"She had secluded herself from a thousand natural and healing influences; that, her mind, brooding solitary, had grown diseased, as all minds do and must and will that reverse the appointed order of their Maker . . ."

~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

Michael had been trying his best to make it gradual. Over the past few days he had claimed to be sick and he wouldn't talk to Liz, Calum or Ashton, only muttering a few words to Luke and never once responding to the boy's soft I love you's. It had been breaking his heart and each moment of seclusion felt like a knife being driven into him repeatedly.

He was going to do it today. His clothes were all stuffed into a duffel bag along with all his money and his phone. He was wearing Luke's shirt under his sweater though because he didn't want to have to give up the boy quite yet. Liz had let him stay home from school again since he was 'sick' and so he was waiting in Luke's room. The stained red gauze on his wrists needed changing and he didn't even bother to check the gauze on his thighs. But Luke would be home any minute so his self-inflicted wounds could wait.

The door opened and Michael took a shaky breath trying to calm his nerves. "Mikey?" Luke's voice drifted up the stairs but the boy in black didn't respond. He was hardly breathing. He didn't want to do this, not in the slightest bit, but he was trying to spare everyone pain. He was trying to save Luke. And if that meant hurting him now then that's what Michael would do. "Mikey?" the door opened but Michael's head was hanging low hiding his tears from the blonde. "Baby? What are you doing? Why do you have that bag?"

Luke wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what Michael was doing. Michael was leaving. After all the time they'd spent together and everything they'd done. After all the promises of forever, ever. And Michael was just going to leave. He was just praying Michael would tell him something different.

"I'm leaving,"

The voice didn't belong to Michael. This was painfully obvious to both of them. In his attempt to mask his pain Michael masked himself. The voice was flat, monotonous and, well, dead. And that scared Luke tremendously.

"You can't leave. You have nowhere else to go right? You have to stay," Luke refused to accept Michael's decision.

"I can do whatever I want. I have my own house with my parents. I don't have to do anything,"

"You can't go back to them. I won't let you. You can't leave me. We're supposed to be a couple, Michael. That means we talk about these things together,"

"You can't decide what I do, Luke. And thanks for bringing up the couple concept. I want to break up," This time Michael's voice cracked. The flat, monotonous, dead voice fell away and Michael looked up to reveal his tear stained cheeks and watery, tear-filled eyes.

"No," Luke refused.

"Luke, please. Don't make this any harder," Michael begged.

"It's not hard at all, Michael. We're not breaking up," Luke said.

"Luke," Michael's voice was frail and weak. A perfect image of the boy it came from.

"Baby please. I love you alright? Whatever's going on we can get through it. Please don't shut us all out,"

Michael sobbed. It was a terrible heart breaking, gut wrenching sound, and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it.

"Luke, please,"

"Give me a reason, Michael. Give me a good valid reason,"

"I don't want to hurt you, Luke," Michael whispered.

The blonde had to strain to hear him and he fell to his knees in front of Michael, only inches between them.

"You'll never hurt me, Mikey. Not more than this will. And if you do somehow, then I won't mind. Not at all, because it's you baby. I'm all yours. I will bend to your wishes, whatever you want me to do. But not this, never, ever this,"

"Don't say that Luke,"

"Forever, ever right?"

Michael felt himself give up. He knew it wasn't working, but at least he tried and number three was crossed off the list. He was done what he wanted to do. "Forever, ever," he confirmed.

Luke smiled a wide watery smile and half laugh-half sobbed. And then he was kissing Michael and in the space of a heartbeat, Michael was kissing Luke back. Michael poured everything he had into the kiss he gave Luke absolutely everything and found himself left with nothing, but that was alright with Michael because he knew Luke would take care of his heart. And Michael had thrown it over without hesitation.

"I love you," Michael told Luke pulling back from the kiss. "I really do and I'm sorry I haven't said it lately. I was trying to make this easier,"

"It's alright. As long as this isn't actually happening. We're still together right?"

Michael wanted to say no. He wanted to be strong enough to do that for Luke, because he knew that if he didn't the blonde would end up even more hurt than before. Michael was trying to minimize the amount of people he hurt, but he failed. Luke wasn't going anywhere and he realized that shutting out the others might only be intensifying the pain. It clicked slowly. He was extending their pain by shutting them out. He had looked for solitude thinking it was his friend, thinking it would help lessen the pain of the others. But he had been wrong. And he realized that now.

"Yeah. I should probably talk to the other too, right?"

Luke smiled softly and nodded.

