warnings: nightmares

word count: 7.9k

SPENCER

"I can't believe we got these tickets!" Garcia exclaims, bouncing up and down in her seat. "Lottie Ray is one of my favorite singers of all time!"

"We know that, Garcia," Luke laughs, patting her shoulder. "You talk about her all the time."

"Because she's talented and gorgeous and amazing and helps with charities and visits sick children and she's a goddess, Luke Alvez!" Garcia snaps, turning to the backseat to punch his chest a few times. I duck away from the physical violence and knock into Prentiss, apologizing quietly.

"Alright, kids, calm down," Emily laughs. "We don't need any pre-concert injuries."

"Don't make a mess of my car!" Tara warns from the driver's seat.

"If this is any indication as to how the night is gonna go with you two then maybe I should go home," I joke, running my fingers through my newly short hair. I hadn't gotten it cut in a while so I figured now would be an appropriate time.

"So remind me how we're getting backstage?" Luke asks, turning his head to me.

"Backstage passes, that's what I was told," Emily answers with a nonchalant shrug. "FBI privileges, I guess. At least it's good for something."

We arrive at the stadium and park our cars just as Matt and JJ pull up on either side of us with their families piled in their cars, Rossi and Krystall on the other side of one of them. Everyone jumps out of their cars and Rossi starts distributing backstage passes for everyone to wear around their necks, trying to tame the excited kids. They've been raving about this concert for weeks and now that it's here, they can't contain their energy.

"Come on, everyone!" JJ exclaims, waving the kids towards the entrance.

We flash our new badges and security allows us through, then we meet up with another security guard who brings us to a green room filled with a selection of sugary food and drinks that just excite the kids even more. Nobody can seem to contain any of the kids as they go ravaging through the snacks in the room.

"So," the security guard at the door says, "if you all didn't know, the opening act is beginning soundcheck in ten minutes. Lottie Ray will be doing hers right after. You're more than welcome to go and watch if you want. Catering is a few doors down to the right if anyone would like something other than soda or candy, and just ask security if you need anything at all."

We all say our thank you's as the security guard disappears. Kristy and Will start pulling the kids away from the food so they don't make themselves sick. Everyone makes themselves comfortable on the couches, and, of course, Emily locates the wine.

"Is this what it's like to be a celebrity?" Tara jokes as Emily fills up her glass. "I could get used to this."

"We finally understand how Rossi lives," Matt adds on.

"Knock knock," there's a soft voice from the doorway and all our heads whip over.

Lottie Ray is standing in the doorway and I swear, my breath is knocked right out of my chest. I've never seen a more gorgeous human being in my life. Her smile is huge and her green eyes are shining, contrasting against her red satin and lace outfit that fits her perfectly. She's shifting her weight back and forth on her feet, telling me that her heels are hurting her feet, but she looks so happy that it's easy to ignore. Her long brown hair is curled down to her waistline and frames her doll-like face perfectly. She looks sinfully stunning.

The kids all gasp at the sight of the international superstar and she laughs, stepping further into the room. "Hi!" She grins, waving at the kids. "I heard we had visitors backstage and I just had to come say hi to you all before I go get ready! It's so wonderful to meet you all," The kids are absolute puddles in the face of Lottie and it's actually quite funny. I don't think I've ever seen them this quiet and compliant. "I hope you all come and watch soundcheck, it's always a lot of fun."

"We'll be there," Garcia says, and it seems like she's in the same trance that the kids are.

"Alright," Lottie glances out the door for a moment, "I've gotta run and go get ready but I'll come visit again before the show," she blows a kiss and then starts heading out the door. "See you later!" And with that, she's gone.

As soon as she's gone, the trance is broken and the kids break into cries of excitement, raving about how they've just met their idol as they go running to hang on their parents. I'm still replaying the image of that angel in my mind and trying to keep myself under control, to keep my cheeks from blushing. She's just so beautiful.

"We should get to that soundcheck, right?" Krystall suggests after checking the clock on the wall.

"Let's go, let's go!" The kids cheer and start running through the door, nearly toppling over anyone doing their job in the hallway.

