How exactly can I put into words the cruel mistress that is life?

Maybe if I tried to draw a picture and placed it on a paper for you, you'd grasp it but I really can't. I don't know if I ever would be able to when the constant bombs thrown are bound to destroy our world. Nicholas had given me the opportunity to walk away before but I had chosen to remain through thick and thin because that was what love involved.

It wasn't always this beautiful thing, it could be messy, frustrating and bound to tempt you to pull your hair out.

On the night of the meeting, it was nearing ten in the evening. For most of the time Nicky and I spent together on that dreadful day I struggled to relax.

It didn't help that he was spending hours on end on the phone talking lowly in the corner or excused himself to go to another room to ensure I didn't hear. Nothing would stop me from getting worried. The child had been kicking a lot more than usual as if it could sense something was coming. The only thing that had momentarily helped was talking to my parents who were about to leave for their cruise, my mother had been shocked to find that my father had booked the couple's cruise for their anniversary. She had been apprehensive to leave should anything happen with the child but I assured her that I'd keep the child in if I had to. It would only last for a few weeks and they'd be back before the kid arrived.

Once the time came for him to go I watched him from the bed quietly dress in a simple black suit. I noted the fact he wore his father's ring once again. He stood for a second by the mirror seemingly in deep thought and just before I could ask what he was thinking he quickly turned on his feet and told me he was leaving.

Standing up I put on my robe and took his hand to lead him to the door despite how much I didn't want him to leave. Neither of us said a word too caught up in a moment that eerily felt like it may be our last time of peace.

Stopping by the door I waited patiently as he slipped on his coat. As soon as he turned to face me I buttoned it up running my hands gently over the fabric trying to commit his very essence to memory.

For once he walked through that door out of our home I knew he'd be different. Looking up at him, his eyes were already on me seemingly taking me in. He reached up tracing my bottom lip with his thumb lightly, "Don't stay up too late," he ordered and just when I was about to reply in a snarky manner that I wasn't a child he dropped down to his knees to the point he was eye level with my belly, "and don't cause too much trouble for your mom in there. I'm going to need you to take care of her whilst I'm gone," he whispered tenderly giving my belly a gentle kiss that had me feeling flustered. It had me already hoping time would tick by fast enough to have him back in my arms.

"You'll be back soon, right?" I asked watching him stand up to his full height.

Waiting for a response he chose that moment to lean in and give me a deep kiss that nearly made my knees buckle whilst making the very ground I stood upon spin. "I love you... don't ever forget that," he whispered pecking my lips numerous times before eventually releasing me to step out of the safety of our home. His words clenched my heart with their sincerity and as he walked out of the door I mumbled lowly under my breath, "I love you too, Nicky..."

The door clicked shut and I was hit with the fact I was alone with only my thoughts to keep me company. It took a while to convince my body to move away from the door. Eventually after assuring myself everything would be fine my feet padded across the cool floor taking in the hard surface that soothed the ache already forming in my chest as the silence sunk in. I was fooling myself going back to bed to try sleep when my mind was tossing around unable to rest. But I chose to enter the bedroom anyway in the hopes watching some television would keep my mind off of everything until I noticed my journal on the table.

The sight of it caused me to falter in my steps. Without much thought my fingers moved over the cover. It had been a while since I last wrote anything; things had been moving so fast... so much had happened that I hadn't been able to sit back and turn the emotions into some coherent thoughts. Taking a seat on the bed I opened it, flipping through different pages chuckling lowly at some of the silly things I wrote. The girl who started that journal was still quite oblivious to the realm she lived and now she was grown. A lot wiser at least I think in how I operated.

With my book coming out soon the need to write had also been affected by the fact my dream was close to becoming a reality. Grabbing a pen I shifted up the bed flipping to a blank page to stir up that need in me once again. And without trying to think too much I placed the tip of the pen against the page and let my hand guide me with whatever t's and i's my hand happened to cross and dot.

On a step not too far,

In the brim of darkness upon the lights of prosperity

We met and for once I fell. I never knew no other sweet sickness

To make breathing all the more shallow in the pools my soul,

Once resided in a state of slumber in a temple of virtue – till you came.

But now that you came, my darling... I don't ever want to be the same.

I don't ever want to know what living is like without you near.

How I survived before is only a question I can place before the feet

Of my deity.

And even though I was only held together by a single string only

To have you come and be the boulder that holds me together whilst

Destroying me bit by bit I want no one else.

I will never be the same again due to you.

I often question whether that's a good thing

or a bad thing.

If it's bad then maybe the concept of being a puritan

Has grown far too dull for me.

Still I see nothing but a goodness embedded within

You that takes my breath away.

Soon enough I drifted off into a sleep surrounded with nothing but darkness with the poem nestled close to my heart. In the process of writing I had found a level of comfort that soothed me to the point I found my eyes growing heavy. Unfortunately, the second my eyes closed it wasn't long before they opened due to the feel of someone shaking me. I groaned at the continuous shaking and nearly threw a slight fit at the person until my vision cleared up to allow me to see Eva's tear stricken face on me. Perking up in alarm I reached out to grab her hands gently to ask what was wrong as her body shook.

It took some time to calm her down with me whispering comforting words the moment I pulled her in whilst trying not to let my mind conjure up the worst. Eventually she spoke, "I-It's Nicky... he g-got into an accident," she shuddered and as soon as the words were said not only did the moisture gather in my eyes. But in that exact moment I felt moisture form and trickle down my legs and the blanket I had wrapped around myself.

Though Eva's voice had struggled to come out at the sight of the moisture her eyes widened at the realization that I didn't yet want to come face to face with, "OH MY GOD! Your water JUST BROKE!"

Like I said... how exactly can I put into words just how cruel life can be.