"Do you want me to call them over?"

Michael shook his head no. "I'll talk to them at school tomorrow. Let's work on the English essays tonight. I haven't even started mine yet,"

Luke laughed lightly. "Yeah alright," and the two boys sat tangled together on the bed writing their essays.

Luke wrote about his hero. He wrote about a boy named Michael Clifford. He wrote about everything that the boy went through, everything he continues to go through. He writes about how strong he is and how in love he is with him. He writes about how he's still here even though everything is trying to take him out of the world and it strikes him just how true it is.

The odds never seemed to be in their favour. Everything was trying to rip them apart. Trying to destroy what they had. Michael's depression and mental illness. Michael's parents. The car crash. The almost break-up. The school bullies. Even Michael himself with his suicidal mind. Everything was against them trying to tear them apart. Yet somehow they persevered. They got through it all together and both doubted they could have done it alone. They balanced each other out. The broken boy and the boy made of happiness. It seemed so impossible, but there they were.

While Luke wrote about his hero Michael wrote about something worse. He wrote about the dark clawed beast called depression. He wrote about the light warm aura of happiness. He wrote about the icy tendrils of hatred and the beautiful warmth of love. He wrote about the pain of sorrow and the light of joy. Michael wrote and he lost himself in the words.

They wrote with their legs tangled under the covers. Their bodies entwined as one. They wrote until Liz called them down for dinner.

Luke smiled and watched as Michael embraced Liz apologizing for his lack of affection or even recognition towards her. All three shed a few tears before they settled down on the couch to eat with Liz's favourite program playing.

Luke was eating with one hand his other tangled with one of Michael's but Michael himself was clutching his fork trying to find it in himself to eat the food on the plate in front of him. Luke was not oblivious to Michael's situation and set his own fork down turning to him. Luke divided the food on Michael's plate into quarters.

When Michael looked at him confused Luke smiled. "Each quarter is worth a kiss,"

Michael gripped his fork a little tighter and piled food on it shoving it in his mouth and trying not to gag. By the time the first quarter was gone Michael was disgusted with himself. His reward however was a simple kiss on the cheek from Luke that had him complaining.

"Have another quarter if you want another kiss," Luke told him.

Michael grumbled under his breath and began forcing down another quarter. "I feel fat," he said after eating half the food.

Luke kissed his lips softly and quickly. "You aren't baby. You're so skinny it's unhealthy. Keep eating,"

Michael choked down another quarter and Luke gave him a short lived kiss. "Last one, kitten,"

Michael stared down the pile of food on his plate and pondered whether or not it would eventually vanish. He came to the conclusion that it wouldn't and began swallowing forkfuls with seconds of chewing. He wanted to puke. But when he swallowed he turned to Luke and was met with the blonde's lips on his own

This time Michael threaded his fingers threw Luke's hair instantly and he brought the boy as close as he could. He had forgotten Liz was in the room until he heard her leaving to give them some privacy.

"I love you," Michael told Luke desperately.

"I love you," Luke responded.

Tongues were battling fiercely yet gently at the same time. Neither boy wanted the moment to end, but there was school work to be done and secrets to be kept or spilt.

Michael was waging a war within himself. He knew he should tell Luke about the cuts on his wrists and thighs and hips, but he didn't want to because not only would the blonde be upset, but then Luke would keep Michael under lock and key and Michael was just waiting for the right moment now.

"We have more homework to do," Luke muttered quietly against Michael's lips.

"Do we have to?" Michael whined.

Luke nodded and Michael started trailing his lips along the blondes jaw and kissing his neck softly.

"Mikey. Michael stop," Luke pulled away from the boy in black. "Homework first," the blonde concluded.

Michael huffed but stomped up the stairs anyways pulling out his binders from his bag and plopping down - literally - on Luke's bed and starting his homework.

When Luke finally followed Michael in, he smirked seeing the boy pouting and doing his homework silently. "Are you mad?" Luke teased.

Michael huffed again and turned away from Luke, effectively giving the blonde the silent treatment.

"C'mon, Mikey. Don't be angry with me," Luke whined.

Michael didn't respond instead opting to fish out his phone and plug in his headphones blasting his music to drown out Luke. Just because it pisses him off.

"Michael!" Luke yelled but Michael could hardly hear him over the music.

Michael payed he blonde no attention and continued on his essay translating his own hand into proper English literature. He could feel Luke watching him, but if anything it fueled Michael to keep it up. He had been searching out seclusion for the past week almost, so how was this any different? Only Michael knew that this was the sort of amusement that typical people enjoyed. And not the type of seclusion that shut everyone out in order to try and save them pain. That was the type Michael was used to, but it was never too late to try new things right?

