"There are 7 billion, 47 million people on this planet and I have the audacity to think I matter"

Song- oceans; Seafret

I'm angry. Scratch that, I'm beyond angry.

At least 100 teens are either in the water or on the grass dancing, swimming and drinking. Serena had the entire party started in less than 5 minutes of being here.

Theo and Asher are already drunk, Cameron is tipsy and sucking face in the water with Serena. Brianna left the second the party started to head to work even though she still had an hour before her shift.

Addie was making out with a random girl on the grass and Miles was talking to some people with a drink in his hands. I leaned against Cameron's truck annoyed.

I asked him if we could leave but Serena cut me off calling me some names and dragging Cam away. Theo was way too drunk to drive and I stupidly drunk an entire drink.

That and I don't have a license. Driving at night is fine since there's no other cars on the road and the cops aren't really out but during the day is way to risky.

"Marlee! Come swim!" Theo slurs bumping into the car.

"I'm good" I reply dryly taking another sip of my drink.

"Oh yeah, you don't like parties" he comments. "I forgot why but I'm pretty sure it was important." He shrugs before seeing someone playing beer pong. "I got to go! I love you" he kisses my forehead before running away.

A couple hours later the sun was setting and I was ready to gauge my eyes out. My main priority was making sure Connor and Grayson didn't drink anything.

They were busy playing football with a group of drunk dudes so I sat alone staring out in the water. All my senses were heightened. The last party I willingly went to was the worst night of my life.

You would think that Cameron would know better than to throw one. He was there. I get he didn't actually throw it but he didn't protest when Serena did.

Flashbacks of the room drifting away, not being able to stand up or walk away, a harsh slap to my cheek. All of them run through my head and more. I feel my chest tighten as I try to think of a way to leave.

"Marlee!" Serena's high pitched voice squeaks in my ear.

"Bitch" I say in the same voice matching her smile before dropping it.

"I'm going to ignore that because I know you've been having a rough time" she giggles airily. "I just wanted to talk to you girl to girl"

"Don't you mean girl to witch?" I retort. She bites her lip glaring for a minute before her smile grows back.

"You and the humor" she shoves my shoulder lightly. "Anyways I was just going to ask you to stay away from my boyfriend. I get you have some sort of weird bond but it's honestly coming off as desperate"

Oh I'm going to punch this -

"So as a friendly favor could you just stay away from him"

"I'll get right on that" I push myself off the car and walk away bumping into Cameron.

"Are you okay?" He questions taking note of my face.

"Oh, didn't you hear?" His face seems confused to I continue "I'm supposed to 'stay away from you'"

"She's just drunk. She'll forget about it in the morning, don't listen to her." He sighs shaking his head.

"Whatever" I mumble pushing past him and walking farther away.

"Wait!" He chases me "what's wrong?" I shake my head and keep walking even faster but he keeps calling my name.

"What's wrong is you let her throw this party! And now I can't leave!" I spin around to face him. The realization hits him and he curses under his breath.

"Shit Mar, I'm sorry." He apologizes. "I didn't think of that. Do you want me to take you home?"

"Don't worry yourself" I say bitterly going to walk away again when I hear a familiar voice behind my causing my blood to run cold.

Maybe I'm just hearing things, right?

Seeing the hateful look across Cameron's face and his jaw tighten I knew I wasn't .

"Marlee, get behind me." He says softly but his face is a different story. Anger fills his features but I'm frozen in place. He looks away from the person behind me to me. His deep brown eyes allow me to move.

I stand behind him interlocking our fingers. I'll be mad at him later but for now that's not what I'm focused on.

"I told you if you ever got near her again I would break more than your nose" Cameron threatens holding my hand even tighter but not tight enough to hurt me.

"Now no need to get violent" he chuckles making me want to throw up "I just wanted to see my ex. Isn't that right Marlee"

My eyes shoot up to face Evan. My ex boyfriend and the person who hurt me most in this world. His blonde hair and buff figure used to make me swoon but now it makes me sick.

I think of all the months he left me scared and broken. All the times I missed sleep or had to fake my smile. He's taken over my life too much and I'm not going to let him anymore.

So I take a deep breath, drop Cameron's hand and take a step forward pushing all my fear down and crossing my arms.

"What do you want?" My tones harsh, it doesn't waver. I look him in the eyes not letting him see my fear. Cameron understand what I'm doing placing a hand on my lower back.