We all rush after them so they don't get lost, but when I spot Lottie rushing into a dressing room down the hall, I bite my lip. "Hey, Rossi," I say, nudging his arm. "I'm gonna go find a bathroom before soundcheck."

"Sounds good," he waves me away, being pulled away immediately by his wife. I see them off until they've disappeared into the stadium, being led by a security guard to where they can sit and watch. And once they're gone, I hurry down the hallway.

I get to a door with Lottie Ray on the front and a handle with a number lock on it, so I quickly type in the month and year of my birthday, hearing the door unlock before pushing it open. Lottie whips around from where she's standing in the middle of the room, a smile breaking out on her face.

"You cut your hair," is the first thing she says before jumping into my arms, barely even waiting for the door to close.

"Do you hate it?" I ask, tucking my head into her neck, my arms tightening around her waist. I hear her heels clatter to the floor.

"I absolutely love it," she giggles, pulling away and placing her hands on my cheeks as she inspects my locks. "I've never seen you with short hair though. What am I supposed to pull on now?" Lottie smiles at me in the most innocent way, coursing her fingers through my hair, settling at the base of my neck.

"How about we find out?" I tease right back, carrying her to the couch in the corner of the room and tossing her down.

Lottie's eyes go wide as I reach for the button on her pants, pulling them down her legs. "What? Are you crazy?" But she doesn't resist, lifting up her hips so they slide off easier. I fold them nicely and set them on the coffee table. If they get wrinkled, I'll never hear the end of it.

"Maybe a little," I quip, hovering over her as my lips attach to her neck. "You're wearing red lace, we haven't seen each other in months, and you expect me to keep myself under control?"

"Your team is outside! We've kept this a secret for almost five years and you're gonna jeopardize that just so you can eat me out in my dressing room?" She protests, but her body says different as parts her legs, inviting me to lay between them.

"Nothing we haven't done before," I pull off her panties and toss them aside, pressing kisses to her thighs. She's looking down at me with her eyes wide and her lips parted, a beautiful and needy expression etched on her face. "And we've gotta make it fast, hmm? I told Rossi I was going to the bathroom."

"I hate you sometimes," Lottie breathes out, tossing her head back.

Since she's not looking anymore, I take the moment to stun her and circle my lips around her clit, immediately earning a drawn-out moan. "Shh," I hush her, "we can't have everyone knowing what's going on in here. Quick and quiet, remember?"

///

"I can't believe you did that," Lottie breathes out, pulling on workout clothes in preparation for her soundcheck.

I come out of the bathroom from washing my hands, smirking. "You can't say you didn't enjoy it. And besides, orgasms help relax a person and calm the muscles. You'll perform better now that you've had an orgasm."

Lottie giggles, throwing her arms around me. "You've gotta get back to your team, okay?" she grabs my cheeks and pulls my lips down to hers, now significantly shorter without her heels on. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," I echo, pecking her lips a few more times. "I'll see you later. Be safe."

Lottie snorts, grabbing a hair tie from the coffee table as she follows me out the door. "You're telling me that, Mr. FBI? Mr. Shot In The Neck? Mr. Shot in The Knee? Mr-"

"Yes, I am, because you're the one who broke your foot on stage last year. So, yes, be safe," she wraps her arms around my waist from behind, leaving us waddling along to the stage, but she's laughing and that's all I care about. It makes my heart flutter and I've known for a while that I'd do anything to keep her beautiful smile on her face.

"I've gotta go get my in-ears," Lottie pouts, spinning around so she's in front of me. She goes on her toes to kiss me yet again, but when someone shouts her name, she pulls away, pouting. "I gotta go."

She goes running off in one direction and so I go out the other way, just to not seem suspicious. If the team sees us come out of the same entrance to the stage, I'll be bombarded with questions. Thankfully, everyone is too invested in observing the cylindrical setup of the stage to notice me walking towards them. Garcia only looks over and smiles when I sit, too focused on talking about the B stage with Luke.

"Look, look!" Henry whispers, leaning over me to talk to JJ and Will, pointing towards the stage. "There's Lottie Ray!" She's has just walked onto the stage and sat down with a guitar in her lap, doing what I recognize to be her normal pre-show warmup.