Minutes ticked by in silence, but Michael didn't quite understand why. He knew Luke was not the type to give in or give up either. And then Luke lied on top of him. Michael groaned and squirmed underneath the younger boy trying to free himself. Luke may appear lanky and thin, but nobody accounted for his height. He weighed more than people reckoned. This dawned on Michael as he struggled under him.

"Luke!" Michael complained.

"Oh so now you'll talk to me," Luke didn't budge in the slightest.

Michael pushed at him, but it was sorely evident that he was not the physical one of the two so he went with another plan.

"Luke you're hurting me," Michael gasped, his hands clutching at his side with the stitches that were yet to be removed.

Luke was off of Michael in seconds his eyes wide with terror.

"I didn't mean to. I swear, Mikey I didn't mean to. Please don't be scared or angry," Luke rambled.

Michael kissed him to make the blonde shut up and Luke blinked dumbly.

"I was kidding. I'm fine,"

Luke blushed and pouted. "That wasn't funny, Mikey. I thought maybe you might think of me as being like your dad," Luke admitted.

Michael smiled. "You'll never be like him, Luke. You're good to the core where he was filled with violence and rage. I know that Luke. And sometime I might forget that because he's taught me that everyone's like him, but deep down I know that you will never ever hurt me. Forever, ever, right?"

"Forever, ever," Luke agreed softly pulling Michael into his chest. "So you're alright? No pain?"

Michael wanted to tell Luke that inside he felt like everything was on fire. There was a jackhammer chipping relentlessly away at his heart and he was most definitely in pain. But that was emotional pain and Luke was checking for physical pain. So Michael nodded and snuggled closer into Luke's arms because Luke made the pain fade. Even if it was just for a little while.

Let's just say they didn't get the rest of their homework done that night. Not in the slightest.

Michael woke up cuddled into Luke's bare chest at the crack of dawn. Well, quarter to seven at least. Liz was knocking on the door to wake them up for school. "Breakfast is on the counter boys," she said before her footsteps could be heard leaving the hallway.

Michael kissed Luke's face to wake him and climbed out of bed the second Luke's eyes opened, pulling on boxers and a long-sleeve.

"Your mum made breakfast sleepy," Michael teased.

Luke rubbed his eyes and climbed out of bed himself pulling on boxers and a T-shirt, before taking Michael's hand and leaving his room in favour for the food downstairs. Luke wolfed his down and made lunches for both boys as Michael forced down each mouthful, wanting to puke with each gram.

"Good job, baby. I'm proud of you," Luke whispered taking Michael's empty plate and placing it in the sink for later.

Michael trudged upstairs with Luke following in his wake and pulled on black skinny jeans. And Luke did the same before the blonde pulled an unzipped hoodie and jacket over his and Michael simply one of Luke's black jackets and they both pulled on socks, stuffing their feet into beat up converse.

Michael slung his backpack over his shoulder and passed Luke his before walking straight to the car waiting to take them to school. Michael had never not wanted to do something more in his life then at that very moment.

"Do I have to?" he asked Luke desperately.

Luke sighed and nodded as Liz pulled out of the drive way. "Yeah, baby. You do,"

"But I really don't want to," Michael continued.

"I know. And I wish you didn't have to either," Luke kissed the boy in black's forehead and wrapped his arms loosely around him in the backseat. "But Ash and Cal need to know. They've been really upset over it lately,"

"Alright," Michael muttered. But honestly nothing was alright. His head was his own hell, but being with people made it worse and better at the same time. Solitude was his best friend and worst enemy. And worst of all, Michael knew that in a matter of days he would be free of it all, because that was the decision he had made. Only that decision meant leaving Luke and the others behind. So he sat alone trying to ease their pain of his death, but he couldn't tell if it was working or not.

Nothing was alright. And Michael wondered if anything ever had been.

He had felt safe in his seclusion from others, but he had felt threatened in a whole new way. He felt his sense of right and wrong crippling because the things he wanted were a bit of both and a bit of something he couldn't quite figure out. Because wanting to die was what was right for him, but it was so wrong for others, and then it was sick and twisted that he would even have a thought like that. It made man and woman alike out to be the bad guy. But more than that his wish to kill himself questioned humanity altogether, because what reason had it given him to want that? The answer? Far too many.

But Michael said alright, because what else was he supposed to say? And besides they were already there.