"Can't a guy just enjoy himself?" Evan chuckles with a smile that has most girls falling for him.

Hell, at one point it had me.

But not anymore

"Leave, no one wants you here." I say plainly, he takes a step forward and Cam stiffens behind me but I don't waver.

"Don't be like that baby, we had some good times." He tries to brush a piece of hair away from my face but I slap his hand. "Feisty, I always loved that about you"

"Funny, I didn't know you could love anyone but yourself." I fake laugh.

"Why don't you let me take you out, maybe rekindle what we once had."

"Or I could punch you in the face and you leave" I suggest raising a brow. Cameron chokes back a laugh behind me. He takes another step forward and this time Cam steps in front of me this time.

"Don't touch her" he seethes. Evan takes a step back raising his hands in defense.

"Fine, fine." He peers behind Cam to look at me "one day your boy toy won't be here to protect you anymore"

And with that he walks away.

I take a shaky breath as he drives out of view. A few seconds later I regain strength and start to walk away.

"Wait Marlee!" Cameron starts to chase after me. I spin around and face him running a hand through my hair.

"Just don't follow me right now Cameron" I say not angry but more exhausted. I want more than anything to curl up in my bed right now. "Please"

When he doesn't say anything I continue walking away from the party, my friends, my brothers and Cameron. The sound of the music fills the farther I get.

My brain runs a million miles per minute. It feels like a dream, or rather a nightmare.

A year and a half ago I met him. Six months I dated him and a year ago he became someone who only popped up in my nightmares taking away sleep.

I walked for who knows how long. The sky turned black and the stars popped out. The air cooled my arms and somehow I ended up at home on my roof where I was almost a year before.

*One year earlier*

Tears streamed down my face as the headache pounded in my head. I've haven't slept since the night. My phones in my hand reading all the comments of people calling me a slut and a whore.

I sniffle wiping my nose fighting the urge to throw my phone off my roof.

"I told you not to read those" Cam sits next to me grabbing my phone out of my hand and clicking it off. "They don't know what their talking about"

"The entire town thinks I'm a whore" I cry wiping my tears. He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me in.

"Well I don't, your brothers don't, our friends don't. The people who matter, the people who know you don't" he explains "the people who know you know how wonderful of a person you are"

"I know" I whisper angling my head up to face him.

"It'll all be okay"

"When?" I wonder.

"Probably not tomorrow, or even next month but eventually it will. You're strong. You'll make it through this" he tells me turning from facing the stars to me "we will"

"I love you Cam" I say softly leaning back on his shoulder.

"I love you too Lee"

We lean back and watch the stars for the rest of the night and somehow Cam distracts me long enough for me to sleep without picturing Evans face.

*Current time*

"If you're planning on jumping I don't think 15 feet will do much" Theo comments. Him and Grayson sit on either side of me staring up at the stars. "How are you?"

"Wonderful" I mutter sarcastically.

"Cam told us what happened" Grayson explains with a sympathetic look. "So how are you really?"

"Exhausted" I say after a minute of silence "all of it. Evan, the kids in this town, mom, everything. I just want it to stop."

"Me too" Theo agrees "and it'll get better. We just got to stick together" he bumps my shoulder.

"You sound like one of those bad posters the school hangs up" Grayson snorts.

"That's where I got it from" Theo replies. We laugh and then sit in silence for a minute listening to the crickets chirp and tracing the stars.

"I wish I was there so I could've punched him" Grayson says angrily.

"Have you punched anyone in your life?" I question in a teasing manor.

"No but I've seen Theo punch someone. Can't be too hard." I reach over and ruffle his hair wrapping my arm around him as Theo wraps his arm around me.

"Do you really believe what you said about it getting better?" I ask softly keeping my brothers in my embrace.

"Yeah" he pauses "I do"

"Me too" Grayson adds. "And if all else fails we can just sell Theo, that'll get rid of like half of our problems."

"That's my boy" I fist bump him and Theo smacks both of our heads.

"Don't make me throw you both off of this roof" He threatens shaking his head and glaring.

"No one is throwing anyone off of the roof" mom scolds climbing up the later and joining us "I don't need any hospital bills"

I laugh softly while mom settles next to Grayson.

"Now what are all my babies doing on the roof actually getting along" she studies us "well somewhat"

"Rough night" I tell her leaning on Graysons shoulder. She reaches over grabbing my hands.

"Yeah, we've been getting a lot of those lately haven't we?" Mom questions in a caring tone.