"You seem to really like Lottie Ray," Will speaks up with his normal lazy smirk. "You got a crush on her, Henry?"

His cheeks turn pink and it makes everyone laugh, but Henry just groans. "She's just pretty!"

"Henry's got a crush!" Michael mocks, sticking his tongue out at his older brother. "Henry's got a crush!"

///

LOTTIE

///

I strum away at the strings of my guitar, warming myself up for the long show I'm about to do. I'm just staring out at the empty audience, trying to ignore the way my nerves creep up at the thought of an entire stadium of people watching me. But my mom passes through the stage on her way to speak to someone, giving me a smile that melts my nerves. I get distracted by my phone buzzing that I don't see my mom get distracted on her way to her desired destination.

My own mother has just walked up to the BAU team and is hugging Spencer. Even over her shoulder, I can see the uncomfortable look on his face. Then she gasps and puts her hand over her mouth and, judging by the look on everyone's face, she has just exposed Spencer's relationship status. I hastily jump up and rush off the stage, walking quickly over to the group, catching Spencer's panicked eye.

"Mom," I sneer as she whips her head around to me, eyes wide.

"I forgot!" She exclaims before hurrying off, breezing past me as she mumbles broken apologies to herself.

I choke back a nervous laugh, turning back to Spencer with a smile. He is completely frozen. "Well, we had a good run, didn't we?"

"So," the woman I recognize to be Penelope Garcia speaks up, "you two are- you're- what-"

"Um," I kneel on a chair in the row in front of Spencer, tapping on the armrest, "Spencer and I are dating."

The surprise is clear on everyone's face but Spencer is obviously panicking, his hands clutching his thighs tightly. The whole point of keeping our relationship secret was to keep me safe. Yes, if Spencer's face was plastered all over the media because of paparazzi, it would make his life in the field and as a professor more complicated. Going undercover would be impossible and criminals could use me against him. He has told me about how his family has been targeted because of him before and how he refused to let that ever happen again. So as soon as we met, we made sure to never be seen in public. We don't go out, we have secret credit cards if we ever go on vacations (which is incredibly rare, considering both of our schedules), and we always stay home for dates. Thankfully, it's worked. It's been five years and nobody has suspected a thing, not even the team full of profilers. But now, thanks to my mom, the jig is up.

"Dating?" Tara's eyebrows shoot up.

"For how long?" Luke asks.

"I'm sure Spencer could tell you exactly how long," I tease even though I know he won't pitch in, judging by his panicked look, "but we've actually been together for a little over five years." And if they looked shocked before, then they surely look shocked now. But Spencer is looking down at his lap and fiddling with his hands and it breaks my heart. "And now that everyone knows," I make another joke out of the situation to lighten the mood, "Spence, can you come help me with something? There's an audio problem and I'm sure you could probably fix it in two seconds," Spencer's head pops up and he nods, standing from his seat and walking past me. I catch his hand to keep him from completely walking away, smiling at everyone. "Soundcheck will keep going on just another few minutes, don't worry."

I jump off the seat and as soon as I do, Spencer pulls me backstage. I trail behind him, catching the way his free hand digs into his eyes, his hand in mine squeezing tightly. Once we're out of view from the team, I place my hand on his arm. "Sweetheart," I whisper as he leads me away from the stage, towards my dressing room. I know I need to be at soundcheck, but my family is more important to me than standing on stage and singing a few notes. He plugs in his birthday and throws open the door, stomping inside, and once we're safely in, that's when he drops my hand. Both hands then dig into his eyes and he grunts, flinching at the door slams closed.

"Hey, hey," I whisper, stepping closer to him, "baby doll, take a breath, you're okay. I'm right here, I'm safe."

"They know," his voice shakes. "They know now and-"

"They're FBI agents and it's okay that they know. You've protected me for five years and they can help with that," I place my fingers gently on his biceps, hoping to soothe his panic just a bit, but it doesn't seem to help.

