table place. "Wanna sit? I'd rather not loiter around here."

I contemplated, letting out a thoughtful hum. I don't feel the mood but... I resisted the urge to sigh. I don't want to feel like shit either. Nodding, I forced a smile. "Sure!"

It only took us a moment to settle down. "Hey, do you think that I can blow up the moon?" I asked absentmindedly, placing a finger on my chin.

He held an amused expression, a hand on his cheek. "Why would you want to do that?"

"Because~" I slurred that word, my fingers drumming against the hard surface. I just needed something to distract my mind. "There are just so many problems with it." At least, in this universe. "One of them is because it never had the cheese I wanted."

"Really now?"

"Mhm!"

The waiter (Is he at the moment?) let out a chuckle, pushing back a lock of hair. "Anyways," He changed the topic, despite my wishes. Come on-- it's a good idea! "The reason I wanted to chat with you is that..." He stared at me. "You have something on your mind, right?"

I blinked-- how in the-- Puffing out my cheeks, I crossed my arms childishly. "...how did you find out?" I decided to say the truth. Damn, I really ain't faking anyone nowadays. Not even a civilian. Though... my eyes narrowed, a frown threatening to show. It felt nice... people going out of their way to comfort me.

"It was just a guess."

I gasped, doing a dramatic double-take at the amused adult. "Hey, then at least let me drown in my sorrows a little longer!" I pointed an accusing finger at him.

"I'm pretty sure last time you did that, Hiro-kun had to knock you out." I stopped, instinctively reaching for the back of my neck. Oh yeah... I sighed, lowering my arm. "Speaking of Hiro-kun..." What was that smile why am I getting nervous-- "You like him, don't you?"

I blinked, suddenly feeling the rush of warmth and giddiness all over my body. "Aah, I-- um--!" I squealed put loud sheepishly, hands up in the air. Wait, why am I trying to object to it? It's Chiaddo, he was bound to find out anyway. My shoulders slumped as I slouched in defeat. "...Yeah." My hands were stiffly on my lap as I averted my eyes. Uwahhh... it still feels embarrassing!

He hummed in front of me. "You do know that he likes you too, right?"

"...Mhm." I bobbed my head, in defeat, the blood still rushing to my cheeks. It's a bit... overwhelming to admit but yeah. I just— I just don't know what to do with it.

"Well, since you know that, I have nothing else to say." I perked up my head in surprise, staring at him in wonder. Huh? "You two are smart, so I know you'll solve whatever dilemma you have." The young adult had a knowing look as if he knew that everything would turn out okay.

If only I was the same.

"I feel like you severely underestimate our dumbness." Like, with all the edgy and emo backstory stuff. He laughed at that, causing me to giggle as well.

"It just better be soon, I don't want to wait forever for my ship to sail!" He chimed with a small smirk. Thankfully, this was an anime world so it didn't look like he was going to kidnap me. Standing up, Chiaddo gave me a wave. "Well, I don't want to stop you from making dinner, seeya!"

I smiled, watching him go off. You know... that did make me feel a little better but... I huffed out a breath, placing a hand under my chin. I still don't know what to do.

Gah... I was not feeling like myself-- I didn't like that. I didn't like anything from this damn situation. Just any moment, it's as if I'll revert to—

It was then that an idea suddenly popped into my head. It didn't matter if it was an excuse to avoid the terrifying conclusion.

He won't mind if I came over... right?

ꈊ

I stared at him, my lips sealed shut. He stared back, eyes seeming to stick out against the dark-- before sighing. "What's the point of having walls in the first place?" He mumbled, placing a hand on his hip. "And you cut your hair..." The male trailed off.

I giggled, stepping out of the shadows with a hand twirling a lock of my hair. "Oh come on, it's not my fault you guys have terrible security." Came my excuse. I glanced around his room, noting how clean it was. Hah... I could never. Turning my attention back at him, who was wearing pajamas already, I held a smile. Cute. "Wanna talk a breath of air?"

My dear Hyuuga rose a brow, not that I blamed him, before shoving his hands into his pockets. He strode past, giving me a turn of his head to follow him. The walk was quiet, with people sleeping and all, but at the moment... I couldn't care less. I wasn't alone this time, after all. With heavy steps, I followed him, eyes tracing the outline of his body.

I wonder... why are you like this? My brows furrowed, the uneasiness gripping my heart like a leech. You feel so close and yet... so distant at the same time. It was like there was a wall between us. I tried to calm my breathing. Hey... can you tell me? I tried to say but my throat held no sound.

Stopping at the end of the wooden floor, just outside of the clean grass, the boy sat down, staring up at me with a hand patting next to him. Ever the gentleman. My lips quirked up, sitting down next to him. I could hear the hums of singing crickets and the soft gusts of wind. I leaned against my hands on the floor, craning my head at Hiro.

His eyes were so pretty, glistening in the moonlight like pearls— much better than my dull ones. "What?" He furrowed his brows, catching me in the act.

"Hmmm?" A hum rumbled out of my throat, a hand on my cheek as I leaned closer to him. "I'm just admiring your face."

