I enter our dorm walking on clouds, when I hear yelling from inside the rooms. I see Seungwon walking around the living room with a frustrated expression as he sits down on the sofa with his head in his hands. I ask him what's wrong but he says nothing and gets up to walks to the kitchen. Hawon is there as well and I can tell since we've been friends for so long that he is physically strained. I take a good look at him and take a seat next to him on the living room sofa. He's never one to get angry so I'm confused as to what's happened to put him in this state. As I sit down he looks at me surprised and I he bounces up off the sofa to look me straight in the eyes.

"What's this?" he says in a harsh tone

He shoves the phone towards my face and I recognize it as a picture from the article of Minho and I. This is the first time I've seen this specific article and it's a picture of us holding hands and running beside the Han River.

"This is why you've been ignoring me?" He asks

"No" I say feeling wronged "I haven't been ignoring anyone and it's very selfish of you to say that"

I continue to look at him sadly thinking that my childhood friend thinks of me that way. He shakes his head like he doesn't believe what's happening and I ask him what's so wrong with me being with him.

"I don't want our band to break up over something stupid like this" he says breathing deeply

I sigh and say "I don't understand why it has to. Work and personal lives are two separate things"

"Not for me" he says looking at me straight in the eyes "You're both my family and my colleague"

I understand where he's coming from but I find it absurd that if he thinks of me as his family why would he not want me to be happy.

In a burst of sudden annoyance I yell out "He's helped me out a lot okay?! Why don't you understand what he's done for me. You should be thankful to him since he recognized my fear and helped me begin to get over it."

"I began forgetting things when I was with him" I continue my rant unaware of what I have just exposed

"What are you talking about?" he says " What fear?"

I blink twice not meeting his eyes confused on what to say.

"Oh it's nothing" I respond quickly my brain in a frenzy

"What is it about you I don't know?" he says shaking my shoulders

Seungwon takes Hawon's arm and motions for him to sit but Hawon shrugs him off. He stands towering intimidatingly over my sitting self on the sofa as I think of what to say.

I try to meet his eyes but find myself failing to do so. I was afraid that Seungwon and Hawon would find me irresponsible if I told them I asked them to follow me to Korea while I was suffering from extreme PTSD. I didn't want to think of me as someone who lied to them about why she suddenly wanted to start their band again. I know that they both use me as their icon of strength and I don't want them to think that they trusted the wrong person

"Its nothing" I try to insist once more

Knowing that Hawon and Seungwon know me too well for me to lie to them, I decide in a flash of disappointment to myself to tell them the truth.

"Sit down first" I say and he pulls a chair up and sits in front me, his hair a mess and his face red with anger and frustration

I hesitantly begin to open my heart and pour out my story. As I talk I see tears of anger form in his eyes and he clenches his fists when I move on to receiving Minho's help.

He gets up at the mention of Minho and says with his teeth clenched "I was the one who was supposed to help you"

I look up at him confused.

"Don't look at me like you know nothing" he says sarcastically

Seungwon walks away understanding the conversation has taken an honest turn.

"I shouldn't have known anything" I say in sudden anger "You should've held back for the group."

He shakes his head his hands once rubbing his eyes and I take a deep breath to calm down.

"I feel free with Minho" I gently say and I watch him as he raises an eyebrow

"So you feel suffocated around me?" he asks in disbelief "Is that what it is?!"

Seungwon begins crying from his room and Hawon senses his sadness in our childish argument and begins to calm down.

"It should've been me" he hangs his head "I should've been the one to help you"

I see that his eyes are red as he continues to rub his hands harshly on his face trying to come back to reality. Before I can reply he rushes out of the door and I run after him. He turns around, wind blowing as he does and the tension settles around us.

"I just need some time" he says not meeting my eyes "Please don't follow me"

I back up and let him leave respecting his opinion. I know he's no longer angry because we've been friends for so long. Instead he's disappointed in himself and I for not telling him about my fear and himself for not realizing sooner.