This one kid went missing so we were talking to this one Miss. Marion. "Of course it's not UFO's. It's fairies." She said. "Fairies. Okay. Well, thank you for your input." I said. "What? Flying saucers not insane enough for you?" Sam said. "What newspaper did you say you worked for?" Miss. Marion asked curious. "Okay, if you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whackadoo all over us. We'd rather not step in it." Crystal said, not surprised she'd say that she one time fought an old lady for a wheel of cheese and lost. "Okay, we're, we're done." I said. "The only thing you're missing is a couple dozen cats, sister." Sam said, okay soulless Sam is normal. "It's a blood sugar thing. My apologies." Dean said. We walked away. "What?" Sam and Crystal asked. "What? You gotta ask? Right, yes, you do have to ask." Ricky said rolling his eyes. "Look, I'm sorry, but this is all a big joke, right, and we're not actually taking this UFO crap seriously?" Crystal said. "No, man. ET is made of rubber. Everybody knows that. But there are four legitimate vanishings in this town. Something's going on. And guys? By the way, it's not the lady's fault that she took the brown acid." Kara said. "Yeah! So?" Sam asked. "Empathy, man. Empathy. I mean, the old Sam would have given her some, some wussified, dew-eyed crap." Alison said. "Old Sam had a soul—was a soul. Whatever." Sam said. "Right! Yes, and, and, but you don't—aren't. Whatever." Dean said. "I can't wait to meet that Sam." Sammi said. "You have to care!" I said to my brother. "About what, exactly?" Sam asked. "About everything, man! About being human at least." Kara said. "Look, guys. You obviously care. A lot. And that's great. But I can't care about what—I can't care about it, you know? What do you want me to do, fake it?" Sam said. "Just stop acting like a Siren." Ricky said. "Huh nice new burn." I said. "Yes. Absolutely. Fake it. Fake it till you make it." Dean said. "What happened to you guys wanting me to be all honest?" Sam asked. "Hey, you wanna be a real boy, Pinnochio, you gotta act the part." Alison said. "I was faking it guys! Ever since we got back on the road together, I was picking every freaking word. It's exhausting." Sam said. "Okay. All Right. But until we get you back on the soul train, I'll be your conscience, okay?" Dean asked. "What about Mae?" Crystal said. "I am not letting Dory be a conscience." Dean said. "Hey I just don't remember the cage I remember everything else." I said. "So you're saying you'll be my... Jiminy Cricket." Sam said. "Shut up. But yeah, you freaking puppet. That's exactly what I'm saying." Dean said. We walked in Mr. Bednnan, the guys who son was orbed, watch place. "Mr. Brennan?" Alison asked. "Mmm?" He hummed. "We're with The Mirror. We would like to ask you a few questions." I said smiling. "What? Is this about Patrick? Patrick's gone." He said. "Missing. Right. Yes, that's what we want to talk to you about." I said. "Now, your son was the first to disappear." Ricky said. "First to be taken." Mr. Brennan said. "Taken." Sam said. "Get out! Out!" Mr. Brennan said. "Mr. Brennan, who do you believe took your son?" Sammi asked. "You people can't help me. My boy is never coming back." Mr. Brennan, lovely optimism. "You sound awfully sure." Crystal said. "Excuse me?" He asked. "Like you know something you're not talking about." Sam said. "Okay. All right." Kara said. "You know what they say. 72 hours. After that, the odds of finding a missing person drop to nothing, right?" Mr. Brennan said. "Well, every case is different." I said. "It's been weeks." Mr. Brennan said. "All right. Listen. Call us if anything comes to mind." Sammi said handing him a card to call us with. We walked out and I sighed. "What do you think?" Sam asked. "I think he's hiding something. Why don't you stay and watch Watchmaker and see what happens when the sun goes down, and Dean and I'll go check out the crop circles." Ricky said. "Okey dokey." Sam said smiling. "But do NOT engage with, maim or in any way kill Brennan. In fact, I don't want you making any