The boy jerked back, eyes widened with red dusting his face, before pointedly darting away. I giggled at that, kyaaa, he's so cute! My heart was like a butterfly: fluttering chaotically. "Hmph, whatever." He shuffled his clothes, calming his redness with a small huff. "I'm just shocked that you didn't immediately go in to cuddle with Hinata or Hanabi."

I puffed out my cheeks childishly, my mood already lightening up. "She's already sleeping-- I'm not that mean to wake her up!"

"But wake me up?"

"Yes." You weren't even sleeping anyway, I left out.

He gave me a deadpan, which I laughed at. Averting my eyes, I looked at his backyard. Honestly, it wasn't a special sight, basically the same as the Uchiha compound but...

"Hey, Hiro?" He made a noise, indicating that he heard me. "Do you think... what we're doing--" I took a deep breath. "Is it right?"

I know, having second thoughts now was terrible. But, with all that happened, can you blame me?

He turned his head at me, a perplexed expression gracing his facial features. "What do you mean by that?" His eyes pleaded for me to explain. Now that I think about it, it was always like that-- not that I blamed him. I... I always left parts out, didn't I? I always did. Sorry, I said internally, not that it would do anything. He does deserve better than me.

My head hung low, not wanting to look at him in the eye. "I mean, this world... what happens if we mess with it?" I don't know if the consequences are too much to handle. "What if... death is inevitable-- like in Final Destination? Or-- or a sort of karma?" I exhaled deeply, pursing my lips. "What if... what if we make it worse?"

I didn't like the thought of our actions killing others in the process but... it was a possibility, right? I could just be damning others because I was selfish-- Because I desired something—

Oh God, I don't want any more--

All of the sudden, my body reeled back, instinct telling me to run run Only to see who it was. Hiro had his hand stretched out, reaching out to me. His eyes were wide in disbelief before his face scrunched in shame. My breath hitched, my stomach-churning in regret. No... I wanted to call out as he averted his eyes. Don't move away!

My hand grabbed onto his before he could completely retract. "I'm sorry...!" I felt as if my lungs were sucked off their oxygen. "I don't know what came over me." My eyes narrowed as everything felt... worse. This entire day has been weird... I'm

Under my hold, I felt his fingers curl around mine. "It's okay." The dark-haired boy before me whispered. I shivered: they were like a small lullaby dancing in my ears. "I don't know what the hell Final Destination is but, " He exhaled softly. "I believe what we're doing is right. You should as well, Princess."

I sniffed, shoulders tensed at those words. I feel like an asshole... you always comfort me, despite everything, and yet-- I do the same for you.

No matter how hard I try, I just can't do much for you, can I?

So just stop...

My heart pounded loudly as I refused to meet his gaze. Stop comforting me. Stop reaching out. Stop giving me your caring smiles and joyous laughs. Stop staying at my side whenever I need you.

Because every time you do—

It reminds me of

🎶🎶

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"

I just wanted to cry. Those words were taunting, even if it was unintentional. Ah, out of all things, why say

I've... I've had enough. And yet, I can't just— it's so hard to let go, after just grasping it. God-- I'm so, I hate this so much. I just-- I just want to let these damn feelings go. And yet--

My mind flashed back to all the memories I had of Hiro. His small groans of annoyance, his flustered expressions, how his eyes shine whenever he finally finishes working on something, his comforting words... My mind lingered on his smile towards me.

I just can't.

Oh well, it's fine... I concluded, crushing them all down. It if we don't end up together. I ignored the pain I felt when thinking that. It's fine if we never— it's

It's okay, really.

I didn't have to force a smile this time. "Yes, yes it is."

I forgot to look at the moon when saying that.

Extra:

Covering my mouth, I gave in to the urge to yawn. Mumbling out noise, I could only blink as Hiro yawned as well.

We looked at each other.

And then I burst out laughing. "Ahahaha!" I giggled uncontrollably, dropping onto my back. Kyaaa~ I can't believe it!

"It's-- it's your fault!" He stammered in a flustered manner, causing me to lose it even more. Thankfully, it seemed to not stir anyone up.

Sitting straight up, I smiled with a tilt of my head. "Hehe."

"What do you mean 'Hehe'?!"

Standing up, I placed my hands behind my back. "Nothing~" I rolled my shoulders for more comfort. The balls of my feet circled round. But really, my body feels sore. "Well, it is getting pretty late-- I should go now."

He let out a huff, standing up as well. With a hand behind his neck, he stared at me. "Oh... goodnight, Megumi."

I wanted to believe I didn't hear the small hesitance in his voice. I felt the desire to stay as well, I really did but... I ignored how my heart seemed to ache. Well, I don't want his father to come in and yell at me again.

With one last smile, I waved at him. "Goodnight, Hiro!" I gave him one last look before my body flickered away.

Back in my own home, I felt immensely tired. What the hell... I thought to myself, laying on my couch. Why... am I so...

I clutched my head, letting out a sigh. Everything fell into a haze. I should... Yeah, I should just... go...

to...

slee p. . .