"Krystall's not, and Kristy's not, the kids aren't," Spencer whines, starting to break down. "I can't lose you, Lottie. I can't-"

"You're not gonna lose me," I promise. "They're your best friends and they deserve to know that you've got a girlfriend. It's okay, peach. Everything's gonna be okay. So just breathe, nice and deep for me."

Spencer takes a shaky breath and slides his hands down his face, his eyes squeezed closed. He reaches one of his hands forward and places it over my heart, sighing of relief. "Okay," he whispers, almost as if reassuring himself that I'm actually here, "okay."

"Spencer, can I hug you?" He nods quickly, and it doesn't even take me a second before I wrap my arms around his shoulders, feeling him bury his face in my arms. "I love you so much," I tell him for what could possibly be the millionth time, but it doesn't hold any less meaning than the first time. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

///

SPENCER

///

"There you are!" Garcia exclaims, practically pushing me into a chair as I walk into catering. "There. Sit your ass down and tell us what the hell is going on. You've been dating Lottie Ray for five years?"

"I-"

"Five years, Reid?" She cuts me off before I can even get out another word. "Like seriously? How did you even keep it a secret for this long?"

"We-"

"Does this mean that her songs are about you? Because she-"

"Garcia," Luke says, placing his hand on her shoulder to politely shut her up, "let him explain, please. We're all curious. Now shut up."

And truly, everyone is staring at me. The kids are sitting at their own table a few feet away but all the adults are staring at me and it's making me nervous. But I look down at my hand and see the sharpie on my knuckles in Lottie's perfect handwriting. I love you, baby doll. It calms me down.

"You guys, um," I clear my throat nervously, "well, sorry I kept it a secret."

"We're not mad," Emily says. "We just wanna know why."

"I did it to protect her," I answer quickly, and it's obvious on everyone's faces that they understand what I mean. "All of our families have been targeted many times because of our jobs and I've lost people, I almost lost my mom a few years ago. I couldn't let that happen again. So as soon as I met Lottie, I told her we had to keep it a secret and she agreed."

"Will you tell us how you met?" Kristy asks with a fond smile.

"Um, yeah," I nod softly. "Lottie was here in Virginia. If you recall, five years ago, the media was ripping her apart and hating on her for all these fake allegations about lying and stealing songs and all these other things."

"Oh, yeah. She wasn't involved in lawsuits, right?" Krystall adds.

"She was sued by over thirty other artists and won every lawsuit. But she came to Virginia to escape the harassment because there's no paparazzi here," I suppress my smile as I remember our first meeting. "We met two weeks after I got out of prison, in a bookstore, actually. I had no idea who she was. I knew all of her music from Garcia, but not what she looked like. She thought I was lying about not knowing who she was because she's so used to people being fake around her and lying to her and using her, but I truly didn't know. I didn't even know that people were being so horrible to her online. So we just sat in the bookstore and read books in silence together for a few hours and we did that for two weeks before I actually asked her out."

"And that's it? Simple as that? That's how you started dating an internationally famous pop star?" Tara laughs.

"That's it," I shrug nonchalantly. "I asked her out and I made her dinner and then we started hanging out and we just started dating. She moved to Virginia permanently because she likes it here so much and she feels like she can be a normal person here, not a celebrity."

"So what suspicious things have you done with her that you haven't told us about?" Matt teases with a smirk.

"Well," I stifle another laugh, "remember those few times when I claimed I overslept and missed the flight back to Virginia on those cases?" Everyone nods. "Intentional. We happened to have cases in the same places that Lottie had stops on her tour so, on those days, I'd miss our flight and go see her, then get my own flight back. We don't get to see each other much at all when she's on tour."

"Sneaky, sneaky." Rossi nudges my shoulder, making me laugh. "When she is around, you've gotta bring her around for one of our team dinners."

"I'm sure she'd like that," I reply softly. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, that I've kept this secret for so long. I just really love her and I want to protect her."

The table is silent and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Does that mean they're mad? Does that mean they don't even need to accept my apology because an apology wasn't needed because they weren't mad in the first place? Am I overthinking? I don't understand.

"Where's the ring?" Will is the one who speaks up first.