judgment calls whatsoever. Anything happens, call us." Dean said. "Dean, he has us." Kara said to him. "And probably a kill list as long as Barry The Chopper." I said. "Watched anime again?" Dean asked. "It's interesting and I made Mae watch it." Sammi said. "Fullmetal Alchemist is insane." I sighed. "You know, Jiminy, I was on my own for a whole year. I did fine without you." Sam said. "Yeah. I don't want to know your definition of fine." Kara said. Ricky and Dean left while Sammi and I were at the motel on my laptop watching Fullmetal Alchemist. "Ed is a short boy." Sammi said. "Obviously." I said. Kara walked in. "Dean and Ricky were taking by aliens." She said. "And the others?" I asked. "Alison was dragged to heaven, Sam, Crystal, and some chick names Sparrow are booking up." Kara said and sat down as I hit resume on Fullmetal Alchemist as Kara watched with us. Ricky walked in. "Thanks for looking for me!" He yelled. "I did look, but cornfields remind me of Children of The Corn." Kara said. "What were they like?" Sammi asked her older brother. "They were grabby, incandescent douche bags." Ricky said. "Makes sense they all can't be ET." I said. "I was abducted by aliens!" Ricky yelled drinking a beer. "We were looking into it." Kara said. "Looking into it! Dean and I were gone for, like, an hour. And most of that was walking back to town!" Ricky ranted. "Rick, I think your watch is off. You and Dean have been gone all night." I said to him. "What are you talking about? No I haven't. Four a.m.?" Ricky said in disbelief. "Yeah! UFO time slip. That actually falls in line with a lot of abduction stories." Kara said. "Falls in line..." Ricky trailed off nodding. "Yeah." I said. "Nothing's falling in line." Ricky said. "Here. Drink. Good." Sammi said. "Talk to us. What happened?" I said. "Well, uh, there was this... God help me, guys, there was this bright white light!" Ricky freaked out. "Snap out of it Harvelle!" Kara yelled slapping him. "And then suddenly, I was, uh, I was in a different place. And there were these beings, and they were too bright to look at, but I could feel them pulling me towards this sort of table and I went crazy. I started hacking and slashing and firing. They actually seemed surprised. I don't think anybody's ever done that before. Yeah. I had a close encounter, guys, and I won." Ricky said. "You should take a shower." Sammi commented. "I should take a shower. I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a shower now." Ricky said going into the bathroom. "Sam, Dean, and Crystal are probably having a similar conversation." Kara said. "Yeah." We said agreeing. I went to bed and woke up the next morning and got dressed for the day.

We were now at a diner eating, Alison got back since Castiel was just being and asshole. "So, on top of all the demons and the angels and the ghosts and the skinwalkers, it turns out that there's—so if aliens are actually real, what's next? Hobbits? Seriously." Dean said. "What's wrong with Hobbits?" I asked. "Yeah Mae could be with her kind." Crystal said. "Why are you making jokes about my height?" I asked. "I found out your shorter than the average 15 year old." Crystal said. Sam nodded at a girl. "You just gave her the silent how ya doin'." Alison said. "What?" Sam asked. "Our reality's collapsing around us, and you're trying to pick up our waitress?" Ricky said. "She is cute." Crystal said. "Yeah. Okay. Look. Brings up a question. So, say you two got a soul and you're on a case, and your brother gets abducted by aliens." Sam said "Yeah, then you do everything you can to get him back." Dean said. "Right! You do, but, what about when there are no more leads for the night? Are you supposed to just sit there in the dark and suffer, even when there's nothing that can be done at that moment?" Sam asked. "Yes!" Kara screamed. "Yeah you don't go and have a threesome with your girlfriend and a random chick." I said. "What?" Sam asked. "Yes, you sit in the dark and feel the loss." Dean said. "Absolutely! But couldn't I just do all that and have sex with the hippie chick