"You're telling me" Theo chuckles.

"Well I'm off tonight and just got payed so what do you say we go grab some dinner at the diner" she suggest looking at all of our faces.

"My stomach says yes" Grayson exclaims hopping up.

"Mine does too"

"Heres your tea" Carol sets it down in front of me only a couple minutes after we walk in. "And I'll be right back for milkshakes for you two" she winks at the boys before mom orders a coffee.

When she walks away to get the boys and moms drink mom turns to us looking for rested than usual. I sit crammed in a seat with Theo who spreads out while Mom sits across from me and Gray next to her.

"So what have I been missing?" She questions placing her hand on her chin. Immediately both boys light up and start talking about school and ball.

Theo almost spills the beans about the party at the house but luckily I cover up for him. As they talk I check my sugar and give myself insulin.

We order our food and while waiting the boys have told her almost every detail of their life from the past few weeks. Mom listens intently the entire time smiling brightly.

"What about you Mar?" She questions and I freeze mid sip of tea.

"Good"

"Good?" She echos.

"Yeah, things have been going good" I shrug.

"More details" she pries with a stern look.

"Um I made pancakes this morning"

"They were so good!" Grayson interjects, Theo nodding in agreement.

"Well I'm glad your pancake skills have improved from the time you poisoned us all" they all start laughing at me. I cross my arms glaring at them all.

"You accidentally give someone good poisoning one time and you never hear the end of it" I mumble bitterly.

"What else?" Mom asks calming her laughter.

"Nothing really"

"What about when you went off on those girls at school the - ow!" Grayson says getting cut off when I kick him from under the table.

"What again?" Moms eyebrow is raised and she eyes me suspiciously.

"Just some girls were being annoying so I yelled at them" I tell her taking a sip of my tea.

"As long as they deserved it" she shrugs. "You should've punched them"

"Trust me I wanted to"

When the food came out we all done stuffing ourselves to the point we had to waddle ourselves home. We curled up on the coach and we all watched a movie.

Mom and Theo both fell asleep halfway through. I (being the wonderful sister I am) drew a mustache and glasses with permanent marker on Theo.

I was going to do worse but Grayson stopped me.

Afterwards I covered them both up before going to the bathroom and taking a shower. It was as if I was back to that night.

I could feel his body on mine. I could feel the panic in my chest. I could hear the party outside so loud no one could hear my protest.

I slid to the shower floor trying to slow my breathing and stop my tears. I wanted it to stop. I wanted all of it to stop.

I wanted to never have to imagine him again but no matter how hard I try I always do.

The warm water pelted my skin as I sit there allowing the tears to escape in who knows how long.

I thought I was getting better but seeing him today brought it all back. I realized my wounds seemed healed from the outside but the inside was still open.

Wounds need to heal on the inside before they can heal on the outside or they still come back open.

Once I snap myself out of my daze I wipe my tears, turn off the water and wrap myself in a towel going to my room. After getting dressed in a t-shirt I pull out my phone.

I feel like a zombie walking around. I crawl into bed and snuggle under that blanket. I see multiple missed messages from my friends.

Addie says she thought she saw Evan there and wanted to know if she should murder him.

Tempting.

Asher bring Asher text "u okay, not that I care but are you" I reply with the usual "I'm fine"

Miles sends me a few inspirational quotes and pictures of some cute animals to cheer me up. A small smile comes to my face as I text him back but washes away when I see the other message.

Multiple messages from Cameron are left unread. I open them and scroll through a bunch of apologies saying he didn't know serena was going to throw the party.

He knows Serena though. The girl throws a party any chance she gets. He knew that but he still invited her. That's what makes me mad.

I click off my phone tossing it to the side and opening my laptop. I turn on new girl, my comfort show and grab Charlie snuggling with him.

Tap

Tap

Tap

I'm going to kill someone.

I pause my show and storm out of bed going to my window and pulling open the curtains. Cameron stands there with disheveled hair and a guilty smile. I roll my eyes and pull them close going back to my bed.

He taps on the window for 5 more minutes but I ignore him putting in my earbuds to block out the noise. About I half an hour later I notice the noise stopped.

I get out of bed and open the curtains to see something sitting on my window seal. I check to make sure his truck is gone before opening it.

A note that says "I'm sorry Lee" is taped on top of a box of my favorite cookies. Of course I grab them.

I may be mad at Cam but I'm certainly not mad at cookies.