and my girlfriend?" Sam asked. "No!" We all except for Crystal yelled at Sam. "It'd be in the dark." Crystal said. "No you couldn't because you would be suffering, and you can't just turn that off for the night." I said. "Here you go." The waitress said handing us the check. "Thanks." I said taking it smiling at her. "Why not?" Sam asked. "Because if you had a soul, your soul wouldn't let you." Alison said. "So you're saying having a soul equals suffering." Sam said. "Yes, that's exactly what we're saying." Sammi said. "Anyone help paying?" I asked. "No." The others said. "Sure." Alison said. "Thanks Alice." I said. "Like, the million times Dean almost called Lisa. So you're saying suffering is a good thing." Sam said. "I'm saying it's the only game in town." Dean said. "Okay! So how do we deal with the little green men?" Sam asked. "Research. We've got about a century of UFO lore to catch up on, and there's no time for—What's up with that guy?" Ricky said. I looked and saw a guy glaring at Ricky and Dean. "Who?" Sammi asked. "The guy by the window giving me and Ricky the stink eye." Dean said. "You mean the cop?" Kara asked. "No, not the cop! The guy! He's right—oh now he's gone!" I said seeing him no more. "Who's gone?" Sam asked. "Can we please just get out of here before I hit you?" I said going to the register and paying. "Okay! Geez." Sam said and we left. I was now at the motel with Ricky reading the research online, Crystal took Sammi out to show her a fun time. "Who knew research was this hard." I mumbled. "Everyone." Ricky said. I yawned and my phone rang I answered it. "Hey." I said. "Library's closing up soon. I'm almost done." Kara said. "You or Sam find anything?" I asked my friend. "Yeah. Way too much. Everyone on the planet believes in UFO's, and they will not stop writing books about it." Sam said. "Yeah, well at least books have punctuation. All right, keep digging and we'll see what you got when you get back." I said and the lights started to flicker. "Oh no. Not again." Ricky said. The door slammed open and a bright light flew in. "Is that a soul?" I asked and it punched me and Ricky. We fought it and it trapped it in a microwave and started it up holding it in. "See what?" Kara asked looking in the microwave. "See what? See the blood. See all the blechh." I said. "Sorry, guys. I'm not seeing it." Sammi said. "Same." Kara said. "You don't see the ick? It's right there." Ricky said. "Okay, let's go with you see it and I don't. What the hell was it?" Kara asked. "It was a, a little... naked lady, okay?" Ricky said. "It was a what?" Sammi said. "It was a-- it was a little, glowing, hot naked lady. With nipples. And she hit Mae and I." Ricky said. "I'm not supposed to laugh, right? Right. Okay. Sure. Um. So, shot in the dark here, but did this little lady have wings?" Kara said. "What the hell made you say that?" I asked. "She did, didn't she?" Kara said. "Yeah." Ricky said. "One of the fringier theories I came across. It's actually what crazy crystal lady was yammering about. What if these abductions have nothing to do with UFO's?" Kara said. "What?" We asked. "Okay, say these encounters have been going on for centuries, not with extraterrestrials but with ultra-terrestrials. People nowadays say space aliens or whatever, but they used to call them fairies." Kara said. "So we killed Tinkerbell." I said. "Yep." Ricky said. We soon learned Dean had the similar experience. We were now in Miss. Marion's trailer having tea. "Fairies. Sprites and spriggens. Bogarts and brownies. The little people have many names." She said. "Well, that's, uh, that's her. That's the little fairy." Dean said pointing to a figurine. "Ooh." Miss. Marion said. "Anyway, I, uh, I get that tinkerbells are fairies, but what about the tiny Santa Claus and the troll and the..." I trailed off. "That's a garden gnome, and that's a large goblin." Miss. Marion pointed out to us. "But they're all fairies?" Ricky asked. "Yes. Faery comes in many shapes and sizes. Magical, mischievous beings from the realm next door." Miss. Marion said. "The fairy realm." Crystal said. "Mm-hmmm." Miss. Marion hummed. "So it's like another dimension?" Sam asked. "Another reality! Yes. Only people who have been there and returned to our world can see the Faery here along with the other supernatural beings." Miss. Marion said. "Right. Umm, why are the fairies abducting people?" I said to her. "Mmm. There is much theory and little fact. We know they only take firstborn sons, just like Rumplestiltskin did. Personally, I think they're taken to Avalon to service Oberon, the King of the Faery." Miss. Marion said, well that explains Ricky and Dean. "Dean and Ricky? Did you service Oberon, King of the Fairies?" Crystal asked. "Marion. Um. Let's say fairies are real, okay? What can we do about them?" Alison said. "Sorry?" Miss. Marion asked confused. "How can we....." Sammi trailed off not knowing what to say. "Interact with them." Miss. Marion said. "Yes, yes. Forcefully interact." Sammi said. "Well, if you want to win a faery's favor, leave a bowl of fresh cream. They love cream." Miss. Marion said. "Okay! And, and, more forcefully?" Alison asked. "Ohhh. All Faery hate iron, and the dark Faery burn when touched with silver. What else. Oh! You can spill sugar or salt in front of them. No matter how powerful, the Faery must stoop to count each grain." Miss. Marion said. "Well, allrighty. That's—Wow! A lot to absorb. Thank you." Dean said. "Oh, oh, stay! Finish your tea." Miss. Marion said. "I gotta say I, I love the feel—it's uhh, it's..." Ricky said. "It's like Sedona, Arizona, crapped in here." Crystal said. "Cute-a-riffic! Is what it is." Kara said. "Cute-a-riffic." Dean said. "You have bigger cups?" Sam asked, I tried not to laugh since he did look like a giant at a kid's tea party. We left and it was a relief. "God, is it on me? I feel like I've got the crazy on me." Dean said. "No. You did sit in some glitter, though." I said pointing. "I take that with pride." Ricky said. "That's because for you it was rainbow glitter." I said. "Makes me want to believe in UFO's again." Dean said. "Doesn't really give us the next move, I grant you that. We can always put the call out to Uncle Bobby." Alison said. We stopped seeing a man loading cream in his trunk. "Hey. I'll be damned. Isn't that the watch guy?" Crystal said seeing him. "Huh. They love cream." Sam said. I snuck in the man's store looking and saw a bunch of fairy's working. They turned and I turned seeing a huge guy. "Want to talk this over chess or checkers?" I asked and he grabbed me and tied me to swivel chair. "Not very nice." I said. "Shut up." He said. "Dude you are one huge fairy." I said. "Leprechaun." He said. "Well that makes it somewhat better." I mumbled. He gagged me and put me in a closet, I got out after finding out my nails are sharp enough I got my gun and shot Lucky the Leprechaun. "Finish it!" I yelled at Sam. "Kkuum doinsha and getta wabasach shul!" Sam yelled and the fairies disappear. "Where are the others?" I asked. "Ricky, Dean, and Crystal are in jail after hurting a man, Kara and Alison got tied up by the other fairies." Sam said. I nodded and we got the two others free and bailed the three out of jail. We were now outside and calm. "So. Here's to the tiniest DA. At least they're dropping the charges." Ricky said. "Little big man." Sam said. "I was wondering something." Dean said. "Yeah?" Sam asked. "You think Lucky Charms really could have, you know, soul to sender?" Dean asked. "Come on. It's crazy to think. He did talk a good game though." Sam said. "You said no. Why?" Crystal said. "It was a deal. When's a deal ever been a good thing?" Sam said. "It's also what got you in this mess." I said. "I'm just trying to figure out how it works in there." Dean said. "Dude, I do still have all my brain cells. If anything, my brain works better now." Sam said. "Just making sure that's where your head's at. That you're not having second thoughts about getting your soul back." Dean said. "Oh." Sam said. "You're not, are you?" I asked. "No." Sam said. "Okay let's get going." Alison said. We got in the cars to head off.